igetit, i'm pretty sure i'm in the friendzone now, just trying to learn as much as I can from this.
to answer your questions -
You don't actually have to be just straight out "banging her",but there HAS TO BE SOMETHING SEXUAL going on BESIDES JUST WORDS AND TALKING. If she mentioned it,you discussed it for a minute or two,then went on to something more fun or exciting,you may be ok,but if you linger on it,then once it's over,it's on to another problem or issue,uhhh yeah,friendzone.
1. lately all that I have been doing is verbally flirting - and that's rare too since we're rarely alone (always in a study group). when we are alone, i flirt with her more, and do some kino, but haven't been doing much in terms of sexual stuff (other than that one time at the bar)
what are somethings that I could have done better in this area?
If you've known this girl for only a short time and this topic she brought up about her sister is just something discussed in passing,you might be ok,but if she REPEATEDLY talks to you about problems and issues REGUARDLESS OF WHO THOSE ISSUES BELONG TO,then yeah,you're her E tampon,and you're friendzoned.
2. she did mention it in passing, and i moved the convo back to light/fun, in the moment type of stuff. she has never continually mentioned problems (i'd also be an idiot not to recognize the FZ if she did). But we've known each other for 4 months now.
When you say that you two "almost hooked up",what does that mean?
Did you almost kiss,go somewhere and have sex,or what? Also,who initiated this "almost hookup",how long had you known each other when this happened,and most importantly....WHAT WERE YOU DOING OR SAYING TO HER/EACH OTHER in the moments leading up to it?
the night we went out, it was about 1 month after we met. it was our group of friends celebrating the end of our first tests. I've made no moves on her at all (since i've never tried going for a taken girl) and had no plans that night either. I was just having a good time, talking to everyone and letting loose. We already had been drinking before hand and I've been escalating kino, more playful touches, hugs etc. At the bar, she got mad after I had been ignoring her. I was sitting down talking to another girl when she came over, grabbed my hand and said, dance with me.
we go to the dance floor and she is grinding her body on me. we do this for a while. we walk off the dance floor away from our friends. flirt for a little bit. i'm playfully stroking her hair, my hands on her and she's wrapped around me. we get shots at the bar and that's when I was making my move to kiss her. I slowed things down. stopped talking, and just looked in her eyes with a smile. our hands are around each other and right when I'm about to kiss her, one of our mutual friends finds us and grabs us and says we gotta go. dude gives me a look too (the she has a bf, wtf are u doing look).
here's the full story for you(or anyone else who wants to break it down down).
in short, i'm interested in a girl who's in my close social circle who has a BF, and I don't want to cheat. A ONS won't be worth losing my social circle, and ruining my chances with the other girls, since it's a very small school (80 students in grad program, we are both 23).
So the tricky part is, the only time I would go for her, is if she and her BF broke up. How could I have avoided the friendzone during that time, even though we spend a lot of mandatory time together in class, and with mutual friends? U said avoiding the friendzone is easy, but I didn't know how to avoid it with the methods I know on a girl with a BF. (what i know is basically just being sexually direct, asking her out and walking away, or openly being sexual with her -
being in the same social circle and seeing each other in class everyday complicate things).
here's the story with how everything started. I met HB9 at an orientation party for a small masters program that we're both in. make small talk, i walk away after a bit to talk with other girls (be mysterious/challenge, show i'm not just into her). I couldn't find her again, so I left. Next day she facebooks me, so I add her. her fb says she's in a relationship, so I instantly "next" her in my mind.
coincidentally, one of the girls that lives in the same apt building as me who I friend (so she can give me rides to school if my car breaks down) is HB9's best friend. My guy friends also hang out with the girl in the apartment building, so instantly we are in the same social circle.
since school started in september, our social group has been very close and we spend a lot of time together (studying + eating). I believe in karma, so
I didn't make any moves going after a taken girl. At the same time, I wasn't AFC in doing whatever she says, or trying to spend all my time with her (although we do spend a lot of time in study groups, but other ppl are there as well).
one time, we all go drinking, and she gets hot and heavy for me. leads me away from the group and is practically begging me to kiss her (talking to me with her face inches from mine, with unblinking eye contact, arms around me. we are going to different places around the bar, getting drinks and when i was about to kiss her, one of our friends found us and told us to head back. It was then when I decided not to go for it.
Because of how small our school is, and that we're in the same social circle, i decided not to go with it. theres 80 people in our program, and I was afraid that hooking up with a girl who has a BF will spread to all the other girls and ruin my chances with them, and make me lose my social circle
(in ur perspective, is that true, should I have anyway, or was there a way around it?).
The next day, i was expecting her to be like "oh i got really drunk, i don't remember anything", to subtly play off what happened. Instead she said she "strangely remembered everything and had a fun time". (
continuing sign of interest?)
next weekend she says shes going back home to hang out with her friends (its also where her BF lives) and invites me to go with her (I declined, said i was busy). At this point, I see her every day in class, and when our study group gets together (This is as much as I can minimize our time together).
After that I start dating another girl and that makes her really jealous. (but like you said in that other thread, that could just be she's missing the attention I had been giving her, right?).
Now it's the new semester, and i ended up having dinner alone with HB9, completely due to chance. it was supposed to be a study group dinner, but something came up with the other person and couldn't make it.
That's when HB9 started talking about her sister having a bad start to the new year, and I stupidly asked why, and she tells me how her sister's BF cheated on her. HB9's never talked about her problems with her own BF to me, or mentioned other classic friendzone signs. But my gut and other DJs on this forum tell me that this is one of them (right?)
That's basically it. I'm trying not to get tripped up on this girl, but I am trying to learn as much as I can from it. I've never been in a situation like this (
potential branchswing?), so if you could break it down for me, tell me what things I could have done, or should not have done, it would be much appreciated.
It's not for this girl, but for the next haha. Thanks again for the help
" you can take it further after she responds.