For Those of You In LTRs

[zekko]

For those of you who are married, engaged, cohabitating, or just plain in a "serious" relationship:
How sexual are you with other women?

I work with a lot of people so I get to observe a lot of behavior. I'm noticing that most guys are frequently making VERY sexually suggestive remarks to the attractive women around them. And the women respond. Some of these guys are married.

I'm in a position of authority so I don't feel quite as free to be making these sexual remarks all the time, because that might open me up to a sexual harassment suit (I've seen it happen to guys before). I don't want to give my power away to some floozy. But I'm also happy in my LTR so I don't feel it's appropriate for me to be going beyond a certain point, even outside of work. It's different for guys who are actually looking to cheat.

The main thing is, you can see that these guys are creating a lot of attraction with their sexual come ons. I feel that I should be generating just as much attraction as anyone else, or more, without even trying Is this something I should be doing, just because I'm a male? Is this something you do? Has it ever caused any problems?

This is related to what brought me here in the first place. I had several married buddies who seemed to be getting a lot of female attention. I then realized they were flirting with these girls like crazy, being very openly sexualy aggressive (not around their wives of course). I realized they were seeking the attention, they had to have it. I'm just wondering if this is indication of a marital problem, or if this is just the way married guys should act?

 

[frivolousz21]

For those of you who are married, engaged, cohabitating, or just plain in a "serious" relationship:
How sexual are you with other women?

I work with a lot of people so I get to observe a lot of behavior. I'm noticing that most guys are frequently making VERY sexually suggestive remarks to the attractive women around them. And the women respond. Some of these guys are married.

I'm in a position of authority so I don't feel quite as free to be making these sexual remarks all the time, because that might open me up to a sexual harassment suit (I've seen it happen to guys before). I don't want to give my power away to some floozy. But I'm also happy in my LTR so I don't feel it's appropriate for me to be going beyond a certain point, even outside of work. It's different for guys who are actually looking to cheat.

The main thing is, you can see that these guys are creating a lot of attraction with their sexual come ons. I feel that I should be generating just as much attraction as anyone else, or more, without even trying Is this something I should be doing, just because I'm a male? Is this something you do? Has it ever caused any problems?

This is related to what brought me here in the first place. I had several married buddies who seemed to be getting a lot of female attention. I then realized they were flirting with these girls like crazy, being very openly sexualy aggressive (not around their wives of course). I realized they were seeking the attention, they had to have it. I'm just wondering if this is indication of a marital problem, or if this is just the way married guys should act?

I think the question you ask is truly just directed at yourself and what principles you want to live by.


I am in a LTR and very happy. I still love to flirt and love sex in general. I don't do anything with it or act on it because I hold things like honor, integrity, and duty valuable. If my partner leaves me or causes a reason for me to leave. I know that then I will still be able to go out and do as I please in the "game".


for most men those desires and gotta have it attention seeking behaviors are always there. Some are slaves to it, some control it, others live above it.

 

[backbreaker]

Honestly, probabliy more sexual than I need to be lol.

I have a nasty habit of leading women on that i'm really not all that interested in. let me rephrase, it's not that I lead them on, when they make that turn in the road, I don't go out of my way to tell them to turn around.

I'm a guy, Just becuase i am ****ing one woman, doesn't mean the rest of the world has stopped being attractive.

 

[frivolousz21]

Honestly, probabliy more sexual than I need to be lol.

I have a nasty habit of leading women on that i'm really not all that interested in. let me rephrase, it's not that I lead them on, when they make that turn in the road, I don't go out of my way to tell them to turn around.

I'm a guy, Just becuase i am ****ing one woman, doesn't mean the rest of the world has stopped being attractive.

 

[5string]

zekko...I don't think someone should necessarily be suggestive just because they are male, while in an LTR or married. That does not mean that you can't smile at a woman who smiles at you, or even engage them in a normal conversation however. These guys you are describing sound like male AW's.

Glad to see someone on here who is truly happy in their LTR.

 

[cordoncordon]

The one complaint my gf has of me, and its been like this since day one (we have been together for about 2 years now) is my wanting to look at other women, flirt with other women, and tease about getting with other women, and acting AS IF I could find another woman just as hot or hotter. (I have posted pics of my gf here btw)

I never blatantly do this kind of thing. I mean it's not like I'm texting other girls in front of her or anything. But she knows, either by things I say, or by girls who contact me, or by my jokes and comments I make on occasion about a hot girl I see, that she should always be on guard for me moving on to something else. Now bear in mind, I have no plans to, nor would I want to, but it never hurts to keep even the love of your life (awwww) from knowing that you are a prize, wanted by many.

And it must be working, because I have never been with someone so seemingly in love with me and so willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. And our sex life is still amazing even after two years, as she is always wearing the sexiest outfits and doing whatever she can to make herself as valuable to me as she can.

 

[PokerStar]

one of my boys said this to me about flirting with other chicks "Sometimes you want to see if you still got it"

 

[zekko]

for most men those desires and gotta have it attention seeking behaviors are always there. Some are slaves to it, some control it, others live above it.

I've always been in the "live above it" category, for good or bad. Women have even described me as "aloof". I suppose there are pros and cons to this.

Honestly, probabliy more sexual than I need to be lol.

I'm not a bit surprised lol.

zekko...I don't think someone should necessarily be suggestive just because they are male, while in an LTR or married. That does not mean that you can't smile at a woman who smiles at you, or even engage them in a normal conversation however. These guys you are describing sound like male AW's.

Oh, I definitely smile at women and converse with them quite a bit. The guys I'm talking about are going waaay past that, or even beyond making casual sexual jokes or remarks. They're making blatant remarks about having sex with them, or about their body parts, or about lusting after them. I know so many married guys doing this I'm beginning to second guess myself (Is this what I should be doing?).

I think I have unrealistic expectations when it comes to women. I always feel I should be getting a better response than I do. After all, I'm a member of SoSuave, right? I make decent money, I try to stay in shape, I embrace my masculinity, I'm preselected. I feel like women should be throwing themselves at me left and right.

Don't get me wrong, I get attraction. My LTR loves me to pieces. A few months back an HB5 passed me a note confessing a crush on me (I don't do fives though so that didn't really interest me). I get a lot of eye contact from strangers. But I always feel it should be more. I feel like they should be throwing themselves to the floor and grabbing my legs as soon as I walk through the door lol.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

16 Commandments of Poon

II. Make her jealous

Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.

In my line of work (major liquor brand), rarely a week goes by that I'm not around several beautiful women who make a living by being hot and flirtatious. I deal with them at promos, product launches, tastings, on and off premise events, etc. I don't go out of my way to flirt with them, but I do give as good as I get. I run Game on them from the perspective that it works to get their respect (if not a few 'gina tingles) and encourages them to flirt with other patrons. Tomorrow being Friday I will run by about half a dozen in-stores or maybe an on-premise event to check on my "pour girls", and I expect more than half I'll flirt with just as a matter of course.

Mrs. Tomassi knows what I do for a living, and if anything, it's a great impetus for her to stay sexy, fun and on top of her game. I don't have to prove to myself that I could hook up with any one of these girls, I simply have no motivation to.

 

[5string]

zekko...do you think your IL has dropped for your girl? Is this maybe why you feel like more women should be attentive to you. Just asking to see if there is a reason for having these thoughts is all.

My woman has her own issues, they all do. But, she really makes an effort to please me and make things interesting and fun. I try to do the same in return. I'm lucky in that regard.

 

[5string]

16 Commandments of Poon

II. Make her jealous

Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.

In my line of work (major liquor brand), rarely a week goes by that I'm not around several beautiful women who make a living by being hot and flirtatious. I deal with them at promos, product launches, tastings, on and off premise events, etc. I don't go out of my way to flirt with them, but I do give as good as I get. I run Game on them from the perspective that it works to get their respect (if not a few 'gina tingles) and encourages them to flirt with other patrons. Tomorrow being Friday I will run by about half a dozen in-stores or maybe an on-premise event to check on my "pour girls", and I expect more than half I'll flirt with just as a matter of course.

Mrs. Tomassi knows what I do for a living, and if anything, it's a great impetus for her to stay sexy, fun and on top of her game. I don't have to prove to myself that I could hook up with any one of these girls, I simply have no motivation to.

Rollo...with a girl knowing that you have options, I think it causes them to think to themselves, "If I don't pet him enough, he may not stay on the porch".

Options are arrows in your quiver.

 

[zekko]

Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you.

It's not really a question of just flirting. It's how sexual to be? These guys I am talking about are BLATANTLY sexual. I very much doubt you would be suggesting intercourse to girls in front of your wife. Or would you? Because that's pretty much what these guys are doing. How risque do you get?

I imagine that working in the liquor business is probably prone to a lot of risque behavior though.

zekko...do you think your IL has dropped for your girl? Is this maybe why you feel like more women should be attentive to you.

No, no not at all. She's fantastic. I can't imagine trading her in for anything. Last year I did have an opportunity with this HB8 girl that I was extremely attracted to. That was a sore temptation, but I passed it up because I knew she didn't mean to me what my LTR did. It would have been a short fling at most, not worth hurting my girl over.

No, the real reason has a lot to do with this forum actually. Forum dogma states that the taken man is more attractive than the single guy, he'll get hit on more often. Pook talks about being high value so that the girls seduce YOU.

So I feel like I'm taken, I'm a high value guy, I should be getting at least, if not more female attention than anyone else. The guys that are "outperforming" me are the ones that get very sexual with the girls, I feel like that's the main difference. I've just never felt like getting that blatantly suggestive with a girl unless I actually wanted something from her.

The pickup gurus always tell you to BE SEXUAL. Of course these things are written mainly for single guys in their 20s. They may not all apply to a 50 year old guy in a LTR. Sometimes it's hard to figure out where the line should be drawn. Just how SEXUAL should a guy be when he's not even looking?

 

[Fuglydude]

I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years. For 3 of those almost 4 years I was a male entertainer... I basically took my clothes off and grinded up on other chics for money. I've done hundreds of shows over my career and have lotsa funny stories... I was hooked up for the majority of my dancing career, but was still pretty sexual w/ girls at shows/stagettes etc. I mean it was kinda in my job description! I've had three girls lick whip cream off me simultaneously, I've had a smoking hot female stripper tell me "spray the champaign all over my face" while on her knees, I've done a school-girl themed stagette for a maxim model and her hot friends, etc. etc...

I've never been overtly sexual with women outside of "work"... I guess for me I've "been there/done that", so I don't really see the point of openly flirting with women. A small part of me still longs for the hunt, but I'm a lot happier being in an LTR than I was when I was single and doing lotsa dumb shiiite. My fiance will actually bug me to wear tank tops in the summer so she can show me off... but I don't like wearing em because of how much attention I get. I've already had all that stuff, so I just like to blend in in my old age.

I do think its important to flirt with other women just to keep "socio-sexual" skills sharp. Plus flirting is fun as well. Great points by Rollo... I'm naturally a pretty sexual guy (translation: I'm a sick evil phuck!), and I do find myself dampening my sexuality as I work in a critical care healthcare setting... obviously you are expected to act professionally, but a lot of the women do flirt with me... and I will flirt right back. I don't go out of my way to flirt though as I'm not looking for any action on the side! I'm off season now, but I know the kind of tail I can pull when I'm pre-comp (in shape)... and so does she...

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm all for creating the appearance that other women find you attractive in order to amp up her jealousy and keep her humble, but, isn't this a two-edged sword? Wouldn't cultivating this actually cause your own woman to want to flirt more with men? It seems almost like you're giving her the green light to flirt. And then, it can become an continually escalating flirting with danger until one actually pulls the trigger. I can't see how to get around the one-upsmanship that seemingly woud have to develop.

I'd really like an answer on this one as I've pondered this quite often.

 

[zekko]

I can't see how to get around the one-upsmanship that seemingly woud have to develop.

I totally agree with you here, Atom Smasher. If you have a good girl who appreciates you, there really is no need to play these ridiculous games with her. You want to continue to "game" her, but not play games with her. In fact, I would define a good relationship as not needing to play all these head games associated with dating - on either side.

My girl is well aware that I could get another girl if things go sour. I don't need to tell her that, or try to make her jealous to prove it. I don't feel a need to flirt with other girls in front of her, although it depends on how you define "flirt". I will interact and be friendly with other girls in front of her, but I'm not all over them. That would be tacky, I think.

I think reading these replies have helped me a lot. To me it's a question of staying classy versus going to the depths that these other guys are. I think I'd prefer to stay classy. I might amp up the sexuality just a bit. It would be different if I was "single".


Now to be a little off topic, here's another case where I'm getting
"outperformed". There's this guy at work, it seems like every day all the girls are oohing and aahing over his physique, telling him what great shape he's in. Now to be honest with you, I think I'm in just as good a shape as he is. The main difference is he's about 6'6'' while I'm 5'10". In fact, just yesterday a girl was gushing about how tall he was. Height makes a big difference.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wouldn't cultivating this actually cause your own woman to want to flirt more with men?

You'd think so huh? All things being equal for women, who's primary concern is security, it seems counterintuitive to instill a sense of insecurity. This is a common mistake that most AFCs make; they grossly overestimate the value security has for a woman to the point that they smother her in it. They presume that a steady, loyal, dependability ensures her continued appreciation of it. What they fail to realize is that familiarity, comfort and security are anti-seductive. The sexual being that aroused her to urgent marathon sex while single gradually turns into a warm stuffed animal she can cry into and then leave on the bed.

Women want financial, provisional, family and emotional security, they do not want sexual security - despite any protestation of the opposite. Women want a Man that other men want to be and other women want to ƒuck. And she needs a constant reminding of this. Women don't want a Man to cheat, but they LOVE a Man who could cheat.

Women crave the chemical rush that comes from suspicion and indignation. If you don't provide it, they'll happily get it from tabloids, romance novels, The View, Tyra Banks or otherwise living vicariously through their single girlfriends. In the prolonged absence of drama and indignation women will find it or create it for themselves. This is why you flirt, or at least flirt back when prompted by another woman.

In most LTRs / marriages, occasions to demonstrate higher value are at a premium. As I said, your wife/GF needs a constant reminder of your value to other women (and prestige/status with men).

Of course the doubt comes from thinking that you're only giving your wife a free pass to flirt herself, but I'd argue this is all really contextual. If you are firmly in control of the frame of your relationship, the focus is on you, and your overall value is already established for her. You can't help it if other women find you engaging, but she knows that she's the one you'll come home to ƒuck every night. On the other hand, if you entered into your LTR from a position of submissiveness, your flirting will be a cause for retaliation, or be perceived as you acting out of character and getting back at her for something.

It all comes back to The Cardinal Rule of Relationships In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. If you're coming from a position of confidence in your own value in your LTR, your wife will be a willing participant in your flirtations. It's ego-gratifying for a woman to think that she's the only one who's tamed the sexual animal that other women want. It reflects well upon her that she has a desirable Man. Women would rather share a successful man than be saddled with a faithful loser - POOK.

One final thought here; I think that a lot of what guys misunderstand about flirting or Game is that it's implied that it's always in-your-face overt and lacking any subtlety. Nothing could be further from the truth. We recently had our company Christmas party at which we had 2 hot ass 'pour girls' working our bar. Mrs. Tomassi was with me, and I engaged in my usual banter with my girls. Technically you could construe this as flirting, but it comes so naturally, and so casually for me that seems like it's not flirting, it's just me being me. I have no conscious intent to DHV for my wife, but this is exactly what I did. What most guys don't get about flirting is that the art of it is in not coming across as if you are flirting. The same is true for Game.

 

[samspade]

I still flirt, to keep the old saw sharpened, and yes to maintain a little competition anxiety. But I don't do it in the same manner as when I was single.

In a way, though, being married speaks for itself - you don't have to be overt as long as you project that you still have a sexual mojo, and a partner who gets yours every night. Projection is key.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think it all boils down to "crafting a perception". I see what you're saying, RT, and I think I need to concentrate more on the subtlety aspect. Fortunately, I have started things off right with this HB 8.5 I'm with now in terms of establishing the frame and demostrating dominance.

I have indeed been concerned about starting a "one-upsmanship" game that would destroy everything, but subtlety is the key to every aspect of life. We men need to start thinking of ourselves as designers and craftsmen, designing the relationship from the ground up and then executing through day-to-day craftsmanship.

I'm always preaching that subtlety in any endeavor is the ultimate power, and obviously now it's time to apply that principle to so-called "flirting". Perhaps we need to make up a new term for the art of demonstrating to our women that we are desired by others without resorting to overt flirting.

 

[zekko]

We recently had our company Christmas party at which we had 2 hot ass 'pour girls' working our bar. Mrs. Tomassi was with me, and I engaged in my usual banter with my girls. Technically you could construe this as flirting, but it comes so naturally, and so casually for me that seems like it's not flirting, it's just me being me. I have no conscious intent to DHV for my wife, but this is exactly what I did.

See, you're not flirting to make your wife jealous, you're just being yourself. I still say if you have a girl who KNOWS your value you don't need to play these games with her. Intentionally setting out to make her jealous strikes me as a little childish, and even pathetic actually. The cool thing about my girl is she doesn't play games with me, and I don't play games with her. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fortunately, I have started things off right with this HB 8.5 I'm with now in terms of establishing the frame and demostrating dominance.

Since you're talking about a girl that you're trying to build attraction with, that's a differnet situation. You're probably better off gaming her and trying to DHV. Just try not too come across as fake.

I have indeed been concerned about starting a "one-upsmanship" game that would destroy everything, but subtlety is the key to every aspect of life.

I agree subtlety is best. However, there was nothing subtle about what the guys I was originally about were saying. Some of the stuff they've said has been pretty clever, but definitely not subtle.