Girlfriend goes to a party, gets 2 dudes numbers, how do I handle this?

[slaog]

There are some good points raised. I think if you dumped her for that you'd be making a big mistake.


You don't know for sure what her intentions were. When women get numbers they rearly call them as we all know. Getting numbers certainly gives them an ego boost and thats why they do it and don't even bother calling back. I can say for certain that she didn't like any of those guys because only you were on her mind. Thats why she sent you all those texts. I must question why she keeps saying they mean nothing to her. Does she sense your insecurities?


Regarding her telling lies.. I always find that some people can lie easily while others find it harder because they're just truthful people. See what she's like in everyday situations. Does she tell little lies to people or exaggerate things?


The main question mark for me is about the gay friend. Why did he want to set her up with somebody else? Did he know you're the boyfriend? Either way that needs to be sorted by you. Her relationship status should be clear to her friends.


You need to set boundaries now. Tell her that getting numbers is unacceptable etc. Sometimes women don't know whats expected of them so it's up to the man to tell them the rules.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd just tell her"If you aren't going to be serious about 'us', I won't be either". It is unacceptable that her gay friend brought a guy for her to meet. She should set him straight-and not agree to meet these guys[big red flag-why would she agree to meet if she wasn't shopping?]

 

[Faded Image]

Like the other guys have said, she's telling what I like to call "the half truth".
In her mind she's telling you the truth, she's just not revealing the parts she knows that'll get her tail in trouble.

What I mean is, she's telling it as if it's the entire story with nothing to add. Later on down the line, she'll slip and add omitted details she failed to originally tell and pass them off as if they were part of her original story. If that happens then you'll know she is FofS.

If you break up with her over this, then case closed end of story.

If you decide to remain with her, remember every intricate detail of her original story to her exact words and see how much it changes over time.
If it gradually changes then obviously you'll know it's deeper than she originally lead you to believe.

This is a situation where you have to live with the decision you make.

Good Luck

 

[DonGorgon]

I'd just tell her"If you aren't going to be serious about 'us', I won't be either". It is unacceptable that her gay friend brought a guy for her to meet. She should set him straight-and not agree to meet these guys[big red flag-why would she agree to meet if she wasn't shopping?]

Women are not logical so she will not understand any of that.. You cant change her from what she is.. as long as she is alive and young and cute males will be mating with her its natures way.. stop fighting it

 

[WhtRbt]

ignore her cold turkey for two weeks. during those two weeks, get other options.

 

[BlackJackal]

I hear you, and like I've been saying nothing about women surprises me, so I'm very open to the idea that she cheated on me. But, but, when we got together, I had to work hard, and I mean hard to stick it. Not only that but she wasn't on bc until we got together, she's only been on it two months now.

Again, not saying she still didn't f*ck some dude the other night, or isn't f*cking one right now for all I know, but these are things I'm considering.

(When I say work hard I mean it took a while is all, I don't work for pus$y!)

That dont mean nothin. Thats a very basic trick women use to make you think they're quality. For all you know she could've been the biggest slut in town. I'm just speaking in general of course not neccesarily about your chick.

Dont ever think you got a chick on lock though. I've been on both sides of the fence, and trust me, women can be just like us.

 

[horaholic]

Like the other guys have said, she's telling what I like to call "the half truth".
In her mind she's telling you the truth, she's just not revealing the parts she knows that'll get her tail in trouble.

What I mean is, she's telling it as if it's the entire story with nothing to add. Later on down the line, she'll slip and add omitted details she failed to originally tell and pass them off as if they were part of her original story. If that happens then you'll know she is FofS.

If you break up with her over this, then case closed end of story.

If you decide to remain with her, remember every intricate detail of her original story to her exact words and see how much it changes over time.
If it gradually changes then obviously you'll know it's deeper than she originally lead you to believe.

This is a situation where you have to live with the decision you make.

Good Luck

Oh, yeah, thats my favorite. Months later, more details start popping out, but of course, its been so long, you're not allowed to get pissed about it. :nono:

 

[BlackJackal]

oh yea, and dont give her to much credit for her so called honesty. The best place to hide things is in plain sight.

 

[Jaxon]

Update:

Spoke with her last night about my feelings on the issue. I'll try to paraphrase how it went down:

Me: I've been doing some thinking.

Her: Uh oh...

Me: I've had time to mull what happened at that party and I have some concerns.

Her: Are you mad about those guys putting their numbers in my phone? Because if you are I already deleted them.

Me: I'm not mad, but like I said I have some concerns. For one, you letting them do that was disrespectful to me.

Her: I didn't want to be rude...

Me: Seriously? What's more rude, you telling them "I'm not taking numbers, I have a boyfriend", or them trying to put their numbers in your phone knowing you have a boyfriend, and you letting it happen?

Her: Well, yeah...but listen, you have to understand, everyone knew about you that night. I was bragging about you all night long to my friends, guys, anyone that would listen. I had all the girls jealous about the fact that I'm with such a great guy.

Me: Ok, but look at this from my perspective. You go to a party, looking good, which you originally told me you were pretty much going to make an appearance at and drop a gift off and that was about the extent of it. You get hammered, around a guy you're being set up with, and you let him put his number into your phone. Do you not see anything wrong with this, and why I'm concerned about your decision making?

Her: Yes I agree the number thing was messed up. But I feel like you're nitpicking what I was doing. You questioning my decision making is hurtful, are you looking for an excuse to break up with me?? I was there, with my friends, bragging about you all night and playing board games. I don't know what you want from me.

Me: Ok, I'll try to keep it simple. First, why did you let those guys put their numbers into your phone? Why didn't you say "f*ck off, I have a boyfriend"? You could be nicer obviously but you get the idea.

Her: You're right, that was messed up. I shouldn't have done it. It was disrespectful to you and I'm sorry. I've never done it before and I won't do it again.

Me: Ok, thank you.

Her: I've never had a guy tell me things like this or tell me what to do. This is all new to me. I didn't know what your standards of me were. (*Jaxon's note: this is somewhat true: I've gone over standards with her as far as dealing with exes and a few other things, but we haven't covered this type of scenario*) I'm glad you're telling me what you expect, it shows that you care and I like the fact that you're willing to tell me what to do. If I had known in advance you didn't want me to go to the party I would never have gone.

Me: Ok. I have high standards as you know, and if you're going to call yourself my girlfriend then you need to know that I hold myself and whoever I'm with to these standards. If you don't want to be a part of it or if it sounds like too much for you then that's fine, I understand. But I need to know now. Do you think you can hold yourself to the standards I have set, are you on board?

Her: Yes, absolutely! I love the fact that being with you raises me to another level. So what do you want me to do? Is it ok if I still hang out with my gay friend?


And so it went from there. I've read every response in detail and there's more I want to get to. My thoughts on the matter for now are this: going into the conversation, my decision was going to be decided based on how she responded to what I had to say.

If I got anything less than an enthusiastic apology with a "it won't happen again" line, voluntarily without me having to mention it, I was walking. But she stepped up, and told me what I needed to hear to stay with her for now. She also had a great attitude about the other things I had to say, and overall she was very receptive and her feedback was positive.

Could she just be telling me what I want to hear? Of course, I'm aware of this and am keeping it in mind. It wouldn't shock me if she was. But if that's the case, if her responses weren't genuine, I will find out eventually.

Now that I've made it clear what my standards are, now that she knows, if anything even remotely close to this happens in the future, I walk. End of story. Could she do it and not tell me? Absolutely. But again, you can only do that for so long until you're found out.

So for now I keep going with her, but I guard my heart and try to put as little emotional investment in it as possible. If she shows that this is a one time thing, a fluke, and after being corrected she doesn't do it again, then we might have something. I'm not banking on her doing that though. I'm hoping she does, but if she doesn't I have no problem bailing in a moment's notice.

So, thoughts?

 

[BlackJackal]

This seems to be the new trend on here .. men wondering who else their woman is Fing.. lol so i will tell you what i tell everyone:

"Dont hold this against her personally.. she is just behaving like a normal human female.. Your purpose with her was to F and for as long as you can for as cheap as possible them move on..

Expecting anything else from her like commitment , respect , love caring is all setting yourself up for pain and being played.. So learn from this, move on to the next woman and dont expect anything more than what she is..

IS THERE NO HOPE??

Yes!!
when you are both old sick broken and hopelessly unattractive. when viagra no longer works fro you and her vagina is dryer than the desert.. only then can you try to have commitment and love and dedication.."

lol

 

[Captain]

If I got anything less than an enthusiastic apology with a "it won't happen again" line, voluntarily without me having to mention it, I was walking. But she stepped up, and told me what I needed to hear to stay with her for now. She also had a great attitude about the other things I had to say, and overall she was very receptive and her feedback was positive.

Could she just be telling me what I want to hear? Of course, I'm aware of this and am keeping it in mind. It wouldn't shock me if she was. But if that's the case, if her responses weren't genuine, I will find out eventually.

If she does anything like this again, leave her.

So for now I keep going with her, but I guard my heart and try to put as little emotional investment in it as possible

Assuming she did no more than give out her number, this is probably the best course of action. Definitely don't get too attached, though. If I were you, I'd date other women, too.

 

[slaog]

Her: I've never had a guy tell me things like this or tell me what to do. This is all new to me. I didn't know what your standards of me were. (*Jaxon's note: this is somewhat true: I've gone over standards with her as far as dealing with exes and a few other things, but we haven't covered this type of scenario*) I'm glad you're telling me what you expect, it shows that you care and I like the fact that you're willing to tell me what to do. If I had known in advance you didn't want me to go to the party I would never have gone.

Me: Ok. I have high standards as you know, and if you're going to call yourself my girlfriend then you need to know that I hold myself and whoever I'm with to these standards. If you don't want to be a part of it or if it sounds like too much for you then that's fine, I understand. But I need to know now. Do you think you can hold yourself to the standards I have set, are you on board?

Her: Yes, absolutely! I love the fact that being with you raises me to another level. So what do you want me to do? Is it ok if I still hang out with my gay friend?

This is an important point that everybody should keep in mind. I've gone through 'the standards' talk with my GF too. These days women don't know how to behave if they have had no good role models so it's up to the man to set boundaries.

 

[Jitterbug]

Her: Yes, absolutely! I love the fact that being with you raises me to another level. So what do you want me to do? Is it ok if I still hang out with my gay friend?

Nip it in the bud, mate. Tell her it's not OK if her gay friends disrespect your relationship by trying to set her up with someone else.

And yes I've had those standards talks with my previous GFs. Their family and society teach them friggin' nothing these days.