Getting rid of NEEDING a girlfriend,not so easy even thought I know its THE way to go

[Mad Banana]

I was meeting a girl recently and was too much into her, afc, nice guy way, whatever - I know it souldnt be like that but I made mistakes, good - live and learn they say...

one time I realized we might not be together and allowed myself to feel that it will be just fine and... most amazing thing happend

I allowed myself to feel that I might not be with a girl ever, if that`s how it will be - in other words, for the first time in my life I allowed myself to see my whole future *possibly* without any girlfriends and seen it as NOT the end of the world - and I realized for the first time in my life that I DO NOT need a girlfriend for happiness in my life, for in that very moment I felt great happiness that came from within, from finally letting go the idea that I NEED a girl

that was great, this experience has indeed changed me, however now I still belive that - that i can be happy without a girl - but I dont, kinda, feel it so strongly

and I have noticed I can be truly free from fear of rejection and being alone, and JUST truly free only when I KNOW an FEEL that I can be happy by myself and just being who I am



to all of you, a question:

how to feel it more and more, how to know with my whole self that happiness is inside of me, and not putside in any girl, even the best girl?

I remember its true, but the need for a girl is still strong in me and that is something I really wish to deal with

thanks for your thoughts and imput

 

[Mad Banana]

Hey, anyone?

I know this is big,

I used to tell myself I`m a prize etc. and it didn`t work all that good,

but the second I truly realized and belived I need no girlfriend all my tension, anxiety, lack of confidence DISSAPEARED!

just like that...


problem is, I can`t seem to get back to it, to this realization known deep inside of me


maybe it was just a sample from life, just a trial version and now I need to work harder on it, to love life without a need for a girl, make a greater meaning for my life on my own?


please share if you have any thoughts on this while reading it, thanks

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

For years i had the feeling i needed a girl freind, and only very recently has that feeling died down and this is due to the fact that i realised, i want to get real good with girls before getting a girlfreind, otherwise when i am single again I will still have problems!

Well, that and the fact that im old enough to go to clubs now.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

i know how you feel. its about spending more and more time enjoying yourself with things you wouldve wanted to do ever since. or perhaps, try doing the things youve been doing which attracted your girl in the first place.

 

[Wiesman44]

Don't kid yourself guys, everyone wants companionship. If you haven't had a g/f for years, you are obviously going to want one. Maybe this won't provide you with absolute happinness, but I guarantee you, you will be happier than before.

Now on the other hand, if you are someone who skips g/f to g/f every other month, getting another g/f will not make you happier. But for the guy who doesn't run train on every girl he sees, finding a new g/f can make him happy.

No question about it. Get real guys. You all are getting freakin' brainwashed on this site. Get back to reality.

 

[Keeper]

Wise words from a Wiseman. Just follow your own desires.

 

[Captain AFC]

There are very few people that really desire a life of solitude. Basically, if you're on this website, chances are that you're not looking for the solo life at all, unless you're:

A) Been through multiple relationships that have all ended for some reason, whether bizarre or normal, and are just completely worn out, used up, and exhausted.

B) In complete and total denial.

Yes, you do not need a girl. But I would say be wary of drifting into the no man's land of sexual abstinence and "I don't need nobody" territory. I see people of all ages, sexes, and temperaments do this. You can literally tell that they've just given up on companionship, and are content to live the rest of their days staying in the same physical, mental, and emotional shape. Maybe they have a right and they're tired out. Maybe they're comfortable being there and see no reason or need to get off the horse and start looking for something solid again.

 

[Mad Banana]

interesting



makes me think

to last three of you, first of all I guess moving to close to all extremes is bad, needing a girl too much can be and often is destructive, even a suicide

denying own desires and nature can be also as destructive, I guess, since denial of who we are is never a good thing



so it seems balance is all

however let me share my fresh experience, and let me quote Wiessman first :

"If you haven't had a g/f for years, you are obviously going to want one. Maybe this won't provide you with absolute happinness, but I guarantee you, you will be happier than before."


I have never had a true girlfriend

I`m 27 years old

for years I dreamed about a moment I will hold a girl thats close to me in my arms, close to me, feeling her warm body - and it will be like dream coming true, bliss, happiness


one month ago a girl I was, kinda, dating was at my place, we were massaging our bodies, kinda making out except for kissing

and I hold her close later on


and during some of it I felt NOTHING

some times I felt BORED

sure some were a bit exciting, but it got me scared as hell - so finally my dream coming true and I feel allmost nothing, and fvcking far away from happiness

(also I must add - being adult child of alchocholic - I have tendency to avoid feelings, and so avoiding unpleasant feelings/emotions I also take away from me all pleasant ones, so part of my sollution is getting in touch with my emotions and allowing myself to experience all there is, not denying anything, and it takes time and is great - but this is out of context of this thread)



and later I understood what I`v heard before many times, only in theory - that true happiness come from within, and searching for it outside will lead to trouble and not to a great girlfriend and happiness



but this thread is not abourt not wanting a girlfriend, its about not NEEDING one, in a desperate way - and about dealing with this desperate NEED with realization happiness wont come from a girl if there is no happiness in us to begin with



I will not deny that a girl, sex, relationship will not be a good thing, a fufiling thing in a way

but, I belive, will not be such a thing if treated as a base for all happiness and fuifillment



and so my question in this thread will be then how to liberate from this state in which we rely on our hapiness in life too much depending if we`ll find a girl or not

since balance seems to be the answer - balance between not needing girl too much, and not denying desiring a girl, or a relationship - how to arrive at that place, at this balance?


guess there are no easy answers

fucusing more on life?

on pursing other, than girls, dreams?

respecting self?



well... time will tell, nice discussion, thanks for showing me few points, hope we`ll continue

 

[theSpeculator]

No question about it. Get real guys. You all are getting freakin' brainwashed on this site. Get back to reality.

Would you know you're brainwashed when you are already brainwashed?

I've learned when people think a certain way, no matter how much you try to reason with them, they will never listen. That's because they have a one-sided way of thinking. Whereas other people, like me or you, try to look at both sides and use our best judgement.

 

[blueangel83]

Why would you not be with a girl if you feel that it makes you happy?

What is your definition of happiness "inside"?

Pride is what keeps you from loving. Love is happiness.

Without love you become proud, careless, and lonely.

 

[ev3nst3v3n]

mood swing.

 

[Mad Banana]

blueangel - perhaps you are right

but I must say I felt like I met a girl of my dreams, a girl I could spend rest of my life with

seriously

and wanted open myself to love

and did that, but at the same time wanted to be with her TOO MUCH and felt like not being with her will be hard to handle... and got tense every time we met, too tense, wasnt myself in a way that I was like a shadow of who I can be, I was not decisive, not open, not who I know I am

and things starded to get bad, she said she touched my soul blah blah blah, but there is somethong not good between us either, like when we are in the same room, and it can not be put into words



well, I can put it into words - I think - and that is I was not a man I could be and I truly am - because I needed het too much and this wanting to be with her got me all tense, and freezed me, my potential, all thats good and manly in me

I became no leader, but a follower, thinking how are we getting closer ogether or not, how is our relationship starting, or not, is she falling in love in me - all things I shouldnt be thinking... an I belive I know the reason for this was my NEEDING because when later on I decided I do not need to be with her, all the tension dissapeared... unfortunatlely she konda dissapeared too, well at least declared that she is leaving for a year for another country she does not look for a relationship, PLUS what she said wat was not right between us - and she didt`n had a chance to see me after my, well, discovery...


and being her and needing her made the worst in me, just read above - but also I have learned a lot..


but I dont want to be cynical with love... balance, damn hard to find right? at least I`m not keeping it all to myself like I used to, but speak up, share it here and with some of my friends and that is helpfull

 

[Wiesman44]

Would you know you're brainwashed when you are already brainwashed?

I've learned when people think a certain way, no matter how much you try to reason with them, they will never listen. That's because they have a one-sided way of thinking. Whereas other people, like me or you, try to look at both sides and use our best judgement.

I was a little harsh with that statement. I just meant there are certain bits of advice on this forum that someone should think twice about before implementing in one's life. Just everyone be careful with what they read on this site. A lot of it is great, but some of it is either harmful, or just plain crap.