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zekko

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Sorry things aren't going well, backbreaker.
Maybe Aunt Flo stopped by to visit her?
And/or sounds like maybe she did have feelings for you after all and built up resentment. Sounds like she has some passion coming from somewhere.
 

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backbreaker

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whatever it is she can have it.

I mean if she needs someone to talk to like seriously, i'll be there.. but as far as kicking it and hanging out...I have a GF that I have enough emotional attachment to. I didnt' sig up for what went down yesterday. thta was so off the wall..no. i mean from NOwhere.
 

zekko

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backbreaker said:
thta was so off the wall..no. i mean from NOwhere.
That's why I think it was Aunt Flo. At least in part.
 

KontrollerX

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"thta was so off the wall..no. i mean from NOwhere."

Danger said:
Women are like icebergs.....you only see 10% and the rest is well below the surface.
 

backbreaker

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KontrollerX said:
"thta was so off the wall..no. i mean from NOwhere."
I really don't think she wants to date me.

I think, if it is even antyhing to do with dating or relationships, she doesn't like the fact that I am not into her. I think that might hit a nerve. she gets attentio through sex and self seeking. I told her a few days ago i'm thinking about popping the question to my GF, and I am bTW (thinking about it, hard)

since then something has changed.
 

zekko

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backbreaker said:
I told her a few days ago i'm thinking about popping the question to my GF
Verrrry interesting. I take it you think that is what might have triggered her resentment. See, the male/female dynamic makes things very complicated.

For what it's worth, I've definitely seen women who befriend a guy's girlfriend to relax their suspicions and give them an excuse to hang around their guy. Seriously, that is not at all uncommon. And they're very convincing at it too. Especially suspicious since you say she uses sex for attention, that goes hand in hand with that type of girl.

Not saying she wanted to date you (although maybe she did), but maybe wanted some sex or even just attention.
 

backbreaker

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yes we were in the car (my GF and I) on the way back from the horse track about 2 weeks ago and she just comes out with it... when are we going to get married. first time she justcame out and said it. I knew th day was coming. I really like her alot. I'd even venture to say I'm in love with her. I told to give me some time to think about it... I owe it to her to seriously sitdwn nd weight the pros and cons and give her an honest answer.



So I was going over this information actually I want to say sometime the midle of last week.

Then on friday she made a very snide comment. when I brought the subject back p at the gym.. sayig that she is going to be jealous becuase " you date every girl that walks in the room"... when she knows my situtation better than anyone..damnit i can't help who does and does not like me.

but yes she is one of those women whose whole demenanor is defned by sex. it gets old which is one of the reasons i'm not attracted to her. she can't pass a football game witout commenting onhow hot men are in uniforms, s can't go to the gym without going out of her way to mention how hot every guy working out is, she doesn't particualy wan to hear about my fucing my GF but yet has no problem letting it be knon she got laid and when she will get laid again, whcih i have no problem with but still.. the **** gets old wheneverything you talk about comes back to sex. I like sex as much as the next guy but ****. you are 30 years old, you have a degree in anthropolgy for crying out loud. talka bout some **** other than you like to be ****ed.

probbly my biggest gripe with her and the one that would keep me from dating her.. that and the tattoos. that's just too many (16)
 

Tazman

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Voice said:
I even feel like every ugly/average girl I interact with takes things the wrong way when I just want to be friendly they always develop an interest in me. The one thing I absolutely hate is when I have to let them know in some way I'm not interested. After that happens it seems our 'friendship' is over.
lol, ain't this the truth. I knew a chick at this place I used to work might have had some feelings for me but I wasn't going to make anything out of it, so I just kept things cordial and was simply polite by saying hello if I passed by.

She strategically placed herself in situations where we'd end up by ourselves, I guess expecting me to "approach" her. I did the usual "hi" and kept moving each time. Eventually she started ignoring me and would avoid eye contact every time we passed each other. The ego on some women is outrageous, they can't take it if any guy they feel should like them, doesn't approach them.

This whole issue with friendship goes both ways, it just doesn't work...
 

decades

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she may be a great friend but that doens't mean you are seeking her validation. in fact I can almost guarantee that if she was a male, you wouldn't feel the same way about her. you ARE getting something from her, something likely quasi sexual. you just need to go "deeper". and if you didn't have a GF at the moment, this relationship could go "anywhere".
 

MatureDJ

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Rollo Tomassi said:
You may think it's great social proof to have some hot friend endorse you as a good lay for her other friends, but women talk. In fact it's all they do most of the time. To invoke POOK here: "If a friend she sees a friend you will always be." Your status as a friend gets transferred to her girlfriends. Why? First, if she was a prior target for you who turned into a LJBF, you already have that as the foundation of your friendship. Any of her girlfriends that would subsequently date you will know that she was your primary interest initially - not them. Secondly, assuming you could have a completely innocuous, asexual, platonic beginning to your inter-gender friendship, there will be competition anxiety with the other girlfriends. This will result in a tendency for the original friend to filter your exposure to which of her girlfriends she finds the least threatening.
I think that if you or her consider yourselves to be in a completely different dating pool, then this is possible. For example, if you are short and thus she does not even consider you to be a possibility, she may think of you very highly as a romantic partner in a general sense, and try to find one of her friends who is short and not heightist to set you up with. Or perhaps she is a single mother and understands that you are not interested in such women, and thus tries to help you meet some of her maiden friends, etc.

Women are never going to be your wingman.
Believe it or not, I had an ex-girlfriend act something akin to a wingman - now whether there was an ulterior motive, I don't know.
 

STR8UP

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You made the mistake of assuming that she was your "buddy".

Women don't have buddies, they have fluid social connections.

Example- I texted a female "friend" of mine about going to watch the fights tonite and then meeting up with some people to grab a drink after. We will get together and have a coupe of drinks and a slice of pizza or some wings and watch the fights, then we will go out and meet up with my biz partner who is going to be out with one of his chicks who is having a birthday celebration.

I'm not as "in" with that group, and there will certainly be hot chicks there. I walk in with another chick and I'm instantly proofed. My female friend is to me what I am to her- a social pivot. I have some status that no doubt she gains from, and she has a killer ass that makes guys drool and chicks jealous.

Point is, I don't "rely" on this chick for anything. She isn't a sympathetic ear. We don't have a bond that will last for life. I think she has a quasi-b/f, but as soon as she falls madly in love with some dude and settles down, we probably won't hang out any more. Until she gets tired of him, that is.

What it comes down to is that women are not friends in the truest sense. They can't be. They do not live by the same code that bonds men.

Use them for the good things that they can bring you (they are doing the same). Don't be disappointed when she throws out some chick drama or whatever. Just walk away. If you meet up again in the future, great. If not, no sweat off your back.
 

KontrollerX

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"Believe it or not, I had an ex-girlfriend act something akin to a wingman - now whether there was an ulterior motive, I don't know."

There's always an ulterior motive with women.

She could probably only feel good about you being with someone else if she somehow had control over who you'd be with next in that she reasoned that she was subtley guiding you to the candidate she'd feel would be best as her replacement (and by "best" I mean lesser than your ex in your ex's eyes) and possibly directing you to a girl you would be attracted to but whom she felt was not as attractive as her even though you couldn't see the difference.

She accomplished the feeling of control by being the wing for you whether or not you felt this was what was happening.

Things like this is why I advocate guys make a clean and permaneant breakup with their ex's.

You avoid an ex "getting off" over her feeling like she is in control of the direction of your life as happened in this situation.

A clean and permaneant breakup with an ex means no friendship, no casual hanging out, nothing, you two remain seperate for the rest of your lives.
 

speakeasy

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fuzzx said:
Girls as friends... boring... can you really explain to a girl your intense love of the m1a1 pulse rifle... or the super cool action sequence from the latest movie... or playing the latest game... I mean really? And if she is... then I would look at her like a dysfunctional girl. I don't really understand your motivation for keeping a relationship up with a girl 'friend' anyway... seems like alot of work for a little ROI.
I've seen a lot of responses like this..."How can I be friends with girls, they can't talk about lifting weights, MMA, shooting guns, etc". First off, you'd be surprised how many women are into UFC these days and like to work out. I was in the gym yesterday and heard this random guy and girl talking about different types of protein supplements and stuff. So that's not even completely true that women don't like stereotypically guys stuff. Some do. Many don't, but some do.

Secondly, if your only interests in things are stereotypically man stuff, maybe you should broaden your interest. I love outdoors activities. I like to mountain bike, go hiking, camping, rock climbing, that sort of stuff. Many women enjoy these activities too. I see lots of females mountain biking with their boyfriends when I hit the trails. I like photography, I like travel, I've taken trips abroad with female friends before and we still laugh and joke about stuff that happened. I like checking out live music, I'm huge into music, all types. Some female friends share some of those interests. Or going out to cool restaurants. There's plenty of stuff to talk about and do with girls other than testosterone-driven subjects. And there's some things I'd prefer doing with girls than guys. I can't call up one of my boys and be like, "hey, let's go to the museum this friday, or the philharmonic or a play." They'd look at me like I was nuts. I'd rather do something like that with a girlfriend, but I'm single right now, so I'd go turn to female friends if I wanted to do something really cultured. What if I'm single and there's that company Christmas party? You could always have one of your lady friends come with you. People won't know the difference and the girl certainly won't mind an evening of free drinks and meals. I think some of you guys just need to broaden your interests and realize that there are some situations where it's better to have lady friends to take.

On the issue of whether you can truly have lasting female friends, I have one female friend I think would truly stand the test of time. She used to like me for a long time, but she's not attractive at all. She's now married. It's totally cool, I can go over to her place and watch the UFC with her and her husband and it's chill. Or we can all go out to a restaurant and get caught up on what's going on. The rest of my female "friends" are not really friends in the true sense but more like acquaintances or activity partners. Our friendship is based on having something in common. I think if any of these girls got serious boyfriends, and that void was filled in their life, they'd have little use for me. If I were to move across the country, I wouldn't bet on their coming to visit me..unless I lived in a place like NYC where everyone wants to have a friend so they can crash at their pad rather than paying $200 a night for a room. So like someone else said, I think female friendships do tend to be a house of cards and probably won't last in the long term. I think they are using each other for opposite sex companionship to fill a void, and once that void had been filled by a genuine partner, you probably won't hear from that person much. There are exceptions of course.

Some of my female friends I would never want to bang. A few would if they made it easy and I didn't have to put in any work, and one just drives me wild. In fact I have pretty strong feelings for her, but I'm deep in the friendzone so it's pretty frustrating to say the least. Thing is, I didn't use to be attracted to her at all earlier on, so being in the friendzone was fine, but at a certain point she changed herself, sort of blossomed into an incredibly sexy woman, and now I lust for her but can't have her. It makes it terribly tough because I have so much in common with her and she is basically everything I am looking for in someone, plus having the foundation of friendship and mutual respect, and thinking she's incredibly sexy on top of it all.
 

speakeasy

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backbreaker said:
I told her a few days ago i'm thinking about popping the question to my GF, and I am bTW (thinking about it, hard)

since then something has changed.
There's your answer right there.
 

backbreaker

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decades said:
she may be a great friend but that doens't mean you are seeking her validation. in fact I can almost guarantee that if she was a male, you wouldn't feel the same way about her. you ARE getting something from her, something likely quasi sexual. you just need to go "deeper". and if you didn't have a GF at the moment, this relationship could go "anywhere".
it's very funny,we talk about all the sterotyps that women give us and how we hate them (men ****ing anything that walks, men are all players, etc).. yet e turn around and do the same god damn thing.

dude, i can't state it anymore clearer than what I have stated.I Haveno reason to l ie to sosuave. she is not even a plate i would spin. if you saw me, and saw her, it would take 5 seconds to figure out we probably go for different types of people. I like jazz, she likes hard rock. I am the spurry/polo shirt guy, she wears flip flops nd has 16 tattoos. and she has a kid.

you are damn right if she were male and we did all this **** togegher and he went off and said **** me for no reason i'd be hot.

That's actually quite offensive to suggest that that if i had a guy friend that I feel unjusly ****ed me over that I would not care simply becuase he desn't have tit's and a pvssy.

please, take the pop's pyscoholgoy elsewhere.
 

Nutz

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Female friends will get you laid way more than having male friends. Going out with 5-10 HBs in tow is massive when going out to bars & clubs. When other women see you rolling into a venue like that they get curious and think. The more they're thinking about you the more they're investing. The more invested the more attracted. Just how it works.

Furthermore, when your female friends see you having loads of success from the preselection they generate, that external preselection will get them interested in you. "He has all these women, but why doesn't he like me?" That's the sort of thing that goes through their mind and gets them chasing.
 

decades

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backbreaker said:
it's very funny,we talk about all the sterotyps that women give us and how we hate them (men ****ing anything that walks, men are all players, etc).. yet e turn around and do the same god damn thing.

dude, i can't state it anymore clearer than what I have stated.I Haveno reason to l ie to sosuave. she is not even a plate i would spin. if you saw me, and saw her, it would take 5 seconds to figure out we probably go for different types of people. I like jazz, she likes hard rock. I am the spurry/polo shirt guy, she wears flip flops nd has 16 tattoos. and she has a kid.

you are damn right if she were male and we did all this **** togegher and he went off and said **** me for no reason i'd be hot.

That's actually quite offensive to suggest that that if i had a guy friend that I feel unjusly ****ed me over that I would not care simply becuase he desn't have tit's and a pvssy.

please, take the pop's pyscoholgoy elsewhere.
yes and you keep fooling yourself and telling yourself she's just a cool friend and you would be spending just as much time with her if she where male oh and I am sure you would be talking about the exact same things with Him and starting threads about Him too! CHEERS.
 

backbreaker

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we are back on talking terms and have been for a couple of weeks.

anyway very odd situtation happened a couple of nights ago. my GF was at home babysitting while i was at a meeting. so there was this couple who I ra into that i knew and we decided to go get somehng to eat nd well, i didn't want to be the odd man outso i invited my friend girl (i called my GF and told her what was going down)

anyway, we re eting and i forgot what she was doing we were all talking about something, playing with her iphone, and sh looked like she was in deep thought so I asked what she was doing nd she says "just trying to figure out where our relationship is going"... tha caught me very off guard.
 

zekko

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Going out with 5-10 HBs in tow is massive when going out to bars & clubs.
The first thing I would think would be "Is that guy gay?". But girls do tend to like gay guys so yeah, you probably would get some attention.
 

backbreaker

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yes I honestly would.

yes it's a new dyanmic beucase she is a female, but i'm not attracted to her like that.

would it suprise me if she came out and told me she was really into me? not at all.

i'd just LJBF her and she can do with that what she wants.


and if you haven't noticed i makeposts about my male friends all the time.
 
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