frustrated. getting a gf *MUST* be easier!

[wiggadude]

I simply can't believe that getting a gf is this complicated. I've followed the DJ stuff -- I'm actually approaching and talking to men and women (more women) everywhere I go. Despite this, I've really not met any girls where I would've wanted to ask for their number, simply because I wasn't sufficiently interested in them.

Look guys -- you don't meet a new girl every day that you'd want to be your girlfriend. We are all way more picky than that. Even if I went to social events every single day, I'd probably only talk to one girl per week that I'm sort of interested in.

I find this frustrating. I'm 25 and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I've had the meaningless sex and I don't care for it. I want the emotional attachment and support.

How do people do this? I don't think _they_ are browsing message boards for months on end (or years, as some unfortunate souls on here). I must be missing something.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I was just about to hit the club before I read this.

Now I gotta reply.

Look bro..I'm in the same boat as you. A lil older than the frat boy fellas on here looking for the next lay..after lay..after lay.

Been there, done that.

But, finding Ms Right IS that hard.

Look at the average married couple in America. The statistics aren't with you when it comes down to a 60% divorce rate (and possibly climbing).

Yea, I'm sure you see most of your buds settling down, getting married, driving mini-vans..or they are in that LTR for the past 4 years with Ms Wonderful. That's fine and dandy for them, but, the chances they last isn't so great.

Then there's a weird progression when you meet women. In college, they're everywhere. Good quality women who are college and future minded. THEN YOU GRADUATED. Now you meet women at bars and night clubs where the quality becomes poorer and poorer.

Where are the good ones? That's the million dollar question. Especially when you are picky. We want the non-attention grabbing, golddigging, hot bodied, beautiful woman, that will be supportive and understanding and great in bed.

So what's hard about that?

Of course its hard. It doesn't come by magic. But I'd rather know what I want and it be hard to find, than to settle.

When you settle, you'll always wonder what if....and regret will stick with you forever.

Ok I'm out...keep posting bro...maybe in the mature man forum too..

 

[Donald Kaufman]

"the apartment girl"

I believe the best LTR candidates are what people I know have come to call "the apartment girls"

In their teens and early twenties they went to bars and clubs looking to meet someone. They didn't find anyone outstanding and decided going out and looking wasn't getting anywhere so they focus on other things.

They focus on careers and hobbies and maybe charity work. They take classes in pottery or cooking, they go to restaurants or lounges with friends. Every few months they venture into clubs for a bachelorette or friends birthday but stick in a large group of women.

Meanwhile, they have come to believe that Mr. Right is out there and when the time is right he will find them. As they get older they might start looking again or essentially give up.

When they are in "the apartment girl" stage they keep fit and are intelligent. They have enough money to travel and usually will have a nicer car or house then you.

The problem is finding them. They don't go places you are likely to be. When they go grocery shopping they have a ***** shield up. It's not because they are mean or unfriendly, because they are attractive they get bothered a lot. You might think, but if she is waiting for Mr. Right shouldn't she be looking around?

This is the interesting part. Despite being intelligent, travelled and quite self aware she believes that when she finds Mr. Right she will be able to identify him by his ability to break through the shield.

Off the top of my head I can think of 4 guys who got through the shield and I know in the past we have managed to come up with close to a dozen. There is one thing they all have in common. The guy had a female friend who gave the guy good word of mouth to "the apartment girl". They usually meet "accidently" (is there such a thing as an accident when two females are involved) at a party or a parking lot and the guy is prepared and takes advantage of the situation.

So far, in my experience, it takes preparedness and a female friend. It still takes a while but this is where the best LTRs have come from.

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by wiggadude
I simply can't believe that getting a gf is this complicated. I've followed the DJ stuff -- I'm actually approaching and talking to men and women (more women) everywhere I go. Despite this, I've really not met any girls where I would've wanted to ask for their number, simply because I wasn't sufficiently interested in them.

You've been here for well over a month now, you still haven't met a single girl that you've been interested in enough to ask for her number? Not to be rude, but it sounds like, while you're doing better with approaching, you may still be a little (or more than a little) hesitant to put yourself in the situation where a girl could shoot you down. Take risks. Try completing the DJ Boot Camp...

 

[Scought]

This is what i do. While I am younger, but not by much, I still appreciate a monogamous relationship.

I usually get bored with girls easily. I'll go meet up with them and just get bored. But, the more I go out with girls I dont eventually find interesting, the more I brush up on my skills, the more I know WHAT to look for and WHAT NOT to look for.
Also, I will be ready for when I do find an amazing girl.

I think you should try and go on small dates, get togethers, etc., with some of the women you may be dismissing, because they arent already perfect the second you meet them.

Nothing wrong with getting a number of a girl that is cute, but not a bombshell, at least you are practicing, maybe she has friends, who knows. But dont just stop playing the game, until you see the perfect women. thats like never taking a swing at a baseball til you get the perfect pitch. You need batting practice, so at least you know what works and what doesnt.
You cant just turn it on and off like a switch.

 

[DrSoSuave]

Seems like some of you people in this thread are having frustrations over finding someone to be your companion and lover at the same time (ie. girlfriend.) If it's that hard, ever think about just looking for friends instead of girls?

 

[juanstepatatime]

Originally posted by wiggadude
I simply can't believe that getting a gf is this complicated. I've followed the DJ stuff -- I'm actually approaching and talking to men and women (more women) everywhere I go. Despite this, I've really not met any girls where I would've wanted to ask for their number, simply because I wasn't sufficiently interested in them.

Isn't this sorta back-assward? If you're not getting numbers, you're not going on dates, so you're not getting to know them in sufficient depth, so you're not "interested" in them enough. How long is the initial meeting? 10 mins? An hour maybe? That's probably not enough time to learn enough about her that you'd want her to be your girlfriend.

Dating = spending time together so you can get to know each other.

 

[AverageFC]

A lil older than the frat boy fellas on here looking for the next lay..after lay..after lay.

I'm one of those fellas looking for a relationship, not a lay bro.

 

[StringShredder]

Stop wanting a freaking girlfriend!

Girls have cooties, remember? That's one important thing you should have learned in elementary school, in addition to reading, writing and arithmetic.

Girlfriends are a hassle.
Focus on all the good things about not having a girlfriend.
Now, whenever you meet new girls, stop seeing each one as a potential girlfriend. Pretend that each new girl is ugly, and wants to be your girlfriend, against your own inclination.

Think to yourself: what can I get from her, short of allowing her to be my girlfriend?
Being your girlfriend is a special position for her that she has to work for, and which is largely troublesome to you, as an independent man who want to do whatever the heck he feels like.

I can guarantee you that when you do get a girlfriend, before you know it, you will be checking out other girls when you think she's not looking.

 

[DJLegion]

Maybe you can find some help with this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=60543

 

[midwestguy]

Me too. I ask a hot girl out at work and she brushed me off.

 

[chance]

Originally posted by midwestguy
Me too. I ask a hot girl out at work and she brushed me off.

tried looking in the mirror lately?

 

[midwestguy]

Originally posted by chance
tried looking in the mirror lately?

Well I will call Lindsay back again somtime. I will not let it die.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Bump..

Swampwiz and Donald Kaufman have some very interesting points.

I think this thread belongs in he mature man forum.

The "Apartment Woman" and "B*tch Shield" observations are right on.

The funny thing is...I STILL will go to these nightspots because I've had success with ONS as well as STRs and LTRs. Of course, the percentage you find an LTR material woman in a Nightclub is very small...IT DOES HAPPEN. Hell, a quality guy like myself is there, so why the heck wouldnt a quality woman be there?

It is an interesting trick when it comes to the apartment women though. How to get them out of their hole.

Now fellas, I'm talking quality women with moderately nice paying careers, doesn't have 2-3 kids with 2 different dads, and is $20,000 in the hole with credit cards.

These women are hard to find. People will say whatever they want about access and availability...but they AREN'T in the typical booty club/frat boy bar.

On that "occassion" they go out with the girls...I have better luck finding a quality woman at salsa nightclubs, upscale lounges, bars...rather than the louder booty shaking clubs.

Donald, swamp, and others...keep on with the input regarding apartment women. I'd like to hear more ideas from other DJs on this one.

 

[wiggadude]

where are the women?

Today is Sunday. I figured I should try some DJing, so I got up early and did the following things:

- went to a nice, fancy big outdoor shopping center to get a haircut

- read magazines inside a bookstore

- went looking for clothes in 3 different fancy (GAP, Abercrombie, ...) clothing stores

- went to the public library to find some books

- went to the gym

I did all this between noon and 3:30 PM. I was looking the whole time and I saw maybe two girls that I thought were really cute. Guess what, they were either with guys, or they were pushing a baby stroller (very young moms).

So I'm asking you guys: where are all the nice, good-looking (I'm not asking for supermodels), reasonably intelligent (I'm not looking for geniuses), non-materialistic, interesting, content women?

I just don't see them.

 

[AverageFC]

These women are hard to find.

This is honestly what scares me ****less about graduating from college.

 

[wiggadude]

Dude, I'm 25, and since I graduated from college my action has been zero. ZERO. The only chick I hooked up with since I graduated 4 years ago was a fat chick who was really into me, so I didn't do any work.

After college it's absolutely impossible to meet any women, that's my experience.

Originally posted by AverageFC
This is honestly what scares me ****less about graduating from college.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by wiggadude
Dude, I'm 25, and since I graduated from college my action has been zero. ZERO. The only chick I hooked up with since I graduated 4 years ago was a fat chick who was really into me, so I didn't do any work.

After college it's absolutely impossible to meet any women, that's my experience.

Nahh...its not IMPOSSIBLE. This is when you have to change your attitude. It is harder to find "qualified" women after college because your standards are higher. This means you have to be MORE outgoing, MORE confident, MORE willing to open yourself to new ideas and social outlets.

Do things you never thought you'd do. Join a book club, go back to school and take a couple night courses, learn swing/salsa dancing, go out wth those co-workers that you regularly don't associate with.

Hell...25 isn't old by any means.

I also think that your attitude is too needy. Don't look for it bro. Focus on YOU first. Hit the gym, take a class for yourself, learn how to swing dance - for YOURSELF. When you are positive about your life w/ or w/o women, you radiate that to other people. The more you state this negative attitude about where are the quality women, the more women will notice that...and you WILL come off as needy w/o even knowing it.

Do yourself a favor. Get away from DJing for a while. Stop thinking about women, focus on yourself....better yourself mentally w/o women.

When you least expect it...it will come bro.

 

[AverageFC]

Hell...25 isn't old by any means.

It is if you'd like to be married around 28

 

[Donald Kaufman]

The funny thing is...I STILL will go to these nightspots because I've had success with ONS as well as STRs and LTRs. Of course, the percentage you find an LTR material woman in a Nightclub is very small...IT DOES HAPPEN. Hell, a quality guy like myself is there, so why the heck wouldnt a quality woman be there?

It is an interesting trick when it comes to the apartment women though. How to get them out of their hole.

Now fellas, I'm talking quality women with moderately nice paying careers, doesn't have 2-3 kids with 2 different dads, and is $20,000 in the hole with credit cards.

These women are hard to find. People will say whatever they want about access and availability...but they AREN'T in the typical booty club/frat boy bar.

On that "occassion" they go out with the girls...I have better luck finding a quality woman at salsa nightclubs, upscale lounges, bars...rather than the louder booty shaking clubs.

Exactly.

The key is to get in their network, or at least meet them in a "safer" situation, like a church single's function or volunteering.

Very true.

Nahh...its not IMPOSSIBLE. This is when you have to change your attitude. It is harder to find "qualified" women after college because your standards are higher. This means you have to be MORE outgoing, MORE confident, MORE willing to open yourself to new ideas and social outlets.

Do things you never thought you'd do. Join a book club, go back to school and take a couple night courses, learn swing/salsa dancing, go out wth those co-workers that you regularly don't associate with.

Couldn't agree more.

To complete the circle ...

-HPNOTIQ- and swampwiz seem to be on the same page I am.

It's like when you're in a LTR in HS and some big gift swapping holiday comes up. The guy buys the girl some neat gadget and the girl buys the guy a sweater.

They go out and buy the other what they themselves want.

While we are creating a life we love we do things that appeal to us and on some level believe the other will happen into us. As the guy we have to occasionally try something new to find them.

Keep doing what appeals to you but also go someplaces that are not normal for you. Keep improving yourself and your life. Have your game in shape for when you meet these girls. Make some female friends that can initiate you into the world of quality, single women even if you aren't that compatible.

It boils down to requoting -HPNOTIQ-

"This means you have to be MORE outgoing, MORE confident, MORE willing to open yourself to new ideas and social outlets."