Flakey girl or maybe just doesn't care?

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

Hey Guys,

I'm new here. Thought I'd sign up to see what you guys do here all week (and oh... I only now noticed the spelling mistake in my name woman--> women). Nah, real reason is the fact that I went on a first date with a girl. I already had a feeling she liked me, now that was confirmed during our date. I saw her stare at me in a class we had together and when I'd make eye contact she'd smile at me in a really flirty way. She is a bit funny though, as it was a bit awkward a few days before the first date: we kinda ignored each other a bit 1 day when we we're sitting in the same room, even though we had talked before. So that day she started a conversation with me on Facebook and funnily blurted out ''was it awkward today, or was that just me?'' to which I replied that it was indeed awkward. I like her honesty, it's cute, but I wouldn't have expected that from a girl, lol.

So anyway: we had our first date, we kinda said (not in those exact words) that we liked eachother. She told me that she'd been smiling and looking at me for a while already and that I was handsome (lol). After that first date we had a class together immediately (no kino whatsoever happened at that date, just talking), she sat there smiling at me the whole time.

And here we are now. That was previous week. Now I asked her 2 days ago whether she wanted to go do something this week. She said she had things planned the whole week (dinner with friends of friends, going out with friends, and something else) and said she was sorry and that maybe she should have thought of not planning her week full. I jokingly did it off with ''haha, well you have friends as well don't you'' and said we'd do something next week. She started telling me some story about how in the weekend funnily enough it seemed as if she didn't have friends at all. She told me that she'd give me a heads up if she'd have a gap because of cancellation of one of the other events. I went off walking to the bus and when she rode past me on her bike she kept biking beside me and talking to me.

She still starts conversations with me on Facebook and texts me (as do I).

But I just can't get my head around why she doesn't cancel one night with her friends for me (a guys she apparently really likes). I mean, I'd think if you really like someone you'd cancel your weekly hangout with friends for that one dude you think is it.. It seems as if her feelings for me haven't changed, but she doesn't seem to grasp the idea in the sentence before this one.

Maybe she's just weird.. or maybe I worry too much.

Yalp?

FGS

 

[Plutoman]

She's got a life. You should get one. If I've already made plans with a friend, I don't cancel just because I've got a date. Why should I? She's not my girlfriend, and if she was - she'd understand that I've got a life outside of her. We make plans in advance. As I've dated my current girlfriend, I've gotten to know her schedule and I more easily know which days are free, but until then, it was hit or miss on weekends.

That said - you're giving her all the power here. She's making all the decisions. You're asking 'if she wants to hang out this week'. You should be saying "I'm free [some day] and [another day], pick one and let's grab a drink." Some people may take it further and just offer a single day. If she likes you, she'll either accept or offer alternatives (if I'm free, I'll usually accept an alternative). If she doesn't want to go out with you, she'll decline without offering an alternative (regardless of how it's phrased - if she declines without offering an alternative, it's not going anywhere).

Instead she's got you sitting here wondering and she'll "let you know if she has a cancellation". My reply, if I got that?
"No thanks, I'm making my plans now, I don't have much free time. Let me know when you are free."

Giving her all the power is how you get friend zoned fast. You have to be confident enough to tell her, not meekly ask. You know why most people don't? Because they are afraid of the rejection. Meekly asking gives the girl a chance to give a maybe. Telling her forces her to either go along with it, or tell you no. If you get a maybe, you decline and say to let you know when her schedule isn't so busy.

Enough of this. This isn't the only mistake in your post, to start, and I'm 100% sure these aren't the only mistakes you've made with the girl. You've got a lot of catching up to do in the world of women. Start reading the DJ Bible. This is not meant to be insulting - it's just you have a lack of experience, and a lack of knowledge. I'm being blunt about what needs to be done.

-- And don't get hung up on one woman, too. There's millions. One flakey woman? Find another.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

She's got a life. You should get one. If I've already made plans with a friend, I don't cancel just because I've got a date. Why should I? She's not my girlfriend, and if she was - she'd understand that I've got a life outside of her. We make plans in advance. As I've dated my current girlfriend, I've gotten to know her schedule and I more easily know which days are free, but until then, it was hit or miss on weekends.

That said - you're giving her all the power here. She's making all the decisions. You're asking 'if she wants to hang out this week'. You should be saying "I'm free [some day] and [another day], pick one and let's grab a drink." Some people may take it further and just offer a single day. If she likes you, she'll either accept or offer alternatives (if I'm free, I'll usually accept an alternative). If she doesn't want to go out with you, she'll decline without offering an alternative (regardless of how it's phrased - if she declines without offering an alternative, it's not going anywhere).

Instead she's got you sitting here wondering and she'll "let you know if she has a cancellation". My reply, if I got that?
"No thanks, I'm making my plans now, I don't have much free time. Let me know when you are free."

Giving her all the power is how you get friend zoned fast. You have to be confident enough to tell her, not meekly ask. You know why most people don't? Because they are afraid of the rejection. Meekly asking gives the girl a chance to give a maybe. Telling her forces her to either go along with it, or tell you no. If you get a maybe, you decline and say to let you know when her schedule isn't so busy.

Enough of this. This isn't the only mistake in your post, to start, and I'm 100% sure these aren't the only mistakes you've made with the girl. You've got a lot of catching up to do in the world of women. Start reading the DJ Bible. This is not meant to be insulting - it's just you have a lack of experience, and a lack of knowledge. I'm being blunt about what needs to be done.

-- And don't get hung up on one woman, too. There's millions. One flakey woman? Find another.

I appreciate the post. Although the strange thing is that she is the one that likes me, with which I don't mean to say that I don't like her.

I had understood her behaviour better if I'd have been the one to ask her out without any signs of interest in me from her side (verbal/non-verbal) whatsoever.

 

[Purefilth]

was gonna respond here, but +1 to Plutoman.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

I agree, and everything Plutoman said makes very good sense in the scenario of you having to start from 0 interest, coming from the girl, in you. But I can't get around finding it strange in the scenario of you starting with a lot of interest from her in me (which is the case here, and still was after the 1st date so obviously I didn't do anything wrong there). And not the other way around, I had zero interest in her before.

 

[Sandow]

First off she has all the power. You are being way too available.

If she really likes you, like you claim she does, then she'll find a way to meet up with you. If she doesn't make an effort to meet up...well now you know she really wasn't that into you.

Do not attempt to reach out to her. Wait for her to contact you next.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

First off she has all the power. You are being way too available.

If she really likes you, like you claim she does, then she'll find a way to meet up with you. If she doesn't make an effort to meet up...well now you know she really wasn't that into you.

Do not attempt to reach out to her. Wait for her to contact you next.

Yeah, I mostly wait for her to contact me on FB or via texts. And mostly she does. Only she doesn't come find me in real life and she doesn't make attempts to plan a date (this always happens with girls, I guess they somehow want the male to plan stuff and come find them). But I'll wait and see if she'll come to me.