When I was six or seven I came to the US and became separated from my father. Our phone calls eventually stopped and as a result, I did not have a good male role model growing up. There was not a man who I was able to emulate and learn from. I think this is the root of 90% of the problems in my life right now. I am socially retarded and awkward and generally do not know how to handle myself in a lot of situations that involve interpersonal relations. One of my greatest strengths is academics, but I still feel half as good as I can be without these other skills.
It became clear to me yesterday that I used a fvcken anime character as my role model - Sasuke from the anime Naruto. When I was younger I thought how cool this fictional character was. He had determination and just seemed like he knew how to handle himself in life even after the adversity he had faced. The young me wanted to become like him because of the parallels that I saw between our lives and because it seemed like he knew what he was doing. But beyond the facade, this fictional character was actually broken on the inside. He was asocial, selfish, and maybe even a sociopath. The reality is I have adopted a majority of his personality and it is holding me back in life.
An example of how this holds me back is how I interact with girls. When I was younger I ignored all the girls. Even the ones that I knew liked me because that is what the fictional character did. I did not have a good role model to learn from how to relate and interact with girls. Recently, I held back from this girl and tried to stay away from her even though I liked her a lot because I wanted to focus more on school and maybe because subconsciously I thought doing so would make her like me even more. But in reality, she did not know how I felt about her and simply just thought I wasn't interested. This is but a microcosm of all the events in my life that have been detrimentally affected by the lack of a good role model.
So my question is how can I find one? Is it someone that I would have to watch? Can I do this by learning over the internet? Can I do this by talking to someone over the phone? Is reversing this shlt even possible? I just want to know how to get my life back together.
It became clear to me yesterday that I used a fvcken anime character as my role model - Sasuke from the anime Naruto. When I was younger I thought how cool this fictional character was. He had determination and just seemed like he knew how to handle himself in life even after the adversity he had faced. The young me wanted to become like him because of the parallels that I saw between our lives and because it seemed like he knew what he was doing. But beyond the facade, this fictional character was actually broken on the inside. He was asocial, selfish, and maybe even a sociopath. The reality is I have adopted a majority of his personality and it is holding me back in life.
An example of how this holds me back is how I interact with girls. When I was younger I ignored all the girls. Even the ones that I knew liked me because that is what the fictional character did. I did not have a good role model to learn from how to relate and interact with girls. Recently, I held back from this girl and tried to stay away from her even though I liked her a lot because I wanted to focus more on school and maybe because subconsciously I thought doing so would make her like me even more. But in reality, she did not know how I felt about her and simply just thought I wasn't interested. This is but a microcosm of all the events in my life that have been detrimentally affected by the lack of a good role model.
So my question is how can I find one? Is it someone that I would have to watch? Can I do this by learning over the internet? Can I do this by talking to someone over the phone? Is reversing this shlt even possible? I just want to know how to get my life back together.
