Hoolyyy sh11tt! I CANNOT BELIEVE what an amazing time i had tonight! Wooohaaa! Man, where to begin?! First off, me and Styling got hooked up with passes to Lucid, so we got in without paying the $20 cover. That kicked ass. So we're in and you know what... like i said to Styling, THIS IS MY HOUSE! You really should try seeing it that way. When you walk in, picture it... this is YOUR party. This is YOUR house. The dancefloor is YOUR livingroom. The hotties are here to see YOU! Man, did i wreck havoc with that attitude or what? Warmups? FVCK warmups! Right away, i spot a 3-set. These are the, THE hottest chicks in the entire club, solid 9.5's! I walk up to one, put my arms around her and go "hey... i like you" Boom! So two minutes later, i'm talking to all three of them, heavy kino with all of em. Seriously overdone though cuz i could see my girl get discouraged. But anyway, i realize that Stylin is off to the side somewhere, so i grab my target's friend and just drag her towards him. I just left her there and he took care of the rest. The two of em came back to me and the other two chicks a few minutes later. Man, that was fun! I don't know what the hell happened next... i took a step to the side to watch the DJ for a minute, then turned around and realized the chicks were walking away. Styling just said that something said wrong. The hell? Anyway, we'll come back to these three later! On to other good stuff. There were like three VIP areas in Lucid tonight, for three separate birthday parties. Of course, this being "my house" and all, i got us invited to all of em. You know what, if you act like you own the place, no one asks questions. I was chilling in one of the VIP areas when a bouncer showed up out of nowhere:
Bouncer: Sir, i'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Me: Excuse me?
Bouncer: This is a private party
Me: I'm invited
Bouncer: This is an all-Asian party
Me: Listen. This is Ashley's (chick i made up on the fly) party. I'm invited.
Bouncer: Alright. Well... next time, just ask.
Me: Understood
Hahah man that was easy! Chilled there for a bit, then off for my third visit to another party. These guys had tons of alcohol and food everywhere. I just walked around giving everyone pats on the back and knowing nods, as if i know everyone.
Me: So where's the Smirnoff?
Random guy: Over here
Me: Got a shot glass?
Random guy: Here you go
Me: Thanks buddy! Cheers!
Took a few shots and ate some cake. Grabbed a few shots for Stylin, who was busy chatting up some chicks. Yea, so off to the next birthday party we went. Holy sh1t, how many people's birthday is it this weekend? So we invited ourselves into another VIP again, and spotted one chick giving another a massage on the couch. I just hopped in next to them and told one to teach me how to massage. But they got shy and stopped. The pretty blonde who was getting a massage turned out to be the birthday girl. Gave me sh1t about having a boyfriend immediately. And she really did, he showed up later. But initially, i just laughed and pointed at the corner. "You see that corner? I'm gonna curl up there and cry now! Can i get a kleenex? Get me a kleenex dammit!" She started cracking up and relaxed. Really cool chick. Later on, i made her go around the VIP asking everyone if they had gum. She was a good girl and found me some. Her boyfriend wasn't the least happy, but i patted him on the back and gave him a trademark knowing nod, and he chillaxed.
Yea, so back to the dancefloor i went. Found another 9.5 who danced with me for a bit til her boyfriend showed up. I refused to give her up and he tried to mess up my hair! Hahahah! I kid you not! That was gold, i almost died laughing! Another 9.5 and same story with the damn boyfriend! Arghh! It was Republik's opening night tonight so Lucid was half-empty. These two 9.5's plus the earlier 3-set were the only chicks over 9 in the entire club. So off i went to look for my 3 friends. Found em a short while later, but Styling disappeared somewhere and i couldn't keep all three of them. Fvck, i just kept jumping from one to another, heavy kino and all. But i spread myself too thin and there wasn't enough of me for either of em. The blonde whom i dragged to Stylin earlier started dancing up to some guys. I pulled her back towards me, buried my head in her hair and whispered "why you little attention wh0re!" Unfoortunatellyy... the music was really loud and she only heard the "wh0re." Hahahah! OMG! She just kinda got... lost for a moment and then two minutes later, i was talking to this other 9 (finally, found one more) when my three friends showed up. Charlies Angels style! It was so adorable, they were fuming! The blonde goes "you called me a wh0re!!" and they all gave me the finger in front of the entire club. OMG! I was laughing so hard i almost exploded! Poor girls didn't know what social proof is! Because um... after that incident, all the other chicks were staring! They all assumed i was the boyfriend of one of the hottest chicks in the club and did something (presumably dump her) to really piss her off. Absolute insanity! You know, i just got back home, but everything's already a haze! So much other sh1t happened that i can't even remember anymore!
The next thing i remember is deciding to call it a night at about 2:30AM. Still couldn't find Stylin. Now, remember what i said about this being my house? You're gonna love this part. The coatcheck lineup was HUGE. COLOSSAL! We're talking a good half-hour. So here's what i did. I just started working my way through from the back to the front. I basically acted like a bouncer trying to get through the lineup. "Out of the way please!" "Coming through!" Two minutes later i was in front of the lineup. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. The REAL bouncer was on to me.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: You can't do that
Me: My buddy John (guy i made up on the spot) is in front of the lineup.
Him: Does he have your ticket?
Me: No, i'm going there to give it to him.
Him: Alright, go ahead then.
(so there i was, in front of the lineup, supposedly to hand over my ticket to a non-existant buddy who was waiting there for me. The bouncer was right beside me, i had to improvise. I put my hand on the shoulder of some guy standing in line.)
Me: Hey bud, how you doin?
Him: Hey
Me: Listen, here's my ticket. Do me a favor and give it to the coatcheck girl?
Him: Sure
Me: Appreciate it
(at this point, i give him a meaningful nod, and another to the bouncer. I swear to god, no matter what you're trying to do, the meaningful nod seals the deal!)
Right, so now i'm out on the street. Time for solo street PU! I see this hot/skanky stripper type walking in front of me. Perfect body, dressed like a pornstar.
Me: Hey
Her: OMG, i'm so pissed at my boyfriend right now!
Me: That's cool. Give me your hand.
(she gives me her hand)
Me: I'm MC. You're coming with me.
Her: Oh, ok. Are you driving towards Mississauga?
(at this point, i had the lay basically guaranteed. holy fvck talk about crazy experimental sh1t! unfortunately, i finally got a good look at her face, and it seriously wasn't that great. her body was a 9.5, but the face was about a 6. i no longer wanted her. guys, i'm sorry, i know you all hate me right now, but this is just the way i am. i'm a face man! arghh! hahah! see, here's what you gotta realize: when you have sky-high standards, when you only go for 9 and up, they become average in your eyes. see what i mean? if you go after 7's, 9's will feel out of your league cuz you never go for em. but if you refuse to aim below 9, you'll get so used to them that they'll feel like average, ordinary chicks. which is what they are. but anyway...)
Me: Oh sh1t... i'm sorry. You know what, one of my girls is coming over tomorrow morning. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Bye!
Yea, so two minutes later, i run into some chick wearing one of thoe stupid coats with furry hoods. I stop her:
Me: OMG... do you know who you remind me off?! KENNY!! Hhahah!
Her: Aw thanks, that's a compliment!
Me: Wahh? KENNY! Everyone loves Kenny!
Her: Yea right, the fat bastard!
Me: Hahah nooo! That's CARTMAN!
Oh god, this was gold. Pure, rock-solid gold! Her friends were DYING! She was a notch below 8 though so off i went in search of new adventures! Yea, so that's a new routine for you guys right there. Kenny. Kills Powerpuff girls IMO. Its like a C&F neghit and the entire set loves it! Moving on, i open a 6set while walking beside em.
Me: Hey, what do you guys think of my hair?
Them: It looks good!
Me: Really? Cuz i was just at Lucid and...
so i start telling them about the gay boyfriend trying to mess up my hair and they couldn't stop laughing! Man, it was so loud, they got the entire streat turning their heads! I've never seen anything like this. Then i told them about Kenny and the chick thinking i called her fat because she thought of Cartman. More explosions of laughter, one after the other! This is nuts, i'm on fire! I finally have a good look at em and hmm... three were pretty good, but they were all really, really small. I'd say a notch below 8, but they were Asian and that made up for it. But really tiny, we're talkin under 5 feet. Come to think of it, i shoulda went for it. That's kinda sexy, petite Asians that is. But back there, after having talked to so many SHBs, petite Asian 8's didn't seem worth the trouble. So i just let it go. Man, they were screaming for me to come back, that was crazy. I'm kicking myself right now because i'd seriously love to fvck a tiny Asian girl like that, but in the moment, i was just on top of the world and seriously didn't give a fvck. I was having too much fun to stop and think!
Bouncer: Sir, i'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Me: Excuse me?
Bouncer: This is a private party
Me: I'm invited
Bouncer: This is an all-Asian party
Me: Listen. This is Ashley's (chick i made up on the fly) party. I'm invited.
Bouncer: Alright. Well... next time, just ask.
Me: Understood
Hahah man that was easy! Chilled there for a bit, then off for my third visit to another party. These guys had tons of alcohol and food everywhere. I just walked around giving everyone pats on the back and knowing nods, as if i know everyone.
Me: So where's the Smirnoff?
Random guy: Over here
Me: Got a shot glass?
Random guy: Here you go
Me: Thanks buddy! Cheers!
Took a few shots and ate some cake. Grabbed a few shots for Stylin, who was busy chatting up some chicks. Yea, so off to the next birthday party we went. Holy sh1t, how many people's birthday is it this weekend? So we invited ourselves into another VIP again, and spotted one chick giving another a massage on the couch. I just hopped in next to them and told one to teach me how to massage. But they got shy and stopped. The pretty blonde who was getting a massage turned out to be the birthday girl. Gave me sh1t about having a boyfriend immediately. And she really did, he showed up later. But initially, i just laughed and pointed at the corner. "You see that corner? I'm gonna curl up there and cry now! Can i get a kleenex? Get me a kleenex dammit!" She started cracking up and relaxed. Really cool chick. Later on, i made her go around the VIP asking everyone if they had gum. She was a good girl and found me some. Her boyfriend wasn't the least happy, but i patted him on the back and gave him a trademark knowing nod, and he chillaxed.
Yea, so back to the dancefloor i went. Found another 9.5 who danced with me for a bit til her boyfriend showed up. I refused to give her up and he tried to mess up my hair! Hahahah! I kid you not! That was gold, i almost died laughing! Another 9.5 and same story with the damn boyfriend! Arghh! It was Republik's opening night tonight so Lucid was half-empty. These two 9.5's plus the earlier 3-set were the only chicks over 9 in the entire club. So off i went to look for my 3 friends. Found em a short while later, but Styling disappeared somewhere and i couldn't keep all three of them. Fvck, i just kept jumping from one to another, heavy kino and all. But i spread myself too thin and there wasn't enough of me for either of em. The blonde whom i dragged to Stylin earlier started dancing up to some guys. I pulled her back towards me, buried my head in her hair and whispered "why you little attention wh0re!" Unfoortunatellyy... the music was really loud and she only heard the "wh0re." Hahahah! OMG! She just kinda got... lost for a moment and then two minutes later, i was talking to this other 9 (finally, found one more) when my three friends showed up. Charlies Angels style! It was so adorable, they were fuming! The blonde goes "you called me a wh0re!!" and they all gave me the finger in front of the entire club. OMG! I was laughing so hard i almost exploded! Poor girls didn't know what social proof is! Because um... after that incident, all the other chicks were staring! They all assumed i was the boyfriend of one of the hottest chicks in the club and did something (presumably dump her) to really piss her off. Absolute insanity! You know, i just got back home, but everything's already a haze! So much other sh1t happened that i can't even remember anymore!
The next thing i remember is deciding to call it a night at about 2:30AM. Still couldn't find Stylin. Now, remember what i said about this being my house? You're gonna love this part. The coatcheck lineup was HUGE. COLOSSAL! We're talking a good half-hour. So here's what i did. I just started working my way through from the back to the front. I basically acted like a bouncer trying to get through the lineup. "Out of the way please!" "Coming through!" Two minutes later i was in front of the lineup. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. The REAL bouncer was on to me.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: You can't do that
Me: My buddy John (guy i made up on the spot) is in front of the lineup.
Him: Does he have your ticket?
Me: No, i'm going there to give it to him.
Him: Alright, go ahead then.
(so there i was, in front of the lineup, supposedly to hand over my ticket to a non-existant buddy who was waiting there for me. The bouncer was right beside me, i had to improvise. I put my hand on the shoulder of some guy standing in line.)
Me: Hey bud, how you doin?
Him: Hey
Me: Listen, here's my ticket. Do me a favor and give it to the coatcheck girl?
Him: Sure
Me: Appreciate it
(at this point, i give him a meaningful nod, and another to the bouncer. I swear to god, no matter what you're trying to do, the meaningful nod seals the deal!)
Right, so now i'm out on the street. Time for solo street PU! I see this hot/skanky stripper type walking in front of me. Perfect body, dressed like a pornstar.
Me: Hey
Her: OMG, i'm so pissed at my boyfriend right now!
Me: That's cool. Give me your hand.
(she gives me her hand)
Me: I'm MC. You're coming with me.
Her: Oh, ok. Are you driving towards Mississauga?
(at this point, i had the lay basically guaranteed. holy fvck talk about crazy experimental sh1t! unfortunately, i finally got a good look at her face, and it seriously wasn't that great. her body was a 9.5, but the face was about a 6. i no longer wanted her. guys, i'm sorry, i know you all hate me right now, but this is just the way i am. i'm a face man! arghh! hahah! see, here's what you gotta realize: when you have sky-high standards, when you only go for 9 and up, they become average in your eyes. see what i mean? if you go after 7's, 9's will feel out of your league cuz you never go for em. but if you refuse to aim below 9, you'll get so used to them that they'll feel like average, ordinary chicks. which is what they are. but anyway...)
Me: Oh sh1t... i'm sorry. You know what, one of my girls is coming over tomorrow morning. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Bye!
Yea, so two minutes later, i run into some chick wearing one of thoe stupid coats with furry hoods. I stop her:
Me: OMG... do you know who you remind me off?! KENNY!! Hhahah!
Her: Aw thanks, that's a compliment!
Me: Wahh? KENNY! Everyone loves Kenny!
Her: Yea right, the fat bastard!
Me: Hahah nooo! That's CARTMAN!
Oh god, this was gold. Pure, rock-solid gold! Her friends were DYING! She was a notch below 8 though so off i went in search of new adventures! Yea, so that's a new routine for you guys right there. Kenny. Kills Powerpuff girls IMO. Its like a C&F neghit and the entire set loves it! Moving on, i open a 6set while walking beside em.
Me: Hey, what do you guys think of my hair?
Them: It looks good!
Me: Really? Cuz i was just at Lucid and...
so i start telling them about the gay boyfriend trying to mess up my hair and they couldn't stop laughing! Man, it was so loud, they got the entire streat turning their heads! I've never seen anything like this. Then i told them about Kenny and the chick thinking i called her fat because she thought of Cartman. More explosions of laughter, one after the other! This is nuts, i'm on fire! I finally have a good look at em and hmm... three were pretty good, but they were all really, really small. I'd say a notch below 8, but they were Asian and that made up for it. But really tiny, we're talkin under 5 feet. Come to think of it, i shoulda went for it. That's kinda sexy, petite Asians that is. But back there, after having talked to so many SHBs, petite Asian 8's didn't seem worth the trouble. So i just let it go. Man, they were screaming for me to come back, that was crazy. I'm kicking myself right now because i'd seriously love to fvck a tiny Asian girl like that, but in the moment, i was just on top of the world and seriously didn't give a fvck. I was having too much fun to stop and think!
Dude... sounds like a kewl night you had there, nice. The only thing that you NEVA did is # close them... Imagine u # closed all those chicks! You would of had at least 4 or 5 #'s of HB9's and a few HB7 and 8's... blah.... but as long as you had a good time, its all good