FR: from sky high interest to low in a matter of hours

[JLW]

So I go to the movies with this girl.

Now, I have a question regarding this: How do you get kino in during a movie theatre? I attempted to get some kino in, like hand holding, but it just seemed so damn forced. Is hand holding corny during a movie? Should I put my arm around her? etc.

I really didn't do much kino in the movie theatre. But I really got along with her well. Good C+F, and stuff like that. My main flaw was failure to use more kino. Other than that, good stuff.

So we went down to her basement of her house after the movie (which has a TV and is fully furnished, etc). Instead of sitting next to me on the couch while watching TV, she sits in a chair while im on the couch. Her not sitting near me is an obvious sign of low interest. I think a lot of this has to do with her not being allowed to even have boys in the basement, plus her brother wasn't too far away. (i know this because she told me)

So she drives me back to the train station. Finally I get a chance to sit down next to her while waiting for the train to arrive, and she STILL keeps her distance. She seems a little reluctant with my kino. We talked about sex. Which is good.

She mentioned her ex twice (although it did apply to the conversation). OBVIOUS sign of low interest. Which is bad.

I think the reason I was timid about the kino is because she wasn't so receptive to it.

NOW HERE IS THE BIGGEST PART:
So I IM her after the date. she tells me she's at her girlfriend's house.
You know, typical gay AIM conversation. Then she says "whatever im over you." I don't know if that was a joke or not. Because I don't see ANY girl being bold enough to say that, especially if she had such high interest. I'm thinking about jsut forgetting about her. It's weird how a girl can go from ASKING YOU TO HANG OUT AND BEING ALL EXCITED. And then, nothing.

2 questions:
1. Where do I go from here with this girl? After her saying "whatever im over you" (i still dont know if it was a joke or not) i guess its best to next her, cuz it seems like she did it to me.
2. Is there a better way to initiate kino? What exactly do you do?

 

[Brak86]

So I go to the movies with this girl.

Now, I have a question regarding this: How do you get kino in during a movie theatre? I attempted to get some kino in, like hand holding, but it just seemed so damn forced. Is hand holding corny during a movie? Should I put my arm around her? etc.

I really didn't do much kino in the movie theatre. But I really got along with her well. Good C+F, and stuff like that. My main flaw was failure to use more kino. Other than that, good stuff.

So we went down to her basement of her house after the movie (which has a TV and is fully furnished, etc). Instead of sitting next to me on the couch while watching TV, she sits in a chair while im on the couch. Her not sitting near me is an obvious sign of low interest. I think a lot of this has to do with her not being allowed to even have boys in the basement, plus her brother wasn't too far away. (i know this because she told me)

So she drives me back to the train station. Finally I get a chance to sit down next to her while waiting for the train to arrive, and she STILL keeps her distance. She seems a little reluctant with my kino. We talked about sex. Which is good.

She mentioned her ex twice (although it did apply to the conversation). OBVIOUS sign of low interest. Which is bad.

I think the reason I was timid about the kino is because she wasn't so receptive to it.

NOW HERE IS THE BIGGEST PART:
So I IM her after the date. she tells me she's at her girlfriend's house.
You know, typical gay AIM conversation. Then she says "whatever im over you." I don't know if that was a joke or not. Because I don't see ANY girl being bold enough to say that, especially if she had such high interest. I'm thinking about jsut forgetting about her. It's weird how a girl can go from ASKING YOU TO HANG OUT AND BEING ALL EXCITED. And then, nothing.

2 questions:
1. Where do I go from here with this girl? After her saying "whatever im over you" (i still dont know if it was a joke or not) i guess its best to next her, cuz it seems like she did it to me.
2. Is there a better way to initiate kino? What exactly do you do?

all i know is that whatever you do....do not show her that what she said affected you at all. You don't care that she said "whatever im over you" just send a message back laughing or whatever and play it off like shes a immature little girl. If she sees that what she said affects you, it's definately done.

 

[MisterNigma]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15917

Take a look at that thread.

In the meantime, pull back.

Clearly she was interested before. Whatever happened on the date, it didn't exactly impress her. In the long run you need to raise her opinion of you. You know yourself better then anyone so figure out some way to do this. DHV story telling in a suitable environment might be a plausible shortcut though.

Good Luck,

-E.Nigma

 

[JLW]

yea, after reading that kino post, I realize that she actually made it hard for me to do kino.

I know a lot of that stuff already, and I thought maybe it was me doing something wrong, but it seemed like she was being a bit distance.

I just find it SO strange, because shes the one who asked me to hang out (initially I was going to ask her but she beat me to it). I didn't act any different on the date than I did when I flirt with her in school, and at the end of the night she says, "I'm over you" (once again, which may or may not be a joke. It's hard to tell via AIM)

Here's how the AIM convo went. When we first went to the movies, we were going to see Van Wylder 2, but I FORGOT MY GOD DAMN ID and I don't have a license. So obviously that lowered her opinion of me. We ended up seeing another movie, which surprisingly turned out to be ok. So I mean it was pretty embarassing, but I think I handled it well by not really being affected by it.

Her: So are you gonna get your license so you can watch rated R movies now haha
Me: ha, i think I'd be getting my license for other reasons. Such as, Driving
Her: haha very true.
Me: I drAnk my tequila and whisikyeky mix! Im So D DUrunk! [this was a joke referencing something else]
Her: Lol, I still can't believe you mixed that! What were you thinking?
Me: Well, it's really simple...The explanation is.....well, I really have no excuse actually. it was just retarded.
Her: im over you
[conversation continues for about 2-3 more minutes but after that i was kind of repelled]


So more importantly, where do I go from here? She had high interest, and now it seems a little bit lower.

I'm thinking I'll kind of just forget about her. Not necessarily next her, but just don't really keep her in mind.

Should I ask her to hang out one more time, and if that doesn't go any better, then I should just forget about it?

 

[JLW]

Clearly she was interested before. Whatever happened on the date, it didn't exactly impress her. In the long run you need to raise her opinion of you. You know yourself better then anyone so figure out some way to do this. DHV story telling in a suitable environment might be a plausible shortcut though.

Good Luck,

-E.Nigma

What the hell is a DHV story?

If you read my previous post you'll see something that was kind of negative that could have set her back. But I think I handled it well.

And you think I should sort of pay much less attention to her, etc?

 

[Alittude]

IMO you should of made a move in the cinema man. Put your hand on the back of the neck and slowly move your head closer and go for the kiss. Movies are killer chances to kiss. She seems like she could be playing with you anyway so don't be affected by it and next time make a move.

 

[Snow Plowman]

One thing you must know when in field is that the girls attraction can go up in seconds and be lost within seconds. In your case attraction was lost but you could've pumpped it up again. The kino part is very crucial because it gets you out of the friendzone and actually conveys all the right things for her to be comfortable with you. (This is why its best to always try and kiss from the first day.)

Kino is never awkward if you're both just having fun. It probably feels awkward because your not used to do those things. I remember when I started out an began touching a girls face I felt awkward like it was forced but its just the feeling you have to get used to, to touching a girl there. Really its natural but you weren't probably used to that type of touch so it felt forced.

You overall was starting to get inside your head after you realized she wasn't as into to you. It started to affect you, but next time just act normal and just get her back laughing and getting her in state.


One question "Why didn't you try to sneak in the Rater-R move?" would've been fun and adventurous for the both of you.

 

[JLW]

You overall was starting to get inside your head after you realized she wasn't as into to you. It started to affect you, but next time just act normal and just get her back laughing and getting her in state.

That is EXACTLY what happened. I'll avoid letting that happen again. Just keep it fun, dont worry about "am i touching her enough? Oh I don't want to force it" blah blah blah. I'll be more natural and less forced. It might be too late for this girl, but I still will have plenty other chances.


Should I try for a second date with this girl with what I now know? Should I let her contact me first? What to do?

 

[JLW]

anyone?

 

[DJDamage]

Should I try for a second date with this girl with what I now know? Should I let her contact me first? What to do?

I would ask her out again if YOU STILL LIKE HER.

It seems to me that you weren't the one controlling the flow of the date. First off you wen't to the movies on your first date which you couldn't talk, but you could have still salvaged it. Instead of going to her place first you needed to hit the bars with this chick and get her to loosen up. Chicks need to loosen up a bit because she might be uptight as you. Then instead of going to her place which her brother was around and she couldn't do much, you should have put the moves on her in her car before she dropped you off at the train station. Parking in a dark street after a few drinks is the easiest way to get her to be affectionate and for you to kiss her and feel her up.

Oh and get your licence man, that is just limiting your game.

 

[whistler]

Then she says "whatever im over you."

That sentence would never just pop out.

I would just move on. But you probably won't want to.

You dissappointed her in some way (or several). My best guess is that (a) you didn't come off as very manly or (b) she thought you just wanted to get into her pants. Girls are very sensitive to both.

The latter would drive a very strong negative reaction, like the one she gave.

 

[JLW]

Weird.

I guess whistler has a point.

I mean I just would be surprised if she said that so bluntly. But maybe she's just doing me a favor by not leading me on. Whatever, I'm over it.

I've decided my course of action:

I do sort of like her, but it doesnt seem like she has the same feelings. So I guess I'll just have to move on.

If she does contact me or say hello or show signs of interest again, maybe we'll hang out. This seems pretty unlikely though.

So I guess I learned a little from this experience:

Focus more on having fun and making her laugh, rather than getting into my head thinking I'm not doing a good enough job, etc.

If she does end up contacting me (once again, unlikely), I'll let you guys know.

 

[Charm]

Move on. This girl is trying to play you. Just wait until she sees you out with a hotter and more FUN girl having a great time, she'll be jealous and regret she ever acted like an immature 12 year old. Dont beat yourself up, maybe she cant handle a real DJ and prefers AFCs who dont make bold moves. Your only real mistake was not being more bold in the movies.

 

[Wolves]

Yeah I'd say its one of two things, either she only wanted to be friends in the first place (probably not likely since she said she's "over you", which indicates you had a chance), or you just weren't confident enough.

When you don't make a move on a girl that wants you to, she's gonna take it as a rejection. Your story sounds VERY similar to my first date ever lmao. I was in highschool and inexperienced (though I had been reading some dating advice, and thought I knew everything LOL). I seriously blew this one big time though, and not only once but MULTIPLE times. This girl had such high interest in me that SHE initiated all the physical contact. We had one date at the movies, and all the advice I had read said to act disinterested, so I didn't touch her at all, but she ended up slowly moving her hand towards mine and by the end of the night we were holding hands basically, but I didn't make any moves at all (was tough because my MOM drove us to the movie and back, lol @ dating before u have a license).

Anyway that date was a bust, and her interest dipped. But! It didn't end there. We still hung out at school and again she started initiating kino (I was still goin on the disinterested kick). At one point when we were standing together, my arm around her, she took my hand and MOVED IT DOWN TO HER ASS. Like a day later she took action again and KISSED ME. But nooo I was still playin the disinterested card (hey it'd worked pretty well so far LMAO). So she invites me to her house and even though her parents are there we get left alone and hang out in her room. Anyway she sits on her bed, and I go for the chair across the room (I was so clueless lmao). We chat for a while n then go out to see another movie, light kino, she's leaning her head against me, bla bla, anyway I STILL DONT MAKE A MOVE. The next day she just completely snubs me.

Anyway my point is, MAKE A MOVE!!!! I was lucky in the fact that this girl was bold enough to take action for me, but I was still too much of an AFC in those days to take action myself. I had AT LEAST a half dozen chances and I blew them all, and eventually she lost interest. Don't get discouraged though, just remember next time that a girl who is interested in you WANTS you to make a move, and if you don't, she's gonna think that YOU'RE not interested and just move on. Even though from our point of view we know that you failed to make a move because you were nervous or w/e, from HER point of view you didn't make a move because you're not interested.

But don't worry bro, there's always another girl, write this one up as a learning experience and do things differently next time, you'll get it right.

 

[Charm]

Ouch Wolves! At least you learned a lot. I bet if you laugh a lot when looking back on that date

 

[Wolves]

lol yup, I felt like an ass at the time but now I just love tellin that story hahah. People's first experiences with dating always turn out to be funny ass stories haha.

 

[Cod3r]

I've had similar experiences...

I had a oneitis girl interested in me, we had kissed and one night she asked me to come over her place with her parents away the whole weekend... I was scared as hell, so I said I was busy till around 12 00 am and would be too late to come over...

She told me I could come over anytime that night...


I biitched out and never went, everything went down the drain from there


-Cod3r

 

[JLW]

well the thing is, she still IM's me and stuff. so I don't know whether to think it was a joke or not. It's weird. She's giving me very mixed signals. Do you think I should just jokingly bring up her being "over me" in a conversation, and see what she does/says?

Personally I think that's a bad idea.

I'm definitely a bit confused as to what to do.

I think I'll just skip to my original plan. If she gravitates towards me again, I'll go for a second date with her and see how it goes.

 

[Wolves]

well the thing is, she still IM's me and stuff. so I don't know whether to think it was a joke or not. It's weird. She's giving me very mixed signals. Do you think I should just jokingly bring up her being "over me" in a conversation, and see what she does/says?

Nah **** that, just the next time you see her be aggressive with the kino, try n get her alone somewhere and kick it up a notch, BAM! hahah

you'll have your answer whether she's "over you" or not.

 

[JLW]

Nah **** that, just the next time you see her be aggressive with the kino, try n get her alone somewhere and kick it up a notch, BAM! hahah

you'll have your answer whether she's "over you" or not.

I think that's a good course of action.

I think that doing nothing will GET me nothing. I think that doing a lot will also get me nothing.

I'll see her in school or something and be more aggressive. Maybe I can salvage it. Because it's obvious she HAD interest. We'll see.

After being in a 1 year LTR I'm a bit rusty with the dating scene. And I never had much experience with it to begin with, having just turned 18 years old, and JUST starting to escape my AFC shell at around 17 years old.


I think the odds are against me when it comes to getting her interest level back up, but it's worth a try.

I also think that before I make my decision on what to do, I have to see how she acts around me next time I see her in school. If she's receptive to me, then I'll go for it. if she STILL resists my kino, then whatever. **** it.