Field report+: Social circle makeout

[abcd_z]

Invited to a techno concert by a female friend who we shall label Bookworm (she isn't much into physical contact, but she made a great pivot here). Met her friend, Model. Constantly teased Model; C+F and a few negs where appropriate. I got my first ever chance to use Mystery's "oh, a hand model?" neg. She couldn't decide whether to laugh or punch me. Beautiful.

All three of us caught a ride to the concert. At the beginning Model was... a little caustic. For instance, she said something about her punching me if I pissed her off. I sidestepped it and suggested a more win/win situation, such as me going to the concert and her having a good time. No point getting into a battle of frames if you don't have to.

I drop a DHV story of mine about how I'm an outgoing, personable person, and when my co-worker was the opposite of that, it blew my mind.

Fluff talk, we got there, some more fluff talk, made sure to involve both people in the conversations. Talked about an anime convention called sakuracon. At one point I made a point to show Bookworm a picture on my cell phone that was relevant to the conversation (I want to cosplay as the other Syaoran. Don't ask.) Model then pulled out her cell phone and showed us her cat. I pointed out that she was feeling left out, and sympathized before pulling her back into the convo.

Model told me about her boyfriend, who lost a bet and had to dress up as a french maid. I responded that if I had to make it a bet to get my girlfriend to dress up for me, she wouldn't be my girlfriend for very long.

We arrived a little early, so I asked some random strangers if they knew any place to get cheap good food. We wound up going to a Krispy Kreme. I dropped Mystery's "what do you have going for you", but she was listing things that she had (rich parents, etc.), not who she was. So I used the extension about "you've got two out of three. We can be friends." She wanted to know what she was missing, and after putting it off twice (which drove her nuts), I told her that her attitude was rather caustic, that I'm sure she was a great person, but that right now I wasn't seeing that. Model and Bookworm told me (almost simultaneously) that was just first impressions. I told her I hoped to see the side of her that was more than this.

We finished eating, got back in line for the techno concert. She randomly struck up a conversation with the guy behind us, I made it a point to be friendly to him and include him in conversations. Cool guy.

More fluff talk, playful, some C+F. We got inside, I made it a point to head straight to the bar section, which I knew they couldn't follow me to. Muah hah hah. I don't drink, but it did make a good statement. I finally get back, they give me grief for it. I claim that I had no idea they couldn't follow me in, which we all know is bull****.
"I'm really very sorry about that, I won't go there again...more than...ten- no, eleven times." More bull****, all in good fun.

Anyhow, I do several takeaways, dancing for a bit then wandering off to the bar area. By the third time, Model caught up with me as I wandered off. I joked that she missed me. She said she was curious why I kept leaving, but she did also miss me. Cool. Took her to a secluded area, got to know each other a bit. Tried "trying not to kiss you", but she just smiled, and when I moved in for the kiss, she gently deflected it. No biggie.

Around here there were several trips back and forth between the secluded spot and the dance floor. On the dance floor there was some grinding, I gave Model a massage, and had her give me one in return. At the secluded spot, I nibbled on her neck. She told me she had a bf. I told her I wasn't looking for a gf (truth), and talked about the difference between provider and alpha male, and that I definitely wasn't a provider.

Asked her which she liked more, (nibbled her neck) or (nibbled her ear). She liked them both. Tried some rubber band psychology and told her "that's all you get". She was okay with this (not what I was hoping for), so I asked and found out she lets the guy take the lead, and if she has a problem, she'll stop him. Took this as a green light, said "**** it" and made out with her. Talked a bit about the m/w complex most guys have, and that I won't judge a woman for being sexual. She told me her bf was in the military, and wanted to know if "I would come back to bite her in the ass." Me:"Only if you want me to." (grin) . Then I seriously told her about how most guys don't understand the importance of social value to a woman. Her: "This could work."

Ding ding ding! Gentlemen, we have a f*ck invitation.

We couldn't follow up with it because of logistics, so we made plans for a day2 at my place. More getting to know each other (favorite sexual positions, who would win: batman vs superman, sensitive spots on your body and what turns you on), more making out and some petting. Later on, I had her snuggle up against me (tongue-in-cheek "FYI, I'm just using you for your body."). She asked my trait that I dislike about myself (vulnerability). I made her promise to tell me hers if I told her mine, and she agreed. I told her about my geek tendencies, she told me about her goldfish-like memory. I verbalized that when we're snuggled up like we were, I have an odd paternal urge to keep her safe. I was afraid it was beta, but she seemed to like it. Finally, our ride showed up and we went home. If everything goes according to plan, I'm getting laid tomorrow. Wish me luck! ^_^

 

[Flabbergasped?]

A good example of how to properly apply routines.

Good use of MM and stuff on this site combined with your own charm and playfulness. The day2 at your place was a little too sappy for my taste, but nothing went overtly wrong. I'm just worried because you started off with "I'm not looking for a gf," but then you do very bf-like things, like cuddling and talking about your weaknesses.

I say revert to your persona during the initial meeting, and you can get more comfy with her after you fvck.

 

[r0cky]

Nice.
You remind me of my wing, he's able to incorporate techniqes and routines in all his sets. I kinda drift into rapport a lot because I forget the routines in the field. Damn me.

 

[ItsOnNow]

what is social value exactly?

 

[abcd_z]

Sorry, I should have been more specific. The vulnerabilities and comfort-building was all at the club, since I couldn't venue change. I wanted to make sure she didn't develop ASD from basically agreeing to meet up to have sex. We'll be meeting at my place tomorrow for the day2.

ItsOnNow, a woman's social value is lowered if people view her as sexually promiscuous. I was just letting her know that wouldn't happen.

 

[macallik]

Invited to a techno concert by a female friend who we shall label Bookworm (she isn't much into physical contact, but she made a great pivot here). Met her friend, Model. Constantly teased Model; C+F and a few negs where appropriate. I got my first ever chance to use Mystery's "oh, a hand model?" neg. She couldn't decide whether to laugh or punch me. Beautiful.

Techno concert. Damn wish I was there. Hope you had fun

I drop a DHV story of mine about how I'm an outgoing, personable person, and when my co-worker was the opposite of that, it blew my mind.

Okay. When you type this alone, I get the feeling that you sometimes have a tendency to put down others just to show how good you are or make others look like lesser men in comparison. I think that it would be advantageous if you just focus on showing the positive aspects of yourself because with these comparisons you are unwittingly running the risk of showing a negative trait every time you try to DHV. I can be completely off-base but this is the picture that is painted in my head when I read these statements.

Fluff talk, we got there, some more fluff talk, made sure to involve both people in the conversations. Talked about an anime convention called sakuracon. At one point I made a point to show Bookworm a picture on my cell phone that was relevant to the conversation (I want to cosplay as the other Syaoran. Don't ask.) Model then pulled out her cell phone and showed us her cat. I pointed out that she was feeling left out, and sympathized before pulling her back into the convo.

Unless she is being a b1tch or stand-offish and needs to be brought down a rung to change frames, why call her out on feeling ostracized? I suppose that for an overconfident (but actually insecure) chick, rubbing her face in it can make her temporary LSE even worse and she will try to revalidate herself through your attention but for a smart confident chick secure with herself I am pretty sure this will drive her away or make your job of seducing her even harder...

We arrived a little early, so I asked some random strangers if they knew any place to get cheap good food. We wound up going to a Krispy Kreme. I dropped Mystery's "what do you have going for you", but she was listing things that she had (rich parents, etc.), not who she was. So I used the extension about "you've got two out of three. We can be friends." She wanted to know what she was missing, and after putting it off twice (which drove her nuts), I told her that her attitude was rather caustic, that I'm sure she was a great person, but that right now I wasn't seeing that.

Hmmm. I'm curious. Why did you avoid confrontation in what I think was the car and then attack her head on in this instance?

Anyways, in this situation, you have a chick supplicating to you and telling you what she thinks you want to here (rich parents et al). I'm sure in your field exp. you've met chicks who will not jump through hoops. The fact that she is jumping through hoops is a good thing but yet you end the supplication by telling her "2/3? LJBF." That is essentially a neg on a ready and willing chick in my opinion which is why she turned on the attitude. While I agree that those are some bullsh!t answers that she gave, perhaps a less confrontational (and in the long run more seductive) approach is to tell her what she can do to fix it. I am reminded of one of those PUA guru's opener being to point out a small flaw in the way a girl is dressed and rectify the situation seconds later by giving her advice that will make her look even sexier. If you point out a problem she doesn't even know she has and decide against proposing a solution, the void she feels just gets bigger and bigger and she gets more and more insecure/emotional.

Tried "trying not to kiss you", but she just smiled, and when I moved in for the kiss, she gently deflected it. No biggie.

Niceness. it really aint a biggie

Around here there were several trips back and forth between the secluded spot and the dance floor. On the dance floor there was some grinding, I gave Model a massage, and had her give me one in return. At the secluded spot, I nibbled on her neck. She told me she had a bf. I told her I wasn't looking for a gf (truth), and talked about the difference between provider and alpha male, and that I definitely wasn't a provider.

If you can quote this stuff or say it in a subtle way, then more power to you, it can probably work wonders but if you come out and say "Me alpha male, boyfriend beta" or anything direct I don't think it is quite as effective as you think it is. You have to plant subtle seeds in her mind and let her make the comparison in her mind and come to her conclusions herself. That is when seduction is at its most powerful, when they believe they made their decisions autonomously...

Talked a bit about the m/w complex most guys have, and that I won't judge a woman for being sexual. She told me her bf was in the military, and wanted to know if "I would come back to bite her in the ass." Me:"Only if you want me to." (grin) . Then I seriously told her about how most guys don't understand the importance of social value to a woman. Her: "This could work."

Again with the comparisons to others...




congrats on the makeout. You obviously have been here before and know what you are doing however, sometimes I get a hint of insecurity through the need to be in control or constant comparison to 'weaker' people but other than that it was good stuff.

 

[shaunuk]

congrats mate, let us know how it goes by posting here

 

[abcd_z]

Hmm. Interesting take on things, and I kind of see where you're coming from. Perhaps some more clarification is in order.

The DHV story doesn't focus on the fact that my co-worker was standoffish, but rather on the fact that her attitude was such a foreign concept to me.

In the car, Model's percieved value was too high. I had to lower it before she would appreciate anything from me. In fact, later on in the night she agreed that she liked me because I made her work for me; I wasn't the typical guy who wanted her just because she was hot.

Yes, she was qualifying herself to me, but they were surface level answers, and they were about logical constructs. I want for her to feel appreciated because she has an energy about her I find attractive, not because her parents have money.

Remember, up until this point (and even a bit afterwards) she'd been rather caustic towards me. The better she behaved towards me, the more validation I gave her. It may not seem like it in the field report, but trust me. It was calibrated.

On another note, I don't really compare myself to others. For instance, the random guy that Model struck up a conversation with? Jealousy plotline? Maybe. I don't know. But instead of wondering if he was a threat to my game, or comparing his social value to mine, I just made it a point to involve him in the conversations, to treat him as a friend, and to keep things positive.

The truth is, I come from a place of abundance, so there's no reason for me to push another person down just to elevate myself. Why not spread some positivity instead and help us both get what we want?

As for the verbalizations, they were to keep her from feeling guilty. First, by giving her a seemingly logical rationalization for her behavior, then by letting her know I wouldn't judge her for it. It was more of a "pace and lead" than a DHV.

 

[macallik]

no problem man, just clarifying what I thought was a potential problem. Also I forgot to say props for disarming the guy she brought into conversation. good stuff

 

[abcd_z]

This has been an interesting day.
She gets lost on the way to my place, I have to give her directions over the phone. We get to my place, we head straight to my room...and I hesitate. I'm making out with her in my bedroom, but she doesn't really respond much. Passive. And since it's been a while since I've slept with anyone (on the order of months), I'm having trouble making the first move if she's not visibly turned on. Hell, even playing with her clìt doesn't seem to do a whole lot to her.

So I finally decide to pull the trigger. We go at it. And apparently it's painful for her. Of course, she didn't tell me this until it got to be too much for her to take and we had to stop, 20 minutes in. I've heard of being polite, but geez...
It turns out she's only been with one other guy, who isn't as large as I am. And I'm larger than him by enough that it hurts her. I've heard other women tell me I'm large, but this is the first time it's caused problems like this for me.

She's up for whatever I want to do (I asked her preference, she didn't have one), and I just didn't have the heart to keep going. So we cuddled. Did I mention I like cuddling? A bit later I decide to finger her some more and maybe see what happens.

And then I realize.

The hand I was fingering her with was the same one I used to take the condom off.

Fùck.

I tell her this, and an expression of pure terror comes over her face.
I have her take a shower and...shall we say, get herself cleaned a bit. She doesn't mind if I join her, so we take a shower together. We lather each other up, we talk a bit, i'm my typical goofy self. Afterwards we cuddle some more. She has to leave, and wants to know if I'd join her at the mall. I tell her that should really be a boyfriend's job, and that I like the arrangement as it is for now.

I don't think she liked it, but that's the price you pay to remain f-buddies.

Oh yeah, and I never blew my load. -_-

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

We get to my place, we head straight to my room...and I hesitate. I'm making out with her in my bedroom, but she doesn't really respond much. Passive. And since it's been a while since I've slept with anyone (on the order of months), I'm having trouble making the first move if she's not visibly turned on. Hell, even playing with her clìt doesn't seem to do a whole lot to her.

So I finally decide to pull the trigger. We go at it. And apparently it's painful for her. Of course, she didn't tell me this until it got to be too much for her to take and we had to stop, 20 minutes in. I've heard of being polite, but geez...
It turns out she's only been with one other guy, who isn't as large as I am. And I'm larger than him by enough that it hurts her. I've heard other women tell me I'm large, but this is the first time it's caused problems like this for me.

Maybe she couldn't handle it because she wasn't into the whole thing enough? Sex for women can be painful when their bodies or heads aren't in the right place. Maybe she was just self-conscious about having been with only one guy and let that get the better of her. Was this just one time you had sex or has it been a reoccurring thing?

As bad as it sounds, make sure she actually is wanting to have sex. As awful as it is, girls/women sometimes have sex with guys even when they don't want to. It can be out of guilt, fear of disappointing the other person, not knowing how or being able to say "no," or any number of reasons. Just make sure to get her in the mood and get her to reciprocate. If she's just sitting there letting you stuff her like a turkey, and she's acting about as dead as that turkey would be on Thanksgiving, something is wrong.

Edit: Upon rereading your post, she probably just feels guilty about cheating on her bf and this didn't allow her to enjoy her time with you. This would be especially true if that's the first and only other guy she has had sex with. I'd say talk to her about it. The "next"-happy crew here might just say to get rid of her, but this would leave her feeling even worse (again, some here would say that's not your problem or "who cares?"). If/when you talk to her about it, leave your questions very general. What I mean is don't lead her like saying "were you feeling guilty?" but more ask things like "what was up with you the other day? Something seemed to be on your mind that got in the way of our fun."