Adonis
Master Don Juan
Here is something I put together to contribute to the board:
Fear of Rejection?
Do you feel uncomfortable in situations such as meeting new women, or speaking in front of women, or telling about your inner feelings or thoughts when you know they are different? Fear of rejection may underlie all of these situations. If we really value other people and how they feel about us, it is natural that we would feel some fear of rejection as a whenever there is the possibility for actual rejection. Like other fears the fear of rejection is increased by the importance of the other person to you, your perceived inexperience or lack of skill in dealing with the situation, and with other factors which may affect your actual chances of being rejected.
Some people seem to suffer more intense levels of rejection for longer periods in their life than other people. To the extent that factors such as those listed below underlie our fear of rejection, we may experience a greater problem with fear of rejection that permeates more of our life.
If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as “unattractive”, “low self-confidence”, "nice guy" or the like, then you threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety.
One cannot respect others if one does not respect one’s self and one cannot love another if one does not love one’s self. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once. Could you still respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you. You are the greatest judge of yourself. Forget what somebody says or thinks about you. What you perceive or carry yourself to be is what you want others to perceive you to be.
You should examine the degree to which you can create your own happiness. Examine how too much dependence on others for happiness can undermine your feelings of confidence with others and lead to fear of rejection. Remember, you have nothing to lose and something to gain in asking a woman for her number or asking her out. You don’t need to be with the woman you want to be happy, but it would be great if you are with her – remember this.
Final thoughts:
Do not fear rejection! This is something that occurs in everyday life, you reject women everyday as they reject you. When you’re going about your daily routines, when you see a woman that is not attractive to you, do you not reject her in your mind? When your watching a movie, as you’re walking down the street and come upon a unattractive woman, do you not automatically reject her in your mind?
Just carry yourself with dignity and courage. “You” are doing her a favor by even approaching her and talking to her. “You” are giving her your time of day and if she doesn’t appreciate it by giving her number as token of gratitude then move on – you deserve somebody better. You are the man, go for it…
[This message has been edited by Adonis (edited 08-01-2000).]
[This message has been edited by Adonis (edited 08-01-2000).]
Fear of Rejection?
Do you feel uncomfortable in situations such as meeting new women, or speaking in front of women, or telling about your inner feelings or thoughts when you know they are different? Fear of rejection may underlie all of these situations. If we really value other people and how they feel about us, it is natural that we would feel some fear of rejection as a whenever there is the possibility for actual rejection. Like other fears the fear of rejection is increased by the importance of the other person to you, your perceived inexperience or lack of skill in dealing with the situation, and with other factors which may affect your actual chances of being rejected.
Some people seem to suffer more intense levels of rejection for longer periods in their life than other people. To the extent that factors such as those listed below underlie our fear of rejection, we may experience a greater problem with fear of rejection that permeates more of our life.
If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as “unattractive”, “low self-confidence”, "nice guy" or the like, then you threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety.
One cannot respect others if one does not respect one’s self and one cannot love another if one does not love one’s self. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once. Could you still respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you. You are the greatest judge of yourself. Forget what somebody says or thinks about you. What you perceive or carry yourself to be is what you want others to perceive you to be.
You should examine the degree to which you can create your own happiness. Examine how too much dependence on others for happiness can undermine your feelings of confidence with others and lead to fear of rejection. Remember, you have nothing to lose and something to gain in asking a woman for her number or asking her out. You don’t need to be with the woman you want to be happy, but it would be great if you are with her – remember this.
Final thoughts:
Do not fear rejection! This is something that occurs in everyday life, you reject women everyday as they reject you. When you’re going about your daily routines, when you see a woman that is not attractive to you, do you not reject her in your mind? When your watching a movie, as you’re walking down the street and come upon a unattractive woman, do you not automatically reject her in your mind?
Just carry yourself with dignity and courage. “You” are doing her a favor by even approaching her and talking to her. “You” are giving her your time of day and if she doesn’t appreciate it by giving her number as token of gratitude then move on – you deserve somebody better. You are the man, go for it…
[This message has been edited by Adonis (edited 08-01-2000).]
[This message has been edited by Adonis (edited 08-01-2000).]
