Got dumped because she felt I didnt appreciate her or spend enough time with her

[Mr.Fantastic]

Ok, so my girlfriend dumped me yesterday.

We were together about a month (I know, its a short time for her to be my gf but let me explain)

So I am currently living in spain and I met her through a conversation exchange website where you meet people in order to practice language, in this case spanish and english.

We got on really well and started sleeping together.

She is a nurse and she works odd shifts and she was also living in another town and would make trips to my town to see me when she could.

Now, the problem arises because of her working hours and my working hours mean that we dont get to see eachother as perhaps we would have liked and also due to me having other friends that I like to do things with.

We started to argue because she says that I dont text or call her enough and she says I do not appreciate her scedule and the fact that it is difficult for her to get time off.

For example, one weekend we had a tentative plan to go out somewhere and she gave me a call (at this point she had not explained to me how difficult it was for her to get the weekend off) and she called me and said she would be in valencia at 5 (as she had to visit her sister) and then she would be free after that, I said that I had not seen my friends all week (as I had been working so much) and I wanted to just see them, see what they were doing, then we can see how it goes and I'll ring her to let her know the plan.

I thought this was ok, but she hung up and texted me that we should not see eachother anymore.

This shocked me, and we spoke at length and argued over text etc and still argued the next day, which ate up the time where we should have been spending the weekend together. She said that we never did anything and I always break plans.

So we talked about it and she explained fully about her scedule and I finally understood how little time she had and how much of an effort she was making to see me. So I tried to be more attentive to her. She seemed happy with this.

She also said I didnt text or ring her enough or that I didnt text her during the day and she complained that I spoke to her too late at night when she wanted to sleep.

So I tried to message her a bit during the day.

Now, on Friday, I messaged her at work and asked how she was etc and she said she had a good day and she said that she would be busy that day with her aunt and she would be back late at night time. I thought to myself 'ok, so she is busy tonight, i will do something else, so I went out with my friends for a few beers etc.

I did check my phone briefly that night and she had left a text message saying 'goodnight sweetheart'. I didnt reply because I got back very late and I felt that I didnt want to wake her with the text and also I didnt really want her to know how late I got in that night.

Anyway, I wake up the next day to the phone ringing (aboutn 10am) , I wasnt able to get to it the first time it rung, (I was in the toilet) but I answered the second time, I could see it was her, I was glad it was her, she said 'hey' and I was like 'hey, hows it going?' she said she was really worried about me and I just said 'ah, yeah, yesterday I was busy, I went out with my friends and we went cycling then we were out quite late and had a drink and stuff'. She said 'whats wrong with you' and hung up.

Then she messaged me to say 'this is over'.

Then she wouldnt asnwer the phone and I eventually went round to see her. We talked and she said that she had tried to ring me that night at around 1pm, she had tried to whatsapp me and she sent a text message and I didnt reply. I said I was out and i wasnt checking my phone. I said that she told me she was busy so I didnt expect to see her that night, so I just went out.

She said that we argue all the time and that if we are arguing now about small stuff like this then it will not work when we have other things to argue about. She said that she wants me to message her more often. She said that she had a morning free that day and we could have done somthing. She said we never do anything and I basically just come round in the evening and sleep with her. It was unfortunate that we never really got time to 'go out' together.

She said that any time we got to do something together then I just go off with my friends. She said to me that I dont know what I want, she said sometimes its like a relationship, sometimes like friends and sometimes like friends with benefits.

I think she is overreacting a bit, but I also see her side and I wish I had been more attentive to her and appreciated her more. I wish I had texted her back and I wish I had made more time to take her out.

The last thing we said was that we can be friends and she needed time without talking or seeing me in order to be friends.

I messaged her saying that I didnt want this to be the end for us and I hoped that she didnt either.

She said 'sorry but I dont want to see you'.

What do I do?

Does no contact apply the same here?

I feel like I have done enough with the lack of contact I feel like more in this situation would be good. I feel like I NEED to show her that I care because she thinks I dont.

Should I give her time to miss me or should I try and meet with her (as a friend) and take her out somewhere?

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

I thinking of saying something along the lines of how I really do appreciate her and I want to prove how much she had come to mean to me, how miserable I am at the thought of not seeing her and how unfortunate it is that we have broken up just when she has moved in 5 minutes from where I live and at a time when I now have all my evenings free.

Do you think this is a good idea?

I mean, we had problems seeing eachother because of work and living situations but now there is more time.

 

[May_Day]

You're writing all of this over a girl you had for just one month?

Leave her alone, start getting involved with other women, this one doesn't want you after just one month. If a girl dumps you that fast she doesn't want any part of you. She should be fu*king your brains out in the first month, not dumping you saying she doesn't want to see you.

But she HAS been ****ing my brains out! But she seems to think that its all about sex for me and that I dont appreciate her as a person.

Thats why I want to try and show her that it is about more than just sex and I think i could do that best by meeting her and doing something with her, because at the moment, when she thinks about our 'relationship' its just me going round and banging her and not texting her during the day,...

She should f*ck your brains out because she is your gilfriend that is what she is supposed to be doing. Her words of telling you she doesn't feel appreciated is a bunch crap. She wanted to dump you for some reason so she is telling you this. Lots of women use this an an excuse to dump a boyfriend because there is nothing he can do to change the problem. She will keep saying you're not doing enough for me or I can't trust you. It's over with her.

Her p*ssy isn't the only one around that your d*ck can get wet from. You want to go crawling to her doing what she wants as she rejects you? F*ck that, a month relationship isn't worth anything to get this upset about. She was just a plate at best for your pleasure.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

You're writing all of this over a girl you had for just one month?

Leave her alone, start getting involved with other women, this one doesn't want you after just one month. If a girl dumps you that fast she doesn't want any part of you. She should be fu*king your brains out in the first month, not dumping you saying she doesn't want to see you.

But she HAS been ****ing my brains out! But she seems to think that its all about sex for me and that I dont appreciate her as a person.

Thats why I want to try and show her that it is about more than just sex and I think i could do that best by meeting her and doing something with her, because at the moment, when she thinks about our 'relationship' its just me going round and banging her and not texting her during the day,...

 

[El Payaso]

You should never argue over text. In fact, you should never argue with a woman. Period. I try to refrain from arguing with my girlfriend. I simply state my point and move on. The only thing I use texting for is to ask her out or to make quick plans. We never have full on conversations. If we want to, we call each other.

Texting is too cold and lacks the facial expressions or even touch that can be done in person. If you want to point out something your girlfriend does which you do not like and you text her "I don't like the way you put this dress with that thing". That can come across as whiny and negative.

Imagine saying the same thing in person but with a different twist. You grab her hands, look her in her eyes and say you look more beautiful when you wear this dress instead with this thing". She will be swooned instead of offended.

When she texts you ignoring her text or call, you call her back and say "I was working on something late. I thought you would be the first person to understand but I guess not." She'll instantly feel guilty and apologize. Learn to flip the situation on women. Always, always. Never apologize or succumb. Deflect and pin it on them.

Anyway, that's by the side. What you want to do now is delete her contact, pictures, everything and move on. DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING.

An interested woman will never want to take a break. In fact, she will want to push the relationship to the next level. When she says she wants a break and wants to remain friends, what she's really saying is "Can I go ride and suck and get fvcked by other guys and see if I can find a better man than you while keeping you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out."

Delete everything and go fvck other women like the other posters told you. She may try to get in contact with you at some point to see if she still has her hooks in you. Do NOT EVER reply to her texts again. The moment you do, you lose. Block her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever.

Move on. This one is done. Repeat it to yourself. Thirds one is done. She's out there fvcking another guy and you should be out there fvcking another woman.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

Ordinarily I would agree with all this advice, but the thing is, she WAS interested. She was very interested and she doesnt think that I am. She thinks I just want her for sex and I dont like her as a person.

Thats why I think some sort of contact would be good. At least to make the point that we are closer now and we have more time to see eachother...

 

[VladPatton]

Look, man, just chalk it up as a fling. You had a chick for a month and you banged her brains out, as you said, and that's that. Stop trying to make it anything more. Do nothing. If she comes to you, fine, if not, find another girl. If you go back to her and beg, you'll give up all of your masculinity and she'll be dominating you for the duration of the relationship. Why would you want that? Is she the last puṣṣy in Spain?? Come on man. Time for new prospects. Save your dignity.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Correct thread title:

"Busy ***** with her own life spits the dummy because I'm not on call every time a few seconds open up in her precious schedule"

 

[goldengoose]

You had a 30 day trial of a sh1tty relationship and you want to extend it for a longer period? Why?

Consider yourself lucky that it was only for a month. She is insecure, demanding, jumps to conclusions, manipulative, and is not a reasonable or cooperative person. Not the kind of girl you want to have an LTR with. She did you a favor by dumping you. You should have dumped her ass when she started pulling all this sh1t on you.

It's too bad you can't get a refund on this sh1tty product.

Women don't dump men over a mix up of tentative plans, she wanted you out of the picture.

No offense, but she owns your ass and you allowed her to walk all over you.

Then she messaged me to say 'this is over'.

She said that we argue all the time and that if we are arguing now about small stuff like this then it will not work when we have other things to argue about.

She said to me that I dont know what I want, she said sometimes its like a relationship, sometimes like friends and sometimes like friends with benefits.

The last thing we said was that we can be friends and she needed time without talking or seeing me in order to be friends.

She said 'sorry but I dont want to see you'.

Most of dating is common sense and it doesn't take much to see that she wants you out.

Look at what she is saying to you. This chick doesn't want you no more. She is saying it in several different ways. How much more clear does she need to be? She is telling you in perfect English that it is over. What more does she have to say in order for it to sink in?

She told you she doesn't want to talk to you or see you anymore. Why are you still insisting on contacting her?

She is very emphatic with her words and her decision. There is nothing that you can do that will give her a change of heart. Quit having a pipe dream of getting her back. It's finished because that's what she is telling you very clearly. This is what she wants.

Ordinarily I would agree with all this advice, but the thing is, she WAS interested. She was very interested and she doesnt think that I am. She thinks I just want her for sex and I dont like her as a person.

Thats why I think some sort of contact would be good. At least to make the point that we are closer now and we have more time to see eachother...

What WAS and IS now are two different things.

She was interested before, now she is NOT interested anymore because she just dumped you.

The more you try to contact her the worse it will be for you.

She doesn't want you man, she dumped you, accept it and get another girl, it's no big deal.

I met her through a conversation exchange website where you meet people in order to practice language, in this case spanish and english.

My guess is that she met somebody else through this exchange or someplace else. Which is why she treated you like sh1t and was so quick to dump you without hearing you out. That's what women do to men they want to get rid of.

She wanted you out of the way man. That's what everybody is trying to tell you.

 

[El Payaso]

Ordinarily I would agree with all this advice, but the thing is, she WAS interested. She was very interested and she doesnt think that I am. She thinks I just want her for sex and I dont like her as a person.

Thats why I think some sort of contact would be good. At least to make the point that we are closer now and we have more time to see eachother...

Well, I've given you my advice and said what I know. Ultimately, it's you who has to make the decision. Good luck.

 

[pyros]

She might have met another dude and this could be the real reason why she dumped you but...

it could also be true what she's saying: she has little free time, complicated schedule and it seems you're not so willing to meet her when she's available, and it gets worse because it seems she was your girlfriend (one month only? too soon, but whatever).

She seems to be very confident about her decision but I would do only one more thing:

text her in a manly, confident way (no needy stuff like: you're my soulmate, I cant live without you, I'll do anything to get you back...), that you realised that you should have been more keen on meeting her when she had free time, that you want her in your life and that's all.
Something like:

"Hey XX, I do realise that I should have been more willing to meet you when you had free time, I understand you have a difficult schedule. I do want you in my life."

And then you DO NOTHING MORE. No more texts, no calls, nothing. You've expressed your interest in her, and there is nothing more you can do. If she wants to be with you, she'll reach out to you and she'll try to fix it. However, if she does not contact you in let's say a week or two, it's over, unless you want to get back with her after two months when she's fuc-ked three guys and it has not worked out as she wanted, and now she's lonely...


My two cents.

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in another castle, hence all these arguments. You need to move on. It's over. Just accept it. And then she tried to friendzone you!

You can do better. But stop caring about this girl so much. She's only seeing you as a beta orbiter now, and you don't want that. Unless you like hearing how badly Judge nismo mistreats her in chambers.

Case closed.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

So the story continued.

I did text her.

I said that this had changed me and that I realised that I needed to be more attentive to her and contact her more. I said that I had realised this and it had had an effect on me whether she was in my life or not.

Something like that I said, I have lost the actual whatsapp.

Anyway, she said she will think about it.

Then she says she will meet me if I buy her ice cream.

I said this could be arranged..

then we do some messaging, almost like normal and try to organise a time to meet and we are both quite busy for about a week. She says she finishes a shift at ten the next day (which would be tomorrow) and we say that we could meet for ice cream then.

I think great, we will speak then.

Then she rings me this evening and we start chatting about our day etc (i did think that this was a bit too cosy after she had given me so much **** but whatever, I thought it was nice to speak to her) so we spoke about our days and that was nice. She started to tell me about her nursing work and how she has short contracts and how she will try and stay in this town but otherwise she will think about going to the uk for a job or to live in Barcelona (im thinking at this point, if she is going to be moving so far away, why is she so worried about a serious relationship anyway?!?)

anyway, the conversation was nice until I started telling her about my phone not working...

I started to tell her about how I have had problems with it and the constant resetting (taking the battery out etc) and not adjusting the time led me to b late for work, and she said 'don't lie to me'.

I said I was not lying, and then the argument progressed from there.

We started talking at length about things.

I said that I didnt know why she was arguing. She started talking about all sorts of stuff and I said several things to her, because at this point (and she just wouldnt shut up so I realised that I didnt want to be with her anymore - i think she is mental now) so I said:

'look, I was telling people I had a girlfriend after 3 weeks and everyone I talked to thought that it was crazy to be in such a serious relationship after such a time, we should take things slower, and be less intense about things'

She was all like, 'so you just want a casual thing? well I dont do that blah blah, we can be friends perhaps in a month or something'

I was like, perhaps we should be friends if it will stop the arguing and we can develop a proper relationship from there, I said it takes longer to get to that intense point where we talk about everything etc etc

She said it had happened and she cant go back.

I said I do want a relationship with her, but we need to stop arguing, stop being so intense about everything, she needs to stop picking me up on every little word that I say and ****ing relax a bit. Yeah, I said '****ing relax a bit'.

She said thats how she is.

I said 'you wont find too many guys that want to be in such a full on intense relationship in just 3 weeks.

I said things would be fine if we just talked about this sort of stuff in person and went out and had some ****ing FUN.

She agreed and said thats what she tried to organise. blah blah.

I said we should be going out tomorrow, she was all like 'yeah, we could talk tomorrow, i dont want to see you because we would have sex'

A LOT OF THIS IS IN RANDOM ORDER.

She asked me why I kept messaging her and keeping it going when it obviously didnt work. I said that I could see that we could have a lot of fun together if we just went out and did some things, which is what we need to do now. I said Im not good on the phone and that we need to talk in person.

She said she needs time to be my friend so we can meetup and not have sex (hahaha what a great prospect)

Then she was going on and on and I just couldnt hear her. I put the phone to my mouth and said LISTEN.

I told her she needed to relax and be less intense. I said I wanted to have a nice conversation with her, as she said thats what she wanted before bed.

I asked her if she actually gets off on arguing and creating problems, and then she went off again.

I just said OK, GOODNIGHT SWEETY

and hung up.

Best part of it is, that now, I feel good about being rid of her. Problem solved.

Thank you crazy spanish girl, you got rid of my problem.


Thoughts?

 

[MattTheW]

As I read all this I was thinking she's batsh1t crazy!!
I'm not very good at this nc stuff - but if you hadn't of said that you were out by the time I got to your last reply then that would of been my advice to you.
There are much more stable women out there fella

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

As I read all this I was thinking she's batsh1t crazy!!
I'm not very good at this nc stuff - but if you hadn't of said that you were out by the time I got to your last reply then that would of been my advice to you.
There are much more stable women out there fella

Thanks for that reply man, I appreciate that.

One other thing that she said that I find interesting is that when I said that she needs to relax and take things slower, she said that she cant do that as if she 'is still 20 years old or something'.

She is 28 years old.

I think what we have here, in part is a frantic push for a relationship because she is probably worried about the whole having kids too late thing.

What do you think about this?

Could it be that she is desperate to have a relationship at 28 because she can feel her biological clock ticking?






Can somebody tell me though, why do I still have half a mind to see her still? (I have not said anything to her after I hung up) but part of me wants to see her. I have a need (or a want) to set this right in person. All this arguing to me has seemed stupid and about nothing much AT ALL. If I could actually see her and do something fun then I know this would all be ok, but her schedule makes that difficult right now. Part of me wants to say to her 'We should not talk right now unless we can meetup and talk through this stuff properly, nothing ever got sorted out on the phone'.

But perhaps its best that I just suggest that to myself on here and leave her to rot in her own neurotic juice. She seems to want to be friends so I dare say she'll be around if I decide I want to see her again. What I really want to do now though is find another woman to bang, one with bigger tits. Part of my problem is that when I break up with a girl that I fear I wont find another one. I thought she was a good girl with long term potential but she flies off the handle at such small things I think that that was perhaps not the case.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

I like to analyse relationships with girls though and learn and grow from it.

Every experience you can learn from.

From this one I have learned that I need to reply to my messages on my phone more promptly and more often (not just for girls but friends too).

I have learned that I need to BE SURE to take a girl out and do LOTS of fun stuff with her in the beginning of a relationship so that if anything bad happens then she has a lot of good memories to cling to in order to get past the crrap I may have flung her way.

The problem here in a large part I feel is that I have not (for whatever reason) really taken her out and done anything with her. I have just gone round her place and banged her.

Shame she couldnt keep her volatile argumentative mouth shut on the phone last night or she would have gotten what she wanted in spades.

I'm fully ready to have a great relationship with a girl and take her out and explore new places and have fun - but I'll just have to do that with another girl now.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

You want my thoughts, but you probably won't like them. Remember earlier I suggested you DO NOTHING? Now, below in bold, I will explain why.



I think you have wasted way too much time on a damaged female. NEVER have contact with this nutjob again, and your life will be the better for it.

Yeah, you are right, it's always a shame when things go sour, but hey, that's life!

 

[Krohlm]

Yeah, you are right, it's always a shame when things go sour, but hey, that's life!

Sup, I'm only recently unplugged so take that into consideration..

From what I see here.. she threw the almighty ****-test at you (YOU must change to accommodate ME and my weird needs).
The moment you replied, you agreed.
Understanding women from reading crap-tons of "The rational male" you let go of your own frame and her vagina lost any interest it may have had in you.

Now, some of the other stuff I'm reading from your post is you bending too much bro. You need to stay resolute, don't compromise on your issues/feelings and she'll be more interested (and generate more intrigue).

Yeah, you are right, it's always a shame when things go sour, but hey, that's life!

Remember bro, you are the prize and no crazy spanish chick can take that away from you. Now go work out, feel better about yourself and move on.
Get yourself ready to spin some plates.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

Sup, I'm only recently unplugged so take that into consideration..

From what I see here.. she threw the almighty ****-test at you (YOU must change to accommodate ME and my weird needs).
The moment you replied, you agreed.
Understanding women from reading crap-tons of "The rational male" you let go of your own frame and her vagina lost any interest it may have had in you.

Now, some of the other stuff I'm reading from your post is you bending too much bro. You need to stay resolute, don't compromise on your issues/feelings and she'll be more interested (and generate more intrigue).




Remember bro, you are the prize and no crazy spanish chick can take that away from you. Now go work out, feel better about yourself and move on.
Get yourself ready to spin some plates.

I feel bad that I didn't take her out more though, I feel like I owe her that, or I should have done that. I kind of strung her along, I didn't care for her enough the way she should have been cared for. I didn't make time for her. I was actually kind of an ******* to her. I feel terrible for that. I should have made myslelf fully available when she had time...