fine line between creepy and smooth?

[Heretolearn]

Hi,


Creepy/smooth sound different and conjure up VERY different images.

Yet I was thinking about this when shopping tonight. There was a cute girl I would have loved to say hi to. I stopped myself thinking it might be creepy to walk up to a stranger like that.

I know the smooth way makes it feel natural and it would create some entrance. Eg. say something funny about what she is looking at whatever. Yet admittedly I am a 'thinker' type person so I got concerned for coming off creepy.

Why - I understand it does not matter what people think of you in general, but then again, it does not bode well to be a stalker/weirdo type either.

Any thoughts/hints/tips?

maybe its me. I am fit and good looking/dress well so no issues there. I get described as 'eccentric' though and a personality. I once went to a random girl in a store (actually had a reason to chat to her properly). She was really sweet so I asked her about catching up another time to continue the conversation. She said no she has a boyfriend............ 2 weeks later we had a work function and there she is with her bf (guy is an engineer whose father is senior management in the company). It was awkward to say the least............

 

[samspade]

It's all in your mindset. Don't worry so much about being creepy OR smooth. The more important thing is that you simply say something, the earlier the better. What's creepy is if you sit there staring at her trying to come up with something clever. A good ice breaker is a question that starts with "Did you ever notice..." For example, she's looking at candles. "Did you ever notice the pumpkin scented candles are really just nutmeg? The real smell of pumpkin is gross, don't you think?" Something funny and inconsequential like that. Of course it should be casual - don't poke her on the shoulder from behind. Amble up to her while browsing.

Now, here are some thoughts to calm your nerves, because if you're not in the habit, it can be nerve wracking.

1 - The course of human events will not turn on its end if you talk to this girl. No one will ever notice or care. As for her, at the very WORST she'll just think you're a character. If she has a boyfriend she will at least be impressed by the effort.

2 - You will have competing voices inside your head. Some will say "go do it!" Others will say, "Don't! You'll bomb badly and she'll think you're creepy." Here is my advice. Some people will try to stifle those negative voices: "Shut up shut up shut up..." Don't stifle them - this breeds more negativity and internal conflict. Tell those voices something like, "I hear what you're saying. But I'm going to try this. I'll address your opinions tomorrow at 6 pm." It's away of compartmentalizing them, instead of trying to suppress them. I know it sounds weird, but try it.

Just don't worry about creepy. Creepy is persisting after she turns you down. Creepy is following, staring, and not saying anything. Creepy is whistling and offering cheap compliments. Keep it light and simple - make her laugh. Just try not to think. Act. After a while it will feel natural.

 

[Blusher]

The moment you start thinking you might be perceived as creepy, you start acting creepy.

 

[Die Hard]

There is nothing to fear but fear itself...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The difference between creepy and smooth is all about confidence. Selling what your saying so to speak and making no apologies for it.

There are many variables that play into this, such as:

-your level of physical attractiveness
-your age or how old you "look" compared to the girl your approaching
-what you say


Salesmanship will take you far and let you get away with a lot, get good at that and you will get away with murder.





PIMP

 

[mrRuckus]

I think men should stop using "creepy." It's such a loaded, feminine word almost completely devoid of meaning.

It's like sexual harassment. Depending on who you are, the same actions can often be considered creepy or not.

A bunch of dudes are going to come in here and start telling you a million definitions of what's creepy. Go on long enough and everything will be covered.

 

[GreyedOut]

I'm usually smooth when I feel no anxiety and zero expectations of the situation I'm in. So if I'm shopping and there is a cute girl to my left and an old lady to my right I am simply appreciating the situation as is. I notice my surroundings and as a normal social and friendly guy I will react appropriately to social situations. If the old lady to my right offers an opportunity to say something friendly or witty, I'll take it. If the cute girl offers the opportunity, I'll take it. No expectations.

For example, the old lady drops bananas on the floor: "well at least you can make banana splits." while helping her clean up. Social and friendly. Maybe the cute girl notices, maybe she doesn't. No expectations.

I'm usually creepy when I'm anxious and expect a result. I'll go out of my way to make a comment to the cute girl even if it doesn't fit well with the situation. I'm too caught up in my thoughts to understand the social settings. She drops a banana and my reaction is awkward. I'll help her and she'll thank me but I won't even say anything in return, or I'll make an inappropriate sexual innuendo like "doesn't look like you handle long objects very well..." awkward....Had I been less caught up in my mind and what she thought of me, I would have taken the time to understand that isn't an appropriate response to the situation.

I find the difference between creepy and smooth is determined by the connection between the situation and your response.

I believe a lot of PUA describes this as "in state"?

 

[Heretolearn]

Good discussion - thanks

 

[samspade]

I think men should stop using "creepy." It's such a loaded, feminine word almost completely devoid of meaning.

It's like sexual harassment. Depending on who you are, the same actions can often be considered creepy or not.

A bunch of dudes are going to come in here and start telling you a million definitions of what's creepy. Go on long enough and everything will be covered.

That is a good point. I suppose it's in the eye of the beholder. I've noticed women love talking about their experiences with "creepy guys" and "stalkers" (the non-dangerous variety). Why? Same old reason - attention and self-flattery.

 

[Warrior74]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9lvaUuUSos

 

[Warrior74]

Craig Ferguson walks the line between creepy and hilarious. My favorite late night tv guy.

 

[Zarky]

Yes, there's a fairly fine line between creepy and smooth. If you're too much on one side you're "sweet" and if you're too much on the other you're "creepy." If you're right in the middle you're "sexy" which is where you want to be.

Generally the older the woman you're hitting on, the further toward the creep side you want to be.

 

[squirrels]

It was awkward to say the least............

This IS the difference between creepy and smooth.

Why would it be awkward? You didn't know she had a boyfriend, so you did nothing wrong in talking to her.

When a man approaches a woman and believes that doing so with romantic/sexual intentions is somehow "creepy" or "shady", he behaves in a certain way. The woman picks up on the man's perception that he believes what he's doing is "shady" and it makes her very nervous that he's doing something he seems uncomfortable with.

You need to get it out of your head that being a sexual creature is somehow "wrong".

 

[Crow]

I had a pack of hyenas call me creepy call me creepy behind my back the other night. The reason why? That's the funniest part. Because they were mad that I didn't hit on them when I have a reputation for hitting on lots of girls.
:yes:

 

[neghitzbrah]

I have a reputation for hitting on lots of girls.
:yes:

That is why they thought you were creepy.