Gaining Respect From Guys?

[SinJester]

This isn't about picking up chicks so if thats all you care about you might as well hit that little back button in the top left.

Something I'm a little confused about is how to get respect from guys. Considering almost everyting here is about how to get girls and self-imrovement I have't really seen this subject touched on. Sure, it's all well and good to be popular with girls, but I think every guy needs guy friends in his life. Without their respect and liking it can also be harder to game the ladies if they are cokblocking you or shooting you down. Not to mention is drastically lowers your social circle.

Sure, you can use C+F on guys but they will just think your an arrogant prick. Guys and girls are different. So I propse the question: How can you gain respect from guys?

I thought getting girls would do it, but actually the opposite happened. They all got jealous and just tried to shoot me down more. In some groups I have respect, but in others (including my main one) I am pretty far down the chain. I'm in high school and have never been good at sport so this seems a negative, not to mention I'm smart and have good grades so have never been able to shake the 'nerd' tag. Hell, all my guy friends just try and drag me down. Never any respect for good grades, just nerd nerd nerd. Even when playing on their footy team it aint helping much.

I'm always torn between standing up for myself and trying to be liked. Because I care more about these guys liking me rather than being alpha and being seen as a wannabe prick. Guys are always partaking in verbal sparing to see who will come out on top. Trying to hide their insecurities with egos. It's pathetic but we have to deal with it. Seems like the only way to get respect is to get bigger physcally, but even when I tried that I got so much negative feedback it ended up inflencing me.

So, basically, I'm at a loss for what to do. Maybe once some has percieved you it's almost impossible to change that image? The DJ bible doesn't teach us this. Please enlighten me.

 

[Jack McCrack]

Being less self-constructive.

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

I know its not the solution, but i think the best way to get respect from guys is show them that attractive women like you, guys with super hot chick friends usually get respect. Other than that I'd try to display your best characteristics, be it honesty, trustworthy,talents,etc.

 

[Jack McCrack]

If anything I think guys that get a lot of chicks get less respect from women.

Just look at Justin Timberlake or Ashton Kutcher. Those guys look like douchebags.

I think the best way to be accepted among the guys is to simply "be one of the guys". It doesn't always come down to how many ladies you get, because at one point in time that is actually going to work against you if you're looking to gain respect among your fellow men.

 

[DoctorLW]

You hit the nail on the head in your own post. Hit the gym and gain weight. It's one thing almost all men respect universally.

 

[drak_ool]

I'm always torn between standing up for myself and trying to be liked.

Over my life I had to move a LOT (2 continents, 6 countries, 10 cities), which meant i had to adapt to very different groups of friends so i know a lot about the problem of fitting in. My take on it: you have to make others like you for who you are, not try to become someone they ll like. If you try to change yourself to reflect others' values you ll loose out in the end, because of the internal conflict between those imposed values and your own, repressed values. you ll be miserable.

Strength is what all guys respect. sure, you can hit up the gym and get bigger but in the long run inner strength is what matters. I know 250 lbs, all ripped out guys who are their gf's bytch. you think they get much respect?

 

[Mental]

This isn't about picking up chicks so if thats all you care about you might as well hit that little back button in the top left.

Something I'm a little confused about is how to get respect from guys. Considering almost everyting here is about how to get girls and self-imrovement I have't really seen this subject touched on. Sure, it's all well and good to be popular with girls, but I think every guy needs guy friends in his life. Without their respect and liking it can also be harder to game the ladies if they are cokblocking you or shooting you down. Not to mention is drastically lowers your social circle.

Sure, you can use C+F on guys but they will just think your an arrogant prick. Guys and girls are different. So I propse the question: How can you gain respect from guys?

I thought getting girls would do it, but actually the opposite happened. They all got jealous and just tried to shoot me down more. In some groups I have respect, but in others (including my main one) I am pretty far down the chain. I'm in high school and have never been good at sport so this seems a negative, not to mention I'm smart and have good grades so have never been able to shake the 'nerd' tag. Hell, all my guy friends just try and drag me down. Never any respect for good grades, just nerd nerd nerd. Even when playing on their footy team it aint helping much.

I'm always torn between standing up for myself and trying to be liked. Because I care more about these guys liking me rather than being alpha and being seen as a wannabe prick. Guys are always partaking in verbal sparing to see who will come out on top. Trying to hide their insecurities with egos. It's pathetic but we have to deal with it. Seems like the only way to get respect is to get bigger physcally, but even when I tried that I got so much negative feedback it ended up inflencing me.

So, basically, I'm at a loss for what to do. Maybe once some has percieved you it's almost impossible to change that image? The DJ bible doesn't teach us this. Please enlighten me.

There are different ways, and I'm not entirely sure where it begins and ends...

I gained some props for not always running to a girlfriend. She had a nasty habit of starting petty fights, and then ditiching my number. Then she'd call others up, and demand I call her because she's mad at me and she's not calling me.

One of my guy friends told me that she called him up (yeah, she constantly badmouthes him and tells me she hates him, but keeps his number, yet decides to ditch mine every time she starts a fight).

"She doesn't have your number, and she's demanding you call her back."

I just laughed at that.

"you're not calling her back?"

"Not till she calls me. Like I'm going to call her back when she's trying to keep a fight going that she started. I told her, I'm not playing games. If she wants to talk to me, she'll talk to me. I'd rather be in no relationship than a really unhealthy one."

I got a "whoa" from him. "I gotta give you props for that."



I think when they say it, and when it seems genuine, then I have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Same guy is a little flakey, though. So how can you tell the difference between someone who's genuinely flakey toward everyone (not just one person) when that person flakes out on you? Is he showing respect? Nope. But does that person respect you as much as a flakey person can? Hard to say, isn't it?

Sometimes you have to live with little to no respect, as long as you can respect yourself.

 

[DoctorLW]

Over my life I had to move a LOT (2 continents, 6 countries, 10 cities), which meant i had to adapt to very different groups of friends so i know a lot about the problem of fitting in. My take on it: you have to make others like you for who you are, not try to become someone they ll like. If you try to change yourself to reflect others' values you ll loose out in the end, because of the internal conflict between those imposed values and your own, repressed values. you ll be miserable.

Strength is what all guys respect. sure, you can hit up the gym and get bigger but in the long run inner strength is what matters. I know 250 lbs, all ripped out guys who are their gf's bytch. you think they get much respect?

In combination with this site, that shouldn't be a problem.

The size helps, especially as you get respect it just begins to change into where your presence simply commands respect. You can't get there by just "fitting" in with friends. It is obvious to "fit" in with friends. But if you want respect, you need a way to get it with guys you've never met before. You just aren't going to get it if you aren't athletic.

 

[The Deacon]

A lot of it is counter-intuitive. The best way to get respect is to get your sh!t together and not brag about it. Always put your bros before your hoes (unless your bros are being stupid). One of your boys gets into a fight, you jump in and help him.

Learn how to make conversation with a guy. Guys often respect other guys with some trace of masculinity. Don't talk in anything but a naturally low voice. Talk confidently, slowly, enunciate all of your words. Don't fidget, don't talk softly, don't look like you're intimidated by them. Some guys just act like ****s, and if they act like a ****, just don't talk to them. Most guys who act like ****s don't really get action anyway, they're just trying to put on the "tough guy" image because they're actually really lame behind the clothes they wear and their muscular physiques.

I like the way this guy put things:

Strength is what all guys respect. sure, you can hit up the gym and get bigger but in the long run inner strength is what matters. I know 250 lbs, all ripped out guys who are their gf's bytch. you think they get much respect?

Athleticism is important in masculinity, but don't worry about being Kobe Bryant. Take a basketball class, learn how to catch a football, you'll be fine man. Just make sure you don't go out and play with the experienced boys when you don't know how to play ball.... lol...

 

[BigAL]

Gaining respect from guys...simple and easy, SHOW NO FEAR

 

[stuka1939]

I know its not the solution, but i think the best way to get respect from guys is show them that attractive women like you, guys with super hot chick friends usually get respect. Other than that I'd try to display your best characteristics, be it honesty, trustworthy,talents,etc.

I think this will cause more envy than respect.


Men who get the most respect are those who act confidently, are passionate about something or are athletic.

Growing up, I got NO respect and was looked down upon by the neighborhood kids because I was scrawny and could not run as fast, dribble a basketball as well, or catch a pass as good.

However, athletism is not so important once you get out of college.

 

[reset]

You can't make people respect you. All you have to do is get to the point that you don't mentally put other people above you. When you start respecting yourself, you may notice that other people respect you, but on top of that, if they don't, it doesn't phase you too much.

You'll find you only want to make time for people who treat you well. People who don't will kind of fade into the background. First thing is to earn your own respect, to yourself. Do the things that increase your self-esteem, and learn to not base your self-image on what other people think of you.

It takes time, but you're happier when you put your focus on how you can make yourself happy, and spend less time worrying about what other people think of you.

 

[SinJester]

That's for all the great advice guys, and sorry for waiting so long to reply.

I've worked out that it doesn't have much to do with looks, although of course being big will automatically gain some respect, you will lose if without the right mindset though. You get respect through having the stronger reality, and an indifference to whatever people say to you or think of you. This is the third time I will say it but people act how you expect them to lack. It's always been my fault if I've had a victim mindset - which is never healthy.

Reset hit the nail on the head, but I don't think it really tells us how to get there. The thing is people don't want you to give your power away and put them on a pedestal, they just want a cool guy to hang around with.

I know it's counter-productive to think about it, but you have to think about it before you can internalize it or act on it or you can't get anywhere. I'm so much more enlightened now. Your flaws are only flaws if you think they are flaws. If someone points them out and you are comfortable with them, then you are just a really cool guy with a few little quirks. If you let them get to you then they really are flaws.

First you respect yourself, then you become indifferent to others, then they will respect you. Don't wait until your bigger. Don't worry if your not tall. Work towards what you want, but realize that you are fine the way you are, and people will accept you the way you are.