Rainman4707 said:
Went for a few drinks with her last night & basically said "look if you want to go clubbing then go.
GF : Yeah, but if I did it every week, you wouldn't like it.
Rainman : I would'nt like it, but I cannot stop you from doing anything. Look if you want to go clubbing, then go.
GF : Go, but you would think I'm not respecting the relationship.
Rainman : Look, if you want to go, then go.
GF : .........so it's not an issue anymore.
Rainman : No.
Awww man flip flopping on your boundaries is not good. I'd say this relationship is officially over even if you don't know it yet.
This girl is not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. Wanting to go out in Princess Zara bikinis!!! Holy fvck dude. I would've laid it on the line right there. Not mad. Not jealous. Just calm and cool. "If that's the kind of stuff you want to do this isn't going to work out for us." That's all you have to say.
Same thing with the clubbing. Relationships and clubbing don't mix. Duh. She's not stupid, you're not stupid. The writing is on the wall with a girlfriend who wants to go clubbing.
I would've said "People who are interested in relationships aren't interested in clubbing and vice versa. If that's what you wanna do....cool."
After that you let her go do what she's going to do.
A lot of guys make a BIG mistake when they set boundaries. They do it like they are laying down some law like a dictator. This is wrong. It comes off as jealous, weak and controlling.
You can't control her. She's going to do what she wants to do eventually regardless of what "rules" you lay down on her. It's your job to let her know what it's going to take to be with you. It's HER choice to live within those boundaries. You can't force it.
In fact you should encourage her to break your boundaries AFTER you make it clear what those boundaries are. YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT. A lot of guys really struggle with this advice when I give it to them.
In the early stages of a relationship when boundaries are being set women will really press to see what they can get away with and determine what kind of "man" you are. They will sh!t test you mercilessly and most guys can't take it and fail. You need to flip that script and deliver a sh!t test of your own and let her know you aren't fvcking around.
If you are giving up being single and fvcking other women then it's her job to conform to your boundaries. If not you need her to know that you are MORE THAN HAPPY to kick her to the curb and you can't wait to fvck other chicks.
So when you calmly tell her that you aren't down with her going clubbing or talking to her ex or flirting with other dudes, etc. You follow that up with "If that's what you want to do you should do it." Encourage her to do exactly what you just told her wouldn't fly with you.
The reason this works is you are sending two very clear messages:
1. You want the relationship to work. Hence letting her know what your boundaries are.
2. You are unimpressed with her behaviour and the fact that you have to set these boundaries is a huge red flag to you. You are happily willing to end it right now.
By encouraging her to do what you just told her not to do is basically saying "If you're going to fvck me around, I can't wait to dump you. Don't waste my fvcking time b!tch."
In your case Rainman, salvaging this situation is going to be tough or impossible. You need to start checking out of this relationship mentally and emotionally immediately. Your girl is looking for attention from other men and that is low interest behaviour and probably not even worth your time anyway.
If you do keep her around to see how things play out you need to start thinking and acting more like a single guy. That's what she's doing. Don't be a chump.
Good luck.
