Finally getting with your long term crush

[X-Man]

Well I love reading the articles on DJing here but never post my own queries, usually because they're seemingly miniscule in comparison to other's. This is different.
The problem I have now is going to be HUGELY important to my future happiness I feel. Let me explain.

One of my best friends from university is an amazingly sexy girl and we hit it off when we met 3 years ago. I didn't ask her out for some crazy reason, probably because she was (is) a serial dater. She's looking for Mr Right and maybe at that time I didnt have the confidence to say 'Its Me'.

She eventually found a guy she loved and I too found girls to occupy myself. Until September I was in a 9 month relationship which ended suddenly. Her boyfriend broke up with her in July. We're both single again - How Fortunate!

We have begun to see a bit more of each other and last week spent a great day having fun together. I took it upon myself to go for it and passionately kissed her goodbye as she left. After 3 years of sexual tension, it was a LOONG time coming!

We have had another night of fun at her friend's birthday just 3 days ago and spent much of it making out for long periods. Obviously we both really like each other! At the end of the night she has had a few drinks and I'm sober (driving). She says to me 'You know this can't lead anywhere right?' meaning that she's not committing to another relationship so soon.

Whilst I only just came out of a relationship myself and would enjoy being single and looking out for just me again, I cant help but feel that her and I would be a perfect couple. She's been not a oneitis but close to it for a long, long time and to nearly have it is really freaking me out.

I have to play it really cool I think, take it very slow but amp up the sexual tension so that I move fully from 'LJBF' zone into 'Suitor' mode.

Have any of you had experience finally getting your unattainable girl?
How did you play it out?

I've had a one night stand since my breakup and have gotten some numbers from other hot girls that I'm tempted to ask for some dates. I know she would be doing similar. Is this a wise decision? In my mind, she's the one I want the most.

Any help is welcome. :nervous:

 

[Firepower]

Ever notice this happens more with males than females?

It's been my experience that situations like yours generally end with embarrassment and misery; still, it never seems enough to warn away the next male it happens to. Or, the one after that...

It's like having a bone re-broken at the doc's because it didn't heal right the first time.

 

[X-Man]

FP you could be right.
Its worth asking to myself: If it didn't happen first time, why should it happen now?
Well, I'm twice the man I was when i first met her. Plus I've already kiss tested her and she's definitely interested.
More interested in me than anyone else? Now I dont know that, but I do want to fan the flames and see what happens.

 

[Firepower]

Yep - the very reason she might feel some perceived greater attraction to you now is, you're not AFC now and have improved game.

Either way, it's walking on eggshells. fwiw, I don't do this anymore as eggshells aren't good for my libido and motivation

 

[The Inside Man]

Just be careful with your emotions man, same thing happened to me a year ago, almost exactly. The girl from high school, never hooked up, dated other people then run into each other 3 years later. Yep, sounds like me exactly. She was my dream girl til I realized that she had some serious issues, and was afraid of commitment, and was not committed to being together like I was. It was a tough lesson.

I don't know if I would say don't do it because there were some great times, but when she started dating my hs wrestling teammate after I went to back college it was a little bothersome at first. Haven't seen her in a year though and I moved to south florida and am living my dream. Alls well that ends well, but take these guys advice seriously.

 

[Bvbidd]

How can you have oneitis with a girl that's been with so much guys?

That's like eating garbage out of the can.

 

[dj trainee]

i really feel for you bro... cosi'm wanting to get with one of my long term friends too..

i think u need to ask urself logically if she is suited for you as a partner... do you think she is? emotions aside, cos emotions impair judgement...

i know you at least want to date her to find out though... i'm no expert, but if she's about to hook up with someone else, you dont have too much time to play it cool? Maybe you just gotta get in there and be the alpha male about it, and get what you want... but act like it's her loss if she doesnt get with you instead...

 

[X-Man]

How can you have oneitis with a girl that's been with so much guys?

That's like eating garbage out of the can.

How would you know any girl's sexual history before you go and pick her up?
That girl across the bar giving you ioi could have had 50 guys before...

She's only just back on the market and is enjoying being a free agent again.
I wanna spoil her fun

 

[X-Man]

i think u need to ask urself logically if she is suited for you as a partner... do you think she is? emotions aside, cos emotions impair judgement...

Good point and I think we do. We've been friends because we have similar interests, study hard and play hard. The only thing that is unnerving is that she is an achiever and further along her career path than I am.

Plus I'm pretty sure that we would go off like a firecracker in the bedroom!

 

[Bvbidd]

I usually have a rough idea of a girl's history before I touch her. I mean, you are able to tell.

Either through friends of hers, or through social observation.

I mean there is nothing wrong with getting with a slvt, I just don't know how you could have oneitis for one.

 

[X-Man]

I always have a rough idea of a girl's history before I touch her.

Either through friends of hers, or through social observation.

I mean there is nothing wrong with getting with a slvt, I just don't know how you could have oneitis for one.

Well I'm pretty sure she's not a slut. Certainly not ****ing every guy in sight.
Everyone basically thinks she's a classy girl, as do I.

What exactly is the difference between guys and girls ****ing as many people as possible??
Seems like that is what the media says is a good thing nowadays.

She's not my oneitis either - She's a best friend that I've always wanted to date/sleep with.
I'd say most guys have a few of these 'friends' in their life that they would love to jump if the opportunity presented itself.

I know I have about 6 girls like this - Some I've kissed, some I've had sex with, Some I always fantasize about. This girl has always been the latter until recently.

 

[shredhead7]

Even though it is already too late, I would distance yourself emotionally from what is going on. It sounds like she wants a **** buddy and knows you're a good guy. The only advice that I can give is to follow the rules here: keep your distance (emotionally), don't make yourself always available, DO NOT GET CLINGY, try to limit the amount of time/days that you see her, don't get emotionally attached.

I repeated the last one to drive the point home. I'm not saying it can't happen, but if you whilt before her or start declairing your love for her, it will be all over.

I would keep going out and doing your own thing. If you are getting numbers from others, let it be known, subtly (you are friends first right?). Competition drives women crazy.

 

[X-Man]

The only advice that I can give is to follow the rules here: keep your distance (emotionally), don't make yourself always available, DO NOT GET CLINGY, try to limit the amount of time/days that you see her, don't get emotionally attached.

I think you're exactly right on all points here. That will be how I play it.
I've got another girl's number, who I met on Friday - Might give her a call and have some fun on the side.
What happens with my friend will play itself out I feel.

 

[tsmith2334]

my buddy had a pretty big crush on a girl and went out with her after liking her for two years... so it's possible

 

[bigjohnson]

She thinks she knows who you are from before and she eeds an emotional tampon. Tag, you're it.

 

[X-Man]

She thinks she knows who you are from before and she eeds an emotional tampon. Tag, you're it.

I'll never be one of those. I hope any man on here does not let himself to to that stage.

 

[jimmyjack]

i will not say that quit but if she is the one you want most then go for her she has better qualities than the others.think about it

 

[bigjohnson]

I'll never be one of those. I hope any man on here does not let himself to to that stage.

Feeling like she's "your crush" sounds a lot like a perfect tampon setup so just be aware that your heart is a tricky thing. It will lie and cheat you to get where it thinks it wants to go, so be very very careful.

 

[Nighthawk]

Yeah words like 'crush,' 'perfect' and 'unattainable' are signs of the wrong mindset.

 

[X-Man]

Yeah words like 'crush,' 'perfect' and 'unattainable' are signs of the wrong mindset.

I can see where you are coming from with this, but I can assure you that I do not think she is 'out of my league' shall we say.
We've just been good friends, could be really good lovers but finding the path that leads that way after so many years of friendship can be very difficult.
I'm like a sponge soaking up all this advice though, thanks!