GF pressured to try a date with another guy by family? Opinion?

[Liquid Oxygen]

Hi guys. I wanted to start with a positive thread about how sosuave has changed my life and gotten me girls but I would appreciate your opinion first.

Gf tells me one night that her dad wants her to go on a date with the son of his business partner (who's been trying to get her to date his son). they don't know about us. She tells me she doesn't want to go and her friends advised her to act boring and not interested so he will be turned off. she's been ignoring repeated calls from from a number she doesn't recognize. She says she thought she should let me know and that she doesn't want to see this guy. However she thinks she needs to accept dinner with him to get them to leave her alone as she can't keep feigning busy.Then:

Me: you can tell him you're not interested in dating right now.
GF: my dad will keep telling me to give him a chance. Besides, he might be nice and become just a guy friend(?)
Me: great and since you told him ur always busy invite me and your good friend lucy who u also finally have time for.
GF: haha no one said i couldn't. But i know what my dad means and he'll be upset unless i give him a chance before i say no(excuse again?) I thought i should let you know. I like you. And it doesn't mean anything to me. Are you okay with it?
Me: I don't like it
GF: I wouldn't like it either. I'll do my best to avoid it.(gut says it will happen) If i tell him about us I know I won't be able to go out or go to new york with you.

Can you guys advise me on situations similar for future girls? Is this disrespect (she is on a date) or am i making a big deal over nothing? Should i act like nothing's wrong or was it fine to tell i don't like it? I dislike the situation. (that she can't/won't say no)

Not the whole convo: all i can remember.

 

[AAAgent]

i had the same exact thing happen to me. The parents did not want their daughter to be with someone outside of their culture but they pretended to like me when i met them since they thought i would just be a phase. Well i wasn't.

after about a month and a half together the mom tries to hook her up with some older guy that is korean. im chinese btw.

Well i let her go on the date....because:

I let her go. she would be coming back to me anyway. I knew and felt no one could treat her any better than i did. No need to be jealous or possessive.
Now this option was only available if i felt she was a quality girl top notch. She mentioned it to me in the first place which was a good sign. Well she ended up never meeting the guy.




Fast forward 1 year later. We are going through some rough sh1t, about to break up. friends try to hook her up with some guys(two choices) and i tell her no. she meets them anyway and says she doesn't like them but gives them her number. they call and text her. I get pissed at first then forget about it since when she came back told me they didn't match up to me. We break up and low and behold she ends up with the guy. This guy was shorter, chunkier, definitely not as attractive. well needless to say i was owned and more than just pissed off.

Never again will that happen to me.

If a chick wants to leave, what can you really do? nothing.

From that point on, whenever a chick asked me about if it was okay to do something i said sure. You make your own decisions, but what i didn't tell them was that their decisions would affect my decisions but i think they secretly realized that. If a chick ever went on a date with a guy and gave her number out... Well that'd be the end of it. I wouldn't be an ass but the next morning i'd tell her things aren't working out and i don't think we should be wasting our time with each other. Maybe she should look at the other options available to her.

Your chick has a date lined up. You don't need to tell her that you don't want her to go on it, she should know. If she really doesn't know, which i doubt then she's just plain stupid and that she be reason enough to drop her and move on.

Remember, a chick is supposed to be addition to your life. Something that compliments your strengths and supports your weakness's. She shouldn't be a liability, and when you need to start worrying about a chick... that's when you need to move on.

Don't let a chick control your emotions unreasonably.

This is coming from someone who has experienced both extremes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Is this disrespect (she is on a date)

Yes, a girl you call your "girlfriend" is going on a date with another guy. That is pretty much the definition of disrespect from both her and her family.

But you don't get respect by demanding it and throwing a tantrum. You get it by going out on a date with a different girl yourself. As for her father, you're not going to gain his respect. Personally, I would bluntly tell him that I did not want to get in the way of his business of pimping out his daughter.

 

[Warrior74]

The fact that her family doesn't know about you and that she won't tell them that shes dating you is more than enough for you to call the whole thing off. The only true power a man has these days is to walk away.

Seriously, you cosigning and assisting her on how to get her folks off her back is lame and AFC as well. Everyone here has more power than you. Her dad, her desires, this other guys desires. Guess who the least powerful person in this interaction is?

What are you suppose to say is. "you tell your father you are dating me and I wouldn't appreciate you going out with other guys, in fact, I consider that cheating. If you can't tell your father that, then maybe you aren't the woman I thought you were and we should call this off. Call me when you figure it out *click*".

 

[zekko]

Why has your girlfriend kept you a secret from her family?
Does she have very strict parents?
You don't give your age, but it sounds like you guys are pretty young if her dad can dictate her dating partners.

 

[Iceberg]

Me: you can tell him you're not interested in dating right now.
GF: my dad will keep telling me to give him a chance. Besides, he might be nice and become just a guy friend(?)

A guy friend? That's one of the dumbest things I've heard in my life.

Me: great and since you told him ur always busy invite me and your good friend lucy who u also finally have time for.
GF: haha no one said i couldn't. But i know what my dad means and he'll be upset unless i give him a chance before i say no(excuse again?) I thought i should let you know. I like you. And it doesn't mean anything to me. Are you okay with it?

Why the hell is her dad pimping her out to friends? What is this? The 1700's?

If she were someone worthy of being in a relationship with, she'd reject the offer outright. How is going on a date with someone you're not interested in any better than simply rejecting their calls?

Is this disrespect (she is on a date) or am i making a big deal over nothing?

Seems like disrespect to me. Have you ever heard of anyone's girlfriend going on a date with another guy and the boyfriend being okay with it? Sounds absurd.

How old is this chick? How long have you been dating? You call her your girlfriend, but it sounds to me like you guys are casually going on dinner dates and there's no sex in the relationship. I couldn't imaging a sexually active couple being okay with passing each other off on dates with other people.

Honestly, this girl sounds like a child. If she's truly not interested, she needs to grow up and tell her parents that she doesn't want to go on a fake date with this guy.

 

[AAAgent]

This stuff happens alot in asian/indian culture more so indian.

The dad isn't exactly pimping her out. He's most likely trying to set her up with someone he thinks would be able to take care of her well. Either that or he really doesn't like the OP and would rather her be with the guy he's setting her up with than him.

 

[Liquid Oxygen]

Will repost

 

[Liquid Oxygen]

Thanks guys. I can clearly see how ridiculous this is now. This is not how I want a relationship. I should be looking at it from my perspective not hers... I was too busy trying to justify her actions.

To your questions: We are 20. live at home. exclusive for 7 months. College. She has a very strict dad who is very belligerent to dates. However i have met him and was invited into his home. But found out GF thought it was easiest not to tell him. Family knows about us but not dad. Family is conservative korean christ. However I am her first sexual experience(in everything) We end up in a bed on most dates.

Before being exclusive I was dating several other girls, having read the site bible. She asked me to be exclusive and I agreed because all our dates were phenomenal. This is my first exclusive relationship.

Of all the girls I dated last semester I chose for her. I still think she isn't intentionally disrespecting me and is only looking for an easy way from overbearing parents while still being able to live there and see me.

I want some perspective if I am making a mistake:
I want to tell her, in person, I don't want to be part of a relationship like this and she needs to be upfront. I like how warrior phrased: in fact, I consider that cheating. If you can't tell your father that, then maybe you aren't the woman I thought you were and we should call this off. Call me when you figure it out. I forgot to add she also asked me If I thought she should be upfront about us as the solution. i should have been upfront then but i decided I wanted to sleep too badly.

I'd appreciate more comments. I want to give it a chance because I had a phenomenal time with this girl before. But what happened really disgusts me especially how she was willing to suggest this. This is sounding like time for me to listen to the advice move on. After everything I have seen trying this year I'm recognize each girl only gets better. And that I didn't handle this well.

I want whats best for me and I want to keep improving my life. Thanks.

 

[zekko]

I still think she isn't intentionally disrespecting me

I agree with you. It sounds like she just has some issues and needs to break free from her domineering father. She needs to exert some independence. Stand up for herself, have some courage, etc. I guess that's not a female's place in asian culture though?

I want to tell her, in person, I don't want to be part of a relationship like this and she needs to be upfront. I like how warrior phrased: in fact, I consider that cheating. If you can't tell your father that, then maybe you aren't the woman I thought you were and we should call this off.

Yeah, and maybe you should call it off (if she won't confront her dad). If she can't fix this, maybe she really isn't the woman you thought she was - or at the very least not the woman that you want.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She asked me to be exclusive and I agreed

Either you're exclusive or you're not. If she dates other guys, then go back to dating other girls. She's going to have to choose between having you all to herself and letting her father run her dating life. No woman may serve two masters.