First date, how did I do?

[The Pedantical]

I know I didn't do well because she told me she isn't interested in a second date, but I'd like to know if you guys can find where I screwed up or if it's just her. Anyway...

We met downtown a couple of days ago and went for a pancake restaurant.

I felt I was a bit too forward but instead of sitting across from her on the table I sat next to her so our hips were touching. So we spent 1 hour doing dumb small talk about nothing and I was always trying to find some way to gear the conversation toward sex, like finding links with the stuff we were talking about and sex. This was just the second time we ever met and the first time we only talked for a few minutes, so I was just trying to find out about her family, her brothers and sisters, etc.
So at some point she got to talk about her ex boyfriend and I got her talking about some stuff he did to her physically and how he touched her. Soon I knew that she preferred g-spot to ****oral orgasms and that her nipples weren't as sensitive as other girls but that she really liked giving head. I had my arm around her at this point and she didn't seem to mind. When we laughed we kind of held each other closer and she put her head on my shoulder, and then we walked out of the place and rode the subway together. I felt that since we were touching so much it meant she wanted my tongue in her mouth or something so when I got to my station I was going for the kiss and she was like "oh not yet" and I'm like ok. I was hoping to get intimate with her by the second or third date.

Anyway so I called her the next evening (yesterday) and she told me she had a great time with me and thanked me for the evening and all that, so I said I want to see her again this weekend and she was like hesitating and said that she doesn't really feel comfortable with it and wishes me luck and hope I can find someone I like (blahblah...) so I understood it meant no and I'm like ok wish you well and I hung up. Now I'm just wondering if maybe I was just too forward or not enough or what, I don't know if I did anything wrong I don't feel like I was disrespectful at all toward her because even though I'm the one who geared our conversation toward sex she continued it and she didn't resist my physical contact at all. I think maybe she just wasn't attracted to me for some reason and was too polite to say it, but I don't know... I'm not really experienced so I'm not that good at reading body language and I've never been in a relationship so I might have sounded a bit awkward at some point, I don't know.

Any advice?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I think you did well. Half the things you did I wouldn't do. But if that's what works for you then do it. Every girl you go with isn't going to like you. No need to overanalyze everything. You got a whole bunch of kino and she seemed reciprotive of it so I don't see the problem.

 

[Matt Rogers]

I think steering the conversation too much towards sex isn't always the best idea. It is better that you turn her on with your touch, your voice tone, your body language and so on. Flirting is fine and a few mild sexual innuendos but getting her to discuss the intimate details of her sex life before you ever have sex does seem a bit too much. Probably she did like you but in the cold light of day she probably thought you were a bit sleazy or just looking for sex.

 

[thevilittletroll]

I think steering the conversation too much towards sex isn't always the best idea. It is better that you turn her on with your touch, your voice tone, your body language and so on. Flirting is fine and a few mild sexual innuendos but getting her to discuss the intimate details of her sex life before you ever have sex does seem a bit too much. Probably she did like you but in the cold light of day she probably thought you were a bit sleazy or just looking for sex.

^^^ You have some good points and i agree. something else to consider, i dont think you built up any comfort with her. there's nothing wrong with steering the conversation sexual and escalting kino, but unless you build some comfort you are going to deal with this form of LMR (last minute resistance) and flaking. she's flaking because she was attracted but felt you were too sexual, coming on to her too fast too strong. she probably sees you as the player type just looking to get laid. she may have liked the light kino at first but once you started to escalate she probably thought this guy is despaerate and grabby. build some more comfort with her by telling her stories about your childhood, family life, and find more commonalities before trying to escalate higher levels of kino and before going in for the kiss.

one other thing about the kiss...get out of the habit of thinking that the kiss must happen at the "END" of the date. if things are going well, and you are building up attraction, comfort, and escelating kino properly, you should be kissing her way before the "END" of the date. most guys put too much pressure on themselves "waiting" for the kiss at the end. you are building tension and pressure, not anticipation. And trust me the girls feels that tension and pressure too, and it feels awkward for them too. I want the "END" of my date to end with sex.

 

[sinnerman]

avoid the smalls talks abt brothers and sisters and family.
also avoid the ex. if the topic of the ex comes in the larger context then thats fine. but letting her or making her talk abt how her ex did her..i think it just brings back old memories to her mind and the point of the date is for her and you to create new ones.

talk more about her dreams or ask her to tell you about some embarassing experience and then talk about yours. the point is build a rapport. start with non evasive kino, play with her hair or tell her she smells good,etc. only then go for the kiss.

 

[Satin]

I think you did fine -- she just didn't feel it with you for some reason, which is out of your control after the date is over.

I don't see anything that stands out as "screwing up", but I will say be careful about talking about her sex life with prior boyfriends. It sounds like you took the "nice guy" approach, but all that talk about how her ex got her off and what he did to her may have just served to make her horny for him.

With chicks, I wouldn't be surprised if she went home and texted him later than night.

Once she started talking about ex-boyfriends, even though it was related to sex and seemed like it was increasing the hotness factor, I would have tried to change the subject away from him and maybe talk about it more generally (or else just sticking with light innuendo). Or you could really go balls to the wall and fight fire with fire...telling her what your exes have done to you. But that would have likely ended up in disaster and either been a turn off for her or else made her too self-conscious.

To her credit, I'm glad to see that she had the guts to be honest with you and not string you along for more dates. Overall, it sounds like you had a nice night out with a potentially cool girl, which is never a bad thing.

satin