Gf going distant. Time for me to be more distant?

[The North Dragon]

Been going for 1.5 years and been really god but out of nowhere she's becoming distant.

Being less affectionate, less texts, calls and doesn't seem interesting in meeting at all. I have to be the one initiating contact with her.

It's a bit out the blue because we went to cinema on the Saturday night and she seemed fine then Sunday never heard all day from her and from there on in she's been extremely distant. Each day gets worse and hear from her less and if she's texts me she doesn't give me much to work with so I either ignore or just be blunt. This is someone that would contact me on a daily basis multiple times showing a great deal of affection to absolute nothing.

I've planned things for the rest of the week and weekend to keep myself busy and take my mind off her and not contact her. Think I have been a bit AFC by seeing her a lot and always being there.

Is this the right approach?

 

[The North Dragon]

We also saw each other on Tuesday and I knew she was being different but tried to show much affection but ended up caving and we had sex twice but everything seemed fine and she hugged and kissed me.

But there were still signs she was losing attraction for me like getting pissed off at me for the smallest things and disagreeing with everything I say just for an arguement

 

[In2theGame]

It seems that your on the razors edge in the current situation and as many guys will agree with me, Its a make or break position your in. This is where many of us have gone wrong, When shes pulling away we try to reach further out to her to find out whats going on and if anything is wrong until she states she wants to "take a break" or that she "needs space". Its much easier for me to speak about this when im on the outside looking in since my feelings and emotions arent on the line here but i have been in your situation twice, both very long term relationships. My advice is pull back!, Again i will repeat... Pull back! because if you dont... the plane is going to crash right into the mountains in a huge fireball... aka break up. Yes very contradicting but the more you push to try to "fix" this, the worse your going to make it. When i say pull back, i mean dont contact her or respond to her texts or calls as of right now. When a girl starts acting like this... Theres a high percent chance another guy is behind the smoke thats fogging her actions. Like the saying goes, wheres theres smoke... theres fire. I will say it again man, Back up and pull back.

By the way... hopefully you take my advice as other guys will tell you to do the same... However i will add, When you stop answering her calls and texts, DO NOT! fall for her sweet talking Bullsh!t. Girls will still call you baby, Honey, Love EVEN if they are planning to leave you. Its fvcked up i know but dont be mislead. You have been warned ahead of time.

 

[El Payaso]

Congrats, you're single now. Go out there and have some fun, fvck her.

Lol!!! THIS.

 

[In2theGame]

Congrats, you're single now. Go out there and have some fun, fvck her.

LoL, I take it Pair has been down this road before lol ahhh.... as many us have, Oh so familiar.

 

[goldengoose]

It seems that your on the razors edge in the current situation and as many guys will agree with me, Its a make or break position your in. This is where many of us have gone wrong, When shes pulling away we try to reach further out to her to find out whats going on and if anything is wrong until she states she wants to "take a break" or that she "needs space". Its much easier for me to speak about this when im on the outside looking in since my feelings and emotions arent on the line here but i have been in your situation twice, both very long term relationships. My advice is pull back!, Again i will repeat... Pull back! because if you dont... the plane is going to crash right into the mountains in a huge fireball... aka break up. Yes very contradicting but the more you push to try to "fix" this, the worse your going to make it. When i say pull back, i mean dont contact her or respond to her texts or calls as of right now. When a girl starts acting like this... Theres a high percent chance another guy is behind the smoke thats fogging her actions. Like the saying goes, wheres theres smoke... theres fire. I will say it again man, Back up and pull back.

By the way... hopefully you take my advice as other guys will tell you to do the same... However i will add, When you stop answering her calls and texts, DO NOT! fall for her sweet talking Bullsh!t. Girls will still call you baby, Honey, Love EVEN if they are planning to leave you. Its fvcked up i know but dont be mislead. You have been warned ahead of time.

Really good advice, sounds like you've been through the ringer with women. I would like to add as you pull back, go out and start making things happen with new women. Get numbers, set up dates, and break up with her first because she will do it shortly without remorse.

When chicks are going distant, they are going distant from you. Instead of talking and texting you, there usually is another guy who they are talking and texting instead. That's the guy who she will be with after she dumps you. All of her good feelings are with him and her negative ones are with you.

Same thing went on with a guy at my gym, he was having trouble with his girl being distant. Last phone call she said "I love you baby" then he heard less from her. He didn't hear from her for three days he didn't contact her either. He called on the 4th day, she was cold and said she wanted a break. The guy got upset and tried to beg her not to do that. That made her more stubborn to keep her decision. He drove over to her place and they got in a fight, she said she didn't want to talk to him ever again. 2 days later she was posing with a new dude on her facebook profile.

 

[JoeMarron]

I'm going to go against the grain here. You guys have been together for 1.5 years, obviously you care about her and have invested a lot in her. Cut off the games, sit her down and have a heartfelt conversation about what's going on. Seriously. Stone cold alpha is just going to make the situation worse. Show her that you care by giving a legitimate effort to get to the bottom of the situation. You're giving her ONE chance. If she blows you off or continues to be distant then that's when you turn on stone cold alpha mode and become even more distant. Don't ignore her but don't initiate anything, keep conversations brief, stop showing affection, start talking to other women, if you're feeling really adventurous then just go ahead and dump her. If she does come back then get your game tighter than it was before. Make sure she's doing more of the investing, reward good behavior every now and then and punish bad behavior swiftly by withdrawing attention, all the basic stuff that you should've been doing throughout the relationship.

 

[The North Dragon]

I have pulled back but she text me after she finished work at half -2 last night and I was asleep so didn't reply. I relied next day after I finished college stating I had finished college and said you ok? She replied an hour later saying ' yeah I just woke up'. Gave me nothing to work with so I just replied ' cool'. Last I have heard from her today.

She wrote a status on Facebook earlier saying' wish I won the lottery so I could visit home ( South Africa) she currently lives in U.K as do I. What's up with that?

 

[In2theGame]

I have pulled back but she text me after she finished work at half -2 last night and I was asleep so didn't reply. I replied next day after I finished college stating I had finished college and said you ok? She replied an hour later saying ' yeah I just woke up'. Gave me nothing to work with so I just replied ' cool'. Last I have heard from her today.

She wrote a status on Facebook earlier saying' wish I won the lottery so I could visit home ( South Africa) she currently lives in U.K as do I. What's up with that?

She is planning on breaking up with you. DO NOT FVCKING REPLY ANYMORE. PERIOD.

Also.... This WILL cause her to go in a bit of a panic and begin texting/calling you in a frantic emotional outburst. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS SH!T. Im telling you right now dude, She is pulling away and by you giving her the attention... she feels "safe" Until she gets a bit more clarity from the guy shes secretly talking to or something close to that before she finally jumped ship. Dont think just because shes replying and being sweet and lovey a bit here and there it means something, It doesnt. Back out now as shes slowly disconnecting from you. Its like a strong attached band aid thats being pulled away slowly against your hairs... Its hurting a bit until she rips it off out of "no where" and then... OUCH!.

 

[The North Dragon]

Yeah?

Man I didn't even see this coming totally out of the blue, couldn't tell you what brought this on.

So I'll pull back and when should I expect to reply to her?

To be honest I am usually a d1ck when it comes to relationships and treating woman like crap when it comes to these situations but for some reason I have treated this one different.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Pulling back when she's already done that? That could go either way because it might just justify to her whatever LI she has right now.

Add spice. Flirt. Think about what got her in the first place and ask yourself if you've been that way lately.

I personally would stay in there without being needy, introduce some action activities, some new tricks in the sack to spice things up and have her hamster wondering where you learned new things, and if necessary have The Chat and dump first if all else fails. Simply pulling back is like going NC on a girl who blocked you on facebook. She won't even know you're doing it because she did it first.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She's "fading out". There's likely another man in the picture.

 

[Albatross953]

She's "fading out". There's likely another man in the picture.

That lives in south Africa, who she's been emailing...old boyfriend?

 

[nismo-4]

Yes. Your princess is another castle. Might as well start living the single life again. She has somebody else. Go get somebody else.

When you're in a relationship, continue to spin more plates. Also, when a woman gets distant toward you in a relationship, she has mentally broken up with you, now she just needs an excuse to actually break up with you, even though the breakup has already happened. The breakup has, however, commenced.

Also, a woman will get cold and distant toward you when she's found a better man. Go get a better woman. AND DUMP HER FIRST WHILE YOU STILL CAN! Don't give her any more attention.

Case closed.

 

[El Payaso]

I'm going to go against the grain here. You guys have been together for 1.5 years, obviously you care about her and have invested a lot in her. Cut off the games, sit her down and have a heartfelt conversation about what's going on. Seriously. Stone cold alpha is just going to make the situation worse. Show her that you care by giving a legitimate effort to get to the bottom of the situation. You're giving her ONE chance. If she blows you off or continues to be distant then that's when you turn on stone cold alpha mode and become even more distant. Don't ignore her but don't initiate anything, keep conversations brief, stop showing affection, start talking to other women, if you're feeling really adventurous then just go ahead and dump her. If she does come back then get your game tighter than it was before. Make sure she's doing more of the investing, reward good behavior every now and then and punish bad behavior swiftly by withdrawing attention, all the basic stuff that you should've been doing throughout the relationship.

Wow. Definitely don't listen to this guy.

 

[goldengoose]

I'm going to go against the grain here. You guys have been together for 1.5 years, obviously you care about her and have invested a lot in her. Cut off the games, sit her down and have a heartfelt conversation about what's going on. Seriously. Stone cold alpha is just going to make the situation worse. Show her that you care by giving a legitimate effort to get to the bottom of the situation. You're giving her ONE chance. If she blows you off or continues to be distant then that's when you turn on stone cold alpha mode and become even more distant. Don't ignore her but don't initiate anything, keep conversations brief, stop showing affection, start talking to other women, if you're feeling really adventurous then just go ahead and dump her. If she does come back then get your game tighter than it was before. Make sure she's doing more of the investing, reward good behavior every now and then and punish bad behavior swiftly by withdrawing attention, all the basic stuff that you should've been doing throughout the relationship.

I disagree with all of this here. Why do guys insist on trying to save a situation beyond repair? See it for what it is, then make the right decision.

1.5 years, 3.5 years, 6.5 years, none of that matters. It doesn't matter what he's invested into her in the past. What matters is what she's investing into the relationship now. What is he getting from her? Distance. When chicks go distant, they aren't going to invest very much into anything. Which is why your advice won't work.

What he tries to do for her now won't matter to her. The more he does the more she will back away and be turned off. If you didn't really like a person anymore, would you want them to be bothering you every minute? Same as this chick, her feelings have declined and she doesn't want this dude around that much. The more he pushes, the more she pulls away.

She won't really care about his withdrawing of attention when she is getting attention from another dude that she wants.

When you see the writing on the wall, get out before you get dumped. No need to deal with sh1t from a chick who has lost it for you.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Got to go with the majority here. I was just in this situation a few months back.

She got distant/cold, easily irritable. I got alarmed and tried to fix it like a beta and she got super irritable, even volatile. Was not a pleasant experience.

We legit just stopped talking. No formal break up. I decided NC, initially hoping she'd come back, but instead it was just radio silence. After a couple weeks i went from "Nc will get her back like it did before" to "time to find other women".

Didn't even see her for 2 months. She tried reaching out, but I knew it was half-assed so I deflected it. But now have been bumping into eachother sorta regularly. The first time we passed eachother running around the lake (taking care of my self), the second time she saw me cold approach a table of girls next to her with my wingman, and third time we were at the bars and I just stayed on the opposite end and did my own thing.

Just go NC and move on. No expectations, except to find new women. She's checked out but just too big of a coward to say anything. Don't give her closure. Just dip. Be a better man, if only so that when you bump into her later, she has to see what she missed out on.

 

[JoeMarron]

Wtf. This **** doesn't work. I know you've never tried it so.why ask OP to do it?

Wow. Definitely don't listen to this guy.

I disagree with all of this here. Why do guys insist on trying to save a situation beyond repair? See it for what it is, then make the right decision.

1.5 years, 3.5 years, 6.5 years, none of that matters. It doesn't matter what he's invested into her in the past. What matters is what she's investing into the relationship now. What is he getting from her? Distance. When chicks go distant, they aren't going to invest very much into anything. Which is why your advice won't work.

What he tries to do for her now won't matter to her. The more he does the more she will back away and be turned off. If you didn't really like a person anymore, would you want them to be bothering you every minute? Same as this chick, her feelings have declined and she doesn't want this dude around that much. The more he pushes, the more she pulls away.

She won't really care about his withdrawing of attention when she is getting attention from another dude that she wants.

When you see the writing on the wall, get out before you get dumped. No need to deal with sh1t from a chick who has lost it for you.

Lol I'm not asking dude to kiss her ass for months on end. I'm simply telling him to try to get her to open up and say what the issue is. This takes one conversation. Sure the most likely scenario is that she has low interest which is why I suggested that he does what everyone else said if this doesn't work. However, OP did say it happened out of the blue so there's a chance it could be something else. Who knows; she could be depressed but doesn't want to talk about it, she could be upset about something that it easily resolved, a loved one could have died and she's still dealing with the grief, she could have cancer and is too afraid to tell OP lol. The point is OP loses nothing by doing this. It's just one simple act of kindness to a girl he's been seeing for a year and a half. It doesn't make any sense to throw away that much of an investment when something as simple as a good conversation could potentially fix.

 

[The North Dragon]

But if she is texting another dude wouldn't she be more shady about it? For ex when we saw each other on Tuesday she was texting one of her good friends right in front of my face and kept her phone open didn't exactly hide or anything?

Usually they are shady and hide there phones incase this new guy texts them when I am there?

She isn't acting shady either, every time I come home from college her and her flatmate a cars are always at home when I drive home. And she's definitely not the type of girl to go walking about either. No I am not a stalker but I have to drive past her house to get home.

Just don't understand how it got to this? Tuesday I still had her laughing and having a good time and sex was good. She lost her job about 2 months ago an only does part time, lives in a tiny small room in her flat and has low income and in a small amount of debit and is obviously home sick. Could all this not play a factor?

 

[JoeMarron]

But if she is texting another dude wouldn't she be more shady about it? For ex when we saw each other on Tuesday she was texting one of her good friends right in front of my face and kept her phone open didn't exactly hide or anything?

Usually they are shady and hide there phones incase this new guy texts them when I am there?

She isn't acting shady either, every time I come home from college her and her flatmate a cars are always at home when I drive home. And she's definitely not the type of girl to go walking about either. No I am not a stalker but I have to drive past her house to get home.

Just don't understand how it got to this? Tuesday I still had her laughing and having a good time and sex was good. She lost her job about 2 months ago an only does part time, lives in a tiny small room in her flat and has low income and in a small amount of debit and is obviously home sick. Could all this not play a factor?

That's why you need to talk to her first instead of jumping straight into going distant or breaking up. Right now you can only speculate.