Friends With Benefits Catastrophe

[Johnny Alias]

Been occasionally sleeping with this long time friend. She's a ****ing serious HB9. She likes football, is funny, and I've always had a thing for her.

Thing is every time we'd bang she'd get into the pillow talk, tell me she loves me, blah blah blah... and every time I took her words to heart, stupid ****ing heart, and make a move for a little more like a dinner or whatever she'd pull away.

She had a party at her house last Sunday and after we ended up banging for like 8 hours. Then her words went full on... I love you, i could see myself marrying you, my mom thinks you're the best.. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Then she says we should get dinner this week. Fine. Last night was a disaster. We got to the restaurant and sit in the bar area. There's some mutual friends there giving us the eye "you guys on a date?" No, no. Of course not. Then she wanders off for almost the whole night and barely says two words to me. When we did talk she was yet again distant bordering on cold. Got stuck with a nice bill too.

Confronted her about it. Not very DJ but I was ticked. She claimed she was nervous about us doing a date thing and apologized. I said we shouldnt hang for a while. Also not very DJ.

I've got lots of plates. Learned my lesson from our last few push pull sessions. Women were literally texting me to hang out during this debacle. Should have had one pick me up and ditch her. That would have been DJ.

They say advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer... but **** I need it. I need to drop this chick. My hearts too tied up in her and she fvckin knows it. Hard to let go of one of the hottest chicks in town... but I don't really have her anyway do I? Damn. Hard to say goodbye to someone I talk to almost everyday.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Damn Pairs. You're right. I'd forgotten that I'd even written about her... That is a BAD sign that I was worried about it before. Here was Brad's advice... which I should have followed.

You have known this girl for 5 years.. she has always acted like this and she will never make you happy or fulfill your emotional needs. Otherwise, she would have done so already. Continue banging her periodically, she seems to be a good occasional side fvck buddy but that's all she will ever be. Don't get attached to her and please for the love of god whatever you do don't fall in love with her. You are using protection aren't you? I don't want your next thread to be an STD/pregnancy one.

She is cold and distant and might have mental/personality/previous history of rape or incest issues. Do not, I repeat do not, try to make a housewife out of a wh0re. It has been tried by many men before you and they have failed every single time.[/B]

And I did... I did fall in love with her dammit. UGH. Need to block her and move on. This is just dumb. Honestly my friends warned me about her and said not to get attached. She drinks a lot and has gone through men like kleenex. My stupid ego kept saying I'm different and special and can get through all those daddy issues. I'm not a fvcking therapist... and most REAL therapists can't fix an HPD or whatever Cluster B I think she might be.

Time to avoid avoid avoid her like the plague. Feel like fricking Pete Carroll right now. MADE THE WRONG CALL. And fvck me she better not be pregnant.

 

[MOTU]

Sounds like you have a good plan Johnny, but you are gonna have to be committed to it. Once she starts feeling you pull away, my guess is she'll try to lure you back in, and the more you resist, the harder she'll try. And as soon as she gets sexy all up on you and you think "sh!t, I'll just put my d!ck in her one more time" she'll have you right where she wants you, and where you started.

Stay strong bro!!

 

[glass half full]

change your phone number, email, whatever. Keep curtains pulled and don't answer the door.

I know attention *****s. Her response to her friends inquiry about you, at my age I would have took the present ticket and split right then. But I understand those chicks know how to pull strings. Next string she pulls can be her tampon string.

 

[WC2]

I'm actually dating a woman exactly like this right now. She's some sort of cluster B.. Whethere its NPD/HPD/BPD, you have to figure that out for yourself.

Here are my thoughts.. If you're already deep in and have irretractable feelings, you need to find a good exit. Look into sites that give you instruction on breaking things off with a cluster b. It involves a lot of deleting her number, social profiles, etc. It may seem not healthy in the least, but sometimes the best way to heal from these women is to find another woman while you're still seeing her who you can develop feelings for. And make sure she's a healthy partner as well. Once you've achieved this, totally cut off contact with the cluster b. This will take away a lot of the pain you're going to go thru. If you break away cold with no backup option, you're inevitably going to fall back into it like a drug addict.

Now - if you're like me and you can keep your feelings at bay, you can do this:

Continue seeing her, but realize she just sees you as an object to make her feel better. And make sure you see her as just an object that is good for sex. Keep your 'dates' few and far between.. I'm talking 1-2 times a month. This will insure you aren't getting hooked and insure she's going to want to fbck your brains out everytime you see her.

Give her what she wants.. When she says she loves you, feel free to say it back. But say it back with the foresight that you don't really mean it; you're simply just saying it to keep things civil and continue sexing her.

And if she catches you cheating? Guess what? Who cares? She's 100% cheating as well.

You're playing with fire here.. So only take option 2 if you can truly handle it. Be honest with yourself. And you better have at least 3 other plates that you can spin so you don't get feelings for this chick. And you best not be seeing this girl more than once a week (if that). And you best not let her label you as something serious to others.. You don't need that drama in your life.

Best of luck.

 

[Johnny Alias]

I appreciate the advice WC2. If I'm being honest with myself... I can't see her anymore. She was never a gf. If I look at our conversations objectively 80% of it was about her or her *****ing about someone else. Questions about me were merely obligatory because she knew she needed to say them.

It's weird. When a chick this cold and distant drinks... they light up... and it seems like they're normal for a heartbeat. Then they sober up... then :kick:

It's a little disheartening. I can only hope this job transfer she was supposed to get to Houston happens. Be a lot easier that way.

Tried calling her after a week of not speaking yesterday. She answered, said she was hopping on a conference call, and that she would call me back later.

That didn't happen. If she was a true plate I wouldn't give a ****, but she's not anymore in my head. Time to let that **** go completely.

Thanks again.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Johny,
You really tolerate so much bad behaviour...when she wandered off I would have left the Resteurant,let hewr sort out the Bill!...did that last year to a difficult Woman upset her no end LOL.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear WC2,
" She's some sort of cluster B.. Whethere its NPD/HPD/BPD, you have to figure that out for yourself."....So why isn't she just an over endulged brat?

 

[VladPatton]

That push/pull she's doing to you will give you agony forever. Stop banging her, talk to her every now and then, and look for a better girl. It really has to be that pragmatic and strict in order for you to get away from her toxicity.