First post, learning a long time.

[ChangedMan]

Okay gentlemen, first and foremost I'd like to thank you all for helping me leave my ltr bpd and realizing what it takes to be a true man in this twisted world. That story my brothers, is for a different day. Okay, on to the post.

Hot bartender, checking me out all night, played cool, got the number. Minimal texts, coc** and funny. Linked up a first date immediately. I work this weekend she says, but next, I'm so down. Perfect I think, only reply with see you Saturday. She concurs.

Nothing from her 4 days, I text, she proceeds to tell me about her recovery and 8 months of sobriety. I knew, as my friends frequent that bar and know her. I tell her I knew and that's why the date I planned (which she agreed to earlier that week) would be a sober one. Again cool and smooth and mysterious and let that be.

Her working weekend, I didn't text or call, nor did she. Twice, she agreed and thanked me about our date Saturday (earlier in the week). Monday I throw this:

Me: Good day, so Saturday 8pm a good time for you?
Her: I have to work we have ufc
Me: Cool
Her: Ya sorry babe. ****ty schedule this weekend
Me: No problem.
Few minutes later
Me: If you find a day you are free let me know and I'll tell you if I am.
Her: Ok hun.

Is this soft of me boys. I'm thinking not to bother with it again. Was my response AFC. Coming out of 9 years and learning from you guys. Let me know what you think.

 

[dustmuffin]

Okay gentlemen, first and foremost I'd like to thank you all for helping me leave my ltr bpd and realizing what it takes to be a true man in this twisted world. That story my brothers, is for a different day. Okay, on to the post.

Hot bartender, checking me out all night, played cool, got the number. Minimal texts, coc** and funny. Linked up a first date immediately. I work this weekend she says, but next, I'm so down. Perfect I think, only reply with see you Saturday. She concurs.

Nothing from her 4 days, I text, she proceeds to tell me about her recovery and 8 months of sobriety. I knew, as my friends frequent that bar and know her. I tell her I knew and that's why the date I planned (which she agreed to earlier that week) would be a sober one. Again cool and smooth and mysterious and let that be.

Her working weekend, I didn't text or call, nor did she. Twice, she agreed and thanked me about our date Saturday (earlier in the week). Monday I throw this:

Me: Good day, so Saturday 8pm a good time for you?
Her: I have to work we have ufc
Me: Cool
Her: Ya sorry babe. ****ty schedule this weekend
Me: No problem.
Few minutes later
Me: If you find a day you are free let me know and I'll tell you if I am.
Her: Ok hun.

Is this soft of me boys. I'm thinking not to bother with it again. Was my response AFC. Coming out of 9 years and learning from you guys. Let me know what you think.

No contact for a week and ask her again.....If she declines and does not offer an alternative then next. You can wait again and try a third time if you want. If she declines again then move on. The date was to far in advance. You should try to set up dates about 3 days out. I have some that are farther out but I'm not surprised if they flake. Why are you being so needy about verifying the date so far in advance? Day of she should verify with you. Sometimes I shoot a text and verify. It depends on my mood.

 

[Yewki]

Be specific when you set up a date. You should not have let "the weekend after the next" fly.

Stop initiating texts after the date has been set up.

I don't think she's rejecting you, but at the same time she's probably not high interest. Schedule the date at a specific time, in the near future. Don't schedule something over a week in advance again.

Another thing, from the dialogue you posted I'd say your overall text game could be improved. When she said she had to cancel you responded with short somewhat passive aggressive answers. You also initiated a text with "Good day"? Are you writing a formal e-mail?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You did fine, no worries. Don't worry so much about coming off AFC, this is new territory for you so it will take time to adjust. Keep in mind for new prospects try to get them out during the week after work. Bartenders/retail will more than likely be working weekends & have days off during the week.

I personally usually keep the weekends for myself, friends & family etc. I will set-up dates on weekends but only if it's a higher probability of bang. I'm with muff too usually 3 days out.

As far as the hot sober bartender, good luck with that!

 

[ChangedMan]

Thanks guys, all great advice I will practice.

 

[ChangedMan]

You did fine, no worries. Don't worry so much about coming off AFC, this is new territory for you so it will take time to adjust. Keep in mind for new prospects try to get them out during the week after work. Bartenders/retail will more than likely be working weekends & have days off during the week.

I personally usually keep the weekends for myself, friends & family etc. I will set-up dates on weekends but only if it's a higher probability of bang. I'm with muff too usually 3 days out.

As far as the hot sober bartender, good luck with that!

Too true and funny! But I am going to be a Don Juan, I am the prize. Great stuff on this site.

 

[Asmodeus]

Too true and funny! But I am going to be a Don Juan, I am the prize. Great stuff on this site.

There we go! That is the mentality right there. Everyday it will get more easy, you will improve, learn and better yourself/your game/your confidence/ect. Not a bad start though.

Others have given solid advice on this girl. Do not plan dates too long in advance as the initial spark dies down with too much time, and always set a solid time so that she has to commit to it. Remember, strike while the iron is still hot. Do not focus all efforts on this one, and do not turn down any opportunity to flirt with or date other women in the meantime while you wait for this one to respond (if she does). If she does not, no fret as there are 3 billion women in this world.

Oh and if you have not done it yet... Read "The Book of Pook" that guy had some good ideas and is something you can gain a bit of wisdom from.

 

[ChangedMan]

There we go! That is the mentality right there. Everyday it will get more easy, you will improve, learn and better yourself/your game/your confidence/ect. Not a bad start though.

Others have given solid advice on this girl. Do not plan dates too long in advance as the initial spark dies down with too much time, and always set a solid time so that she has to commit to it. Remember, strike while the iron is still hot. Do not focus all efforts on this one, and do not turn down any opportunity to flirt with or date other women in the meantime while you wait for this one to respond (if she does). If she does not, no fret as there are 3 billion women in this world.

Oh and if you have not done it yet... Read "The Book of Pook" that guy had some good ideas and is something you can gain a bit of wisdom from.

Thank you. I'm reading Pook now, golden!

 

[Trump]

Her working weekend, I didn't text or call, nor did she. Twice, she agreed and thanked me about our date Saturday (earlier in the week). Monday I throw this:

Me: Good day, so Saturday 8pm a good time for you?

Way to early to confirm for a date on the weekend. Why did you set up a date so far in advance? 1001 things could happen to between the time you set the date and actually go on it. Ideally one, maximum 2 days in advance.

Her: I have to work we have ufc
Me: Cool
Her: Ya sorry babe. ****ty schedule this weekend
Me: No problem.
Few minutes later
Me: If you find a day you are free let me know and I'll tell you if I am.

Why did you say this? You are asking her to initiate if she wants have sex with you, leaving the power in her hands. Leaving it at 'no problem' would have been much more powerful.

Her: Ok hun.

Is this soft of me boys. I'm thinking not to bother with it again. Was my response AFC. Coming out of 9 years and learning from you guys. Let me know what you think.

Careful with bartenders bro, there is no loyalty and they will say all the right things to make you feel important. Another hot guy comes in, she will melt and go with him.

 

[ChangedMan]

Way to early to confirm for a date on the weekend. Why did you set up a date so far in advance? 1001 things could happen to between the time you set the date and actually go on it. Ideally one, maximum 2 days in advance.



Why did you say this? You are asking her to initiate if she wants have sex with you, leaving the power in her hands. Leaving it at 'no problem' would have been much more powerful.



Careful with bartenders bro, there is no loyalty and they will say all the right things to make you feel important. Another hot guy comes in, she will melt and go with him.

All very good points, I definitely won't make those mistakes with the next one.

 

[nolesfan]

As far as when she cancelled on you and didn't offer another time, this is showing signs of lower interest. You should have left it at no problem. Then I would say about a week later, send a funny start up text and within 3 messages back and forth ask her for a week day date / hangout. If she declines or doesn't offer an alternative again, I would just let this one be. She probably gives her number out to a lot of guys given the nature of her current job and a more interesting guy might have come along.

Just remember, you are the fvcking man, this girl would have been lucky to have agreed to your date and its her loss. Dont act butt hurt just accept your losses and move on. If you see her at the bar again down the road, if she remembers you, just act cool and do not mention anything about her flaking/rejecting (because it didn't and shouldnt have affected you). Just carry on knowing you are the prize.

Good Luck!

P.S. Bartenders usually all hook up with the other bartenders/bouncers at the bar they work at, so you may not want this one anyway haha

 

[Yewki]

Why did you say this? You are asking her to initiate if she wants have sex with you, leaving the power in her hands. Leaving it at 'no problem' would have been much more powerful.

Wow I didn't even catch this, for some reason I thought she said that. But it was him. Good catch.

Pretty big mistake by the OP. For reference this is the convo,

Her: I have to work we have ufc
Me: Cool
Her: Ya sorry babe. ****ty schedule this weekend
Me: No problem.
Few minutes later
Me: If you find a day you are free let me know and I'll tell you if I am.
Her: Ok hun.

^^ Part in bold stings to read. Never do that. You're basically serving her your frame on a platter.

 

[ChangedMan]

Wow I didn't even catch this, for some reason I thought she said that. But it was him. Good catch.

Pretty big mistake by the OP. For reference this is the convo,



^^ Part in bold stings to read. Never do that. You're basically serving her your frame on a platter.

Stings for me to read it too. Lesson learned, should have left it at no problem.

 

[marmel75]

I swear to god if I read one more "keep weekends for chicks you are seeing or other things, etc" I'm going to lose my mind.

First of all, people don't all have the same schedules. If I'm working Saturday and or Sunday, wtf would that automatically be an "important day"? Or if I have days during the week that are tied up due to workouts etc? If I was already seeing a chick I'd want to see them on a day I DON'T have free because I know they are going to meet wherever(house, apt etc) and not a day I can meet someone new.

Stop pigeon holing yourself into it has to be like this all the time, because you cannot speak to others and what they have going on. If YOU have weekends free then great. But don't tell someone who is working and/or has days off during the week or is busy during the week that the weekend is some important day because it's not. Very few people these days work 9-5 Monday thru Friday. This isn't 1960. This advice is no longer valid.

Bottom line, do what you want that fits your schedule and stop worrying "what it looks like" to someone else. Because it doesn't fvcking matter. No chick who wants to meet up is going to think something is wrong with you if you set up a date for the weekend. Likewise, there is no difference in flake percentage between weekend and non weekend dates. They are going to flake no matter what day you set it up on if they are going to flake.

 

[Çharismo]

I know you are still getting the hang of things but keep going. It's good to have the "prize mentality" but if it's on a superficial/artificial level and some bull$hit your trying to convince yourself of -- your core will eventually get exposed for what it is and TRUST ME when I tell you women WILL snuff you out. It's a constant process of becoming self -- developed, aware, conscious, monitored, and confident. If you stay present and depending on how fast you learn, stay humble and are willing to say "I don't know" you will go a long way. Be as authentic and true to yourself as possible. You can read all the material, articles, books, etc until you are blue in the face but that knowledge is all useless until and unless you take massive action.

Be willing to subjugate the ego (hence the term Ego-subjugation), maintain humility, rid yourself of any hatred, insecurities, the need to compare, taking rejection personally, to be in control or any other negative thoughts which WILL eventually come out while going through this process in ways you won't even recognize. Stay aware. Being able to communicate, attract, and bed women is a skill that can be developed. It's like a muscle that becomes stronger the more you train it. (I am referring to the muscle which is your mind, your instincts, intuition, wit, sense of humor etc...). Being able to think fast on your feet, being able to put a woman in her place and being able to shut her a$$ up takes mastery.

This is not an over-night process just because you have access to this website and the forums but a gradual awakening to your higher-self...your true MASCULINITY. You have to constantly put yourself out there, constantly be willing to make a fool of yourself, constantly pushing your boundaries, pushing past your fear, your self-limiting beliefs. Things that you THINK you know will become obsolete in another 10 years because you will reach higher and higher levels of wisdom and understanding not only about humanity but about this world as well and how many of the systems operate.

Always remember that women are not going anywhere but in order to attract the right woman you MUST be the RIGHT...authentic man. Many people on this website will claim all types of non-sense but once you develop the ability to discern and see the reality for what it is you will awaken to the reality of this world. You must have the warriors mentality. Some of the most ferocious and dangerous warriors to exist were the Samurai's who followed -- The Bushido Codes and when dishonored would commit ritualistic suicide (the term is hara-kiri or sepukku). They would rather die than betray there codes because certain things wouldn't be tolerated. The reason I share this with you is let to you know that you MUST be willing to stick to certain things that you believe deep down and not deviate from your path of becoming the true warrior you are to be....

Keep it going!!!!

 

[ohrein]

P.S. Bartenders usually all hook up with the other bartenders/bouncers at the bar they work at, so you may not want this one anyway haha

Can confirm. Worked at a bar for two years. Very incestuous work place. I had two girls on the go at one stage. That was fun when it came out at work. Was a hero with the lads for a couple of weeks. Don't recommend it though.

 

[MrWood]

having a bit of a hard time pulling the trigger on asking for the date

buying Calvin Klein jacket today, salesgirl is chatting me up HB8+
tell her im "old", she asks, 50, her jaw hits the floor.. "no way"
her:How old do I look?
me: 34
her: ouch im 30
me: you look mature
her: you look young, feel it to huh?
me: umm, yea ex just turned 32
her:
she kinos my arm, i kino back a few minutes later to her shoulder
(btw: Finnish people DO NOT kino strangers, it is very uncommon)

at the counter... blabla
her: can i put this other jacket in the bag?
me: yea.. you might be in charge behind the counter,but i take charge out here
she helps me put my jacket on... i got a paralyzed arm, I am afu looking upper body
me: see you later (in Finnish language)
her: byeeeeeeeee

why the fvck can i flirt like a mad dog, but not pull the trigger to ask her out? I got that HB8+ must have a bf etc etc. I would go back tonight to try on jeans, but that feels forced. Mby I feel that age gap, but they dont?
noticed after I left I hardly used my eyes, which are my best physical asset.

Fear of rejection, I need to not give a fvck if she says no...
I obviously wasnt creepin her out

could try next Sat afternoon, or perhaps Friday... drop in for some jeans try ons?