GF texting co-worker of mine

[shock]

I work in a close-knit enviroment, so anything said to anyone is quickly moved right along the social chain. Nothing is a secret.

My GF and I had a party maybe a month ago. One of my co-workers there, (we'll call him Bob) came to the party. Bob left his jacket there. The next day I was working, and my gf was off. She asked me for Bob's number to get his jacket to him. That night, myself and girl took his jacket to him. End of story.

But for the last three weeks, I have heard from 3-4 people that Bob and my gf have been texting a lot. And that she texts him first. At first I didn't seem to care, but at this point I am somwhat concerned, becuase each day it seems like someone brings it up.

I trust my girl..and I doubt it's anything but casual on her end. She's big on texting.

But as for bob.. he is a fuking snake. The guy is obviously bragging about this to people he works with for whatever reason. This is bothering to me.

I am a little frustrated, becuase she knows I dont like him, and yet has continued (as far as I know) to talk to him. However, she has never told me she texts him. I just hear it from others. He has not mentioned it to me either of course.

So how do I handle this? Who should I have an issue with? her or him?

I dont want to come off as insecure..and if I confront him, word will get back to her and that will make me look the the bitc*. However, if I confront her I will probably come off the same way, unless I do it right.

I dont care they talk..whatver. I do care that she doesn't tell me, knowing how I feel about him. I also care that he makes a big deal about it to co-workers. I also dont trust the kid for the life of me..we have never gotten along, and frankly dont like him at all. I think the answer I will get is just let it go, and dont bring it up...but this is obviously making me uncomftorable, and I would like to atleast let her know I have somewhat of an issue with it.

 

[DJDamage]

It doesn't matter if its Bob or someone else. Don't worry too much about the texting but if her behaviour and your relationship changed in the past 3 weeks for the worse then it could be a sign that something is going on.

Bob is your coworker and a shark like every guy out there. He doesn't owe you sh1t. Don't be mad on Bob, but do hold it against your GF if this starts to affect your relationship with her.

 

[everywomanshero]

This is one of many reasons why I keep my public and private life seperate.

Seriously, there are so many desperate guys out there who will cling to even the faintist whiff of validation that it isn't even funny. There are the same guys who want to move women in after 3 dates even though the chicks have 15 kids by 45 guys and have been divorced 6 times. That's how desperate these guys are. MY LTR does absolutely nothing to encourage chodey guys, yet they still persist in trying to become her "girlfriend" hoping that by some miracle, if they act girly enough, she will teach them how to get a woman. LOL. And of course, she never does because girls don't want guys like that bothering other women. ANother type is really snaky and will hope I have a weak frame and give. I just run those off, easier than letting them make asses out of themselves when it doesn't work, and better for everyone.

So while you're gf is probably just being polite, I think I would clip this off before it starts distracting your professional life. As a general rule, I do not let my personal and work life intermingle. While the kind of situation you are in is rare, there are a number of other types of annoyances that could occur. For now, I would tell her it is causing you problems at work for her to txt him or respond to his txts. Until you two have a solid LTR, I would keep my public and private lives seperate for the most part, it's just not worth the possible headaches.

Remember to keep the frame of being effective, not being psycho. I suggest that you kindly insist this be done, but don't act mad, especially not at her. Just stay on target and don't start making threats or acting mad or anything, this is just something that has to change. There is no other way, and the conversation needs to stay on topic long enough to resolve the issue.

 

[flexion_]

Its a bit odd that everyone knows who you are text messaging. Do people steal your phones regularly and review the messages?

Don't listen to co-workers. Don't get sucked into drama. For someone to tell you that your GF is textmsging Bob, they must be an idiot in the first place and most likely female. You actually have no idea whatsoever if she is messaging him. And from what you describe he is an AFC puppy dog so your best play is this...

Encourage her to text message him more and have fun with it if it ever comes up. Its your relationship with her that determines if she cheats not some outside force. If you take the jealuous insecure guy approach she will sense that it will push her away from you.

 

[syemour]

Its a bit odd that everyone knows who you are text messaging. Do people steal your phones regularly and review the messages?

Don't listen to co-workers. Don't get sucked into drama. For someone to tell you that your GF is textmsging Bob, they must be an idiot in the first place and most likely female. You actually have no idea whatsoever if she is messaging him. And from what you describe he is an AFC puppy dog so your best play is this...

Encourage her to text message him more and have fun with it if it ever comes up. Its your relationship with her that determines if she cheats not some outside force. If you take the jealuous insecure guy approach she will sense that it will push her away from you.

Yes. Nice.

 

[mrRuckus]

So while you're gf is probably just being polite,
=.

Since when are girls ever "just being polite?"

Assuming this is even true, she's basking in the attention and that is rude to you. She encourages it by responding.

I am a little frustrated, becuase she knows I dont like him, and yet has continued (as far as I know) to talk to him. However, she has never told me she texts him. I just hear it from others.

Disrespectful and behind your back.


For the pure humor of it, start txting girls from work. And show your co-workers any funny txts they send back. Wait for them to tell her and for her to get mad at you for doing exactly what she's doing.

 

[everywomanshero]

Encourage her to text message him more and have fun with it if it ever comes up. Its your relationship with her that determines if she cheats not some outside force. If you take the jealuous insecure guy approach she will sense that it will push her away from you.

The point is not whether or not something could happen, the point is it's annoying him and posibly distracting him from work.

IMO, it's insecure to do things out of fear of seeming insecure =) But I see your angle on this, just make a joke out of it and laugh it off. Yet another way to handle the situation.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

This is one of two things:

1) Sh1t-test - she is hoping you will be a man and come down on her hard for disrespecting you so much - with a slimy co-worker that is spreading it around to everyone you work with. There are few things worse than this and she has to know that she crossed the line big-time.

2) Cheater-Chick - she has lined up the slimy co-worker for a little extra-curricular activity.

Either way, you come down on her hard.

In the first case, the sh1t-test is designed to see how much of man you are (the most common kind of sh1t-test). By coming down on her hard (not angry but like a good father when his teenage daughter gets out of control) she will be thrilled and will reward you big time in a day or two. No girlfriend should be making her man look bad in front of the whole office. Even if this was accidental, she should then know that texting with slimy co-worker is not a fun game but real-life bullsh1t. She will reward you for passing the sh1t-test.

In the scond case, you will have smoked out the cheater chick and you will know that slimy co-worker is even more slimy than you give him credit for.

There is a difference between jealousy and being a man. This situation is in the being a man category.

 

[Blusher]

There is a difference between jealousy and being a man. This situation is in the being a man category.

Exactly. since when are you supposed to accept everything out of fear of appearing insecure?

If she's got nothing to hide and she's a good girl, she'll show you the text messages she sent to him. If she's trying to dodge the bullet or gets angry, then...

 

[Viking25]

Start texting Bob's mom!

 

[MacAvoy]

Encourage her to text message him more and have fun with it if it ever comes up. Its your relationship with her that determines if she cheats not some outside force. If you take the jealuous insecure guy approach she will sense that it will push her away from you.

Excellent advice. I'd advise taking it one step further. When your telling her to keep textin him, do it in a joking way, tell her its the big office joke how snake can't get his own action and has to try to get acceptance from other people's g/f's. Tell her to keep playin him. It will become a great relationship builder between the two of you, secondly it will devalue his value in her eyes. Most importantly if she is indeed cheating, she won't put up the perception of being with a loser (even if the cats not out of the bag) and will kick in to defend mode for him, it will be a tell tale sign.

Either way you win. Both ways you keep your pride and can walk with your head high.

 

[aussie_wingman]

Stay consciouss of all the stuff you've been contemplating, aslong as your aware of it then you can handle anything that arises. Like leaves on a tree we have bright thoughts and we have dull thoughts, I think its okay to consider these things your talking about. I mean if you are developing some more serious feelings with this partner its natural to think these things.

Deal with it anyway you want.