Flakey FWB/FB - how to handle?

[tomato]

So I met up w this girl 5 times had ok sex 4 times after really good dates with high interest. Whenever I was with her she would display REALLY HIGH interest (hence the sex) she even wanted us to go exclusive at one point. BUT From the start it seems she's been playing games - sometimes not responding to texts, or taking a day to respond. She went away for 10 days met another guy and is kind of dating him now - she said maybe we shouldn't see each other. I was like cool ok. Then organised a date with her for sat and she flaked in the morning cause she had "work to do" - I messed up and texted her in the evening saying if she was going to have a break I was around - I wanted to tell her she'd have to make the flake upto me but she didnt respond so I didnt get a chance. Then tonight I thought its been 3 days and I dont want to come across as petty so I just sent a text "are you in?" cause I was going past her place. Again no response - I want to say something along the lines of "you need to make saturday up to me"? But now I take it all I can do is go NC? but then I'm leaving on a note of wanting to see her rather than me saying "you need to make this up to me" isnt that a bad frame to leave on?. Oh I've been playing the friend card - "I only want to be friends" so cant I get away with saying is we're going to be friends your going to have to make it up to me?

 

[Jair213]

So I met up w this girl 5 times had ok sex 4 times after really good dates with high interest. Whenever I was with her she would display REALLY HIGH interest (hence the sex) she even wanted us to go exclusive at one point. BUT From the start it seems she's been playing games - sometimes not responding to texts, or taking a day to respond. She went away for 10 days met another guy and is kind of dating him now - she said maybe we shouldn't see each other. I was like cool ok. Then organised a date with her for sat and she flaked in the morning cause she had "work to do" - I messed up and texted her in the evening saying if she was going to have a break I was around - I wanted to tell her she'd have to make the flake upto me but she didnt respond so I didnt get a chance. Then tonight I thought its been 3 days and I dont want to come across as petty so I just sent a text "are you in?" cause I was going past her place. Again no response - I want to say something along the lines of "you need to make saturday up to me"? But now I take it all I can do is go NC?but then I'm leaving on a note of wanting to see her rather than me saying "you need to make this up to me" isnt that a bad frame to leave on?. Oh I've been playing the friend card - "I only want to be friends" so cant I get away with saying is we're going to be friends your going to have to make it up to me?

Said you guys shouldnt hang out, etc. Then she flakes?

I would have gone ghost after either one of those. C' mon man.

 

[jefh]

I think it's over man, maybe she really likes this guy she is dating. You have contacted her many times without getting a reply, it's time to move on and find a new one.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Whenever a girl you have smashed flakes she either has an emergency or she's with the next dude. If she doesn't respond at all 100% she's with the next dude.

Do you guys notice that when your chillin with one of your chicks and her phone starts vibrating and she just ignores it? It's because she's ignoring the simp.

 

[Johnnyventana]

You already destroyed the frame. Your little textbook "you need to make it up to me" won't do anything but make her laugh at this point. So no, don't do it.

GHOST! She's pounding the new guy. Maybe she'll quickly hate him, and run back to you, and you can have his 2nds.

EDIT: F. I just noticed this was Tomato writing this post. Dude, this was dead before your ORIGINAL post 2 weeks ago or whatever. When she was pounding this dude in Italy. Didn't you explain to her with your lame text how you were soooo happy without her and bla bla bla.

Seriously, stop the nonsense. Stop bothering this forum.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Tomato's chick is getting that spicy man Ragu from another vine.

 

[tomato]

You already destroyed the frame. Your little textbook "you need to make it up to me" won't do anything but make her laugh at this point. So no, don't do it.

GHOST! She's pounding the new guy. Maybe she'll quickly hate him, and run back to you, and you can have his 2nds.

EDIT: F. I just noticed this was Tomato writing this post. Dude, this was dead before your ORIGINAL post 2 weeks ago or whatever. When she was pounding this dude in Italy. Didn't you explain to her with your lame text how you were soooo happy without her and bla bla bla.

Seriously, stop the nonsense. Stop bothering this forum.

LOL - lot of updates totally refuting everything you guys have said - thank god I didnt listen to that advice.

ok wellshe invited me to three things in the last few days and initiates texting almost half the time, I think her guy is a bit of a nice guy and might not have made a move - even if he did she's loosing interest in him and is realising I'm higher value. She wants to hang out. you guys are really the biggest pessimists on the planet and because you dont have all the info you just end up sounding like total quitters sometimes and in this case it clearly wasnt necessary. Today she suggested I come round to her's and cook with her (last time that happend we had sex- dont see why that shouldnt happen this time) What I need a hand with here is maintaining my frame - no defeatist "no chance" nonsense. Help me maintain a non-chasing frame please.

How do you do it with a girl that is super confident and has lots of other options to fall back on if I just go ghost. I take it I just need to amp attraction again? and nail her next time to get her hooked again and the games should stop? - I already called her out on the texting and now she's responding much quicker, nice to get some compliance.

How do you UP kino without neediness? As in I can touch her lots and do - but I'm a b it concerned it might come across as me seeking validation or something? How do you kino in an ultra non-needy way?

either way she randomly started banging this other guy so there's no reason it couldn't reverse (he's actually getting my seconds! lol whoever said that!)

bit worried I'm starting to chase - I said I'd be in the library today and told her to tell me how her dinner with a friend goes and maybe meetup after that.- how do you guys set up dates with girls you've been seeing for a while? I also pointed out her seeing friends over me today as being bad and me not standing for it - I realise that was a mistake - how can I damage control this?

she loves it when I dont treat her like a princess - I get the feeling she'd love it if i treat her like ****! Any good examples of good ways to treat her like ****?

 

[LostAndConfused]

How can you call them pessimists and then ask for "good ways to treat her like sh1t?"

I don't think you actually understand what the above posters really mean. Calling them pessimists says to me that you aren't getting the point. Obviously, this girl isn't worth sh1t. If you were a high value man, you'd leave her for it. NORMAL MEN leave the slut who sleeps around. Men should never have to do damage control. If you really are the prize, then you can find a hotter girl who won't sh*t all over your dignity like this one has.

It doesn't even matter if this other guy is a beta orbiter. Given the way she treats YOU, she obviously doesn't have respect. You're one replaceable penis in a shop on which she's already sampling others.

"either way she randomly started banging this other guy so there's no reason it couldn't reverse"

^ Pathetic. Just pathetic. And the fact that you can't leave her and find a new girl is even worse. The point the other posters were trying to make was that the second she hooked up with guy #2, she already gave you a big middle finger, and decided she could find a more-alpha c*ck than yours.

Being an as*hole should come naturally, you might as well treat her neutral, than bad, if you have to fake ******* alpha game. If you still want to do it, just remember look out for #1. That's where ******* game stems from. Asking for examples of this will make it forced and blow up in your face.

By the way, you aren't really looking out for #1 if your oneitis is fvcking another guy who you claim to be a "nice guy." Yet she spreads her legs for him. Ironic.

You're better off playing this one non-chalant and aloof.

In my honest opinion though, this girl is RUNNING CIRCLES around you. Do yourself a favor and start off at square one before you lose your remaining dignity.

 

[ezio]

Hahaha!! this is hilarious.. the girl has you on a puppet string and is making you dance to her merry tune. you come her asking for advice when she treats you like **** and then start gloating calling us pessimist when she starts making you dance. lol she probably has your pair of balls and is using them as car ornaments as we speak. Any advice i give you will promptly be ignored so why bother..dance puppet dance

 

[tomato]

Hahaha!! this is hilarious.. the girl has you on a puppet string and is making you dance to her merry tune. you come her asking for advice when she treats you like **** and then start gloating calling us pessimist when she starts making you dance. lol she probably has your pair of balls and is using them as car ornaments as we speak. Any advice i give you will promptly be ignored so why bother..dance puppet dance

I call them pessimists because they say i have no chance to f-close her when I clearly do. When I do I will love to see what your guys responses will be. When I'm banging her we'll see who's running circles around who.

 

[tomato]

^ Pathetic. Just pathetic. And the fact that you can't leave her and find a new girl is even worse. --- I WAS NEVER WITH HER - FWB see OP

You're better off playing this one non-chalant and aloof.

---- Examples of this I am asking for!!!!

In my honest opinion though, this girl is RUNNING CIRCLES around you. Do yourself a favor and start off at square one before you lose your remaining dignity.

I have all my dignity I am fine, we were not going out

 

[Johnnyventana]

Do you like my response?

Yes. You definitely have your dignity and you definitely were not going out. Yep.

Of course your first thread about her, was even worse.

 

[tomato]

Do you like my response?

Yes. You definitely have your dignity and you definitely were not going out. Yep.

Of course your first thread about her, was even worse.

Lol seriously - I'm not at all affected by this at all - I was never really interested in her in a serious way. I'm totally zen about the other guy - thats I think is the reason for her coming back - she like "wow this guy is so unphased by what I did - he must not give a damm about me or have lots of other hotter options - I usually get any guy to fall for me in a second so there;s something wrong here I need to correct that......" hence why she wants to see if I'll do stuff with her and then flakes to see a reaction - when I give her none - she'll try harder to get a reaction - eg have sex to see if I'll get attached that way

This has become almost an experiment for me now - I really want to have some pics up on fb of a blond HB8 all over me thats all and maybe f-close just to prove you wrong lol. Anyway I'm not going to text her I'm going to let her initiate the next contact since she didnt reply to my last text last night. COLD NC - lets see when she comes - I'm guessing she wont send anything and she'll "bump" into me in the library or invite me to coffee last minute randomly and see if I jump and come - she did that to me last week and I just didnt go

nobody answered why she would invite me to cook with her when the pretty obvious outcome of that is that we have sex? Unless you think she doesnt mind ****ing me and some other guy at the same time? - I really dont think she'd feel comfortable doing that and she knows when I'm in her room cooking/watching a film sex happens so.... Although I need to make sure next time i see her I ramp up the sexual tension even more.

 

[tomato]

you aren't proving anyone wrong by f-closing a slvtyy (by definition) fwb. They'e saying she's jerking you around and stringing you along with maintenence sex(if that) to feed her need for validation.

Its not jerking me around if I know its what she's doing and thats all I want anyway. So what if the sex is "maintenance sex" she's an 8 - sex is sex- not like I am putting much effort in!

 

[Johnnyventana]

not like I am putting much effort in!

True. If that was the case, you would be creating thread after endless thread asking us how you can game this one single low interest girl.

Clearly you are not doing that.

 

[SlickJeezy]

Whenever a girl you have smashed flakes she either has an emergency or she's with the next dude. If she doesn't respond at all 100% she's with the next dude.

Do you guys notice that when your chillin with one of your chicks and her phone starts vibrating and she just ignores it? It's because she's ignoring the simp.

exactly

 

[tomato]

We've all rationalized our way through situations like this but if the flaking and disrespect was not a problem then we wouldn't make threads about how to deal with it. You need to be as indifferent about her as she is about you...and even then she has the flake card that you dont have...impossible to be indifferent about that.

ok ok I'll pull back and care even less - I only made threads out of interest wasnt much effort and didnt care that much - but your right my mentality needs to be dont care