Ok, I need to get this off my chest. I’ll admit right up front that I was a dumb ass and welcome all feedback. I really did hesitate to post this because I was such a dumb ass. Warning, this a long post.
I went to dinner with this woman against advice I received here. I got a phone call from my buddy who convinced me that this woman wanted to make up to me for her past mistakes with me and would I please give her a chance.
So I went. We made small talk for a bit and then I asked what I was doing out with her? She pretended to be embarrassed so I said, no, no, I really want to know. She simply said she enjoyed my company and made a mistake. And then she paid for dinner. Ok, not bad. We went for a drink after that and then she wants to take a walk. I had not made any moves at this point. She initiated contact with me, hand holding and then grabbed me and started making out with me. No, I didn’t resist. Then she says let’s go back to your place. Once we got to my place we quickly progressed to having sex. Frankly, I was stunned but I obviously didn’t mind. She left in the middle of the night and I thought that was the end of it. Nope…
Next day she texts me asking how things had transpired to us having sex? I told her it was all her driving things the previous night. Long story short, she wants to come over again tonight. This happened quite frequently over the next 2-3 weeks and no, I wasn’t complaining. We would go out occasionally but for the most part she was just coming over to watch TV and have sex.
Some red flags that I’ve seen previously mentioned on this site:
1. She’s been married 4 times (calls her latest ex-husband !@#$tard and her last boyfriend douchebag.
2. She has 4 kids by three different men 2 of which are still at home.
3. She’s in court constantly dealing with her ex about custody of her two youngest kids.
4. She’s deep in debt as a result of her divorce, a short sale on a house, and because of her lawyer fees.
5. She’s got alcohol problems—she’s gotten so drunk at my house she would pass out on the floor (this happened several times), or claim that she wasn’t that drunk and then drive to go pick up her kids, or several times I had to actually drive her home and then take her car back to her the next day.
6. She’s been abused—one time she got drunk in public and I was just trying to get her to the car to go home and she started yelling, “no, no, don’t hit me!” I backed away immediately and thought about leaving her there.
7. Wouldn’t friend me on Facebook but her ex-boyfriend was a friend
8. I would listen to her lie about things to her friends, family and even her kids when she talked to them on the phone. When I asked her about this she just shrugged and asked if I wanted to have sex.
That’s probably only a partial list…I was willing to look over some of this because she seemed to genuinely care about me and was making an effort to be with me when she wasn’t obligated to be with her kids.
Ok, 4 months go by and she says, sometimes I feel like we are just buddies. I asked why she felt that way and she said she felt that we were just plutonic friends. I said ok. Then she asks if I want to have sex right after.
A couple weeks go by and she says she wants to talk about moving together. (I’m currently looking for employment in FL.) She even got so specific as to mention what furniture and dishes we should keep. We looked at different place online as well. Keep in mind that I’ve never even met her kids yet.
Next, her kids are out of town for the holidays and we decide to go out of town for a few days(of course I paid for most everything because she is broke). We were supposed to go see an NBA game that night and I had pre-purchased tickets. On the drive, which is only about 2 hours away, I notice she starts slurring her speech. She had brought a diet coke with her and I asked her, “are you drinking?” She said yes and starts acting like a complete ass. So, we checked into the hotel and she passes out and I end up going to the game by myself.
Next day, she’s acting like a complete ***** towards me and I frankly don’t remember us doing much.
Next day, I overhear her talking to someone very sweetly on the phone while she’s in the bathtub. When I confront her, she says it’s her ex-bf. Her explanation is that she’s trying to be nice to him because he is supposed to be a witness for her next upcoming child custody case. Whatever…that’s Christmas day btw.
That night we decide to go to a casino to have dinner at their buffet. Apparently, I didn’t see it at the hotel but she had started drinking and/or had been drinking the majority of the day(I found the vodka later). So we are standing in line, and she is staggering drunk giving me a hard time in front of people. I tolerated it for about 30 minutes and then said let’s go. This is where she says out loud, “no, don’t hit me”. I backed away and then she almost fell down. I finally got her into the car and back to the hotel where she passed out again…
The next morning I told her what had happened and of course she cried and apologized and said she wasn’t going to drink anymore, at all. Fine, so the rest of the day was uneventful.
Fast forward to a few days before the New Year. She asks me if I mind if she goes out of town because she wants to go visit a girlfriend of hers. Sure go ahead, whatever…(in hindsight, I’m wondering if she went out of town with her ex).
Fast forward a couple of weeks, everything seems normal, she’s still coming over to have sex and hangout but one thing started changing. Occasionally before, I would go to her house at night after her kids were asleep. One day, I asked her if she wanted me to come over and she said, no, I don’t feel comfortable having you at my house. When I asked why, she said it was because her house was messy. Oh, ok, whatever, this just left my nights free to what I wanted.
Fast forward to the day before a child custody hearing…she calls me and says my ex got her phone records. I said, ok, a. how did he get them? B. why are you telling me this? So, she tells me that she doesn’t know how he got them but that he noticed that she and I were conversing quite a bit. She said, he told me that he’s going to come over to your house and kill you and then kill himself. She says she’s afraid to go home and would I come pick her up at some supermarket.
So, I loaded my gun and went to get her. She gets in my car and then I get a text from the ex which says the following: This is April’s boyfriend. I’ve noticed that she and you have been talking/texting quite a bit. Man to man, I’d appreciate it if you’d knock it off. I turned to her, showed her the text and asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me.
She told me that she had told him that there was a possibility of them getting back together but that she was only doing this so he would testify for her in court. She says, I know you’re upset but can I please spend the night at your place. When we get out of the car, she sees me grab the gun to bring it inside and says, what’s that for? I said because I take my life being threatened very seriously.
We talked for a while and then went to sleep. The next day, I take her to her car and she goes home to get ready for court. She texts me that the ex keeps calling, threatening, etc. and I just tell her to not answer him.
The next day she texts me and says she wants to come over. So, I started asking her questions. Have you been seeing your ex—yes. Has he been spending nights at your house—yes. Would you mind telling me why? ---I don’t know I’m so confused, I was just trying to appease him so he’d testify for me in court (they never called him to testify). I said this is the same ex who you told my was bipolar, has attempted suicide before, has a job but has no money and has sexual problems and will only have sex with you once or twice a month? She said yes. I said, well have fun. She then says she needs a few weeks to sort things out, get her life figured out, focus on her kids, and finding new employment. So she left.
