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Girl I'm dating has abandonment issues

cordoncordon

Master Don Juan
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Ok, if you want to fvck this girl, or possibly even get back with her sometime down the road and after she has learned a few things (though I am not advising this).....you will be able to. That text she sent you yesterday is her way of keeping the lines of communication open. I remember texts like that from ex's like they were yesterday. But let me ask you something, I bet when you were texting with her, deep down you felt like fawking her brains out didn't you? I bet she felt the same. Break ups can do that, bring out the raw emotions inside of you.

Anyway, I will lay 3-5 odds that if you go totally no contact, she still has enough feelings for you where this will drive her crazy and sometime in the not to distant future she will text you acting all nice. Up to you what you want to do then. Maybe she will have changed a bit and learned to treat you with more respect. But the fact that you broke up with her first? Will always gnaw at her and deep down, make her want and respect you even more.
 

bacchus

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So CordonCordon called it. Just got this text message from her tonight:

HB: "fyi..i still have no idea how u are blocked,i cant figure out how to add u?...im sorry still about that.... i just tried to add u..but u dont even.come up in my search"

My reply: "Not sure... Just sent you a Facebook message so you can find me"

That was over an hour ago and she still hasn't added me. Bltch is a serious game player I think. Gonna see if I can somehow play this situation to fvck her. Any suggestions??
 

Die Hard

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Suggestions? Yeah, go and become a circus clown. You'd make a good one!

Don't be insulted by that, I'm just being realistic with you. A clown willingly makes a fool out of himself, right? And that's exactly what you're doing, so...

Really, it's a sad thing that this woman is treating you the way she is... But it's even sadder that YOU are treating YOURSELF the way you are!


bacchus said:
I also am over her emotionally
That is a lie and no one here is gonna believe it. But that doesn't matter, coz we are not the ones at risk here, you are... And the sad thing is, YOU BELIEVE YOUR OWN LIE!! :down:

But as I said before, it seems that the only way for you to learn your lesson, is to go through more hardship... So suit yourself :cool:
But please keep us updated on how that goes, please write it all down! Coz that way, other people (smart people, as opposed to you!) can learn from it and be prevented from making the same mistake!
 

bacchus

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I honestly am ONLY interested in fvcking her at this point. Her behaviour has disqualified her as a girlfriend prospect. My only emotional investment is in fvcking her to get some vindication for the crap she put me through.

And don't act like you wouldn't do the same in my shoes. She is a legit HB8.5-9. Those don't grow on trees where I'm from.
 

Die Hard

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Nonsense... You are still emotionally attached to her, you're just trying to convince yourself that you're not.

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but the sad truth is that it's gonna take time to emotionally detach from her. You'll have to work through it and it might be a draining process at times...

You're looking for a shortcut, you just want to get it over with. You are erroneously assuming that taking revenge will do just that. As if you would be able to move on from her, leave the past the past and have peace with it all after you had your revenge fvck...

It doesn't work that way. It's just a trick of the mind, where all your emotions, all your love, all your pain, all your frustration, all your sadness etc. are being merged into one emotion, revenge. And then, by acting out that one emotion, supposedly all of your emotions are being worked through. But it doesn't work like that and one will come back with empty hands from this attempt.

In fact, this whole revenge ploy will only work counterproductive... Your emotional attachment to her is hidden underneath the revenge, it is bascially camouflaged by the revenge. Hence, you think you can go in, seduce her and fvck her without running any emotional risk. But even though the emotional attachment is camouflaged, it's still there. And when you interact with the woman, this emotional attachment will get reinforced, whether your ignorant ass is aware of this or not... The human emotional system does its own thing and follows its own rules, regardless what "you" think about it or whatever rationalization you come up with.

There's only one way to detach emotionally from a chick and move on with your life. It's called 'no contact'. It's one of the most basic facts that has been established by members of this website in the early days and has been confirmed by pretty much any member that followed in their footsteps until current day.
Never has there been some kind of addition that says: 'you should try to fvck her to get some vindication for the crap she put you through!'

On the contrary! Any member of this board whose opinion is worth a damn, will tell you that the need to "get vindication for the crap shew put you through", is a sign of emotional attachment to her, and as you are actively pursuing this need, it will actually reinforce your emotional attachment to her and wipe out any progress you had made in this regard by staying no contact for a while.

Ever heard of sh!t tests and how to deal with them?! It's the same fvcking principle, man... You don't get angry and start cursing at her when she is sh!t testing you. Instead, you remain calm and just withhold your attention from her.

The whole fvcking game comes down to a power struggle, whether you're a guy doing a cold approach at the mall or a guy managing a 10 year marriage. In all our dealings with women, succes comes down to having the upper hand in the power struggle. And that upper hand is determined by the degree to which our actions are influenced by our emotions.

Women are physically weaker than men, so they have no physical control over us and can't force us to do what they want in that way. That's why they try to gain emotional control over us and use that to force us to do what they want.

The more power she gains over your emotions, the more power she gains over you and your actions. An extreme example is the typical beta chump who completely hands himself over to a girl emotionally and will do ANYTHING to make her happy. He's like wax in her hands coz he's so emotionally dependant of her that he will basically do anything to keep her pleased...

In other words, keep your emotions in check!! The more influence she gets over them, the more she can control you. In this regard, getting vindicative is a very weak thing to do. After all, revenge is really just a way to compensate for the hurt that someone else caused you... You might as well tell her straight out: "You hurt me :(" and hand your balls over to her...

As much as you'd like to think that a 'revenge fvck' is gonna display your power over her ("look who's talkin now, bytch! I own you!"), it really is gonna do the opposite ("look how much control you have over my emotions. This 'revenge fvck' is just my desperate attempt to compensate for the hurt you caused me...")


If all of the above doesn't hit home to you, then at least take a minute to analyze your own words:

My only emotional investment is in fvcking her to get some vindication for the crap she put me through.
And don't act like you wouldn't do the same in my shoes. She is a legit HB8.5-9. Those don't grow on trees where I'm from.
So one moment you're admitting that you want to fvck her ONLY for revenge, but the next moment you say you wanna fvck her because she's hot.
Seems you're not really clear about your own intentions and motives and until you are, I suggest you don't make any big decions.


Take care!
 

ezpowell

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Hey check this out. I just got over a BPD. Hot chick. Took me about 10 days to recover - **** that hurt - it was major painful -bad!!! Now i've just met another one. I'm a magnet but I'll tell you what - i can see this one before i've even got talking to her. So i'll try to be the narcissist and see if I can escape unscathed before I develop any feelings? Stupid right? Of course. No I ain't doing that. I told her i'd call her :) not when. Whoever this baccus dude is he needs just one relationship with a normal woman - just one - so he can believe in a normal and healthy relationships. I've met healthy women - they are sooooooo much better than the screwed up BPD ladies - they are so not worth it. Hey and Baccus - these women like this - they got teeth in it like a Moray Eel where they curve around like fish hooks and they lock you in so hard you can't withdraw without doing some serious damage :)
 

Oneday_

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My recent ex had abandonment issues that she did a very good job of hiding early on.

However when our first conflict started (her flirting with guys in front me and me calling her out on it) she played the victim card quick and blame shifted me for everything. Even things she loved about me initially, they suddenly became issues.

THEN she went into how her dad/family has always neglected her (which when we met she said she has a great relationship with her dad!!)

THEN she started talking about every other ex who wronged HER. They were always the problem and how no one cares about her.

She was very aware of how others didn't treat her right but the one thing she wasn't aware of was how easily she kicks people to curb and walks away justified they're the issue. She's left alone wondering why she can't find someone who cares about her when the reality is she keeps creating the same outcome.

Very confusing as it was my first experience with such a woman. Instinct was "I need to show her I care" guess what, that only backfired as deep down she didn't really want that she just wanted to keep feeling like she's not worthy of it.

An experience that sucked and hit me emotionally hard as her behavior was very push/pull in a sense. Making me feel I was the bad guy and I needed to fix things.
 
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