field report - date went well. or did it? what next?

[ogre]

this is a LOT to take in..... basically what it boils down to is, my personality sucks. and I am clueless on how to remedy this. the motorcycle is a crutch, and that just doesn't work.

I have a date with a gorgeous Indian college girl on Tuesday. so it looks like I'm off to Borders to pick up a copy of Leil Lowndes' "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You" first thing tomorrow, as I really don't wanna blow this one. I could probably benefit from her other books as well because I am not a people magnet either. basically I've been a curmudgeon for most of my life. only in this past year have I actually started making friends.

Urlick your CL ad is hilarious. Can I use it?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
this is a LOT to take in..... basically what it boils down to is, my personality sucks. and I am clueless on how to remedy this. the motorcycle is a crutch, and that just doesn't work.

I have a date with a gorgeous Indian college girl on Tuesday. so it looks like I'm off to Borders to pick up a copy of Leil Lowndes' "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You" first thing tomorrow, as I really don't wanna blow this one....

It's not your personality, it's your self perception and initial conversation skills that suck. You'll be surprised what happens once you start adjusting those things.

Here's some advice, don't use that particular book just for dates you make. Use what you learn from her observations daily with every woman you come across. Don't worry about her looks or personality, they are just test subjects for what you will be learning. You'll be surprised at what you can accomplish when there isn't anything at stake.

Finally, each day review what you did and the outcomes. Make note of what worked and what needs tweaking and make the necessary adjustments. Don't try to force her information to work, learn the information and make it your own by customizing it to your personal style.

After thinking about it, that particular book would be a good training manual for a boot camp. I'd run through a boot camp with 'ya if my copy of the book was readily available and not packed away. Yeah, I admit it, I've read it, twice.

 

[ogre]

OK..... I have an idea.

one of my problems is I tend to babble. you could call it diarrhea of the mouth. especially in those awkward moments of silence. Especially when I'm nervous. I have a friend who used to call me "pottymouth". I think it was D'angelo that mentioned speaking slowly, make every word seem important.

I can't expect to digest all these books and master conversation skills overnight. but what I CAN do in the interim is remember this: when in doubt, SHUT UP! WAIT, THINK, speak SLOWLY, and try to come up with something C+F.

what do you think?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's a good observation, however you can make it work for you. I am an EXTREME talker. I will talk about everything. It works for me mainly because of the presentation.

You are right about considering talking more slowly but it's a bit more than that. Women are very auditory, what they hear can effect them deeply on an emotional level. It doesn't even need to be deep subjects either, it's just about how they hear it.

When you pick up your new literature to study, try reading a few chapters aloud. Read it as if you were presenting it to someone. Read it as if you had to convince them of its accuracy. Read it with passion and conviction. Don't run through the words, don't ramble and most of all listen to yourself. Let the sounds resonate through your body and reread passages if necessary to get them just right.

Women enjoy a resonant, melodious voice. One that takes them for a ride, as if on a motorcycle. Rumbly yet smooth, rolling, undulating and winding. Scenic and exciting like riding your V-Rod along a curvy country road in the fall. Calming yet able to make your heart race.

Get it?

 

[MrHarris]

Originally posted by ogre
finally got my first date from a CL post! it was this past Sunday. I think it went well, but her ad is still posted.

full story here:
http://www.freewebs.com/ogrespage/christie.htm

No calls or emails from either of us since Sunday. I called this eve, 2 rings, heard nithing, then said "hello? hello? then her phone hung up. waited a minute, called again from my other #, got voice-mailed. No call back. I'm sure she knows it's me. oh shyt, now I'm reverting back to AFC mode. (actually more like OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder) I left am email saying:

Hi c**** perfect weather forecast for Sunday, so.....you're on. gimme call. *** *** **** ogre

ok so I know any girl who posts on CL gets about 200 replies so I'm sure she's out dating someone right now. As well as things went with us, I was OK but not exactly Mr Smooth. just OK. , I may already be out of the loop. what do you all think?

Ok let's start at the beginning:

1. You expect her to take her ad off after one date? Are you serious???? Please tell me your joking!!!

2. You didn't bother to call her after the date???? And you expect her to be ok with that???? PLease tell me your joking here also.

3. You called her and she didn't say anything. And your not sure what the problem is??? Please once again tell me your joking.

4. Then you called right back from another phone and you got her voice mail, but you didn't wait like an hour before calling back....Please..you know the rest.

Next this woman and go find 2 others.

 

[ogre]

wtf???

1. You expect her to take her ad off after one date? Are you serious???? Please tell me your joking!!!
I dunno.... I thought she dug me....
2. You didn't bother to call her after the date???? And you expect her to be ok with that???? PLease tell me your joking here also.
I emailed when I got home. is that OK? didn't you read the link when I originally posted? and am I supposed to call after that the date? says who? I thought the dating gurus say not to. like Doc Love specifically says not to.
3. You called her and she didn't say anything. And your not sure what the problem is??? ....... Then you called right back from another phone and you got her voice mail, but you didn't wait like an hour before calling back....Please..
I thought it was a bad connection.
Next this woman and go find 2 others.
I'm on it.....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Personally, I call after the date just as a courtesy. I just tell them that I had a great time and that I'd talk to them later. I don't them to return my call, I don't ask for another date and I commit to a date or time that I'd call again, I just thank them. No reason to keep them completely hanging wondering if I had a good time.

 

[ogre]

OK.... so I just now came home from a date with this young Indian medical student. it's too late to call. should I just send an email tomorrow? I just want to thank her for being a good sport in staying out a little later than she had planned. we didn't make any plan for a future date but she said she had a nice time and she did mention something like, OK, you call me I'll call you or something like that.... I'm not really sure what to do next.

btw I did a really chumpy thing, figuring I have nothing to lose, wrote to C again and got an interesting reply. I find this really helpful. this girl is a gem. link:

http://www.freewebs.com/ogrespage/christie_2.htm

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Dude, conspiracy? Politics? On a first date? What are you thinking? Ogre, you sound like a good guy but with those topics of conversation added to your appearance (not height but including the sunglasses) AND your passion for motorcycles (not saying that's bad but it shouldn't be your only passion) one word comes to mind to describe you:

INTENSE...

Work on lightening up, opening up and emote a man who is in control of himself. A man that is happy. I'm not advocating chit-chat but come on, lets have a fun conversation and a good time.

I'm putting this out there because years ago I had the stigma attached to me, I was WAY too serious about things. Now I will openly admit that I enjoy mindless things like cartoons and wonder why Warner Brothers ever started editing the slapstick violence Bugs Bunny and Wile Coyote cartoons. Think about it, the silliness of cartoons but the social commentary of violence. Makes for interesting conversation, don't you think?

I give you mad props for getting back in touch with C to ask about her perception of you. However, if you want to impress me and the rest of the guys in the forum, show us what you are going to do about it.

Be confident, show yourself. Build the self confidence of being able to handle any situation in that no matter the outcome, you still feel that you are a substantial person worth getting to know.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Dude, conspiracy? Politics? On a first date? What are you thinking? Ogre, you sound like a good guy but with those topics of conversation added to your appearance (not height but including the sunglasses) AND your passion for motorcycles (not saying that's bad but it shouldn't be your only passion) one word comes to mind to describe you:

INTENSE...

Work on lightening up, opening up and emote a man who is in control of himself. A man that is happy. I'm not advocating chit-chat but come on, lets have a fun conversation and a good time.

I'm putting this out there because years ago I had the stigma attached to me, I was WAY too serious about things. Now I will openly admit that I enjoy mindless things like cartoons and wonder why Warner Brothers ever started editing the slapstick violence Bugs Bunny and Wile Coyote cartoons. Think about it, the silliness of cartoons but the social commentary of violence. Makes for interesting conversation, don't you think?

I give you mad props for getting back in touch with Christie to ask about her perception of you. However, if you want to impress me and the rest of the guys in the forum, show us what you are going to do about it.

Be confident, show yourself. Build the self confidence of being able to handle any situation in that no matter the outcome, you still feel that you are a substantial person worth getting to know.

 

[ogre]

Dude, conspiracy? Politics? On a first date? What are you thinking?

whoa.... I touched on those subjects but didn't dwell there. and only did so because she was OK with it. (Please.... I'm not that nutty) and then we went on to talk about movies and such. As with any other topic of conversation, if a person is not comfortable with it, I move on. That's just being polite.

 

[Luveno]

Hello ogre,

Ok, I'm gonna stop calling you ogre because you're calling yourself that in a self-depreciating way. If you feel you have nothing to offer, you DO NOT self-depreciate. Gain confidence first.

I'ma call you Josh.

Ok, Josh. First things first. You're short. You're 40. They are things that are working against you. However, they really take their affect if you let them.

Tom Cruise is 5'5 or so. Stallone is even smaller. Who cares? They certainly don't.

And I know what you're saying now..."I don't look good"...well, dude, I can't help you change if you ain't got a pic. I'll tell you this though: unlike women, where being hideous basically kills their sex appeal, men can improve themselves very easily. ALL MEN! YOU have HOPE.

Are you going to the gym, on a good regimen? At your age I think you should. Not only will it make you look better, it will save you a few heart attacks. Consider changing your diet to be healthy as well. Avoid fast food like the plague.

And now your personality.

I know the main problem you have. YOU LOOK TO OTHER PEOPLE FOR VALIDATION IN EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!!! and the thing is YOUVE BEEN DOING IT FOR SO LONG THAT YOU DONT REALIZE YOURE DOING IT!!!! CARVE YOUR OWN PATH!!!

it seems that you don't want to make a move without getting an OK from someone else. You are afraid of stepping on toes.
You are trying to impress people.


Let go. Impress yourself Josh.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
Dude, conspiracy? Politics? On a first date? What are you thinking?

whoa.... I touched on those subjects but didn't dwell there. and only did so because she was OK with it. (Please.... I'm not that nutty) and then we went on to talk about movies and such. As with any other topic of conversation, if a person is not comfortable with it, I move on. That's just being polite.

Alright, I was concerned for a moment. But notice that that's what Christine mentioned, it was the one of the things that stood out with her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Luveno
Hello ogre,

Ok, I'm gonna stop calling you ogre because you're calling yourself that in a self-depreciating way. If you feel you have nothing to offer, you DO NOT self-depreciate. Gain confidence first.
...

Y'know, that makes a lot of sense....

 

[ogre]

Tom cruise is about 5'10" and he is really good-looking. better in person than on film. I should know, I met him.

don't call me Josh. I have reasons for the self-deprecating name "ogre". has to do with the sexual shame and guilt drilled into me by my emotionally abusive nagging jewish mother. It's also why I will never date a jew. but I digress.... if you like, call me Mojo Man, Reptilian Sex-god or Vishnu.

oh and I take care of my health and all that....

I'll consider your points about looking for validation but I don't think that's what the problem is. the aformentioned shame and guilt had a lot to do with it, but now I think it's matter of simple naiivety. lack of experience. Like I've been living under a rock for 39 years and now that I'm 40 I've crawled out and discovered "women"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
...I'll consider your points about looking for validation but I don't think that's what the problem is. the aformentioned shame and guilt had a lot to do with it, but now I think it's matter of simple naiivety. lack of experience. Like I've been living under a rock for 39 years and now that I'm 40 I've crawled out and discovered "women"

Self Matters by Dr. Phillip McGraw. Paperback or CD Audio, it doesn't matter. Read it, do the assignments contained therein. Like you said, this has more to do with past experiences defining who you are. Until you redefine yourself to your own standards, you will continue to end up in the exact spot you are in right now.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hey Ogre, anything new to report?

 

[ogre]

yes.....

Fransisco:

btw my last replies were directed towards Luveno. we were both writing online at the same time so things got crossed. btw I bought the liel lowndes book and am 1/3 into it.

currently I am chatting up a 28-yr old on CL, I got stupid for a moment and briefly went into one of my conspiracy diatribes, pissed her off. but unlike past failures I was able to wriggle out of it nicely, get back on track, and use it towards my advantage. transcript here:
http://www.freewebs.com/ogrespage/shorty.htm

the status as of now is that I indicated that I was really busy Monday but I'd try to free up tuesday or later this week. she gave me her phone #. I called last night (monday) very late and got her voice-mail. left her a page. my phone rang 10 seconds later but when I picked up I got a dial tone. then left her an email to let her know that "*** *** ****" is my phone # and that I can be free tonight (tuesday) if we get the phone tag thing sorted out. then I called this morning at around 9AM got the voice mail again, and paged again.

so anyway it's after 10PM and not a peep from her. I think she's playing a game of chicken, maybe to see if I'll wuss out and call again. or she's prolly out dating some other dude from CL. either way, I should've gotten a reply from her by now. all I can do now is sit tight. if she suddenly lost interest I have no idea why. 2 friends have already advised me not to make any more calls or emails. maybe wait 2-3 days and drop an email just to say "wha happened?

****update *****

shorty called me today. we have a date set for Friday (woo-hoo!). Her voice sounds like Rosie Perez, I asked if she squeals when she comes.....she's like um, yeah, got all giggly...

-= -=-= -=-= -=-=-=-=
then there was that Indian girl I took out last week. we went for a short ride on my Suzubeast over to a local club where they have an open mike blues jam. I just so happened to bring my gig bag with my harmonicas...

she said she had a nice time. we seemed to get along really well in spite of being from such different cultures. I took it as a learning opportunity. I stayed on track, I didn't get into any stupid talk about politics. I did ask her to teach me to talk dirty in her native langauge (Telugu) and we had fun taking notes and all.....

things are gonna move really slow with her, though. she is really really shy. I may have to date her for months before getting any action. she may even be a virgin.

I did call her a few days ago and she says she wants to see me but is really busy with schoolwork and all that. hard to get a read on whether or not she's playing a game. she is, after all, a medical student.

anyone have any experience with Indians or similar sitch?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

a note on CL replies...

a while back, i posted a personal posing as a woman--25 y/o, 5'6 140lbs (i put a few extra lbs on purpose), good looking, fun, etc..., no pic...

...to see for myself all of the responses. i got 191 replies, and here's the breakdown:

=========
day 01: 157
day 02: 26
day 03: 4
day 04: 2
day 05: 1
day 06: 0
day 07: 1
day 08: 0
day 09: 0
day 10: 0
=========

i posted another one too, this time as a BBW (yikes), and the response distribution was about the same--a FLOOD within the first few hours/day. good activity on the second day. then replies drop off a cliff.

kinda made me vomit that there were 157 on the first day. typical CL stuff that you would expect--full of utter garbage.

ENDLESS SPELLING ERRORS!

so, what i have done, which is pretty successful, is to send my reply AFTER the fifth day.

this way, she has seen all the trash, all of the desperation, etc. and my little 'ole reply gets her full attention. it's right up there at the top of her inbox, and no one else is going to be above me because they die off to zero.

i also do this because this particular dude is NOT going to be lumped together with all of the other 157 desperate CL chumps.

i would say that i am pulling about 75% reply-backs using this strategy.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Not a bad email volley. Unfortunately, it was just email. Now you have her number and you can't get in touch with her. Here's a couple of problems that I foresee:

1. Great retort but can you keep up that level of conversation if/when you meet?
2. Getting so personal in an email usually makes things a bit awkward for the woman during the first meeting. You may need to help her out of her shell.
3. What do you know about this woman, anything? You've had an interesting email exchange, now how will you go about finding out more about her and not focus only on witty banter?
4. It's possible that she's had her fun with you via email and she's had enough (too much too soon). We'll see if/when she returns your call.
   [/list=1]
   
   Ogre, you come off as a bit harsh when you first contact a woman however it seems to work in getting her attention. I'm not sure if that equates to her actual interest level (IL) though.
   
   I do see your humor, you are quite funny. The problem is that in an email it is hard to tell if you are being funny or are just an @sshole. Usually people will choose the latter by instinct. Consider taking a little edge off, don't get rid of it but remember what happened to Andrew "Dice" Clay. WHO????
   
   Another thing is not to pursue her so ferociously. Go ahead, call and leave a message and leave it like that. I'd give her a day or two to call back before I'd consider her not interested. I wouldn't call back though, I'd be working on sarging other women to keep busy. I hate just sitting around waiting for something to happen.
   
   All this set aside, you seem to be making progress with this one. When you meet with her, take time to start reading her and understanding her. Don't focus so much on your personal game, take time to learn hers. You don't want to succumb to it, you just want to understand which way her curve ball slides.
   
   Oh yeah, what do you think of Liel's book?