Getting the attention of the sunshine girl

[D97]

You know the type.

She's the girl with the looks and personality, that flirts with everyone (and I mean, everyone).

I've encountered such a girl before. A few years ago I may have been easily manipulated and pushed into the wrong trains of thought about them. After all, their common habit is to lure men in like a lava lamp, giving false hope, and eventually getting the majority of them burned.

Anyway, I now know of another one. She's about a 7 or an 8, closer to an 8 I'd say. I've spoke to her a couple of times, know about as much as her name. As expected, she's overly nice, and borderline flirtacious - obviously fitting the description.

So how do you get through to one of these?

Take a couple of days ago. It was lunch. She was alone. Within about 30 seconds a guy sat next to her. Then another one. And then another one. By the end of lunch, she was surrounded by four guys - all poor to average in looks, one or two in particular obviously with low self esteem and commonly gravitating towards her every lunchtime (hence the typifications of her being a "sunshine" girl). She does have friends, they are girls. These guys definitiely not them.

I don't want to be one of those guys.

I want to stand out. I don't want to fall into the obvious trap all of those guys are in.

How do you get their attention - how do you be unique and different, show you're interested in her but be separate in her mind to the others that haunt her on a regular basis?

Or should she not be touched at all?

 

[Reto]

Use C & F and don't be like one of those "normal" (AFC) guys. Study the DJ Bible...

 

[myfriendblu]

The most efficient way to score with an attention whor is to be
1. Good looking
2. A DJ.

Thats the type that AW usually go for every time.

 

[xblitz44x]

Guys, wake up...these girls you can Sunshine Girls aren't doing anything wrong. They are being friendly. It is YOU that are misinterpreting their signals. Flirting with people, and being nice to people, and being easy to talk to are not BAD things. YOU put a negative spin on things when you feel like you're being led on just because a girl is nice to you. If you think she likes you, ask her out, if she likes you she'll go out with you. On the date, try to kiss her, if she kisses you - there is an 80% chance she likes you. If she keeps dating you - she likes you. Don't complicate shyt and I think it's time that we start taking responsiblity for our own hang-ups and stop blaming "Sunshine Girls" and "attention wh0res" for our own fvcked up (mis)perceptions.

 

[seulaxplaya]

at that moment you could have walked up to the table and acted like u were here bf which would cause those guys to get scared and scatter. thus leaving u alone with her and your first line should be like this "yeah u didnt look like u were wanting to talk to all those guys so i took it upon myself to save ya from boredom. By the way my name is bla bla ,mind if i sit down?

 

[BGD]

If you have a problem with the "Sunshine Girl" then your screwed socially. You need to work on your self a lot more.

They are cute, friendly and always know what's happening.

Just think of her as a door way to a different world and C+F is the key. Get her laughing (expecially something that no one else gets, whispering to her maybe) and you'll be set for things to do and places to go. These always have tons of girls.

Those guys are trying to impress her why should you.

If you are trying to catch one and you can't match her with your flirting and personality then you will be destroyed! No joke!

 

[shyguy208]

I don't think anyone has a problem with sunshine girls / attention *****s being flirty and friendly etc.

In my experience, a lot of these girls (not all) tend to be very two faced. In front of people, especially when there is a big group that she doesn't that well, she will project a very sweat and innocent image of herself. After you get to know her better you start to see that she isn't as nice as first seemed. They are very manipulative and can even make you doubt things you know about her - even when you have seen and heard her do/say ****e that's really bad. They will stab people in back and turn entire groups of friends against them without feeling at all guilty - usually justified by 'he/she was mean to me' or 'he/she is just wierd' They will use you and ditch you when they are done.

OK don't take offence at a girl that is good looking and appears friendly and nice. The dangerous ones are what you call sunshine girls and who at the same time exhibit some of what I have said above. The dangerous thing is that she is a ***** but nobody knows this and everyone is seduced by her good looks and her vibrant personality. Therefore she has much more power socially than you do! She could crush you and your reputation with a batter of an eyelid. DO NOT piss her off EVER! Before you dive in find out a bit more about her. If she keeps mentioning her guy friends or starts *****ing constantly about one person then that's a big red flag. If you ever meet someone like this, and you're not careful it could drive you insane before you finally figure what is being done to you! It can be very painful! Trust me!

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Guys, wake up...these girls you can Sunshine Girls aren't doing anything wrong. They are being friendly. It is YOU that are misinterpreting their signals. Flirting with people, and being nice to people, and being easy to talk to are not BAD things. YOU put a negative spin on things when you feel like you're being led on just because a girl is nice to you.

There are super-extroverted girls and then there are girls who CONSCIENCELY and DELIBERATELY get men infatuated only to shoot them down just out of spite. You can't deny these witches exist.

 

[THA REALNESS]

LOl to xzblitz.

This isn't girlproblems.com

 

[willo]

Hmmmm maybe i should become a sunshine boy
Cheers

 

[xblitz44x]

"There are super-extroverted girls and then there are girls who CONSCIENCELY and DELIBERATELY get men infatuated only to shoot them down just out of spite. You can't deny these witches exist."-WatchMeWalk

I agree that women like this exist but I think the number is FAR less than we make it out to be. We have become so used and comfortable just blaming shyt on other people, or a fault in our 'methods' and we never take responsibility OURSELVES to realize that the problem was in us all along.

A girl is having a rough day. She has bills due, and knows she'll never be able to get them paid on time. Her and her best friend just got in an argument. So she goes to her local bar to have a drink and unwind. She sits at the bar, stirring her drink. She doesn't want to be bothered.

A guy is at this same bar, with his friends. The guy see's this girl and is attracted to her. She doesn't really give him any signs, but he doesn't need any eye contact to approach; that's just AFC. So he walks up next to her, and says "Hey, how are you?" She says "I'm ok". He says "You look like you're a little down, is everything ok?" She says "Yeah everything is fine." She continues to look down at her drink and stir. She doesn't want to be bothered. So he continues to try to force a conversation with her so he can 'seduce her'. Eventually he grows frustrated of the one word answers and walks off pouting and cursing.

His friends as him "What happened?" and he tells them that she had a huge bytch shield and she was just there for attention.

Do you see? The girl didn't DO anything except 'not be interested'. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make her a bytch. It was the GUYS misinterpretation of the situation, and his ego not allowing him to take responsibility and say "Oh well, she wasn't having a good day"...or "She wasn't interested for whatever reason" because we "DJ's" can't bear to deal with rejection. So we have to blame it on a fault in our methods, or on the girl for being a Sunshine girl, or having a bytch shield.

In the case that this guy posted, the girl wasn't a Sunshine Girl. She was a regular, friendly girl. He is misinterpreting her words and actions. My point is that it's time we start looking inside ourselves instead of blaming and attributing our frustrations to other people.

" LOl to xzblitz.

This isn't girlproblems.com"

Thank you Mr. Realness. I wasn't sure. Now that I know, I can go around blaming women that I'm petrified of, for my shortcomings and study a friggin bible in order to disguise my fear and intimidation of women - and give it the name "fake it till you make it". Thanks

-Blitz

 

[echo1212]

Blitz I agree with you 100%. So many times on here I read about guys calling this girl a bytch, attention w@ore, you name it. The guys all blame the girl for the problems they are having.

Well, sometimes the girl is just not attracted to you, or she doesn't want any one hitting on her, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. How many times have I read on here about guys chasing girls and the girl doesn't show immeadite high IL, or doesn't return a phone call right away. And everyone calls her an attention w#ore and the guy should next her. The thing is, if it was the guy doing it to the girl, he'd be getting all kinds of accolades saying "great job, way to be a DJ, don't show her too much attention right away, etc".

I really really think that this forum is becoming more of a way for guys to blame girls for their lack of successes in their life or with women, rather than a forum to discuss getting women consistently or having a great relationship with one. Now, there are still some really good members on here and some great advice, but I think the mentality lately has been more "us against them" and whatever they do is evil, while everything we do is 100% correct. And we all know that isn't right.

And not to personally attack any particular group, but I think alot of this has to do with the forum getting much much younger then when i first came here. And I'm not blaming them, when I was 18-19 years old I had alot of the same misconceptions. Basically, I was just inexperienced, as most of us were at that age. Not necessarily with girls, but in life in general.

I think that the forum needs to go back to the basics-getting WITH and getting ALONG with women, while also becoming a better person in general, rather than thinking men are always right and women are always wrong.

 

[bp1974]

Blitz, on one level I agree. These girls are doing what comes naturally to them - being their friendly selves towards the guys they meet.

However, two things stand out:

1) Their 'friendly selves' are much more flirty, physical and sexually suggestive than the norm. They give out the kind of attention to guys that most girls would only give if there was attraction there. Sitting on guys laps, saying "I love you!!!" all the time, kissng and hugging and touching lots etc. So yes, the guys are getting the wrong idea, but with some justification.

2) The girls who learnt to act this way with all guys generally did so by not learning sexual boundaries. A mature, level-headed woman knows when she's being flirty, and when she's just being friendly. These girls don't know the difference, have a lot of issues to work through, and have a lot of growing up to do. The kind of guy who can't see this and gets excited by her 'flirting', is exactly the kind of guy who should be steering clear because he'll get burned and never see it coming. Then he'll start b8tching about Attention Wh8res and the like.

And yes, I know that people flirt without any intention of getting laid, just for the fun of flirting, but that's on another level of interaction between men and women again. It requires both people to have solid sexual boundaries and a firm grasp of reality to indulge in fun like that without anyone getting the wrong idea.

Do you see? The girl didn't DO anything except 'not be interested'

Your example is a very different situation to what the original poster wrote about, but in it's own right it's valid.

Edit: Ok, I just read D97's post again and see that Blitz's example does fit with what D97 wrote.

I'm confused - D97, what do you mean by'borderline flirtatious?' To me, there's nothing borderline about a true sunshine girl except maybe her DSM IV personality disorder. Real sunshine girls are literally all over every Nice Guy and AFC they come across.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Originally posted by shyguy208
I don't think anyone has a problem with sunshine girls / attention *****s being flirty and friendly etc.

In my experience, a lot of these girls (not all) tend to be very two faced. In front of people, especially when there is a big group that she doesn't that well, she will project a very sweat and innocent image of herself. After you get to know her better you start to see that she isn't as nice as first seemed. They are very manipulative and can even make you doubt things you know about her - even when you have seen and heard her do/say ****e that's really bad. They will stab people in back and turn entire groups of friends against them without feeling at all guilty - usually justified by 'he/she was mean to me' or 'he/she is just wierd' They will use you and ditch you when they are done.

I know a classic case of this. I knew a sunshine girl (dated my friend) that was always happy flirty went to church was supposed to be a real good girl. Well she ended up getting knocked up by some dude. Then she had a miscarriage and never told her parents about it. Later she tried to kill herself with a bottle of tylenol and had to get her stomach pumped (her parents of course knew about that) Anyway she put on a completely different face than what was really happening.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by WatchMeWalk
There are super-extroverted girls and then there are girls who CONSCIENCELY and DELIBERATELY get men infatuated only to shoot them down just out of spite. You can't deny these witches exist.

Sure they exist. But they have vag!inas too, and as such, there has to be a way to get inside.

 

[THA REALNESS]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.Exactly that's my point since day one .I know what women truly are .YOU know how women think and act.
But can we change them? No .We just adjust and deal with them .


I'm not saying they are all *****es (..or am I?) ...But they do ALL act shady and *****Y for no reason .

Maybe it's the hormones.

Blitz are you a female btw?

 

[schulkfl]

I agree with the others in using C+F;

Currently I am in a situation with a girl like this and it is my experience that these girls are very hard to read and can change on you very quickly.
Be cautious of over-exaggerating their moves b/c it may just be a flirtatious move that means nothing- OTOH, don't be stupid like me and play obvious moves off as being just "her personality."

If you are by any means a jealous person, than I would not recommend going after this type- having her know every guy at every corner can get old very very fast and test your nerves.

Sunshine girls are wonderful things when seen from the outside, however let me tell you that they require a LOT of self-control and require some hard work.

My overall opinion is to leave this type alone- however, in the end it is your call- u can always use it as practice . . . . .

 

[Survivor]

Now I'm not going to say that there aren't females out there who have a flawed sense of sexual boundaries, but from my vantage point this has nothing to do with so-called "Sunshine Girls" at all.

Instead D97's story exemplifies two classic deficiencies:

1) The inability to correctly interpret a woman's behavior, and;

2) The unwillingness to accept rejection or indifference.

I agree with xblitz44x, but I'll go a little further and provide some solutions.

1) Currently Pook is doing a good series on "Anti-Dump's Machine" in the Tips section. AD's "machine" was intended to help guys deal with DISINTERESTED women, sunshine or not. Now in no way is the "machine" full-proof, but it serves as an ok set of training wheels until you are able to communicate with women in a more mature manner.

2) Although in reality, "Don Juan" is NOT a numbers game (more on that later), it does help newbies to view it as such. Always have a list of MULTIPLE women you are prospecting at any given time. If one doesn't pan out, eventually another one (or two, or three) will. This should ease the sting of rejection.

Don't sweat the "Sunshine Girl" stereotype. Just stick to the basics. In the end, there's only two types on females. Interested and Not Interested. "Sunshine" is irrelevant.

 

[xblitz44x]

Survivor, good post. That's the bottom line, interested or not interested. If she's not interested, don't be a brat and start name-calling. Or thinking it's a flaw in your technique or: "Aww, man, I should have NEGed her." She wasn't interested. You could have had a negging marathon, and she STILL wouldn't have been interested.

PS: I'm a guy.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

There is a girl who will not flirt with any guys at all, especially a guy she is interested in. Girl A.

There is a girl who will flirt with every warm body in the room, men and women alike. Girl B.

There is a girl who will intentionally or accidentally make every warm body in the room think they are going to end up doing her later that night. Girl C.

Girl A, B and C all like you the same and are equal 8's.

- Which Girl, A, B or C do you ask for the number?

- Does it make any difference if you just met her or have known her for years?

- Which Girl, A, B or C will screw you first?

- Which Girl, A, B or C makes a better girlfriend?

- What approach do you use for Girl A, B or C?

For everyone who thinks there is no difference for any of the questions, sorry you are just wrong.