ex gf hid many things

[pyros]

Hi.

I dumped my ex gf because she hid something pretty big from her past. Well, to be exact, she told me about it buy in a way that it looked way way smaller. I loved her but I rationalised that if she hid something so important...she was no good for me; besides we had some other problems that..well, I dumped her eventhough I did not really want to because I had strong feelings for her.

The thing is, its been a year since then, and we've kept the contact (because she wanted to), having sex from time to time etc. All this time she's wanted us to be a couple again.
BUT during this time some other stuff has appeared. I've discovered some other things she also hid from me.

The weirdest one is that when I met her she was 22 and she told me that she just had sex with her previous boyfriend. Ok I thought.
BUT after knowing her for more than three years, dumping her because she hid this other thing etc, we've talkd and now, what she told me about her sexual past is a different story now:


she had big boobs when I met her, but she had huge boobs before, so she went to a surgeon to get them smaller when she was 20. She's always been embarrassed because of her huge boobs. When she met her previous bf she still had these huge boobs, so she was not confortable without clothes on covering them. She said that she had some problems with her ex because of this , but he understood.
She now told me that because of this, she only did hand jobs to her ex bf, no oral, no intercourse. She said that sex was not very important to her and she also had this problem with being comfortable with her boobs. Never showed them to her ex or anything.
She was with this guy for almost 3 years till she dumped him.


BUT one year before she met me, she met this other guy with whom she had intercourse with. She hid this to me, but what makes me mad is that after I discovered this, I wanted to know about it but she started to cry and said that she hid this because this guy 'kind of forced her', and that she just wanted to forget about it.

Then, after a couple of arguments...some weeks passed and she said that she was gonna explain this story to me (because I insisted) but I should not ask her any questions or details. She told me this story that does not make much sense:


She met this guy when she was a teenager because they went to the same school but he was older. When she was 21, one year before she met me and one year after she dumped her ex (with whom she just had hand sex), she bumped into this guy again because they had some friends in common.
All these friends went to party sometimes and one day her and this guy kissed.
(I asked: but how many times did you hang out with this guy before you had intercourse?
her: well, we did not hang out just the two of us, I did not date him...I think..we just went to party all together and there we made out a few times.)
Then one day this guy took me to his house. When we were driving I said to him that I was a virgin.
(I asked: but did you want to bang him when you were heading to his house?
her: no)
When we got to his house...you know...that happened.
me: but is it that you wanted to sleep with him but after it you regret it now?
her: no, I did not want to.
me: he forced you...?
her: well, I dont know...I said to him that I wanted him to stop but he kept saying 'just a bit more...just a bit...' and he kept kissing me.
me: but did he hit you? yelled at you? forced you with his arms or something to put his **** in you?
her: I dont know... I was just ...paralysed. He kept kissing me...and I kept saying I did not want to.
me: but I mean, if you did not want to bang him, when he got his **** out and got a condom what the heck did you think? he was using a condom, wasnt he?
her: well, sometimes you cannot see...
me: what??
her: I dont know...But I was with my t-shirt and my underpants on all the time you know.
is this rape?
me: rape...? he did not hit you...I dont know.
her: it hurted me and when he finally stopped since I released a lot of blood his bed was with a big red spot. After that day he wanted to see me again but I did not want to so I had to chang my cell phone's number.


Thats it.
Then I wanted to ask her some questions but she did not want to answer them and started to cry again. I tried to talk about this several times later but she did not want to.
I have to say that she's the most stubborn person I've met.



What do you think about this guys?
what 'rape' is she talking about? I think she just had sex too fast with this guy, and when they were starting to bang, she regreted it and she wanted to stop it, but she did not actually do anything, just waited till he finished, but since she does not want to look like a slut she won't tell me the whole story.

Thanks.

 

[alpha_ash]

Hi.

I dumped my ex gf because she hid something pretty big from her past. Well, to be exact, she told me about it buy in a way that it looked way way smaller. I loved her but I rationalised that if she hid something so important...she was no good for me; besides we had some other problems that..well, I dumped her eventhough I did not really want to because I had strong feelings for her.

The thing is, its been a year since then, and we've kept the contact (because she wanted to), having sex from time to time etc. All this time she's wanted us to be a couple again.
BUT during this time some other stuff has appeared. I've discovered some other things she also hid from me.

The weirdest one is that when I met her she was 22 and she told me that she just had sex with her previous boyfriend. Ok I thought.
BUT after knowing her for more than three years, dumping her because she hid this other thing etc, we've talkd and now, what she told me about her sexual past is a different story now:


she had big boobs when I met her, but she had huge boobs before, so she went to a surgeon to get them smaller when she was 20. She's always been embarrased because of her huge boobs. When she met her previous bf she still had these huge boobs, so she was not confortable without clothes on covering them. She said that she had some problems with her ex because of this , but he understood.
She now told me that because of this, she only did hand jobs to her ex bf, no oral, no intercourse. She said that sex was not very important to her and she also had this problem with being confortable with her boobs. Never showed them to her ex or anything.
She was with this guy for almost 3 years till she dumped him.


BUT one year before she met me, she met this other guy with whom she had intercourse with. She hid this to me, but what makes me mad is that after I discovered this, I wanted to know about it but she started to cry and said that she hid this because this guy 'kind of forced her', and that she just wanted to forget about it.

Then, after a couple of arguments...some weeks passed and she said that she was gonna explain this story to me (because I insisted) but I should not ask her any questions or details. She told me this story that does not make much sense:


She met this guy when she was a teenager because they went to the same school but he was older. When she was 21, one year before she met me and one year after she dumped her ex (with whom she just had hand sex), she bumped into this guy again because they had some friends in common.
All these friends went to party sometimes and one day her and this guy kissed.
(I asked: but how many times did you hang out with this guy before you had intercourse?
her: well, we did not hang out just the two of us, I did not date him...I think..we just went to party all together and there we made out a few times.)
Then one day this guy took me to his house. When we were driving I said to him that I was a virgin.
(I asked: but did you want to bang him when you were heading to his house?
her: no)
When we got to his house...you know...that happened.
me: he forced you...?
her: well, I dont know...I said to him that I wanted him to stop but he kept saying 'just a bit more...just a bit...' and he kept kissing me.
me: but did he hit you? yelled at you? forced you with his arms or something to put his **** in you?
her: I dont know... I was just ...paralysed. He kept kissing me...and I kept saying I did not want to.
me: but I mean, if you did not want to bang him, when he got his **** out and got a condom what the heck did you think? he was using a condom, wasnt he?
her: well, sometimes you cannot see...
me: what??
her: I dont know...But I was with my t-shirt and my underpants on all the time you know.
is this rape?
me: rape...? he did not hit you...I dont know.
her: after that day he wanted to see me again but I did not want to so I had to chang my cell phone's number.


Thats it.
Then I wanted to ask her some questions but she did not want to answer them and started to cry again. I tried to talk about this several times later but she did not want to.
I have to say that she's the most stubborn person I've met.



What do you think about this guys?
what 'rape' is she talking about? I think she just had sex too fast with this guy, and when they were starting to bang, she regreted it and she wanted to stop it, but she did not actually do anything, just waited till he finished, but since she does not want to look like a slut she won't tell me the whole story.

Thanks.

You can tell the truth about looking at her eyes. Real tears? Has she ever cried in front of you? Lying *****es are easy to pick out if they cry

From what you're saying, it looks like your conclusion is correct. She was submissive and just let him finish.

 

[betheman]

looks like bull$hit to me

 

[marmel75]

I think you might still be a little AFC based on this and other posts I have read bro...if you want to be with her then be with her if not then don't.

 

[pyros]

hi.

marmel75, this really contributes to answer my question, thanks... -L-

 

[spiegel549]

Bro forgive me for being so blunt...

Who cares about her past? Everyone has skeletons in there closet, things they did that they regret, getting arrested, hooking up with some ugly fat chick, trying drugs etc.

As long as she/he isn't doing all that **** now, who cares?

I have done A LOT of crazy, sexual, ****ed up things in my past, but thats no ones business. I focus on the CURRENT and the FUTURE.

I had a girlfriend that I was dating when I was younger a few years back and after we broke up she told me "some guy raped her" when she was younger. Later down the road I found out through her friend that she was all over the guy the entire night and even asked him to go with her to her bedroom. Oh yeah he raped you all right lol..

Bro I use to be SOOOOOO AFC about getting jealous and getting worked up over broads keeping secrets, and not telling me about exes etc but WHO CARES!?

If you are a confident man, and you understand that YOU are the prize and YOU are the catch, and she is LUCKY to have you as her man. Then who cares about her past flings??? Are you that insecure about yourself that you would dump her over some guy she ****ed a year ago?

Like I said if this happened while you two were together then thats a different story, she cheated. She gets dumped and erased from your life.

People think just because you are exclusive with someone that you need to reveal every single secret of your past life to them. Thats bull****. Some things are better left un said.

At the end of the day bro you gotta really think about it. It was in her past, you weren't even in the picture yet. What did you expect her to say? While you were out for dinner one night say "hey babe btw I forgot to tell you I was raped!" come on man you can't expect that.

The past is in the past and theres nothing you can do to change that. Worry about the present and the future bro!!!

 

[drak_ool]

I'm sure there's more issues in your relationship than simply the one guy she had sex with but didn't tell you about.

As far as her "episode" from the sound of things it could have easily been a rape. Take it from a lawyer: rape doesn't have to involve physical violence or threats. If the girl says no and you stick it in= non-consensual sexual intercourse= rape.

Assuming she was raped, I can understand why she wouldn't be upfront about it.

The question I have for you is why is her past sexual history, whether or not she was raped, so important to you? Do you only want to be with a girl who is a virgin? Why? I'm not judging you either way, but you might want to think about that before you make a decision on this girl.

 

[pyros]

I mind this because she's hid one big thing that was the main cause of our break up.
Then, a year after our break up, I discovered this other lie about this 'rape' thing, and some other medium lies too. Besides, she explained it to me once and she did not want to talk about it anymore, same pattern applies for the other thins she hid: she hides it, then I discover it, I want an explanation, she refures. I want an explanation, we argue, she makes huge drama...and then she agrees to explain it to me but I cannot ask questions afther it.

I mind her sexual past because I wanted a girl that had not slept around, and she said she did not, she said I just slept with one man in my life.
But know she wants me to believe that she just did hand jobs to her ex in three years of relationship, and that this other guy kind of raped her. She's always critised other girl for being too easy or for being kind of sluts.
She has also said many times that we slept together too soon (14 dates), but now all this is different, all the things she's said do not mean anything because she slept with this guy pretty fast, and she does not even want to tell me how fast, or any more information. She does not want to answer any of my questions, and as I said before, the same thing applies for other topics of her past.

Whatever.

 

[AAAgent]

I had the same story told by one of my ex's too. She said she was forced to do something by this guy and after thorough investigation i found out she willingly did what she did but he just pumped n dumped her. She had to rationalize it to herself that she was forced to do that in order to get over it. In the end it wasn't important that i knew her sexual history with every single detail, what was important was that she lied to me.

Ultimately, women will lie to try and keep you. Unless it's important don't dwelve into the past unless it has some effect on your current situation/future. No point in bringing up unnecessary baggage.

 

[marmel75]

I take back where I said you seemed AFC...you are DEFINITELY AFC...14 dates??? Are you freaking kidding me...I'm done with this post...I can't do it anymore...I thought I was bad because it took 6 dates once, but 14 might be an all time record...

She slept with the other guy pretty fast because he acted like he enjoys sex. Out of curiosity, WTF were you doing all those dates? Just an FYI, while you were being locked out, she probably met and fvcked 2 or 3 other guys that she didnt know prior to meeting you...

 

[backbreaker]

Bro forgive me for being so blunt...

Who cares about her past? Everyone has skeletons in there closet, things they did that they regret, getting arrested, hooking up with some ugly fat chick, trying drugs etc.

As long as she/he isn't doing all that **** now, who cares?

I have done A LOT of crazy, sexual, ****ed up things in my past, but thats no ones business. I focus on the CURRENT and the FUTURE.

I had a girlfriend that I was dating when I was younger a few years back and after we broke up she told me "some guy raped her" when she was younger. Later down the road I found out through her friend that she was all over the guy the entire night and even asked him to go with her to her bedroom. Oh yeah he raped you all right lol..

Bro I use to be SOOOOOO AFC about getting jealous and getting worked up over broads keeping secrets, and not telling me about exes etc but WHO CARES!?

If you are a confident man, and you understand that YOU are the prize and YOU are the catch, and she is LUCKY to have you as her man. Then who cares about her past flings??? Are you that insecure about yourself that you would dump her over some guy she ****ed a year ago?

Like I said if this happened while you two were together then thats a different story, she cheated. She gets dumped and erased from your life.

People think just because you are exclusive with someone that you need to reveal every single secret of your past life to them. Thats bull****. Some things are better left un said.

At the end of the day bro you gotta really think about it. It was in her past, you weren't even in the picture yet. What did you expect her to say? While you were out for dinner one night say "hey babe btw I forgot to tell you I was raped!" come on man you can't expect that.

The past is in the past and theres nothing you can do to change that. Worry about the present and the future bro!!!

i agree and disagree

think of it like this.

a person's past is like their credit score. if they have an insufficent score or a ****ty score, i will give you this credit card but there is going to be a probation period with it where you can only spend X a month and you are giong ot have to pay a stupid high interest rate.

not saying that you can't get what you want, but you are going ot have to prove to me that you are changed from what i am looking at on this piece of paopler before i let you go wtih this card.

whereas if someone has a great credit score, their signature is all you need to get the card.

people who say the past is the past dont' worry about it are like credit card companies who happily give out 15,000 7.9% interest cards to anyone who signs up on the promise that the past is the past and i'm not like that any more lol. of course there aren't any.

the more ****ed up **** is, the longer your grace period is before we date. I dont' care how good a game you talk the proof is in the pudding.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Regretting that you had sex is regret. Not rape. Plain and simple.

 

[Scars]

Buyers remorse.

-Scars