Girl won't have sex because we're "not dating"?

[Biggie]

Ok so this girl who i had written a couple posts about recently shows a lot of interest in me, even more than she used to. And i know it's because i am way more Don Juan than i used to be, thanks to this site. Anyway, She invited me my good guy friend C and our friend D who's a girl to her house to hang out one night. C and D ended up not going, and C asked me and this girl because going over if we were going to take a shower that night. then he added "together" and this girl said "i dont' think Biggie wants to come over cuz no one else is." And i was like, no it's cool i'll come hang out with you.

Anyway we went to her house, it was her idea to open a bottle of wine, and we ended up drinking a bottle and a half. We played a game of strip pool where i ended up being naked, and she had nothing but a thong on. All night she initiated many kisses and we made out a lot. After that we went to watch a movie, and 10 minutes in we started messing around. I started to finger her, then i went down on her. Then, i get all the way to putting the condom on, about to put it in, and she says "we can't go to far, we can't have sex." I asked why and she said it was cuz we weren't dating. (even though i had asked her a couple months ago if she wanted to date or stay hooking up) anyway i tried again after a couple minutes and she said she couldn't do it. being a guy who's not a d1ck said if you're sure you dont' want to, we won't. She said she couldn't, we went back to makin out and stuff, then went to sleep.

My question is, why do you think she would say no at that point? I know she has high interest in me so i was pretty confused.

 

[young_gun]

That's happened to me before too. More than once, actually. You do everything BUT have sex with a girl and just when you think you're gonna get laid, she throws up her defenses. I don't exactly know why some girls think it's ok to do everything but have sex, but then they think if they have sex they're automatically a slut or something.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...My question is, why do you think she would say no at that point? I know she has high interest in me so i was pretty confused.

At your job, they hired you because they believed that you could do the job, right? So... Why don't they just give you the entire company? I mean, they were interested in you enough to hire you, right?

 

[EFFORT]

textbook LMR (Last Minute Resistance) right there . A lot of chicks get that before having sex with a guy for the first time, basically the same thing as a guy getting approach anxiety before approaching, its pretty token. She wants to have sex (but society has programmed her to fear the possible stigmas that come with that, and also its primal since she has a lot more to loose, back in the day women risked dying through giving birth) with you and knew she would have sex with you so as a last resort she threw that were not dating bs at you hoping you would respond the way you did and throw her out of state.


next time she says that say yeah your right we def can't have sex and continue to makeout/finger/eat out etc and keep progressing. The last thing you want to do in this situation is go logical. She wants you to go logical to throw herself out of state, instead just agree and progress this way she won't have anything to go against to put herself out of state. If your fingering/eating out good she'll eventually give in, its just sort of a tight rope walk with getting that condom on since the condom going on is what usually triggers the LMR.

 

[Biggie]

Francisco your reply made me laugh lol thanks. Effort, so you're saying i should just continue to do other stuff with her and give it another go another time? Afterwards i thought of a response to what she said that probably would have been better but i didn't say it. it was "huh? i didn't want to have sex, i just thought that's what you wanted." what do you think?

 

[EFFORT]

Francisco your reply made me laugh lol thanks. Effort, so you're saying i should just continue to do other stuff with her and give it another go another time?

no you just go back to what you can do kissing/fingering/eating out then try again with the sex

Afterwards i thought of a response to what she said that probably would have been better but i didn't say it. it was "huh? i didn't want to have sex, i just thought that's what you wanted." what do you think?

still not moving in the right direction. Its setting up a logical conversation. Logical=no emotion, you don't want to engage her in this logical conversation. Shes in a sexual state wanting to have sex with you but for the reasons i said before she gets that anxiety in her mind shes thinking when she sees that condom "oh god i'm so horny for this guy i'm gonna have sex with him, i have to change my mood here" then boom she throws the bs at you hoping you'll engage her logically.

in summary

the easiest way to handle LMR is to just agree with what ever she says.....example "no no i can't do this were not dating" you "yeah i agree" ...then continue with making out/fingering/eating out then after 10min of that try again, if she gives more bs agree with it then go back to the makiing out/fingering/eating out sequence eventually you'll get it

bold

 

[jamescr73]

get her so horny that she rapes you. two steps forward, one back, then right before shes about to cvm, stop. she will want it so bad that nothing will stop her. but whatever you do, dont try and push her into sex. that will drive her off definitely. just do your thing, and she will give in.

 

[Biggie]

Ahhh ok so basically just do my thing and agree with her until she doesn't give any BS about sex. Do they usually give in after a while? Cuz every girl i've fvcked never gave me and BS right before we did it. Oh and James i did have her completely wet and turned on big time which is why i got so confused.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ahhh ok so basically just do my thing and agree with her until she doesn't give any BS about sex. Do they usually give in after a while? Cuz every girl i've fvcked never gave me and BS right before we did it. Oh and James i did have her completely wet and turned on big time which is why i got so confused.

You need to understand why she's apprehensive and do what's necessary to alleviate those concerns. You say that you brought up the dating thing a while back and today she's concerned that you aren't dating? That tells me that she's expecting "something" that's not happening in order to feel like you're dating.

Now, does this mean that you have to be dating to get into her goodies? Not necessarily, remember you need to alleviate those concerns in order to get the gold. Does that mean you need to be "dating?" Possibly "yes," but possibly "no." It goes back to taking care of those concerns. She believes that you need to be dating, your job is just to alleviate those concerns.

 

[ligyron]

effort kind of has the right idea, but you're kind of border lining on rape there. your message is, if she keeps giving you bs (ie, she says NO) then go back to oral stimulation and try again until she finally gives in. the next thing you know, you just raped the girl and you didnt even realize it

i understand that girls will sometimes say no but their body language is saying yes, which just means you need to turn her on more

as mystery has said, one way to deal with LMR is to just stop and put your clothes on and go watch tv or something for a bit and act normal, then if she really wanted it she'll start coming on to you, in which case you can proceed again, but when you get to the point where you experienced LMR last time (ie, if it was when you took off her bra) then tell her to take off the bra, and continue. she could have LMR 3 times that night

the point is, if she says NO then stop. you're turned off. you're done. do something else

 

[EFFORT]

effort kind of has the right idea, but you're kind of border lining on rape there. your message is, if she keeps giving you bs (ie, she says NO) then go back to oral stimulation and try again until she finally gives in. the next thing you know, you just raped the girl and you didnt even realize it

i understand that girls will sometimes say no but their body language is saying yes, which just means you need to turn her on more

as mystery has said, one way to deal with LMR is to just stop and put your clothes on and go watch tv or something for a bit and act normal, then if she really wanted it she'll start coming on to you, in which case you can proceed again, but when you get to the point where you experienced LMR last time (ie, if it was when you took off her bra) then tell her to take off the bra, and continue. she could have LMR 3 times that night

the point is, if she says NO then stop. you're turned off. you're done. do something else

Its not border lining rape. Rape is a different thing and i'm sure or at least hope the majority of the guys on this forum can recognize that. What i'm advocating is to just follow the natural process. Thats how it goes down with LMR when it happens. Its token resistance, it can be expected, it doesn't mean she really doesn't want to have sex .(if she really doesn't want to have sex then it would be obvious) When u get LMR sex is right around the corner if you play it right. Theres no need to go logical and sit down and discuss the bs she made up like its some sort of business meeting, just agree with the bs and keep doing what shes comfortable doing and try again.

 

[Biggie]

effort kind of has the right idea, but you're kind of border lining on rape there. your message is, if she keeps giving you bs (ie, she says NO) then go back to oral stimulation and try again until she finally gives in. the next thing you know, you just raped the girl and you didnt even realize it

Yeah see i've never got LMR before which is why i asked this question because my instinct was that for some reason she didn't think we should have sex, and me doing it anyway would have been forcing her in my mind. Francisco, you say i need to alleviate her concerns which obviously have to do dating. I actually have been thinking about that and i actually called one of my not so close friends who had sex with her once.

Now he told me basically the same thing happened with him, she gave him LMR saying she doesn't have sex unless she's in a relationship, and then he did it anyway and after that she basically ignored him and canceled plans they had.

I also know the first guy she had sex with joined the military shortly after they were together and she was like heartbroken. Then, the second guy she had sex with randomly ran to Mexico after they have sex and she hasn't heard from him since. So obviously she has some commitment issues. Francisco, or anyone else for that matter, any ideas on how to alleviate her of her concerns about dating or relationships?

 

[young_gun]

What do you want? Do you just want to get in this girl's pants or do you actually want to date her? Because it sounds to me like you could date this girl for sure. If you just want to get into her pants, probably just try one more time and if it doesn't happen just forget about it. It almost sounds like she doesn't want to "go all in" so to speak - meaning she wants to date you, but she wants to know that you want more than sex from her before she actually does it with you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I also know the first guy she had sex with joined the military shortly after they were together and she was like heartbroken. Then, the second guy she had sex with randomly ran to Mexico after they have sex and she hasn't heard from him since. So obviously she has some commitment issues. Francisco, or anyone else for that matter, any ideas on how to alleviate her of her concerns about dating or relationships?

Wait a sec... You already know her story and you are wondering what you would need to do? C'mon, what is she looking for which neither of these guys gave her (and "no" she doesn't have commitment issues, it's a little different).

 

[DJDamage]

Ok let me get this stright: You had a half naked half drunk girl whom you fingered and ate and then when you wanted to fvck her she says: "no we aren't dating". That is a sh1t test she pulled out of her ass. This girl spread her legs and let your dirty tounge pentatrate her holliest of holy and when you want to put your d1ck inside (with a clean condom), she turns to mother Teresa and says it aint right??? give me a break!

The bottom line her interest in you either weren't high to begin with or you lost it through out the night. Notice how she didn't initiate blow jobs??? I think you tried too hard to satisfy her needs that you forgot about your needs and it showed. After you fingered her a bit, you shouldn't have ate her, you should have pulled Mr Happy out of your pants and she should have gotten the hint. Remember the Christmas motto: "Its better to give then to recieve"?? well when it comes to sex its the other way around.

She said she couldn't, we went back to makin out and stuff, then went to sleep.

That is your biggest blunder right there! you are rewarding her for bad behaviour, you should have got up, got dressed and said in soft non challant voice: "I got to go, i have to get up early in the morning" and left.

 

[Biggie]

Yes i would like to date her, i actually like this girl so sex isn't all i'm looking for. So if it isn't commitment issues Francisco, what do you think it is? Because i can't figure it out. But if it's obvious i'm sure you're gonna say something like figure it out for myself. Damage, what do suppose i should have done then? Because i know she had high interest to being with, either she lost it during the night or something else.

 

[penkitten]

Yes i would like to date her, i actually like this girl so sex isn't all i'm looking for. So if it isn't commitment issues Francisco, what do you think it is? Because i can't figure it out. But if it's obvious i'm sure you're gonna say something like figure it out for myself. Damage, what do suppose i should have done then? Because i know she had high interest to being with, either she lost it during the night or something else.

what she has an issue with is guys getting the booty and leaving.
the first guy got the booty and went away to the army leaving her heartbroken. the second guy got the booty and went to another country.
do you see where this is going?
if she gives you the booty, where are you going to go?
she does not have a commitment issue, she is just trying to make sure that you don't have the commitments issue.
she wants to make sure that if she gives you the booty, that you will still be there tomorrow.
she isn't some slut, she is a good girl.
this is the kind of girl everyone else on here is saying they want to meet.

 

[Telos]

Effort knows what's up. That's exactly what you should have done. Case closed. Don't listen to rationality at that point. She wanted it badly and you didn't have the balls to pull the trigger.

 

[Bonhomme]

You're in a good position, why sweat it?

Penkitten and Francisco are right on.

She'll eventually (probably soon) want it if you keep pleasing her in other ways and don't try to pressure her into it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... So if it isn't commitment issues Francisco, what do you think it is?...

Lack of commitment is the issue she's concerned about; a completely different dynamic than basic commitment issues. Luckily, it's typically one which is more easily managed.