ohiobohio518 said:
Thanks for the response. I'm a bit confused by the 2nd and 3rd responses though. One is suggesting I invite her to a party and one is suggesting I ask her for 1 on 1 drinks. I can definitely invite her to a party or a group hang out, but I feel that my chances of being ****blocked increases -- she's pretty and there are a few coworkers of mine who are desperate and creepy.
I should call her up then, and ask her to grab a few drinks. What then? A few things could happen:
1. She mentions her boyfriend in conversation. I should either outright acknowledge this boyfriend and ask her about it, or just brush it off. At which point two things could happen -- she could continue talking about the boyfriend, or stop.
2. She goes along with it, but appears a little hesitant. Now what? Do I still try to bang her that night (unlikely, her actions and words don't imply she's a slut), and if that doesn't work, do I keep chipping away? How do I keep chipping away?
1 on 1 drinks works as well, but I don't think many girls with a boyfriend would agree that, even if she is interested. Hooking up with you in the heat of the moment with alcohol involved is one thing, but if you directly ask her for 1 on 1 drinks, she has to make a clear sober decision to basically cheat on her boyfriend.
The reason I suggested a party is since she's new, you can invite her to a party with YOUR friends and she won't really know anyone besides you. You'll have plenty of opportunities to isolate her and there's alcohol involved. As long as you escalate physically and make your interest known (non-verbally), you won't be friendzoned. Either don't invite the creepy coworkers, or completely outshine them with your superior manliness, your choice.
Both settings in my opinion are conducive to increasing attraction, but you're much more likely to get her to accept the second option. You can't create attraction without seeing her after all.
You do the same things to attract a girl with a boyfriend, but you just have to be more subtle about it. That means never verbalizing that you want to go out on an official "date" with her. It DOESN'T mean not showing your interest non-verbally.
runner83 said:
Never meet a girl in a group, since that leads to friendzone.
Generally, I find this is true. However, as with everything, there are exceptions. If the girl was single and there was no legit reason you can't be together I agree say NEVER meet a girl in a group. If there is a real reason (like a boyfriend), then maybe. One incident made me see it this way:
Basically there was a girl who wouldn't hang out with me one on one. Normally, I'd just forget it, but I had a gut feeling she was attracted and the reasons were legit. They did make sense afterall (religion, strict parents). So I agreed to see her with one of her friends and some of my friends, we hung out and had fun like a group, but I was sure to isolate her here and there and escalate. Eventually we made out, though she resisted after wards. "That's not really what
friends do" to which I replied "then we'll just be really
friendly friends" and continued making out.
She said she couldn't go out with me afterwards
again, but I changed her mind after about a week. Not by constantly calling her and being needy, but by being persistent and avoiding verbalizing anything that would make it seem like we're officially "dating" until we eventually we were dating. I don't think I ever said the word "date" to her.
This is why I believe in exceptional cases (such as a long distance boyfriend), you have to made exceptions.
On all other points I completely agree with runner83 though and in fact I wouldn't bother with this whole back and forth process again. I'd just move on after she said she couldn't meet me alone the first time and find another girl without these problems.
Hope he's not from Florida.