Got revenge on ex... but still feel like ****.

[bullethead]

Last week I was freaking out over seeing my ex who left me for another guy. My plan was no contact with her to get over her. Yesterday I saw her crying her eyes out on the stairs, hid and walked away so she did not see me. Today I found out from a friend that the guy she hooked up with broke up with her and she is really depressed. Oddly this is exactly what I wanted a few days ago, for her to feel the pain I went through. But now I feel like **** because 1) She is hung up over him and not me 2) The guy just out alpha male'd me and 3) I feel like the bad guy in this whole situation.

Should I break no contact to talk to her? Or should I just move on from this messy situation? I need help.

 

[floydb25]

Well, getting revenge, acting like a jerk, or hoping for someone to suffer never does any good. This doesn't cause the pain or anger to go away - it only makes it worse. True story. So, stop getting all worked up and hoping bad things on other people - simply because you didn't get your way. No matter how evil or heartless you think people are - they are still people. They get hurt just like you do.

In this situation, though, it has nothing to do with you. She's heart-broken because she lost him - not you. You are a non-factor, and you need to accept that. She doesn't care about you. This doesn't mean you hate her and hope for her to die - you just accept it and move on.

You can't do this if you're still bothered by her. This is preventing you from moving on. You should not care what happens in her life. Don't be bothered because she dated someone else - that doesn't make you less than them. Your worth is not determined by other people's approval, and most relationships don't last / you aren't compatible with everyone. That's life. **** happens. Keep her out of your sight, and out of your mind. Find someone else, and forget about her - without being angry or bitter.

 

[bullethead]

Well, getting revenge, acting like a jerk, or hoping for someone to suffer never does any good. This doesn't cause the pain or anger to go away - it only makes it worse. True story. So, stop getting all worked up and hoping bad things on other people - simply because you didn't get your way. No matter how evil or heartless you think people are - they are still people. They get hurt just like you do.

In this situation, though, it has nothing to do with you. She's heart-broken because she lost him - not you. You are a non-factor, and you need to accept that. She doesn't care about you. This doesn't mean you hate her and hope for her to die - you just accept it and move on.

You can't do this if you're still bothered by her. This is preventing you from moving on. You should not care what happens in her life. Don't be bothered because she dated someone else - that doesn't make you less than them. Your worth is not determined by other people's approval, and most relationships don't last / you aren't compatible with everyone. That's life. **** happens. Keep her out of your sight, and out of your mind. Find someone else, and forget about her - without being angry or bitter.

Thanks that is the best advice anyone gave me!

 

[Johnnyventana]

3) I feel like the bad guy in this whole situation.

WHY exactly?!?! And how did YOU get revenge? She did all this to herself. You did nothing. She broke up with you, and then she got dumped and is all sad about someone else. How is this your fault?

That's magical thinking. She managed to effectively F up her own life. It is not up to you to "fix" it for feel it is somehow your fault, simply because you in your head, wished ill on her. Again, unless you are magic, I really don't think you caused her pain. She caused your pain, and her own - all by her self.

You should smile and move on, knowing you dodged a bullet and that you learned something from this, whereas she likely did not.

 

[st_99]

1) She is hung up over him and not me

and no amount of revenge in the world will fix this.

your next step is to slowly shed the afc and become the alpha that
girls cry over not the other way around.

 

[ArcBound]

Last week I was freaking out over seeing my ex who left me for another guy. My plan was no contact with her to get over her. Yesterday I saw her crying her eyes out on the stairs, hid and walked away so she did not see me. Today I found out from a friend that the guy she hooked up with broke up with her and she is really depressed. Oddly this is exactly what I wanted a few days ago, for her to feel the pain I went through. But now I feel like **** because 1) She is hung up over him and not me 2) The guy just out alpha male'd me and 3) I feel like the bad guy in this whole situation.

Should I break no contact to talk to her? Or should I just move on from this messy situation? I need help.

Tell me during your no contact phases, do you ask your friends about what your ex is doing? Cause that defeats the purpose of no contact...The point is not to know what is going on in her life good or bad. Asking your friend why she is crying, you are doing the exact opposite.

 

[CuriousGirl]

I don't really see what you did wrong or how you got revenge on her? Yeah avoiding someone who's crying isn't a particularly nice thing to do but it's not necessarily the 'wrong' thing to do and it's understandable considering the context of the situation.

Best thing to do is get over her, when you stop contact with an ex it should be to get over them not to entice them back to you - that helps nobody. And like arcbound pointed out, getting updates on whats going on with the ex isn't no contact, you need to cut them out while you're hurting and then when you're over it you can let them back into your life if you want to and if it's not gonna cause problems for either of you.

If it's going to help you get closure by seeing if she's ok and then leaving it, then do that, but more often in that case what'll happen is you'll get tempted back into a messy situation. You cared for her so I can see why you want to talk to her despite what she did to you, so maybe yeah, talk to her, but as long as you make clear to her after the conversation that how she feels now is how she made you feel and you don't have time for people like that in your life. And then cut her out of your life until you're over it.

 

[bullethead]

Tell me during your no contact phases, do you ask your friends about what your ex is doing? Cause that defeats the purpose of no contact...The point is not to know what is going on in her life good or bad. Asking your friend why she is crying, you are doing the exact opposite.

I know, it is just hard, because my friends bring it up. I told them not to tell me anything about her, so hopefully this won't happen again. The worst part is she lives in my building and sometimes I think the is purposely trying to make herself visible, I just ignore it and move on, but sometimes it makes me look like I am running away.

 

[backbreaker]

You want to know what the best revenge is?

before i came here, i dated this girl, who just ... treated me like an absolute dog. I was in all star AFC form at the time so I am not saying I didn't have it coming but still I didn't do anything to hurt her and she went out of her way to hurt me. and at the time it did hurt. this was, what, age 18.

without being too long winded, we have to this day mutual friends. I moved to LA, became successful, now i have a wife and a son, i've more than moved on. last year I ran into her at a sports bar where she was waitressing (lol) with my wife while in little rock.

You want to know what the best revenge is? honestly, sitting there, and having to actually remember that this girl was my EX GF lol. I didn't give a ****. here i am with my beautiful wife who this waitress isn't even in the same league in whatsoever and you can kinda just see it on her face "yeah I f'ed up, pretty bad". then when she goes to the bathroom she comes over to me and says "look I know I was a ***** when we were younger" and I'm like Jenifer, seriously, that was a decade ago lol. i don't give a damn, you are good, just take care of yourself. those words stung more than any revenge fvck, any gotcha email anything I could have ever done to her. i've moved on and she's still living in the past.

the best revenge is seriously living well. Just move on and be the best you that you can be. forget her. that's a DJ bible post as well if i'm not mistaken here.

 

[topcat2001]

Agree with the other posters. The revenge stuff only shows that you are still very attached to the situation. I've done it and it only gets you deeper into the rabbit hole. Not to speak of all the bad karma you are accumulating. The best is to just move on and forget about her completely.

 

[Nutz]

Last week I was freaking out over seeing my ex who left me for another guy. My plan was no contact with her to get over her. Yesterday I saw her crying her eyes out on the stairs, hid and walked away so she did not see me. Today I found out from a friend that the guy she hooked up with broke up with her and she is really depressed. Oddly this is exactly what I wanted a few days ago, for her to feel the pain I went through. But now I feel like **** because 1) She is hung up over him and not me 2) The guy just out alpha male'd me and 3) I feel like the bad guy in this whole situation.

Should I break no contact to talk to her? Or should I just move on from this messy situation? I need help.

If you do break no contact, it only should be to say "what goes around, comes around." or something to that effect. If you do get back together, she'll be his alpha widow.