Fvck on first date, then she drops all contact after a few days, did i get used? lol

[AlexParadox]

First off, I have not been on the site for a LONG time.
Sometimes i feel that it may be a bad thing as I sometimes catch myself doing some silly afc things here and there that I may have not done if i kept my mind in tune with semi regular reading of the djbible. Having built up a set of tools, skills, and deep rooted inner mentalities I have enabled myself in the last few years to mature myself as a person and as a dj. Its funny, i still remember when I first came on the site in grade 8 reading about the 'veterans' who laid it out simply : "all you need is confidence, nothing else matters". and the more I get experienced, the more i find its true. Anyway....

Girl approaches me at my work and gives me her number on a friday night, I call her up sunday and invite her out. We hit it off, we chat non stop and pour our souls into each other. Talking about passions, interests, future plans. I really did enjoy her personality, and felt a genuine attraction to her and we both really clicked. I invite her that night to come crash at my buddy's small get together at his place, so she phones up her mum gives her some bs story that she is staying at her girlfriends place blah blah blah.
We get to my friends place, a couple shots later we are making out. A couple minutes later we are downstairs foreplaying, fvcking, and having a ton of fun with each other. Next morning as we wake up we laugh at how successful our 'first date' was. I drive her home, kiss her before she leaves my car, and that ends our first encounter.

now i felt fvckin awsome, you know that feeling that your just on the ball and everything just worked out for ya. and it wasnt a 'too good to be true' feeling either. I felt like i played all my cards right, and I hit a home run on the first pitch.

So we text back and forth irregularly over the next few days (mon-thur), our last actual conversation entailed me saying we should hang out on the upcomming saturday she told me that she was going to some concert with a friend and we should hang out next week. I replied that i would be by her house and she should stop by as i will be at a house party in her neighboorhood, she didnt reply. that would be our last convo.

Friday i texted her something trivial like 'hey its been such a crazy week for me' (in referal to university). no reply
Saturday night i ended up not going out to that party, called her around 11. she didnt pick up.
Monday i give it one last chance, i fb messeged her along the lines of 'hey you went MIA on me over the last few days, come out with me on wednsday and we will have a 'normal' date haha.'

she for sure read my fb messege, i saw her online on fbchat like 12 hrs after i sent it.
fvck it, i said.
i deleted her out of my phone about an hour ago (tuesday).
but what went wrong?

She was deffinaty not your dumb sex crazed bimbo. a solid 8.5, she is going to school to be a children's book illustrater, loves video games, used to be into anime and all that japanese sh!t. Really awsome, a real girl with looks personality and self respect.

I have been running several scenarios through my head.
1. she got the impression that im too into the party scene (which im not really, just seemed that way with the amount of end of summer parties going on), got scared off that while shes at some concert im out hookin up with some new girl at this party in her neighboorhood.

2. she doesnt want to end up being used by me. she seems like the girl who hasnt ever experienced a guy like me who can fvck close her on the first date. probably scared for her own emotions for me.

3. sex was all she wanted out of me. a one night stand. shes the one who should be walking with a limp and holding a cane....


whats your opinions guys? I usually dont ever come for help on the boards as I have grown my own balls and just move on when sh!t happens but this is just another one of those situations that have me very perplexed. on one side i did everything you could possibly do right, on the other she vanished into thin air after

 

[Real Talk]

First off, I have not been on the site for a LONG time.
Sometimes i feel that it may be a bad thing as I sometimes catch myself doing some silly afc things here and there that I may have not done if i kept my mind in tune with semi regular reading of the djbible. Having built up a set of tools, skills, and deep rooted inner mentalities I have enabled myself in the last few years to mature myself as a person and as a dj. Its funny, i still remember when I first came on the site in grade 8 reading about the 'veterans' who laid it out simply : "all you need is confidence, nothing else matters". and the more I get experienced, the more i find its true. Anyway....

Girl approaches me at my work and gives me her number on a friday night, I call her up sunday and invite her out. We hit it off, we chat non stop and pour our souls into each other. Talking about passions, interests, future plans. I really did enjoy her personality, and felt a genuine attraction to her and we both really clicked. I invite her that night to come crash at my buddy's small get together at his place, so she phones up her mum gives her some bs story that she is staying at her girlfriends place blah blah blah.
We get to my friends place, a couple shots later we are making out. A couple minutes later we are downstairs foreplaying, fvcking, and having a ton of fun with each other. Next morning as we wake up we laugh at how successful our 'first date' was. I drive her home, kiss her before she leaves my car, and that ends our first encounter.

now i felt fvckin awsome, you know that feeling that your just on the ball and everything just worked out for ya. and it wasnt a 'too good to be true' feeling either. I felt like i played all my cards right, and I hit a home run on the first pitch.

So we text back and forth irregularly over the next few days (mon-thur), our last actual conversation entailed me saying we should hang out on the upcomming saturday she told me that she was going to some concert with a friend and we should hang out next week. I replied that i would be by her house and she should stop by as i will be at a house party in her neighboorhood, she didnt reply. that would be our last convo.

Friday i texted her something trivial like 'hey its been such a crazy week for me' (in referal to university). no reply
Saturday night i ended up not going out to that party, called her around 11. she didnt pick up.
Monday i give it one last chance, i fb messeged her along the lines of 'hey you went MIA on me over the last few days, come out with me on wednsday and we will have a 'normal' date haha.'

she for sure read my fb messege, i saw her online on fbchat like 12 hrs after i sent it.
fvck it, i said.
i deleted her out of my phone about an hour ago (tuesday).
but what went wrong?

She was deffinaty not your dumb sex crazed bimbo. a solid 8.5, she is going to school to be a children's book illustrater, loves video games, used to be into anime and all that japanese sh!t. Really awsome, a real girl with looks personality and self respect.

I have been running several scenarios through my head.
1. she got the impression that im too into the party scene (which im not really, just seemed that way with the amount of end of summer parties going on), got scared off that while shes at some concert im out hookin up with some new girl at this party in her neighboorhood.

2. she doesnt want to end up being used by me. she seems like the girl who hasnt ever experienced a guy like me who can fvck close her on the first date. probably scared for her own emotions for me.

3. sex was all she wanted out of me. a one night stand. shes the one who should be walking with a limp and holding a cane....


whats your opinions guys? I usually dont ever come for help on the boards as I have grown my own balls and just move on when sh!t happens but this is just another one of those situations that have me very perplexed. on one side i did everything you could possibly do right, on the other she vanished into thin air after

None of the three scenarios you thought of seem like realistic reasons for her to drop you after you've already banged her. They all seem to skip over what is pretty much the only reason a girl will blow you off three times: low interest. A chick can feel the three scenarios you've listed but if she still likes you, you would have heard from her.

In the rare case that it isn't low interest, the ball is definitely in her court as you've followed up a couple times. I would definitely move on, and if she contacts you again, cool, but its not like you waited around for her.

we chat non stop and pour our souls into each other. Talking about passions, interests, future plans. I really did enjoy her personality, and felt a genuine attraction to her and we both really clicked.

This might be a key to it here. You mentioned that you've had afc troubles at times and while you did get a lay out of this girl (congrats btw ) it's way early to get into such deep conversations with her. You might have scared her off after she thought about it the next day. Was there alcohol involved the night before that led to these deep convos? The key is: does she still think of fun, lighthearted things when she thinks of you? What things do you think she associates you with?

 

[AAAgent]

you got needy towards the end after the ONS.

 

[amoka]

you got needy towards the end after the ONS.

This. Plus you sound like a stalker and a whiner too. Good you dropped her because did not "go to a concert with her friend"... she was riding another dude. Be worried when she lied to her own mom she was sleeping at her friends house while she was drinking and riding you.

 

[DJ Miquelo]

Yo Alex,

The lads are speaking truth above me btw.

Reading thru ur description of events, it occurred to me that you were being a bit too open with her. You seemed to tell her alot about yourself for a first 'date' or whatever. If you disclose so much about yourself to her then how can u be the mysterious cool guy she wants to see again??

Nice one on the lay btw but as i and others have said, you did indeed play it a bit too 'openly' or whatever the word is. AND after doing this, you proceeded to do something that is always a bad idea...

you showed her you were overly interested in taking her out again...

... you also texted back and forth with her quite a bit by the sounds of things, i personally find this to be a bit of a bullet in the foot (in my experience at least) thats ANOTHER thing that took the mystery/interest out of you and gave her too much information and let her know you were not too busy to talk to her.

you must remember to at least ACT as if you have other things going on and arent relying on ONLY HER for your kicks... you should have gone LESS CONTACT.

She fvcked you cos up till that point, you WERE THE COOL GUY but you blew it after that.

but yeah, move on, DO NOT CONTACT AGAIN! and learn from it.

Peace out man

 

[Sandow]

This is common when you rush into things, especially when having sex on the first date. It was too easy for her, there was no challenge, there was no sexual tension built up.

On top of that, she prolly feels easy/slutty; and prolly thinks ur the player type anyway. And to add to that, she has a case of buyer's remorse. She obviously regrets sleeping with you without really knowing getting to know you. This is why it's important to get some rapport before having sex, so she won't regret it.

 

[Sandow]

Lastly, the advice on here is true, you followed up too eagerly. Don't listen to your AFC self, it's telling you to call her and text her because you would be a **** if you didn't. Don't listen to this!! Girl's aren't attracted to sappy, whiny nice guys!! It may sound like a dyck move to ignore her, but trust this will only create more attraction. Sure follow up, but only once and see how her reaction is and then go from there.

 

[Falcon25]

A woman has nothing invested in you emotionally if you have sex with her early. It is easier for her to walk away. Read my previous posts to see why this is.

 

[AlexParadox]

Thanks for the replies guys,
ya i totally agree. everything just seemed to fit into place and I just kept up with the pace on that date. She now knows alot about me, and has slept with me. no challenge. I was a male slut.

@ Real Talk

all the 'deep convos' where before we hit up the party. and i think I just got too overly excited about my passions and interests I forgot about the element of mysetery.

@ DJ Miquelo

If you disclose so much about yourself to her then how can u be the mysterious cool guy she wants to see again??

exactly

you showed her you were overly interested in taking her out again...

This is true as well

... you also texted back and forth with her quite a bit by the sounds of things....you must remember to at least ACT as if you have other things going on and arent relying on ONLY HER for your kicks... you should have gone LESS CONTACT.

I wouldnt exactly say i texted back and forth too much. usually it was a few min text convos in the evening. nothing too much. This is one point that i do not feel i did not fail at. untill of course she shut down and stopped contacting me, then i proceeded with a text, a call, then finally a messege.


@Sandow

This is common when you rush into things, especially when having sex on the first date. It was too easy for her, there was no challenge, there was no sexual tension built up.

On top of that, she prolly feels easy/slutty; and prolly thinks ur the player type anyway. And to add to that, she has a case of buyer's remorse. She obviously regrets sleeping with you without really knowing getting to know you. This is why it's important to get some rapport before having sex, so she won't regret it.

hundred percent agree,
i think the reason why I freaked out at the end and tried to make contact over various means is that I wanted more then sex out of her. After our first date i considered her potential gf material. but i screwed that up with exactly what you mentioned.

its funny, as i look at it now... it seems like i went to fast for even myself. I should have made the judgement call after we hit it off wether taking her back to my buddies place would be a good next move if i actually had interest in more then her vag!na. but Perfectly played for any other girl that I had no interest other then sex.

Thanks alot for the imput guys!

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks for the replies guys,
ya i totally agree. everything just seemed to fit into place and I just kept up with the pace on that date. She now knows alot about me, and has slept with me. no challenge. I was a male slut.

@ Real Talk

all the 'deep convos' where before we hit up the party. and i think I just got too overly excited about my passions and interests I forgot about the element of mysetery.

@ DJ Miquelo

exactly

This is true as well


I wouldnt exactly say i texted back and forth too much. usually it was a few min text convos in the evening. nothing too much. This is one point that i do not feel i did not fail at. untill of course she shut down and stopped contacting me, then i proceeded with a text, a call, then finally a messege.


@Sandow


hundred percent agree,
i think the reason why I freaked out at the end and tried to make contact over various means is that I wanted more then sex out of her. After our first date i considered her potential gf material. but i screwed that up with exactly what you mentioned.

its funny, as i look at it now... it seems like i went to fast for even myself. I should have made the judgement call after we hit it off wether taking her back to my buddies place would be a good next move if i actually had interest in more then her vag!na. but Perfectly played for any other girl that I had no interest other then sex.

Thanks alot for the imput guys!

I don't think what you did was THAT bad. I mean I've been with girls the first or second night and had the same level of communication you did with your girl and my girls were all over me. I think some here overestimate the importance in being a "mystery" or playing hard to get. Not that that isn't important and you for sure should not be a typical afc, but the bottom line is if she was really into you, and you had totally rocked her world sexually that night, she would be eating up any attention you give her. My present gf and I of 1.5 years slept together on our second date, and even after the first date, it was pretty much non stop communication either by phone call, text, email, or in person. And neither one of us complained about not having 'mystery' or that the other was playing too hard to get. We couldn't get enough of each other actually. When you meet the right person, all those games go out the window.

That being said, you did contact her too many times without a reply from her. Twice was enough. If she was interested, she would have gotten back to you after the first time. There would have been no need to contact her a 2nd 3rd and 4th time. IF they are interested, girls will let you know that well enough.

 

[dj_china]

you contacted her 4 times without her replying
that's too needy

 

[1 Bad Dude]

You were good up until the point you guys parted ways monday morning. After that you became needy. Evidenced by your constant availability. You didn't "disconnect" letting her wonder about you. Needy people smother non-needy people. Two needy people can get along as is the case with cordoncordon's situation.

 

[cordoncordon]

You were good up until the point you guys parted ways monday morning. After that you became needy. Evidenced by your constant availability. You didn't "disconnect" letting her wonder about you. Needy people smother non-needy people. Two needy people can get along as is the case with cordoncordon's situation.

LOL I am far from needy, but I understand your point. Have lived on my own since I was 18 except for one ex I lived with for 3 years. Have been proposed to 3 times. Have gone for many periods with no gf. In fact I like being alone a lot. My point is, when you meet the right person, the vibe is right between both of you, and you just KNOW that this is the person for you, all those little things like counting the days between phone calls or texts, or waiting a week to ask her out, fly out the window. Trust me when you meet the right person, you'll know what I'm talking about. Think of the movie Swingers and the last girl the guy meets-he played games with the other girls and got no where, but the last girl? Bingo no games and they knew they didn't need to play games. I am by no means saying that you should become afc and lose your manhood or frame to her, I always make sure that is on point. I am saying that the little things people do to try and create interest don't matter, because the high IL is already there. You don't meet people like this very often, maybe twice in a lifetime, but when you do, it's a great feeling knowing those typical games and things people do in the start of a relationship are unimportant and you can just be yourself and have fun without the stress of worrying if she is into you or not, and you in return are just as into her. If you need to play games after you already fvcked her once, odds are there is something wrong and her IL is low, and no amount of mystery is going to move that back up.

Now bear in mind there is a difference between a true connection between two people, two sane people who really get and like each other without any games or strings...and someone who likes the other but is BPD. I have had a BPD fall for me, and let me tell you the love and affection she gave me right away was out of this world. But I knew right away something was "off' with her. Couldn't put my finger on it, but later on it became apparent she wasn't all there and in fact was a full blown BPD case and had been her whole life. The girl I'm with now is sane and straight as an arrow. We are just two people who get each other and have since day one, and in 1.5 years have had 2 fights. In fact she just came over after work unexpectedly for a quickie sexing, and we had it twice yesterday, and again this is after 1.5 years. And we are with each other just about every day and do almost everything together. It really is amazing how well two people can get along with you meet the right one.

 

[Tiguere]

the title of the thread sounds so girly though.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

LOL I am far from needy, but I understand your point....

One of my friends is going through a separation and turned to POF and Zoosk to get back in the game. He talked to/met maybe a dozen girls on each before he found one normal girl and they've been talking non-stop for the last four or five weeks. Will they last? Who knows, but they seem to be "clicking." So I understand your situation. I just tend to over-simplify my responses as not to get into long drawn out explanations. I didn't plan on contributing anything else to this thread, but I had to point out how you reacted to being put on the spot. I'm glad you responded in a calm, cool and collected way instead of the usual hard-ass way most people tend to. What people don't realize is that they project their own moods and states-of-mind onto others. I can tell who most of the bitter, angry and unnecessarily confrontational people are just by reading their reactions to things said to them.

 

[maqnetik]

you took things too fast, she scared herself and beat you to the punch. alot of times girls just want to pretend like a one-night-stand never happened.

 

[nismo-4]

You got too desperate for this woman after this little ONS. Guilty as charged. I committed this same offense before and had the same end result with you. Except the girl got back with her boyfriend. You may have also committed the crime of Oneitis Development.

The court orders you to just act indifferent, and that you can get a girl anytime. Had you not been needy or too available, this might have become "Pu$$y On Demand!" But you got clingy and lost out.

I do commend you on getting laid though. Your peers probably did too.

Case closed.