Ex gf messaged me....

[jackson37]

Not sure what it says completely since I only get the previews of the messages she sends on my iphone's home screen and haven't opened it up yet (she sent it on Facebook).

We had a convo going a while back and at one point she read it (since facebook notifies you when someone reads it) and just never replied so I thought it was over. I assumed the no response was because my last message pretty much told her I was done being friends and the messaging back and forth between us had gone on way too long.

She had basically hooked me at the time giving me false hopes of getting back together. I realized that time would never come and I was being used as a back up for her, so ended what little connection we had all together.

I reallllyy want to just delete it without reading it and I guess I'm just looking for that extra push from you guys since Im having a hard time resisting opening it to see what she said. I could always just read it and not respond but I dont know if I want whatever she said to impact me and set me back in the healing process.

TL;DR: Ex messaged me. Having hard time deleting message and resisting reading it. Help

 

[Albatross953]

You have to know how this ends....talking to her is no win.

 

[mikey2012]

Not necessarily.
Read it and tell us what it says. Then we can help you.

 

[Genos]

@mikey2012 I think part of what he's asking is to consider that if he reads the message, she will know that he has read it.

I mean, there are 3 options I guess, just delete without reading, read it & no response, read it & respond.

Personally, I would read the message, and unless it's something like "omg I'm so sorry we broke up, pls come over i want your d1ck right now", I don't think you should respond.

I do think you should read it. Are you just going to lose mental fortitude everytime your ex (now or in the future) contacts you? You should be rock solid, stoic, at all times. Train yourself so that emotionally taxing events can only barely, if at all, disturb your mental state. Never lose your frame.

But I can understand your hesitancy in reading it. Let others on the forum chip in, then, make your own decision.

 

[mikey2012]

@mikey2012 I think part of what he's asking is to consider that if he reads the message, she will know that he has read it.

I mean, there are 3 options I guess, just delete without reading, read it & no response, read it & respond.

Personally, I would read the message, and unless it's something like "omg I'm so sorry we broke up, pls come over i want your d1ck right now", I don't think you should respond.

I do think you should read it. Are you just going to lose mental fortitude everytime your ex (now or in the future) contacts you? You should be rock solid, stoic, at all times. Train yourself so that emotionally taxing events can only barely, if at all, disturb your mental state. Never lose your frame.

But I can understand your hesitancy in reading it. Let others on the forum chip in, then, make your own decision.

Read it and let us know what she said. It could be in your advantage. Dont matter if she knows you have read it or not.

 

[Night-hawk]

No girl is worth posting about. Know it.

 

[GS750]

Just read it and if you reply...do so in a semi indifferent manner.

 

[MOTU]

Hmmm I think reading it and never replying will make her hamster spin more than deleting it unread. If you just delete it, she will probably interpret that as anger. But it you just never reply, that could be indifference. Chicks hate indifference more than anything....

 

[jackson37]

First of all thank you to everyone for their input it was very enlightening and I appreciate it. I decided to read it.

One part I forgot to include (since I sent it so long ago) was that in my last message I had told her I broke up with my current gf and listed that as one of the reasons I wanted to break contact as well.

Her message was basically 1) apologizing for that not replying sooner 2) asking questions about my break up with my last gf 3)says she doesn't want to tone down the texting because she likes knowing what's going on in my life but she will respect my wishes

By tone down the texting I really meant to tell her I wanted it to stop but in a nicer way, I don't feel that need to keep constant contact with my ex regardless of the intervals of texting.

I'm not going to reply. Mainly because I don't want to sit around for weeks anticipating her response but also because she asked some questions about my break up so I'll let her hamster spin I suppose

 

[mikey2012]

Forget her.

 

[jackson37]

Forget her.

Yea I figured. I'm assuming she's just trying to dig for more info on if I'm still into her for her to feel good. Especially since she's asking about my most recent break up. I'm not gonna be her plan b if things go sour with her new guy so with time I will forget her again

 

[gravityeyelids]

I'm in a similar spot with you. My ex and i ended on "good terms" and that only made it more complicated. The fact that you're posting about her means that she's still on your mind and messing with your head to some degree. the ONLY way to fully move past her is to fully break contact and eliminate her from your life, at least for a while until the dust clears.

I know how you're feeling. You're somewhat attached to her and don't wanna be a complete d!ck to her because some part of you still likes her and wants things to end on a relatively happy note. That's unrealistic.

As long as you guys are still talking, there's still going to be some hope one way or the other of reinitiating contact and meeting up again. What you have to understand is that EVEN if you do want to get back together with her, the best play here is to be the one that cuts her off completely, because that is the ONLY way you will have the power in this "relationship". She wants to keep you on the burner and under her thumb while she goes out and bangs guys and tries to find someone better than you.

Breaking contact means just that. Delete her from facebook, snapchat, etc, etc. If you're ever tempted to drunk dial her, i would delete her number as well. As for your circumstances here...obviously dont reply. If you do reply it should only be to inform her (as a courtesy to her) that you're going to break contact fully.

 

[jackson37]

I'm in a similar spot with you. My ex and i ended on "good terms" and that only made it more complicated. The fact that you're posting about her means that she's still on your mind and messing with your head to some degree. the ONLY way to fully move past her is to fully break contact and eliminate her from your life, at least for a while until the dust clears.

I know how you're feeling. You're somewhat attached to her and don't wanna be a complete d!ck to her because some part of you still likes her and wants things to end on a relatively happy note. That's unrealistic.

As long as you guys are still talking, there's still going to be some hope one way or the other of reinitiating contact and meeting up again. What you have to understand is that EVEN if you do want to get back together with her, the best play here is to be the one that cuts her off completely, because that is the ONLY way you will have the power in this "relationship". She wants to keep you on the burner and under her thumb while she goes out and bangs guys and tries to find someone better than you.

Breaking contact means just that. Delete her from facebook, snapchat, etc, etc. If you're ever tempted to drunk dial her, i would delete her number as well. As for your circumstances here...obviously dont reply. If you do reply it should only be to inform her (as a courtesy to her) that you're going to break contact fully.

Thanks. Its good to hear input from someone in a similar situation, I have literally come to the same conclusions that you posted a while back but because of that "hope" she gave me the contact was continued and it delayed the process. I feel a great sense of relief ignoring that message because I feel like I was the one that ended it as weird as that may sound.

Hope your situation is going well too. If you really think about it they were (at least in my case) bad women. I realize that more and more as I read more on these forums, I just wish I knew what I knew now back then so I could have called her out on her sh!t. Oh well. It was a learning experience if anything.

Cheers,
Jackson

 

[hudpes]

I'll let her hamster spin I suppose

This may not necessarily happen, if it does it is to no avail. She's gone her own path and so have you, no need for hiccups of the past, let it go with no hidden expectations up in your attic.

Also, gravityeyelids proposed you may answer her as a courtesy - there is absolutely no need for courtesy. Courtesy like that is very beta, even if you tell her you want to break contact completely. Remember that men don't explain their intentions, men act. And if you don't reply, your inaction speaks volumes. Strength, determination and a step away from her with complete disinterest.

 

[jackson37]

This may not necessarily happen, if it does it is to no avail. She's gone her own path and so have you, no need for hiccups of the past, let it go with no hidden expectations up in your attic.

Also, gravityeyelids proposed you may answer her as a courtesy - there is absolutely no need for courtesy. Courtesy like that is very beta, even if you tell her you want to break contact completely. Remember that men don't explain their intentions, men act. And if you don't reply, your inaction speaks volumes. Strength, determination and a step away from her with complete disinterest.

You are right man, Ive been realizing that since I read the message. I need to realize there is no getting back together at all and its very hard to do at a subconscious level to be honest but I think I will get there with time.

Anyways I learned a lot from everyone so thanks again to all the guys who helped push me forward and give me great advice. Let others read this and learn from your advice as well if they're stuck in the same situation.

I will update, if needed, at a later time