Girl with too much power over me

[Rint]

Ok so I've been seeing this girl for a month. When I met her she was seeing another guy, but she went out with me anyways. I left for a weekend for fun and she kept texting me saying she missed me and when I got back I asked her to be my gf and she said she had lots of feelings for the other guy. I peaced out and a week later she texted me and came to see me and started crying and saying how she felt like we had a really special connection and how she missed me and didn't like cing me with another girl. So we got back together for a week than I asked her to b exclusive, but not a couple and she said no because everything was a mess and she didn't feel it was right. Than the day after that I told her I didn't wanna take the idea off the table yet and she agreed. We've messed around a lot. We kiss all the time, hold hands and she came over one weekend and we were messing around and she had multiple orgasms even though we didn't have sex. We get along really well and we're super honest with each other. I wanna come out of this on top and with this girl as my gf. HELP!!!

 

[46and2aheadofme]

She sounds like a head case.

I'd say move forward with caution and don't push any more ultimatums on her.

Maybe put her in the friend-zone and start hitting up other girls just to get your mind off of her.

This sounds like its heading for disaster IMO, but if you really want it you have to be less invested than you are right now.

 

[Iceberg]

I wanna come out of this on top and with this girl as my gf. HELP!!!

Dude, what's up with you and the whole "girlfriend" thing?

She was seeing someone else when you met her. She refuses to commit to you. I mean honestly, it sounds like she's the male of the relationship. I don't see why you so badly need her to give you the label "girlfriend" in order for you to feel good about yourself.

Just enjoy her the way she is. Or go find a girl who WILL give you want you want. I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit around begging for some chick to be my girlfriend...as if that means anything. Okay...let's say tomorrow she calls you up and says "I'm your g/f." She's still gonna be the same girl who was dating another man when she started hooking up with you. You think she's changing just because of some stupid label?

Yeah yeah...I know...she's "special"...she's just so honest, and the chemistry is there and blah blah blah....she's drama. You're getting all head over heels for some drama chick. You want help? Go help yourself to a chick who isn't gonna make you jump through hoops like a little puppy.

 

[starplayer]

Ok so I've been seeing this girl for a month. When I met her she was seeing another guy, but she went out with me anyways.

Red flag!

I left for a weekend for fun and she kept texting me saying she missed me and when I got back I asked her to be my gf and she said she had lots of feelings for the other guy.

Red Flag!

I peaced out and a week later she texted me and came to see me and started crying and saying how she felt like we had a really special connection and how she missed me and didn't like cing me with another girl. So we got back together for a week than I asked her to b exclusive, but not a couple and she said no because everything was a mess and she didn't feel it was right.

Red flag!

she had multiple orgasms even though we didn't have sex.

huh?




NEVER try and force a girl into a relationship with you. It makes you look VERY desperate because then she knows you have no other options. SHE should be the one trying to get you into a relationship.

Not only that but she's obviously not girlfriend material. She sounds like nothing but trouble.

You have oneitis for this girl and it's turning you into a total AFC.

I would get out of this one while you still can. I know that's probably not the advice you want to hear, but this is gonna end in disaster for you if you're not careful.

 

[Igetit!]

I asked her to be my gf and she said she had lots of feelings for the other guy.

You asking her to be your girlfriend was a mistake.

It's generally a good idea to let the girl bring up "relationship" talk.

You should have just continued seeing her,continued making her attracted to and interested in you,and continued strengthening the connection you two had together.

If you had just exercized a little more patience,there's a good chance she would have been the one trying to get you to commit to her.


You say that she told you she had feelings for this other guy. That may be true,but even with that being the case,she still went out with and got still involved with you.


My guess is that she went out with you because there's something missing with this other guy.


Nevertheless,you still shouldn't have asked her to be your girlfriend just yet.

I peaced out and a week later she texted me and came to see me and started crying and saying how she felt like we had a really special connection and how she missed me and didn't like cing me with another girl.

I wouldn't put too much stock into her talk about "connections" and "how she feels".

She said the same thing about this other guy and her so-called "feelings" didn't prevent her from going out with you.


And her saying that she doesn't like you seeing other girls....you know what I'd say to her about that?

TOUGH.


She doesn't want you seeing other girls,while she has "feelings" for another guy?


TOUGH.



That's her problem.



She's trying to have her cake and eat it too,and in the process of this,it'll make a complete FOOL out of YOU.



Personally,I'd tell this chick to GET LOST.


She's trying to make you a "SPARE TIRE". She's trying to keep you on "standby" while she's getting it on with this other guy.



I HATE when girls do this,BUT she couldn't do it without YOUR COOPERATION.



You titled this thread,"Girl has too much power over me",but it should be titled,"I GAVE my power away to this girl".



This nonsense could be over with in a SECOND.


It's YOU who's doing this. You just need to have a willingness to walk away,to SERIOUSLY walk away.



You need to demonstrate to her that you're a MAN,that you're 100% whole,complete,and happy WITHOUT her.



You asked her to be your girlfriend,and she said no....twice,yet YOU continue being around and hanging around her.



You unintentionally showed her that you're willing to settle for what you truely DON'T WANT.


And that's bad.


If you would have walked away and continue seeking for a girlfriend,which is what you REALLY want,she would have seen you're a real MAN who doesn't settle for less.



She would have look at you as a MAN. If she sees that you'd rather end things ALL TOGETHER than to keep hanging around her for the bits and scraps of little sexual affection she uses to keep you hooked,her attraction for you would have skyrocketed.




How many guy do you think she runs into who'd turn down her sexual "bait" to pursue what they really want? Not many I'd guess.



So you would have stood out. That would have made YOU special in her eyes and DEFINATELY would have put you above that other guy.


Well nevermind now.

So we got back together for a week than I asked her to b exclusive, but not a couple and she said no because everything was a mess and she didn't feel it was right.

She didn't "feel" it was right. You mean right for you and her to become exclusive.


So she doesn't "feel" it's right for you and her to get into a relationship,but at the same time she doesn't want YOU seeing other girls.

And ALL THIS WHILE she has these "feelings" for this other guy.



Well? So what do you plan to do here?


Are you going to let this girl,who has feelings for another dude,who REFUSES to date you,make you stay ALONE simply because she doesn't like you seeing other girls?

Than the day after that I told her I didn't wanna take the idea off the table yet and she agreed.

Of course she's not going to take it off the table,that's how she keeps you hooked.


The "hope" for a relationship is the carrot she has dangling in front of your face.


It's like a mirage in the desert. As soon as you think you're making progress and getting close to it,it disappears.



Everything you're doing now is only ENSURING that's she'll NEVER become your girlfriend.

 

[luckycoin83]

Agreed with everyone above and I just want to add that you have to stop being so damn needy.

 

[Tkman]

Your coming off to needy but you can recover easily.

You made a mistake by letting her know that you will be "exclusive" to her. You ain't her ***** ! Dude, sarge for other girls why put all your eggs in one basket. Just make it a on the side thing for now; till she breaks up with he bf and she start pursuing you.

 

[Lord Sidious]

Bro,

I´ve heard/seen this story so many times. In fact, I was involved like you are in some of them. I agree with the guys wrote. Nevertheless, if you really want things to (possibly) change, I would do this: STOP SEING HER! STOP TEXTING HER. She´s involved with someone else. Let her decide what she wants. If you keep showing available whenever she wants, she´ll continue to use you.

Here´s the deal: "Got someone else? Okay, be cool with him. See you!". If she really wants you, she´ll dump the other guy and will stick with you. However, I´d prepare for the worse, if I were you.

Dude, this type of behaviour is usual on women. Don´t let her do this. You´re a MAN! Act like one!


Take care, bro.