Girls giving you one chance

[apprentice]

Do you guys think that it's true that girls generally give you one chance and if you don't take them up on it, it its over forever? Because once you blow it they start getting their ego up and take it as a rejection . If so how do you get over the ego issues and get them to get over their egos?

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Here's an idea... instead of speaking in vague generalities, why don't you just tell us why you're asking to begin with?

 

[sapphire]

It depends. Some girls seem to be more sensitive than others. It also depends on her IL.

I know when I was an AFC and had the opportunity to fyck a chick but didn't for whatever reason, some girls felt rejected and did not want to give me a second chance to prove myself. Others were willing to give me another chance when I blew it. The latter were chicks who were highly into me.

For instance I remember this girl who had a major crush on me for the longest time and pursued me for almost two years. For various reasons, however, I did not follow through until she gave me an ultimatum before going to college in another state. I said no, and she went away. That was almost two years ago and I am kicking myself for not accpeting her offer because she was a fine piece of azz.

 

[Caveman]

Like sapphire mentioned.. it very much depends on their interest level. If a girl has a crush on you, she'll give you close to endless chances while if she is not really interested, one chance may be all you get.

 

[crotchrocket]

apprentice; to answer your questions, YES! It has been my experience that even if you flirt with some women and then not ask them out within a short time period they get all offended and resent you for it, absolutely. It is probably a rare thing that a guy can be so perceptive as to see this so congratulations!

As far as getting one chance only and never again, I agree with sapphire, it depends on the girl. I have had girls that (looking back on it) gave me one chance, but I didn't do anything about it soon enough, so that was it. I just asked a girl out last night that has been giving me interested signs for a year, she didn't say yes YET, but she didn't say no either!, so it totally depends on IL and the girl's ego. A girl with High IL will no doubt give you some slack providing she's not the type that gets offended easily.

As far as getting over the ego thing, that's the tough one, and one that I would like to know the answer to as well, I could then go back and correct a dozen missed opportunities. But my thinking is, you will have to REALLY work for a second chance with these particular girls. CONFIDENT PERSISTENCE, is the term that suits here, so you want her?, then do WHATEVER it takes for HOWEVER LONG it takes to do just that. BELIEVE that you can get her, and so PROVE to her you wanted her all along!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

There's an old saying that a girl knows if she'll fvck you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. I'd say that's backwards - a girl knows if she WONT fvck you within in the first 5 minutes of meeting you. If she's open to the possibility of becoming intimate with you she will display behaviors that will express this. But to answer your question, yes, you have one chance to make a first impression.

 

[apprentice]

Thanks for your posts. Girls start to rationalise and say to themselves "since he rejected me I am going to reject him to get even". In essence, their ego works to protect themselves from getting hurt and they start taking psychological revenge on the person they perceive as having rejected them. They start saying things like "I'm too good for him" or "it's his loss". I've seen this happen to other guys too. If guys are initially not interested in a girl who is interested in them and they don't make a move within a certain time frame, the girl will eventually write them off and reject all advances from him.

 

[crotchrocket]

apprentice; I totally agree with you!

I have witnessed it dozens of times, and I have friends backing me up (it can't be just my imagination). I have women all the time treating me with a resentful attitude, almost rude behavior, and this is from girls that will literally talk to everybody in the room but me. The only conclusion that makes sense is, it is a result of not acting on some signal she has given me, and I've offended her by not doing anything. This behavior starts right after a good conversation, and I've done nothing or said anything even remotely deserving of this. Last night I was out with friends and a girl that has been giving me buying signals for months (caught her looking at me, no kidding a dozen times in a hour), well she literally wiped the smile off her face the instant she saw me approaching - WTF?

It's under these circumstances that requires you to have the balls to go after something you want! They say that the opposite of love isn't hate it's apathy, well there's nothing apathetic about a girl who's pissed at you. I say everybody needs to stop nexting women just because she puts up a little resistance!

 

[becker]

This is rough, I think I learned this the hard way too, unfortunately. This gal was totally into me, but I didn't pounce on her when the chance was there, so she sort of freaked out and told me she wasn't interested in me. Then she proceeded to never talk to me again.

 

[Aru]

Yes!! I can vouch for this 100%.
This girl I met at the beginning of the school year was giving me all kinds of 'buy me' signals for a full two weeks while we hung out every night (she was absorbed into my group of friends). I basically hesitated and didn't ask her out because there was another girl in the works and I had silly notions about not dating more than one person at once back then. I hesitated, and one day she withdrew her attention. All of it. She wouldn't talk to me and if I initiated a conversation she wouldn't look me in the eyes at all. You must realize how awkward this is because she is still in the group and still hangs out with us. I couldn't even figure out what happened. In retrospect she must feel like I rejected her and resented me for it. We get along now (she is still in the group) and every now and then I'll get that 'hint' of a signal that my gut just interprets as 'I still like you, I can't help but like you! But you hurt me and I can't show you too much affection or I'll betray my heart'. It's all in the laugh, the giggle, the momentary twinkle in the eye. But its nothing like what I got in the beginning. The good thing is that I know how NOT to get into this situation in the future. The bad thing is I don't know how I could 'get' her at this point if I wanted to.


Bottom Line: Don't hesitate. If you meet a girl and you think she likes you...she DOES. Ask her out on a date. She WANTS you to. She WANTS to go out with you, you sexy stud. Just mentally grab your balls and go for it.

I wish we had some solid advice on what to do when you get into a situation like mine where the girl still likes you but feels kind of rejected. It's been 10 weeks now and I should've asked her out within the first couple days, a week at the latest. Any thoughts?

 

[wcknightjr]

Aru,

I think you should still ask that girl. She gives you small signs because she can't help it. Obviously her overt signals didn't work on you, so she didn't want to keep giving them for fear of rejection, so give her a reason to show them again!

 

[crotchrocket]

Aru, I agree with wcknightjr, if the girl is still giving you signals, regardless of how small or subtle they are, she is still interested.

I have a hard time accepting that women are so unforgiving that you only have one chance with them, then it's over, I don't buy it!

I'm in the process of making ammends with the chic I met months ago, now what would be the easiest thing to do? Forget her, move on, find another chic thats giving me these buying signals, right? Is that what this is all about? Doing whats easiest? Not taking any risks? Backing away from a challenge? Sounds kind of AFC-like to me!

 

[apprentice]

But there's more! Not only do they become disinterested, they become vengeful! They start flirting with other guys in front of the guy who missed his opportunity. They start beign affectionate with other guys in front of the guy who she was initially interested in all while wearing an evil smirk!

 

[blue17]

Wow interesting you mention that, I can totally relate to this now that the point has been brought up. This chick is totally ignoring me now even tho she used to be interested....

 

[DJD]

Most women do not take the rejection or indifference they sense from you well at all. I agree with one poster who noted that it depends on the girl, but I've experienced that most, most girls have a very quick reject button, and they will use it and banish you to 'Neverville' if you don't immediately show or return the interest that they desire. This has happened to me several times with women who approached me, but approached me when I was already sort of vibing with or on another woman. After not returning the interest, when I see those women now, they will barely speak to me and it is obvious that they really have no desire to talk to me. I guess it's a case the them thinking I just LJBF'd or dismissed them when it really just wasn't a good time.

I cannot really blame them for feeling/acting this way, because if I feel a woman has rejected me or at least not responded very warmly, I have mentally discarded her and do not desire to waste any time on her at a later time. I will say this - it would definitely be up to HER to come to me and try to get something going. Extrapolating from this, I'd say that if you decide to go after someone who you failed to show interest in earlier, do so in moderation and with great sincerity (maybe witha great excuse or apology in hand too!) because you're basically dealing with hurt feelings - nobody likes being looked over or dismissed. Explaining a situation or apologizing is not the same as begging/groveling for her forgiveness, however ;-)

 

[whiteee]

i have been in this situation too many times.... there is such a thin line between making a move on a girl and resisting her.... that if u do it too soon it will be seen as coming on too fast or if u do it too late it will seem as a diss........ any advice on knowing how to perfect the move???