Got the "Hold my Purse" test yesterday

[Atom Smasher]

Not much to say, really. She wanted to tie her jacket around her waist and pushed her purse toward me and asked me to hold it.

I said, "Nope, I never hold a woman's purse" and just looked at her. She gave a little token (almost playful) roll of the eyes and made that "tsk" sound (with a slight smile on her face) and put the purse betwixt her legs (I always wanted to say "betwixt"), and tied the jacket. Off we went on our merry way with no issues and with her knowing that I gave not even
.000001% of a fvck about what she thought.

Submitted for illustrative purposes. The moral of the story is never be afraid to say no to a woman, and never be afraid of her reactions.

The phrase that should go through our heads at all times is "Assumed Authority". A woman's belief in you is entirely contingent upon your belief in yourself. If you believe the moon is made of green cheese, she will eventually believe it. She gets her thoughts and beliefs from outside of herself, so if someone who is important to her seems to believe something strongly, she will accept it as true, even if she struggles with it for a while.

"So, what, Atom? Isn't this DJ 101?" Yes it is, but I know that many of you flinch and give yourselves away during such simple sh!t tests.

Assume authority and never flinch when it's challenged even in a token way. She wants and needs you to be stronger than her. She cares about what EVERYBODY thinks about her. She will be deeply attracted to a man who doesn't care what people think about him, for the law of attraction between genders is that we are greatly attracted to that which we lack in ourselves.

Simple stuff, but it's always good to be reminded of the basic tenets.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Later we were on the waterfront and a wedding party showed up.

I could tell just by the bearing of the bride that she had his nuts in a vice. She had a cold, emotionless demeanor during the whole ceremony. Afterwards while she was reveling in the attention of getting her photos taken by the water, she saw the groom at a distance helping his friend stuff some long piece of cloth into a box. I quote her:

"We don't do that! Go!"

And away he scurried back into the restaurant.

I floated my thoughts about the dynamic with the woman I was with, saying that the bride wears the pants and even told my girl that when a man doesn't challenge and stand up to a woman she grows to despise him. She readily agreed with no reservation whatsoever.

That poor sap. I'm going to reserve a space for him here at SS in the hope that after he's served with papers he finds his way toward enlightenment.

 

[smooth_as_silk]

Absolutely fvcking ridiculous... you obviously displayed upmost strength and manliness by not holding this insignificant purse...
There's a French proverb illustrating this situation/post that can literally be translated as "sodomizing flies"... look it up

 

[Partizan]

Ok, what is wrong with holding her purse for a mere 30 secs while she ties her jacket? She is not trying to emasculate you or steal your frame by asking you to hold a purse for a few secs.

 

[Tictac]

I never understood the reluctance to do someone a favor like that.

It's not a sh*t test.

 

[expos]

I never understood the reluctance to do someone a favor like that.

It's not a sh*t test.

Maybe not. But disrespect starts somewhere.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There are overt tests which many guys see and there are covert, more subtle tests that elicit responses like those above from those who haven't yet developed the nuance to see what these situations can develop into, if they even perceive them at all.

With this girl it's true this was probably not a conscious "test" per se, but it is a good opportunity to subtly build the frame I like to establish.

Nothing, but nothing looks as bad as you holding a purse in public, and that includes how you look in HER eyes.

To each his own, but you won't ever see me on the street holding a purse.

 

[Jaylan]

I never understood the reluctance to do someone a favor like that.

It's not a sh*t test.

This.

Its one thing to hold her purse during an afternoon out together.

Its entirely different when youre simply doing her a small favor so she can fix her coat or pick something up.

Sometimes dudes here worry about the most insignificant things and dont know how to relax. Why spin your own hamster?

 

[Ronaldo7]

You are not a purse/coat hanger. Let her do that to someone else that considers themselves that. She will not think twice to pull that stunt on you again.

 

[_sideways_]

Ok, what is wrong with holding her purse for a mere 30 secs while she ties her jacket? She is not trying to emasculate you or steal your frame by asking you to hold a purse for a few secs.

Ummmmmmmmm....why cant she hold her purse betwixt her legs for 30 seconds?

Should i spoon feed her cough syrup when shes sick, or can she do it herself...

A favor is carrying her tv from the car...imo

 

[Lostinlove]

I held my ex purse once and she eventually left me for a ghetto thug. Connect the dots.

 

[Tictac]

I held my ex purse once and she eventually left me for a ghetto thug. Connect the dots.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

Look it up.

 

[Eph]

I question whether this was necessary. If a male friend of yours asked you to hold something for him for a second, would you not do it? I ask friends of mine to hold things for me all the time, when I've got too much to carry, so I can readjust things. Granted, fixing her coat doesn't count as having too much to carry. She could have easily placed her purse on the floor for two seconds.

I don't see the harm in holding her purse for her for a second, as long as she asked you to. If she would have ordered you to do so, it would have been a different story.

 

[Southcarolina13]

She will be deeply attracted to a man who doesn't care what people think about him, for the law of attraction between genders is that we are greatly attracted to that which we lack in ourselves.

But you care SO MUCH about what she thinks about you that you can't be bothered to hold a bag for 20 seconds.

I feel like when you analyze the **** out of something like this so deeply and then claim you don't care what anyone thinks, you aren't being true to yourself.

I'm not saying holding the purse is the move, but your above logic doesn't compute.

 

[jimmy18]

OP, would you hold you mother's purse if she asked you to, or dismiss it as a sh!t test?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I love when the newbies chime in with their "wisdom".

I'll do my best, but this is literally like trying to explain physics to a 5 year old. There is no reference material there for the concepts to latch onto. There is nothing upon which to build because you new guys are completely in the dark about the nuances I'm referencing due to your feminized education.

It's not about "caring what she thinks about me" in the simplistic sense you're aware of because of your lack of experience. It's about handling my expectations of her, about maintaining an authoritative frame, about demonstrating who's wearing the pants on a subconscious level, about eliciting compliance (critically important), and about training her to respect my wishes whether she agrees with them or not, and whether they make sense to her or not.

The guys who have been here a long time know that my methods are highly nuanced and that they work. You don't see me whining about women on this board for the simple reason that I've learned my lessons, and my techniques work.

I started here on SS absolutely clueless about women, but by careful study and getting out there trying and developing different techniques and strategies, I've developed into a man who commands respect from women and whom the vast majority find attractive.

There is no longer any shortage of women, no longer any insecurity in dealing with them, no longer any wondering what I should do. The problem has become too many women and too little time. Not a bad flip.

With the abundance of women in my life it's kind of laughable to think of "caring what they think of me" as Southcarolina words it. The fact that I told her "no" speaks volumes about how much I care what she thinks. If she disagrees, so what? There are loads of women who do in fact agree. And the LEAST of my worries is whether or not some kid on the Internet agrees!

You younger guys have grown up in an extremely feminized educational system and with some of you, your thinking reflects a feminine bent. If you stick around here you might gain the ability to perceive life from outside your culture, your education, the life paradigms that you think are truth, and the time frame that you happen to live in. Once you get a view from outside these limiting perspectives, a whole new world opens up and your personal power becomes enormous.

jimmy, under normal circumstances my mother wouldn't ask me to hold her purse. If she did, however, I would hold it for her with no problem. I'm not training my mother. I am training the women who I allow into my kingdom. There's a difference.

 

[_sideways_]

Hes not trying to game, date, etc...his mom.
Besides....moms deserve it . Your bros who respect and have known you for a long time deserve it.

She is just a girl at the moment...not wife, or long known respected friend.

Girls know that making/asking a dude to hold a purse is a No-No. Then they slowly start to chip away at you.
If you act nicely on this insignificant thing, they know you are that type.

Thats if shes the conniving type. If you give them an inch, theyll take a mile.

Stop the madness at the point f origin.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Precisely, sideways. You get it.

It's about stopping the madness at the point of origin. And you're right.... they do know that it's a no-no.

When I told her "No" on Saturday I was well aware of why she was trying to hide a smile.

 

[( . )( . )]

It's not a purse. It's European carryall

I don't see anything wrong with setting the tone early that there is some things you just don't do. I told my current woman if I ever catch her watching soap operas I'm gone and I meant it.

A man's personal rules and public conduct used to be a thing. I'd bet in the long game it creates more tingles than not.

 

[handle]

It seems that Atom Smasher's real point here is that you shouldn't be afraid to stay true to your values/boundaries even if it's a seemingly trivial situation.

Many of us in this topic (myself included) don't see anything wrong with holding a bag for a second. Personally I find it completely ridiculous for the OP to take issue with holding a purse. BUT, the lesson is to have lines and don't cross them just for some chick. AND, what's more, in the story the girl is totally fine with it and it isn't a problem. Some people who are inexperienced with women think that by saying "no" their date will go up in flames. Which is totally absurd. So it's nice to have an anecdote from OP about how "no" is no big deal. Even if you look at it from her perspective, someone who just goes along with everything is boring.

Anyway, all this being said, Atom Smasher, do you really need to follow up with a spiel about how you know best and these newbies just don't get it? "literally like trying to explain physics to a 5 year old?" How is it productive to take that tone with people?