Experienced DJs!! How would you have handled this one?

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I've been around the block a few times, with plenty of successes and failures. Always trying to learn and ran into a situation a few months back that I'm still puzzled over how I should have handled it (I failed, ultimately).

Before continuing, keep in mind I'm not pursuing this woman at all anymore. I'd just like to hear suggesting on how to deal with this situation should I encounter it again. I'll try to give the cliff notes below...

Cold approached HB8 at my neighborhood pub. Built rapport, not enuf time to hit the comfort stage, but attraction was there. Number closed.

Set up two dates, which she flaked on. I moved on.

Down the line about 4-5 weeks, she approaches me at a club. We dance, make out, have a good time. She asks to see me again. I agree.

Next night, she's back at my neighborhood bar with a friend. My guess was this was not an accident, that she brought her friend there to check me out. I join them for a few drinks, bounce to my pad for a night cap, close with a make out by my car.

Now the tricky part....

I grab her, kiss her, she kissed back. Me: "We should hang out." Her: "Definitely. But I'm in school full time, have a full time job, and my kid keeps me busy. I'll get in touch with you when I have time."

I take this at face value, though I know (a) I probably shouldn't and (b) it's basically a no win situation. If I call, I'm needy and desperate. If I don't, she also won't call as she's got plenty of options.

Well, she, of course, doesn't call. I see her out about 3 weeks later and she's sending me flirty signals, but I'm with friends and an ex-gf that played designated driver (and who will bang me anytime) and I'm not about to drop my friends for this vixen. Any interest she had at that point then evaporated. No biggie... Move on.

But still the question: What do you do when a babe has shown interest, made out with you two days in a row, and then says basically, "Yes, let's do this again, but wait for me to call because of xyz."

What's the winning play here? Is there one?

In retrospect, I should have said something like, "Yeah, whatever girl, you'll hear from me soon, unless, of course, someone beats you too it."

Or something like that. Anyway, what would be a good response to keep in your pocket for such a scenario?

 

[Kbomb]

When she mentioned her kid, that was probably the indication that she needed to see your AFC come out so she could peg you as a provider. If shes an attractive girl with a kid, shes not looking for fun as she probably has been there done that. So ultimately unless you wanted to be dragged into a provider situation you played it perfect. You stayed out of her need to only spend time with guys she deemed attractive AND also up for taking care of another man's kid.

 

[TheException]

Set up two dates, which she flaked on. I moved on.

Correct^

She asks to see me again. I agree.

I would have tried to set something up right there on the spot considering shes been prone to being flaky. "Cool, what nights are you free this week?"

Me: "We should hang out." Her: "Definitely. But I'm in school full time, have a full time job, and my kid keeps me busy. I'll get in touch with you when I have time."

You: Ok, when you figure out your schedule...get back to me

Its your only real play here. You cant MAKE flaky women show up for dates or have them blow up your phone. Thats why its important to spin plates...so your not waiting around for one woman. If a girl gives me a wishy washy answer like that Ill say exactly what I put above and NOT text her. If she wants to hangout she WILL text me. Prize mentality.

But still the question: What do you do when a babe has shown interest, made out with you two days in a row, and then says basically, "Yes, let's do this again, but wait for me to call because of xyz."

What's the winning play here? Is there one?

I dont think there is one. You have to try to escalate as far as you can when you actually physically are with her....and when your not Id keep contact(thats not setting up a date) to a minimum and spin other plates.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Set up two dates, which she flaked on. I moved on.

Correct^

She asks to see me again. I agree.

I would have tried to set something up right there on the spot considering shes been prone to being flaky.

I did that. I was having an oyster party at my place on Sunday. I invited her right then and there. She accepted.

Then flaked the day of. (said she had a client that need her help that day unexpectedly. Whatever).

I shrugged it off and stayed off my phone with her. Then ran into her again and she shows more IOIs...

Anyway, thanks for the replies.

This was a frustrating babe/situation. Just trying to figure out if there is a better play than the one I did.

So far, doesn't seem like it. At least I didn't blow it all on my own.

The most frustrating part of the story is that we met as strangers but in turns out our social circles overlap quite a bit. I could have used that social proof when I met her, as she had no idea who I was... just a stranger at a bar. Later, she finds out I know 1/3 of the musicians in town and about 30 of her friends. I figured she'd have given me a better shot if she knew how wide and connected my circle is. Dammit.

Interested in any other suggestions from experienced guys out there....

 

[5string]

Her kid?

Red flag.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Her kid?

Red flag.

Of course, but at 46 years old (me), I'm not simply going to reject women out of hand with kids.

Also, I'm not looking for wifey material, so I'll not be raising other's spawn.

And perhaps you missed the point of my post. I'm not asking about HER.

I'm asking about how would one deal with the "I'd love to see you but I'm very busy...I'll get in touch when I have time" BS from a woman who has in fact shown interest.

Not interested in your opinion of this particular woman... at all. Just whether there's a strategic way to deal with that when you get it, a way that furthers a DJs interest in landing the babe for at least some banging, maybe some dating...

Thanks for playing.

 

[Purefilth]

She had lukewarm interest at best. I know chicks who have had a kiss on dates but had absolutely no intention of ever seeing the guy again.

They do it because its fun in the moment. but she probably has the BBD lined up already.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You are describing a girl who is useless for anything other than a same night pull. Typical club/bar wh*re, has lots of guys hitting on her and the attention span of a teenager who has just played World of Warcraft for 24 hours straight. Your mistake was to number close instead of inviting her to your place. My experience with bar slvts is that you either f-close the same night or you never hear from her again, no matter how much she seemed to be into you.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

She had lukewarm interest at best. I know chicks who have had a kiss on dates but had absolutely no intention of ever seeing the guy again.

They do it because its fun in the moment. but she probably has the BBD lined up already.

Yes, yes, clearly.

BUT THAT'S NOT MY QUESTION....

Damn, why do half of you think I'm trying to figure out this girl? I am not. That's long in my rear view mirror.

My question is, AGAIN, how to respond to the "yes, let's go out sometime, but wait for me to get in touch first" type of thing she said to me.

I cannot be any clearer than that....

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

You are describing a girl who is useless for anything other than a same night pull. Typical club/bar wh*re, has lots of guys hitting on her and the attention span of a teenager who has just played World of Warcraft for 24 hours straight. Your mistake was to number close instead of inviting her to your place. My experience with bar slvts is that you either f-close the same night or you never hear from her again, no matter how much she seemed to be into you.

Sheesh... NOT ASKING ABOUT THE GIRL!!!

And, for the record, I met her in a bar/restaurant while she was eating. Not simply a bar or a club... a restaurant in a neighborhood, around 7pm. No chance to pull or escalate as I had plans to meet friends elsewhere. Number closing was the only option.

I'm not asking for a damn deconstruction of this set of events.

I ran into after the first night much later, she showed a decent amount of interest. Made out with me one night... looked me up the next, came back to my place with a friend and made out again upon leaving.

She agreed to meet again but then dropped the "I'll call you when I have time" line.

NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU THINK OF HER OR THE OVERALL SCENARIO.

What is a good response to have in your pocket when a chick says something like this? .... for future reference.

 

[Skyy.]

"yes, let's go out sometime, but wait for me to get in touch first"
"your games are for children"

 

[Purefilth]

Yes, yes, clearly.

BUT THAT'S NOT MY QUESTION....

Damn, why do half of you think I'm trying to figure out this girl? I am not. That's long in my rear view mirror.

My question is, AGAIN, how to respond to the "yes, let's go out sometime, but wait for me to get in touch first" type of thing she said to me.

I cannot be any clearer than that....

I thought you'd been around the block a few times halfPUA?

You dont respond. You just move on. Why would you bother with someone who's only mildly interested?
Is it that halfAFC bit coming out? :rock:

 

[Bokanovsky]

What is a good response to have in your pocket when a chick says something like this? .... for future reference.

There is no "good response". This is a lost cause, for reasons stated in my previous post. A woman who is interested you will never say something like that. This much should be obvious, even if you're half AFC.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

I thought you'd been around the block a few times halfPUA?

You dont respond. You just move on. Why would you bother with someone who's only mildly interested?
Is it that halfAFC bit coming out? :rock:

This. You say "Cool" and leave at that. Then you forget she ever existed.

 

[5string]

Yes, yes, clearly.

BUT THAT'S NOT MY QUESTION....

Damn, why do half of you think I'm trying to figure out this girl? I am not. That's long in my rear view mirror.

My question is, AGAIN, how to respond to the "yes, let's go out sometime, but wait for me to get in touch first" type of thing she said to me.

I cannot be any clearer than that....

OK, I get it. I'd just say ask her out a few times and if she flakes or bails on you, write her off and get a new one. So what if she says no or flakes.

If she says "wait", don't wait. More fish in the pond brother.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

She flaked twice which means she's out. You're the back up guy she calls when the men she really wants aren't available. She's not worth "going out" or "meeting up" with.

 

[VladPatton]

With 2 flakes in the equation, whatever she says is an automatic null, a zero. Considering she threw in the kid, that should consolidate it.

She was looking for some quick fun, some male attention, and that is all. If it was truly in your rear view mirror this post never would of been created. You shouldn't let it eat away at you as a missed opportunity. Sometimes it is just a brief experience and nothing more.

 

[Trump]

I grab her, kiss her, she kissed back. Me: "We should hang out." Her: "Definitely. But I'm in school full time, have a full time job, and my kid keeps me busy. I'll get in touch with you when I have time."

I take this at face value, though I know (a) I probably shouldn't and (b) it's basically a no win situation. If I call, I'm needy and desperate. If I don't, she also won't call as she's got plenty of options.

Well, she, of course, doesn't call. I see her out about 3 weeks later and she's sending me flirty signals, but I'm with friends and an ex-gf that played designated driver (and who will bang me anytime) and I'm not about to drop my friends for this vixen. Any interest she had at that point then evaporated. No biggie... Move on.

But still the question: What do you do when a babe has shown interest, made out with you two days in a row, and then says basically, "Yes, let's do this again, but wait for me to call because of xyz."

What's the winning play here? Is there one?

Bro come on, you shouldn't tell a girl "we should hang out". Girls like forward thinking type of men, always looking and talking about the future. "We should hang out" is too wishy washy and unsure.

As soon as she says "my kid", you are done. There is nothing you can do or say that will make it a winning situation. You will not win when there is a kid in the picture, whether you are extremely good looking or a millionaire. If you are looking for a good time, call her up and ask her out. But don't expect a relationship or anything. Again, the kid over powers everything.

What do you do when a girl has shown interest and then backs out? You don't do anything, you move on and chalk it up to their immaturity.

 

[Zarky]

You should have moved on after the first flake.

She knows she has a potential orbiter in you. She'll flirt with you enough to keep you orbiting. That is all.