Girl Acting Strange After I got her to pay half the rent

[backbreaker]

wow i did not know december 10th was let's **** wtih backbreaker for no reason day. need to markt hat **** on my calendar

first of all, i'm 5 years older than you. you aren't even 25 you shouldn't be here. not only that, you damn sure shouldn't be telling me what the hell i shoudl and should not know in regards to how i treat women.

o. He is saying that she should pay her fair share because she is living there. If anything OP's actions was a fantastic screening tool.

If his gf isn't prepared to pay half towards a place the two of them ostensibly share then what does that make her?

Either selfish or lukewarm about the relationship.

Imagine if the situation was reversed and his thinking was 'I won't pay half the rent despite the fact I'm virtually living here, because my girl won't put a ring on my finger'.

Do you realise how ridiculous this sounds? And yet you're advocating the very same thing right here

Quote:

the problem isn't the rent payment. the problem is that he wants her to pay the rent, while at the same itme, not understanding or comprehending the strings that come along with her paying half the rent. she's 32. she's not 24 like you are. this is nothing something i expect you at your age to comprehend.

she doesn't have (a big) problem with the rent. but as iqqi stated, no woman is going to pay half the rent with a guy who she doesn't have 100000% locked the **** down.

that's what i am trying to say. if he is arguing for her to pay for half the rent, understand what goes along with that.




i can say that because i have lived with women longer than you have been able to ****ing drink son. not just ****ed. not just dated. LIVED with. for years i've dated girls who i've seen the wheels turn in their head and try to angle their way in to my house. i've dealt with girls doing the tooth brush move lol. i've dated/****ed girls in their early 20's. i've dated divorcees. i've dated girls in their 30's and they see the sun about to come up on their apex dating life and want to shack up.


You think you are "Alpha" but the DJ bible talks about guys like you 10 years ago

Some guys have gotten confident enough to take action, talk to girls, etc. But very few have true backbone. Even fewer then that have the Don Juan skills expressed in the articles and on this forum.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16113


you've done nohting but go to the other end of the spectrum. you've went from being a flaming AFC to a flaming jerk. you aren't a catch.

i deal in the real world where real women who have real options will not tolerate being treated like a 2nd class *** dumpster. Game is not being a jerk. Game is getting what you want without giving up what you require.

 

[Delly2000]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I digested it all. But I think its only fair that if she is staying her all the time that she pays half the rent or we come to some kind of arrangment. Essentially we are living together.

She has been acting better these past few days. I took her out to a nice christmas dinner this weekend where we dressed up, suits etc and danced...fancy smancy. And her girls commented on how good we looked. I guess it reinforced she has a keeper.

Maybe her acting stange was problems at her job, that time of the month, and me asking for the extra cash flow all rolled in to one.

Will keep you posted. I prefer for a woman to help out her man. Her paying tells me that she values me over money that she should be parting with anyhow...she just needs to make some adjustments/realignments.

 

[iqqi]

You guys crack me up. She has "her stuff" there. What stuff? Some clothes and toiletries? Or her dresser, all of her clothes and shoes, and if she hates your bachelor couch, she has free reign to throw it out to make room for some of her stuff? Because if she is paying half of the rent, but you aren't cool with her bringing over all of her "stuff" like her furniture, then that is not fair.

You are basically making her pay half of the rent to spend time with you. That's retarded.

Is she on the lease? If she is paying half of the rent, then she should be getting mail there and also she should be on the lease. And you can't say jack crap when she decides your apartment is ugly and she wants to redesign. After all, it is now all half hers. If she decides she wants to get a cat or a dog, you can't really say anything. Good luck breaking up.

 

[Boilermaker]

Aha... This is now a personal battle of honor for little iqqi.

So be it.

You guys crack me up. She has "her stuff" there. What stuff? Some clothes and toiletries? Or her dresser, all of her clothes and shoes, and if she hates your bachelor couch, she has free reign to throw it out to make room for some of her stuff? Because if she is paying half of the rent, but you aren't cool with her bringing over all of her "stuff" like her furniture, then that is not fair.

Maybe you're missing the fact that she doesn't have any furniture? Maybe she doesn't want to bring it over? Maybe she's not as partisan about "officially" being there - maybe she understands that living in an apartment for free where SOMEBODY pays the rent is what is retarded.

You are basically making her pay half of the rent to spend time with you. That's retarded.

No - it's just fair.

Is she on the lease? If she is paying half of the rent, then she should be getting mail there and also she should be on the lease.

Laughing out loud. She can stop paying rent anytime she wants to because it's a verbal agreement between them. Will she accept to be on the lease when he can call the cops on her when she doesn't pay up? Do you see the flip side of your idiotic argument?

And you can't say jack crap when she decides your apartment is ugly and she wants to redesign. After all, it is now all half hers. If she decides she wants to get a cat or a dog, you can't really say anything.

Well maybe she's not a bítch and she realized she's living in her boyfriend's apartment and has no desire to redesign just to throw a shít test, how about that?

Good luck breaking up.

Awww... You look so sweet when you're mad. But wait, you aren't dating the OP, why you mad?

 

[Jitterbug]

Aha... This is now a personal battle of honor for little iqqi.

It hit a raw nerve cos she has a long & proud history of leeching off guys she dates.

 

[iqqi]

It hit a raw nerve cos she has a long & proud history of leeching off guys she dates.

Is this a fact that you can attest to personally?

There are two main points here.

One is that she is paying rent so she lives there legally. There is absolutely nothing you can do if she decides to freak out on you in a small way by wanting to be able to decorate her apartment, which is described as a "sh!t test". Which is pretty messed up. So she has to pay half the rent but she doesn't have a say in how her home looks? Or in a big way... which you don't even want to imagine. But calling the cops on her isn't going to legally remove her from her apartment. All she needs is proof of paying the rent, and the OP is sol.

Two is just from principal alone. Which we obviously disagree on, but it's not the first or only disagreement so it's not that big of a deal now is it. And I'm actually coming from a viewpoint more of the OP because I have almost always had my own apartment since I was 19 years old. And boyfriends who spent a lot of time over, and practically lived there. So review your preconceptions. Unless we are officially going to be living together, and everything is now OURS and not MINE, then I can't justifiably ask my boyfriend to help me pay my bills just because he is always with me.

I've actually already dealt with this subject, but it was when my best friend tried to spring this on her boyfriend, because he was always over. He ended up saying "F That." And got his own apartment. And then they broke up because he had his own apartment that he felt he should be spending time at, and he didn't feel as comfortable staying at her place so much, and that just kind of ruined everything. I was in the car when the first argument arose as she suggested it. I thought it was the pettiest thing I've ever heard of. He was over all the time, but that's because he was just being with her. She wasn't suggesting he actually move all the way in, just you know. Pay half of the bills.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't understand why iqqi is getting so much **** for trying to basically make sure that teh OP basically stays unhitched. If Rollo came out and made a blog about saying the exact same thing everyone would be praising ti as prudent advice. I think iqqi gets **** for the simple fact she's a female but the advice is pretty pimp from a single male's POV.

that's all she's trying to say. she isn't defending the woman (whatsoever). all she is saying is look, you might not feel the same way you feel about her 4 months from now and if that is the case, you want to get out the relationship as fast as possible. but guess what.. you can't do that if she's paying half the rent beucase now she has squatters rights so now you have to sit here and live with a girl you aren't ****ing and who is probably even dating other dudes

that is, literally, the only things she's saying. and i agree with that, **** that lol i want my freedom for as long as I can have it. I mean if you need the money, do what you got gto do, but if youd on't need the money, **** that.

I don't even want you keeping **** at my house i don't want you to have a reason to pop up for no reason beucase you need to "GET SOMETHING' out of theh ouse i might have another board over and that's a scene.

keep yo **** yo **** for as long as you can.

 

[Boilermaker]

I don't understand why iqqi is getting so much **** for trying to basically make sure that teh OP basically stays unhitched. that's all she's trying to say. she isn't defending the woman (whatsoever). all she is ......that's all she's trying to say. she isn't defending the woman (whatsoever). all she is saying is look,

iqqi's white knight savior runs for help ..

:woo:

 

[Boilermaker]

If Rollo came out and made a blog about saying the exact same thing everyone would be praising ti as prudent advice

Comparing Rollo with iqqi now?

You are as usual, lying and twisting facts, iqqi's argument has NOTHING to do with the best interest of OP such as living independently and alone.

That was your argument, which is also (as usual) off-topic, because OP has clearly told us that he doesn't mind living with his woman. So he has no interest in being independent or living alone. He just wants her to share costs BECAUSE they are consuming the resources TOGETHER.

Tu comprends?

And you are using that to suck up to iqqi, and in a disgustingly blatant manner.

 

[sarcastic sam]

I think OP has voiced his opinion that he'd rather not have his gf over at his place all the time, but due to whatever reason he has agreed to let her stay there since she doesn't seem to like the prospect of moving back home very much.

I hope OP knows what he's doing, but it doesn't look like he has a choice if he wants to stay with his gf. Like boiler said, if they're going to consume resources together than they should share the costs too.

I bet the girl feels bad for complaining over $20 worth of groceries now..

As for rollo i think it's only a few certain guys here who worship his every word

 

[Aristippus]

In this case, IQQI is betraying with her words and gestures the ugly attitude of hypocrisy and spoiled brat female entitlement issues. While there are women who display quality behavior, based on some of IQQI's comments, she doesn't. Her attitude would have any quality man kicking her to the curb in a heartbeat.

Let's point out the hypocrisy first.....It begins by sounding nice. On the surface she is TRYING to sound fair and not like a screeching shrew. Many women use the GUISE of equality to try to impose their ways and create a situation where the man is expected to cater to their every whim and tolerate disrespectful, inconsiderate, and disgraceful attitudes and behavior. It always starts with TALK of equality.

IQQI:That's the part you need to really understand. If she is paying half, then it is EQUALLY HERS.

Ahhhh yes. The true meaning of equality is nice. A lot of women throw that word around but then b@stardize the meaning of it. Let's use her own words to show how the spoiled brat entitlement princesses of this world distort and twist the meaning of this word.

First, you always notice that these types love to roll their eyes in the back of their heads like they are about to go into an epileptic seizure. A disrespectful gesture.

Is this a fact that you can attest to personally?

It's funny how she talks about the apartment being equally hers, but fails to mention that it is also equally his.

One is that she is paying rent so she lives there legally. There is absolutely nothing you can do if she decides to freak out on you in a small way by wanting to be able to decorate HER apartment, which is described as a "sh!t test".

It's funny how in one breath she's talking about equality and in the next breath she says that if she wants to make some changes to the apartment that the boyfriend has absolutely no say in the matter. That it is HER apartment. Notice how it goes from being theirs to only hers, where the boyfriend, in her mind, has no rights and has to kowtow to her demands.

There actually IS something he can do if she becomes a screeching shrew. He can kick her happy little a$$ to the curb. Before she does anything there has to be mutual agreement.

So she has to pay half the rent but she doesn't have a say in how her home looks?

*** It sounds to ME like IQQI thinks HE should pay half the rent but not have a say in how the place looks. Notice again. It's gone from equal partnership to it being HER home. NOT his too. Women like IQQI don't believe in the saying "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." in a relationship. They pay lip service to this but the saying these types LIVE by, through their actions is "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine!" AVOID THESE TYPES OF WOMEN LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

 

[Harvey_Poon]

My girl and I got in a discussion about paying rent. Basically she is always over the house and has her stuff there. Also she wants me to increase cable channels (she has paid me for this)...but she has gotten in the habit of buying groceries but got upset that I wasn't forking up as much for the groceries. But she wasn't paying any rent or the utilities.

So I suggested that she pay half or she can move back to her moms. I asked if paying half would hurt her (she has a good paying job). But she has her money going into different investment accounts etc. Money Markets and a money club. Where she puts it in and gets a lump sum.

So my question is should I have asked her to pay half of the rent...it is substantial. But I have been paying it all this time. So maybe it isn't fair.

I suggested she go back to her mom's but she didn't like that and got a bit teary eyed. I mean i still want to date her and everything. I just don't think the shacking up thing is the right thing to do...especially since we aren't married.

Any thoughts

Of course she is going to act strange when she has to fork over some cash to live at your place. Why wouldn't she? She sounds like a typical moocher. She has to pay to stay with you now. She won't be getting her cable tv upgraded for free along with free room and board. That's good she is buying the groceries. She shouldn't be *****ing at you for buying food she is eating expecting you to pay more for it. Why should you foot the bill for everything for her? You shouldn't. She won't live with the mother but she wants you to be her meal ticket. If she wants to live at your place, eat your food, use your stuff, watch your tv with upgraded cable, then she should foot the bill for what she wants and is using. My feeling is that she will get fed up with paying half the rent and try to look for someone else to mooch off of. So be aware.

A man's home is his castle. That is what it should be. When you allow or invite a woman to live with you in your castle, she will try to slowly take it over and sit on your throne. That is why you shouldn't be living with a woman until you are married because of all sorts of problems like this, including freedom that you will no longer have. She is in your castle now and on your throne.

Frankly, I'm surprised at some of the comments I read from some of the "men" on this topic in a DJ forum. Some of it looks quite feminine to me. Some of you guys need to rethink your inks.

 

[Slickster]

Doesn't anyone else see the irony here?

All the people screaming "make her pay half" don't seem to realize that, that is exactly what she wanted in the first place. She WANTS to move in OFFICIALLY. She's not going to stay at her Mom's forever. Shes not going to go get her own place if she has a serious relationship with Delly. The OP indicates that she happily agreed to pay her share almost right away. She wants the relationship to proceed to the next level and b!tching about sharing expenses pressed the issue and now she got HER way.

I've been in this exact situation many times. First they start spending all their time at your place. Then slowly her stuff starts migrating over. It starts with clothes and bathroom stuff. Then one day you come home to a nice dinner prepared for you and notice that she's been grocery shopping and filled the fridge. Seems great at first. More and more of her stuff comes over. She starts paying for random things that the place might need. She's making your place better so you can't really complain. She has her own key and comes and goes as she pleases. Next thing you know it's ALMOST like she really is living there! Sooner or later a discussion about money arises because YOU feel it's not fair. It's a stressful conversation to have. The teary eyes, the argument over money. The relationship is being put to the test because now you aren't just "playing house" anymore. You are essentially getting MARRIED. (Depending where you live, common law marriages may be in effect as well). Oddly (or not) the moment that you decide to live together the tears quickly dry up and happiness ensues. Talk about manipulation. I've fallen for this scam more than once when I was young and dumb.

I've lived with many different women. No one can argue that once she starts paying rent that things don't change. Looking back if I could work a situation where I paid the rent and got to keep MY place while she paid for groceries, that sounds pretty good to me!

I'm not sure why any single guy would willingly give up his place and freedom unless he was planning on marriage in the very near future.

Posters like myself, Backbreaker, and Iqqi are trying to pass on some wisdom here. It's interesting to see how people's perspectives get clouded when they let their emotions get in the way.

It's almost comical to read all the insults getting chucked around. :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: Please, please explain to me again why an unmarried man should give up his place and freedom? Oh yeah, that's right, so he doesn't get taken advantage of by a woman! :crazy:

 

[( . )( . )]

Well according to the crew here she should probably pay all the rent, all the bills, buy groceries, cook the meals, clean the house, suck his d!ck and fvck his brains out ten times a day. Follow that up with a massage, bath, dress him and get his place ready for when she goes back to her parents and his other girlfriends come over. And she better damn well be there in the morning first thing to make him breakfast!!!

Phew, just aswell your here to put a stop to those yucky chauvinists.

Posters like myself, Backbreaker, and Iqqi are trying to pass on some wisdom here.

So a chick a fraud and a mangina walk into a bar...

There's an Obumma joke in there somewhere.

 

[scrouds]

Doesn't anyone else see the irony here?

All the people screaming "make her pay half" don't seem to realize that, that is exactly what she wanted in the first place. She WANTS to move in OFFICIALLY. She's not going to stay at her Mom's forever. Shes not going to go get her own place if she has a serious relationship with Delly. The OP indicates that she happily agreed to pay her share almost right away. She wants the relationship to proceed to the next level and b!tching about sharing expenses pressed the issue and now she got HER way.

I've been in this exact situation many times. First they start spending all their time at your place. Then slowly her stuff starts migrating over. It starts with clothes and bathroom stuff. Then one day you come home to a nice dinner prepared for you and notice that she's been grocery shopping and filled the fridge. Seems great at first. More and more of her stuff comes over. She starts paying for random things that the place might need. She's making your place better so you can't really complain. She has her own key and comes and goes as she pleases. Next thing you know it's ALMOST like she really is living there! Sooner or later a discussion about money arises because YOU feel it's not fair. It's a stressful conversation to have. The teary eyes, the argument over money. The relationship is being put to the test because now you aren't just "playing house" anymore. You are essentially getting MARRIED. (Depending where you live common law marriages may be in effect). Oddly (or not) the moment that you decide to live together the tears quickly dry up and happiness ensues. Talk about manipulation. I've fallen for this scam more than once when I was young and dumb.

I'm not sure why any single guy would willingly give up his place and freedom unless he was planning on marriage in the very near future.

Posters like myself, Backbreaker, and Iqqi are trying to pass on some wisdom here. It's interesting to see how people's perspectives get clouded when they let their emotions get in the way.

It's almost comical to read all the insults getting chucked around. :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: Please, please explain to me again why an unmarried man should give up his place and freedom? Oh yeah, that's right, so he doesn't get taken advantage of by a woman! :crazy:

Your bitterness has made you blind. Connect the dots.

Lol, 4 pages before I read some real truth. The move in ploy, done to perfect execution.

Situation is very similar to mine. Gf lived with grandparents, so most things happened at my place. She did move stuff in, but we did have a line in the sand. Got to the point where she was really putting pressure, and I said what the hell, move in. I'm still debating whether its bad, sure loss of "place" and loss of freedom, but if your woman will keep house, that is an upside too.

 

[Aristippus]

Nobody is saying she has to pay all of the bills or suck his d1ck daily, clean and cook. That is just a straw-man argument in a vain attempt to give her a free pass.

Well it's about time that somebody DID say it! Minus the part about paying all of the bills. You want a woman who is a GIVER, not a TAKER. She doesn't have to pay all of the bills but should contribute. And you want a woman who enjoys sex, enjoys your body, enjoys your company, and who is more than just an attractive looking paper weight with no real use other than just sitting there and looking pretty.

REAL women should know how to cook and clean and do it with pleasure. Or at least do it on her own without it becoming a battle. If I'm doing the yard work, cutting the grass and doing repairs and improvements to the house and repairing the cars in our household, then don't expect me to always do 50% of the housework too unless you're willing to pick up a wrench and crawl under the car with me or to spend a few hours working on a car when something major goes wrong.

This becomes a non-issue with real women. Does this mean I think a man should never do some of the housework? No. The man can cook or mop or sweep, do laundry, etc. If I just spent hours working on your car or half of the day doing work in the yard, or moving furniture, then I'm not doing an ounce of housework for the rest of the day. A real woman will have dinner waiting for you with no complaints.

If you've become the man you want to be and know that you bring a lot to the table, expect nothing less from the women you invite in your life. Know what you want and don't make excuses for it. Then you'll find a woman who loves you, pays her fair share, does the housework, and enjoys sexual intimacy with you. Don't sacrifice your freedom, time, and money for anything less. You wouldn't go to a store and pay money for one item and then allow them to give you a different, inferior item in place of what you paid for. If you wouldn't accept any less for something as trivial as a shirt or pair of shoes, then you especially shouldn't expect less with women. You invest FAR more time, money, and energy in them.

 

[Boilermaker]

It makes me happy to see we still have common-sense, and so many smart posters around.

We aren't just haters, or bitter men.

The apartment BELONGS to the OP. As such, he is the master of any offer he gives to the gf regarding living accommodations.
If OP`s gf doesn`t like the terms, she can move back to her parents' home, it`s that simple.

This pretty much refutes iqqi's attempts to shame and undermine OP's generous offer. If OP was marrying into his gf's house for free, it would still be the same: If you don't like my terms, you can move back to your parents' house. Good point bradd!

REAL women should know how to cook and clean and do it with pleasure. Or at least do it on her own without it becoming a battle. If I'm doing the yard work, cutting the grass and doing repairs and improvements to the house and repairing the cars in our household, then don't expect me to always do 50% of the housework too unless you're willing to pick up a wrench and crawl under the car with me or to spend a few hours working on a car when something major goes wrong.

This becomes a non-issue with real women. Does this mean I think a man should never do some of the housework? No. The man can cook or mop or sweep, do laundry, etc. If I just spent hours working on your car or half of the day doing work in the yard, or moving furniture, then I'm not doing an ounce of housework for the rest of the day. A real woman will have dinner waiting for you with no complaints.

This is so true, so accurate. I have noticed the same thing all my life. Real women, who come from a healthy home with a father and a mother cook, clean, and nurture their man with pleasure. And real men do not abuse this privilege.

Very good post Aris!

 

[iqqi]

Brad, I am surprised that as a lawyer you do not know that the GF is indeed legally entitled to live in the apartment now, unless the boyfriend goes through a lengthy eviction process to force her out. Of course, the BF could also get in serious trouble with his landlord for having a person living there and paying rent who is not on the lease and get evicted himself, or forced to add her to the lease.

All she has to do is prove that she lives there, which receipt of paying half of the rent is proof!, and then BAM. She cannot be simply told to get out. This is common knowledge, and the apartment does not belong to anyone. It is being rented by the OP, and NOW the GF too, lmao. Seriously.

Tenant laws are very tenant friendly, and now in a way the boyfriend has taken a role as landlord and the GF is officially and legally (via payment of rent) a lessee of the unit. For instance, if they get into a fight and he physically throws her or her stuff out, she can sue him. And any record of paying rent will only justify her claim.

Things could be great and maybe the two will get married. But if there is a break up, and it gets messy in any way then the OP is screwed.

And that is only one side of my views on this. The other side is it is just a petty situation.

 

[backbreaker]

**** even brad admits it. we are all saying the same ****ing thing lol. it's a situation you want to avoid.

all iqqi, slicker and myself are saying is, understand what is going through a 32 year old woman's mind when she is paying half of a man's rent. an engagement in her mind at this point is all but assured. if that's NOT how you feel, she doesn't need to be paying half the rent.

 

[iqqi]

With the landlord, I did mention that OP’s allowing his gf stay there depends on his agreement with his landlord.

As for the girlfriend, she would not be legally entitled to stay at OP's apartment. If OP called the cops on and wanted them to remove the gf, first question they’d ask is ’are you on the lease’ and not ’do you pay rent’ lol

The gf would say no, and then the cops would order the gf to leave. Then the gf would complain, setting forth the iqqi-esque argument that she pays half the rent. She may even try to show the cops, who couldnt give much of a fvck, that she has receipts.

They'd simply tell her that this is a civil matter, and that she should take him to court.

In court, she would lose because, again, she is not on the lease

Brad that is not true. Maybe in Canada although I doubt it is much different there, but in the USA, it is very hard to get someone out of your apartment if they have been living there illegally or legally. Once she starts paying rent, and he starts accepting her payments, she legally lives there. And going to court to evict someone is a long process. The cops will not make her leave if she is paying rent and can prove she lives there.

The fact is, if she lives there, and pays rent there, then she has a right to be there. She doesn't even have to pay rent for this nightmare to ensue, but by making her pay half the rent she has more than one leg to stand on here if she decides to. Unless you go through a court to legally evict her and that takes months. If you illegally evict her, then you will be the one on the wrong side of the law.

I'm not going to do all the work and research here for you on that, just good luck and hopefully no one here has to learn the hard way. I have had my fair share of experience with this, learning directly from the law and the courts what my rights as a tenant are. It is quite scary if you are a landlord. You can't just kick someone out, sometimes it doesn't even matter if they are breaking a law. Biblebelt has some good advice on this. He has helped me out in landlord/lessee situations.