Getting no respect

[DJinTraining06]

This isn't about girls, so dont aswer if u aint interested, but im kinda bummed lately. I recently started a new job, and i got cool with a couple of the guys there who are also just starting there. Lately, like all of a sudden it seems, they just dont respect me anymore and i cant figure out why. Theyve been crackin on me for stuff that nobody else would get cracked on for. The slightest thing i say that might be wrong, or not well thought out and they crack on me for it, make me look stupid, and say ohh im just messin with ya. But i know the difference between 2 friends cracking on each other, and 1 guy messing with another guy. We used to crack on each other. We had been for weeks. Now it just became 1 sided. this one guy in particular crossed a line in my opninon, and if i let him know he just says im just messing with u man in a consdescing way. so i cant win. it seems to just egg him on more.

I dont know why all of a sudden this happened, this seems to happen alot with me. They were equals like a week ago and we had similar senses of humor and used to shoot the sh*t and joke around about everything. Now its like soembody turned a switch on and all at once they lost respect for me. I mean they r the same age, same position, i dont accept being f'd with like they're my older brother. I wouldnt mind if this was an isolated incident, but this always seems to happen to me. It's almsot as if they just think im a nerd and i am trying hard to be their friends. Which i totally am not, i have the same indifference any other average guy does about making friends. Sure new friends r cool, but i dont try hard to make them, i already have my own friends,gf and life of my own. Why do i always give this impression to people?

I can never understand it. I can never pinpoint what is about me that causes this. I hate sayin it cuz its a copout but i think its my height and boyish face. I'm barely 5'6'', and i have a round boyish face. People always and i emphasize always mistake me for being in high school and im 25! i have analyzed myself for yrs. its gotten to the point that i stop carin bout peoples cracks and just hold my head up high, live my life right, and be myself, and I still get this lack of respect. It has to be how i look and my short stature. what else can it be? Constantly analyzing your onw behavior is tiring, and i just wanna relax and still be cool wit people.

This is a seriosu post, if u can tell me what i might be missing, id appreciate it. I really wonder soemtimes, is a nerd really a nerd? Or does he have no choice? Does the fat kid with naturally slow metabolism and ugly face have a choice? Does the kid with huge ears, big nose, and thick glasses have a choice? Sure they can say screw it and act confident and not care wat anybody says. But 9 time sout of 10, guys will crack on them before they even hear them speak, just based on how they look. It doesn matter wat they say.

 

[Mindtrust]

Do you bite easy when insulted, whether it be joking around or not?

 

[EFFORT]

Hard to say without seeing you in person, not sure if there is a weird vibe your giving off.

Sounds like your frame isn't to strong though if there able to get at you like that. You have to live in your reality and communicate to people what kind of behavior you will not tolerate. If someone is treating me in a way i dont tolerate i'll ignore it and show no reaction to it because i'm so in my reality that i'm use to people responding to me in a good way that its to the point where i can't even really process someone responding to me in a negative way, hints me not having a reaction.

In the case that someone is being obviously an ******* and treating me with disrespect i'll tell them right when it starts (and i don't care who is around) in an assertive voice that i don't tolerate people treating me in that way, so you can either stop now or don't ever talk to me again.

May sound harsh but its really not, it puts people in there place and makes being around you more valuable because people know that you have particular behavior standards they have to meet and if they can't meet them you'll be gone.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Do you bite easy when insulted, whether it be joking around or not?

I tend to yea, but it usually has to build up a while, i have some self control for a while, but then it gets to a point where i feel kinda hurt if its a person i thought i was cool with, and i do bite back a bit too hard. But most other guys i know dont have to deal with this at all. So i dont think thats the issue.
I cant figure out why they do it the first time, not just after i bite back. I totally get cracking on ur friends and them doin it back, thats fun. I am not supersensitive or a crybaby, itys obvious that its a diff kind of cracking with me. They go further than they would with people they r cool with.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Hard to say without seeing you in person, not sure if there is a weird vibe your giving off.

Sounds like your frame isn't to strong though if there able to get at you like that. You have to live in your reality and communicate to people what kind of behavior you will not tolerate. If someone is treating me in a way i dont tolerate i'll ignore it and show no reaction to it because i'm so in my reality that i'm use to people responding to me in a good way that its to the point where i can't even really process someone responding to me in a negative way, hints me not having a reaction.

In the case that someone is being obviously an ******* and treating me with disrespect i'll tell them right when it starts (and i don't care who is around) in an assertive voice that i don't tolerate people treating me in that way, so you can either stop now or don't ever talk to me again.

May sound harsh but its really not, it puts people in there place and makes being around you more valuable because people know that you have particular behavior standards they have to meet and if they can't meet them you'll be gone.

So your saying just dont react to it? Maybe u have something there. When you say frame do u mean, that i cave to easily? I noticed one thing about myself. Everybody at my job seems to have their persona. One guy is known to be the lovable nervous wreck, one guy is tough guy, one guy is the clown, one girl is the clown, one girl is the tough chick, one is the ditzy but lovable girl, etc. etc. I dont have anythign like that to decribe me and i wonder if that has something to do with it? Do i have to invent myself? Is everyone succesful and happy an actor? Do u have to pick a character and stay in it all the time like say - rodney danger field or robin williams? Or should it just come natural. Should this matter? I feel like i am myself. Maybe im just boring and nerdy. is that a good enuff excuse? Im really bummed bout this, i feel like my life is goin great, i love my gf, i got a great job recently, im doin great financially, families cool, i have a nice group of friends from college, but i feel like somehtins missing - Respect. I dont feel like i can go into a room and just fit it and be respected. I have difficulty making new friends. Which is not tragic cuz i got good friends already. But i would like new friends from new walks of life. Everyone should have that in their life right?

 

[Kwello]

It's all about just throwing **** back in their face, but in a playful way.

Take this example with my roommates: I had just taken a shower for like 45 mins, had a really long day and just wanted to unwind. Not sure if I had some 'me time' or not but it's irrelevant.

Roommate: Were you jerkin it in there?

I could have gotten flustered and been like 'No what the **** man!' but I went with something like this...

Me: Yeah your mom emailed me some sexy pics, couldn't help myself.

It takes wit and timing as well as some general directions... but I was able to turn a potentially embarrassing conversation into a joke on the guy who actually thought he was getting one over on me. All the people we had over were basically just laughing with me. Complete turn around.

That's the kind of thing you're looking for.

Also picking up hot women in front of them is guaranteed cred.

 

[DJDamage]

Guys crack on each other all the time sometimes its purpose is to peck a hierachy of social order.

When someone makes a crack at you and you feel hurt, you got to think for a moment if it is true. Did the person who insulted you hit a nerve because there is some doubt in your mind that there is some truth?!

Everyone of us are fronting and this is sort of away to expose who's more real then who is more fake (think of it as a guy sh1t test). You should also crack on them saying some sh1t on them and whatever your weaknesses are you should really work on them this way nobody will poke holes through the armour that is you. Don't look at them as enemies but think of them as friends who are goofing around.

If you can't do it then at the time being if they start talking sh1t then just walk way and do your job. You are not getting paid to talk after all.

 

[Last Man Standing]

DJ Effort is back in the house!!

DJintraining - are you a nerd? What is your field of expertise? Maybe they see you as gullible or one who doesn't mind a little "ribbing". Nonetheless - it just may be harmless fun and nothing personal depending on their delivery.

 

[Vypros]

If you want respect, you have to command respect.

What I mean by that is that you have to present yourself in such a way that you are generally a fun guy but you have priniciples. I'm willing to bet that your problem stems from an inability to say no, and that you don't have anything that you stand for.

Now, "standing" is a tricky thing, because if you just straight up get in their face and get angry with them you are going to come across as an *******. Granted, that's STILL better than being disrespected, but at the end of the day it's just the same problem on the opposite end of the scale.

The key is knowing BALANCE. When they crack on you and it makes you uncomfortable, DON'T LAUGH. Don't smile. Let the look on your face show them that you disapprove of it. People tend to crack on someone when it's fun for them. So if you show active disapproval of their behaviour, it'll stop being fun.

Also, there comes a point where you respect yourself enough to just walk away from them and disassociate with them as much as you possibly can. If they continue to disrespect you THEN you need to stand up to them and take whatever measures are necessary to make them stop.

I'm guessing that your problem is that you are probably too nice, and it makes people think they can take advantage of you. So, stand your ground. Don't budge. But don't be a giant stick in the mud either. Learn to balance your fun personality with your ability to be serious and to take a stand when someone challenges you.

 

[Mindtrust]

Do you bite easy when insulted, whether it be joking around or not?

My guess is that your just easy prey TO THEM for entertainment..

They would of picked up on that you bite easy, so it is fun to them to see you get agitated. They know they are getting to you.

Best way to deal with this is either throw s*it back at them, or just laugh it off. I would personally do number 2 they will soon get bored, show them your more superior to childish behaviour.

There is always someone who likes to be the centre of attention, and my guess is that this is more one person, than two. The other guy is probs just along for the ride, he would rather jump in with the attention seeker and dish it out, rather than be the taker like you are now.

Mindtrust

 

[DJinTraining06]

My guess is that your just easy prey TO THEM for entertainment..

They would of picked up on that you bite easy, so it is fun to them to see you get agitated. They know they are getting to you.

Best way to deal with this is either throw s*it back at them, or just laugh it off. I would personally do number 2 they will soon get bored, show them your more superior to childish behaviour.

There is always someone who likes to be the centre of attention, and my guess is that this is more one person, than two. The other guy is probs just along for the ride, he would rather jump in with the attention seeker and dish it out, rather than be the taker like you are now.

Mindtrust

i hear u, i am def showin that it bothers me, but i wonder why it happens int he first place. Everybody gets f'd with and joked around with, i totally get that its usually fun and part of any good friendship. but this is not that kind of joking. im wonderin why i always get the condsecing type stuff.

 

[Mindtrust]

i hear u, i am def showin that it bothers me, but i wonder why it happens int he first place. Everybody gets f'd with and joked around with, i totally get that its usually fun and part of any good friendship. but this is not that kind of joking. im wonderin why i always get the condsecing type stuff.

What's happening is, there going to far with the joking.

It's got to the stage where it has annoyed you, and you have taken it to be quite insulting and therefore you are biting. They find this fun so they keep at it.

These people are sad, a joke is a joke, but once people start to get annoyed the joke is finnished.

These sort of people you will generally find to be attention seekers, the annoying person of a certain group in many cases, always looking to rib other people to get his kicks and status.

When it happens again, either reverse it back early and show you will not put up with it, or just laugh at them, they will soon become sick and tired knowing you are not going to bite.

Just remember you are not the one with the problem, they are.

Mindtrust.