G/F Dilema. Bad gut feeling, opinion appricated.

[Duracell_Bunny]

We have been togther for about 10 months.

Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed her interest in sex has dropped. We usually see each other about 3-4 times a week and she used to get horny fairly easily. Now its only about once a week, the last time was Saturday late afternoon when I turned up at her house, she was in bed (had an early shift at work) and littrelly pulled me in there. Sunday morning she gave me the "hands off" comment. Saw her last night and she just didn't get randy at all - she was more insterested in just cuddling up, even though she acknowleded how horny I was.

This is ringing alarm bells all over for me, something feels off but generally I can't see any other signs off low interest. Her affection is still there, she calls me every night, usually more than once, still makes plans to see me. Beleive it or not she brought up the subject of kids last weekend, that bloodey well scared the crap out of me.

Monday night she called when she got into bed, telling me how much she was missing me, then after the phone call ended she left a text of "you never tell me anything like you miss me etc " - Then complained last night that I didn't respond to this text.

I'm still focusing stongly on the gym, to be honest she can sometimes get in the way of the training in ways of the diet.

I'm just wondering how to handle salvage this situation. If I see a patten and this continues or gets worse I see I have no choice but to end the relationship, I'd be gutted if I had to and I'd rather not, but I see that this must be done.

When we are next sleeping together should I simply just not bother innitiating anything or could that make the situation worse?

If she refuses again, I know asking "whats wrong?" is a bad thing to do, whats the best way to react? Simply tell her I can't be doing with this anymore?

 

[BossGQ]

Being in a LTR relationship myself... I would say your being to available to her (clingy). Decode her life before that sex decline, what may have her stopped that sex spark that you two had?

 

[goblin123]

to me that sounds like she feels neglected in some way ... and the way you told it, it more looks like fb than gf, but I think you left out most of it.

 

[Htienvu]

stop initiating, act like she does. Control your sexual urge and act like you don't need it in front of her. Don't confront her about it, the more you show her that you're desperate for sex she will have the upper hand on it.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Do you think you are being too available?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Sorry guys, but I'm really struggling to work this one out.

If she does have any feelings of being negleted I can only think this is coming from my cutting phase by spending so much time in the gym and refusing to eat certain types of food, keeping to a specific sleep pattern - I'm on a dedicated cutting phase until July which is when we have a holiday booked.

As for availability, I usually do not turn down my friends or the gym to see her - unless we have something specifly arranged in advance. Usually its a case of if I'm out with the lads and her parents are away I'd stop by her place, she even offers to pick me up if I want to drink.

Thinking way back there doesn't seem to be any trigger other than me loosing weight trying get lean, which I guess has brought a temperary downer as were not doing anything like getting drunk together or eating out. Which I told her its only short term while I'm loosing weight, but she doesn't seem very supportive.

One thing that does spring to mind is the other weekend I guess I lost a bit of her respect, she was on a night out with her work collegues and we had arranged that I pick her up at a set time. She text me asking if its fine to stay out another hour (I didn't respond), then later called told me to join her in the club just for one drink. Really I should have just picked her up and told her were going home, but I didn't realize how drunk she was until I met her. Im warey of this and on the look out for next time and I will take control if something like that happens again.

As for actually being too avaialble maybe not answering the phone each time she rings, but I have done this before when I just wasn't in the mood to talk and was enjoying chilling at home she went crazy complaining and asking why I didn't pick up, been trying to call etc.etc.

Htienvu - I will not bother initiating in the short term, I'm just worried this could lower her IL if shes not getting any by me not being the man and taking control over her.

 

[BossGQ]

Thanks for elaborating. Man **** her man!
1. She is not supportive of your goals...
2. She did not communicate with you on change of arrangements for picking her up...
3. She get wasted at a bar, just very sloppy...

You two are not on the same page...

 

[Htienvu]

Looks like the only thing you're saying she's holding back on is sex. I am just saying back off the sex thing and watch her reaction to it. Don't confront her or show that lack of sex is bothering you. If she seemed not bothered by the lack of sex then she might not be sexually attractive to you anymore. At which point get ready to be dumped or take the initiative and dump her first.

 

[vatoloco]

Hmm, although I agree with the Rx of cutting back your availability, my spider sense is tingling. Has she mentioned the "Where is this going?" thing? If she's cutting back on sex and mentioning kids, she might be positioning herself into a bargaining mindset for the near future...

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Hmm, although I agree with the Rx of cutting back your availability, my spider sense is tingling. Has she mentioned with the "Where is this going?" thing? If she's cutting back on sex and mentioning kids, she might be positioning herself into a bargaining mindset for the near future...

Shes not mentioned anything on the lines of "Where is this going?". Most of the time she just complains that I don't contact her enough, or tell her how much I like her.

At times I do worry that I might be appearing to not have much interest in her, its very rarely that I initiate contact, she is usually texting/calling me first, and also emailing me while I'm at work.

 

[cordoncordon]

Sounds to me like she is getting tired of coming in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th best to your gym routine, your friends, and whatever else you have going, and that she feels as though you only want her for sex. Not saying you shouldn't have those other things as priorities, but if you are going to be in a LTR with a girl, you do need to make them feel appreciated and wanted, and that you want to spend more time with them than just sexing. There is a fine line between being a strong independent man with his own life but who deep down loves his gf and loves spending time with her, and flat out neglecting her. Sounds like she feels you have crossed it.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Sounds to me like she is getting tired of coming in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th best to your gym routine, your friends, and whatever else you have going, and that she feels as though you only want her for sex.

This does fit in, we seem to be getting into a bit of a routine of visiting each others house and staying over rather then having a full day or evening out. Just the way our schedules are overlappiing.

As for holding back the contact, maybe unintentionally negleting her, I'm just afraid of showing too much interest.

 

[vatoloco]

As for holding back the contact, maybe unintentionally negleting her, I'm just afraid of showing too much interest.

Women like attention. Women love attention. Women, especially in a LTR, NEED attention. No matter how much some guys try to sell you the "Be a fucking asshole; don't give her any time; it's the only way she'll be with you," the reality is that you need to give the proper amount and type of attention to women. That's a fact. The Two Thirds rule is a good ratio to live by.

Still, the "kids" subject... Something's up...

 

[cordoncordon]

As for holding back the contact, maybe unintentionally negleting her, I'm just afraid of showing too much interest.

How is that working out for you?

She is your gf for crying out loud, show her some love. If not her, who??????

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

I think we have nailed this one for now, thanks guys.

Just a case of giving her a little bit more attention in ways of contact and not attempting anything sexual. Slept with her twice this weekend, and she initiated sex both times.

 

[Scars]

"Give an inch, they take a mile."

Heed my warning when I say, "just because your girlfriend is complaining about your lack of attention towards her doesn't mean you should always give it to her."

She will very quickly grow used to it. If you see her everyday for a whole week, she is going to expect it all the time. If you are attention giving just because she is pouting, she's going to quickly learn like how a baby does.. that crying is how to get her way.

It starts off with you bending a little backwards to preserve the relationship.
Then it goes into you just being nice to her just to get her to shut up, because she is constantly complaining about how much you "don't love her."

Your girlfriend is starting to show signs of neediness. The problem with these girls is, they often later become so insecure that even a missed phone call can have them calling up old exes for some quick "validation".

The fact that your girlfriend is refusing sex with you is a no brainer. It's time to get rid of her.

Brutal truth is.. she was probably window shopping for awhile, just looking for some guy to fill in her "emotional void" she's been feeling. She may not even had been looking for sex. Perhaps it was just some AFC who actually listened to her, and respected her. He started filling her emotional needs, and now it's probably on the process of turning sexual.

Woman are selfish. They always need their emotional and sexual needs filled.

But sometimes, they're both not being filled by the same person.

-Scars

 

[goldengoose]

don't go overboard and give her too much attention, maybe a little spike. she wont respond well to "too much" attention because you havent been giving that much. she will think something is up. she will also use this as a manipulation tatic for the future so be careful with what you give her. then each time you show less she will do the same until she has you wrapped around her finger.