Getting your ex girlfriend back.
- Thread starter Xtasy9800
- Start date
DJDamage said:
it goes like this...we've broken up many times but always gotten back together. then it was permanent. this left me in ruins for about a month, but then i recovered and thats that.... all people were saying is to forget her and whatever... which i did.... but i want to know what i could have done to get her back, when i did still want her.
Please. Don't bullshyt us. Why would you want to know this now? Who cares?
And, you are going to be told repeatedly the following:
There is no surefire way to get her back. The only method that gives you a snowball's chance, however, is backing away from her, not contacting her, moving on and forgetting all about her, and dating other women.
But if you are doing this with the goal in mind of getting her back, then you will not succeed. If you do it with your own happiness and recovery as a goal, you will succeed...at which point you probably wouldn't want her back anyway.
Why on earth would you want to go back to someone who doesn't want to be with you? Find someone new and move on.
Wanting an ex back (or ostensibly wanting to know how one "could have" gone about getting her back) is a symptom of oneitis. And I guarantee, other people who respond to this thread will not go as easy on you as I have.
I dont have oneitis... our breakup was about 3 months ago and i have had plenty of girls since then, with many more on the table.
i guess theres no point in lying, yes i do SOMEWHAT want her back, but i would never let myself make that mistake, and i would never tell her that... done it before, didnt turn out well.... i was just sittin around thinking, and in that month of me being completely ruined, i tried all the $hit that doesnt work... begging, blah blah balh. i just want to know what i could have done... kinda like a reflection on my past? i dunno... just know that if i have any desire to get back together with her i wont act on it... just want to know what you think/ what you have done to get back with an ex?
i guess theres no point in lying, yes i do SOMEWHAT want her back, but i would never let myself make that mistake, and i would never tell her that... done it before, didnt turn out well.... i was just sittin around thinking, and in that month of me being completely ruined, i tried all the $hit that doesnt work... begging, blah blah balh. i just want to know what i could have done... kinda like a reflection on my past? i dunno... just know that if i have any desire to get back together with her i wont act on it... just want to know what you think/ what you have done to get back with an ex?
The only thing one can/should do is forget the ex and move on, and drop all contact with her.
This way, you have at least retained your dignity. Any other schemes will fail, because they would have to rely on some overt or covert means of contact with said ex. This is not what you want.
After weeks/months of no contact, the ex might come sniffing around. At this point your emotional link with her will be all but completely disintegrated, and you can make an informed and clear-minded decision on whether or not you would get back with her. Chances are, you'll be having too much fun and won't want to. If you're still sad and still miss her, well then, you haven't recovered, have you...and she will have the power, not you.
Even if you two were to reunite, the chances of it succeeding are worse than before. The most that comes out of these situations is a f*ck buddy scenario, until one party finds a new, more dynamic partner. Often that means the other party's expectations are crushed.
So just forget her and move on. She's dead to you. Drop her from your cell, your email, your IM, and any social networking sites.
Also: Just because you've slept with other women since her does not mean you are over her. But it's a step in the right direction.
This way, you have at least retained your dignity. Any other schemes will fail, because they would have to rely on some overt or covert means of contact with said ex. This is not what you want.
After weeks/months of no contact, the ex might come sniffing around. At this point your emotional link with her will be all but completely disintegrated, and you can make an informed and clear-minded decision on whether or not you would get back with her. Chances are, you'll be having too much fun and won't want to. If you're still sad and still miss her, well then, you haven't recovered, have you...and she will have the power, not you.
Even if you two were to reunite, the chances of it succeeding are worse than before. The most that comes out of these situations is a f*ck buddy scenario, until one party finds a new, more dynamic partner. Often that means the other party's expectations are crushed.
So just forget her and move on. She's dead to you. Drop her from your cell, your email, your IM, and any social networking sites.
Also: Just because you've slept with other women since her does not mean you are over her. But it's a step in the right direction.
This is like a broken record, do you need to get back with her so you can break up again??!! And please don't give me the old "but this time its going to be different" because it ain't.Xtasy9800 said:
Its been done, over and out.
The reality is that you are being lazy by not chasing other women and therefore you continue to try to get back with her. If she is half decent looking chick she probably already hooked up with another guy.
Jeffst1980
Master Don Juan
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My thoughts on the matter:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149268
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149268
imagine her spitting on your shoes. now imagine begging her to come back and be your GF. See don't disrespect yourself. She rejected you. Have some value. Believe that you will do better. Don't have oneitis, which you still may have. Learn that there is an abundance of women out there. Don't grovel for the ones that spit on your shoes.
TheRealSupreme
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It is always sad to see some poor bozo like this kid wanting his ex back. I wonder if he knows she is laying up under another man with an even bigger dyck who is f-ing the shyt out of her?
Probably not. These kids are so desperate they won't even think about that. And to go up after another man has tore your ex up is weak.
Well here is the best advice from a woman on this forum that I save for guys like this (and it was obvious from his first post what the truth really was):
When she says "Goodbye"
It breaks my heart everytime I see one of you guys post a "How do I get her back?" thread. The saddest thing is you probably didn't even do anything wrong. Let me tell you something that might help you move on. She ain't coming back. She's already made up her mind and cut the ties. It's not fair, it's not pretty, but the truth rarely is. Here's a few items that may help explain things.
Women think about their relationship 90% of the time.
Especially since we are told from the cradle that men don't understand a damn thing about love & relationships. We wonder where the relationship is going, where it is, where it was and about every possible direction it can go. She thinks about you as a potential husband, father, lover and will you dump her if she gets cancer. She'll question you IL ever second you're with her, and more so when you're not.
Women NEVER forget...never, never, ever!
You said something as a joke, she SAID she's fine with it and that should be your first warning. In "Woman-speak" the word FINE is defines like this F-furious I-inside N-never E-ending. She will be dragging crap up from thirty years ago to throw in your face now. (Does this mean walk on egg shells to prevent upsetting her? Hell no! But when she says she's "fine" with something and you suspect otherwise CALL HER ON IT. Tell her (don't ask, TELL HER): "So you're REALLY all right with this. You aren't pissed at me, and you aren't going to drag this up later. Is that right?." If she says yes, then don't tolerate her dragging up that item. She agreed she was fine with it and would move on from it.
Women don't like to hurt your feelings.
Really! We really don't like hurting you. That's why the "I think we should break up" line always hits you from out of left field. You never saw it coming, because she never mentioned two weeks ago that she was thinking about it. She didn't want to hurt your feelings. This is especially true if she thinks it wasn't your fault for the break up. (ie...she met some one else, she's having personal problems) This is also why we go to Car Shows (BORING!) and Monster Truck Rallys (LOUD and BORING) then tell you how much fun we had with a big grin!
When she says it's over, IT'S OVER.
By the time she decides it's over, it's over. She has thought up 197 reasons that you two shouldn't be together any more. She has cut the ties and made herself ready to move on. The only thing left to do is tell you. The more you hang on, stay in touch, & try to "win" her back the more fuel you give to her reasoning. The best thing you can do is kiss her on the nose and say: "Well Babe, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck!" and walk away. This doesn't mean she just didn't rip you heart out of your chest and stomp it to a greasy spot on the carpet. It just means that nothing else you can say will help the situation. Not pleading, not screaming and not threats. Don't call, don't write, don't e-mail, don't hire a 25 piece band to play her favorite song in her front yard. Walk away and let it go.
WaterTiger
--------------------------
I hope hearing from a woman's mouth or words will sink through his desperation. Poor bastado.
Probably not. These kids are so desperate they won't even think about that. And to go up after another man has tore your ex up is weak.
Well here is the best advice from a woman on this forum that I save for guys like this (and it was obvious from his first post what the truth really was):
When she says "Goodbye"
It breaks my heart everytime I see one of you guys post a "How do I get her back?" thread. The saddest thing is you probably didn't even do anything wrong. Let me tell you something that might help you move on. She ain't coming back. She's already made up her mind and cut the ties. It's not fair, it's not pretty, but the truth rarely is. Here's a few items that may help explain things.
Women think about their relationship 90% of the time.
Especially since we are told from the cradle that men don't understand a damn thing about love & relationships. We wonder where the relationship is going, where it is, where it was and about every possible direction it can go. She thinks about you as a potential husband, father, lover and will you dump her if she gets cancer. She'll question you IL ever second you're with her, and more so when you're not.
Women NEVER forget...never, never, ever!
You said something as a joke, she SAID she's fine with it and that should be your first warning. In "Woman-speak" the word FINE is defines like this F-furious I-inside N-never E-ending. She will be dragging crap up from thirty years ago to throw in your face now. (Does this mean walk on egg shells to prevent upsetting her? Hell no! But when she says she's "fine" with something and you suspect otherwise CALL HER ON IT. Tell her (don't ask, TELL HER): "So you're REALLY all right with this. You aren't pissed at me, and you aren't going to drag this up later. Is that right?." If she says yes, then don't tolerate her dragging up that item. She agreed she was fine with it and would move on from it.
Women don't like to hurt your feelings.
Really! We really don't like hurting you. That's why the "I think we should break up" line always hits you from out of left field. You never saw it coming, because she never mentioned two weeks ago that she was thinking about it. She didn't want to hurt your feelings. This is especially true if she thinks it wasn't your fault for the break up. (ie...she met some one else, she's having personal problems) This is also why we go to Car Shows (BORING!) and Monster Truck Rallys (LOUD and BORING) then tell you how much fun we had with a big grin!
When she says it's over, IT'S OVER.
By the time she decides it's over, it's over. She has thought up 197 reasons that you two shouldn't be together any more. She has cut the ties and made herself ready to move on. The only thing left to do is tell you. The more you hang on, stay in touch, & try to "win" her back the more fuel you give to her reasoning. The best thing you can do is kiss her on the nose and say: "Well Babe, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck!" and walk away. This doesn't mean she just didn't rip you heart out of your chest and stomp it to a greasy spot on the carpet. It just means that nothing else you can say will help the situation. Not pleading, not screaming and not threats. Don't call, don't write, don't e-mail, don't hire a 25 piece band to play her favorite song in her front yard. Walk away and let it go.
WaterTiger
--------------------------
I hope hearing from a woman's mouth or words will sink through his desperation. Poor bastado.