Everyone else talks to her, I'm staying mysterious...

[baurman]

There is a very gorgeous woman who is working with me, every single guy I see are trying to hit on her, talk to her and what not. When they come by me they say comments like "I want to bang the sh!t out of her!" blah blah. I'm trying to win this girl over. I introduced myself to her, tried to find common ground and broke the ice. She made me guess her age and said "Be careful..." Luckily, I guessed it correctly. When she said she has a dog and when she showed a picture of it to me I just told her cute and I want a husky myself, and she went off talking about dogs to me smiling. Now I want to stay away from her as much as possible. Am I doing the right thing??? I'm just not sure on how I would need to make my move and be the one that she 'chooses'. I just hate that every guy talks to her and I don't want to be that same guy. I'm trying to be different. The only thing that concerns me is my co-workers telling me I'm stupid because I am not talking to her as much because I won't get sh!t and won't be successful.

I told them that by me talking to her I made her day and I'm the prize to be won, and he said "Yeah keep thinking that. You THINK you made her day, but in her eyes, when she goes and bangs another guy, now who's day do you think was made... Yours or the guy she banged?" They keep telling me that I think to highly of myself and it will cost me. Any advice on ideally what I should do?

 

[Obsidian]

Ignore the chumps. They are trapped in the Matrix!

But your strategy here is somewhat flawed. Don't try to be "mysterious." Logically, every guy that a woman doesn't know should be mysterious, but that's not the way she thinks about things. If she doesn't know them and doesn't meet them in any substantive way, she simply IGNORES them. She doesn't wonder about the mystery of every guy who crosses her path.

To be mysterious, you act like a man. Also, you try to get to know her (and qualify her!) rather than spilling your guts to her about your own life.

Ultimately, don't worry so much about being mysterious. Just be patient. Desperate people and players are impatient, but real men have better things to do than drop everything for some good-looking girl they've just met.

Patience > Mystery

Get to know her, and after you've established some rapport (usually 1-5 interactions, I'd say), take her out to lunch or coffee or get her #. "Hey, why don't I get your number in case I want to call you sometime" is a good line.

 

[HandyAndy]

wow im in the same situation dude, theres this hot freshman cheerleader and every damn football player (im one myself) is hitting on her like crazy, i can easily see these chumps are trying WAY too hard to make her laugh and impress her, i say whats up whenever i see her and talk a little bit, im keeping it cool and not trying too hard to get her to like me. What should i do in this situation? The advice can help me and the original poster too, so some advice is appreciated.

 

[Obsidian]

Don't flirt! Establish mild rapport, then #-close or *-close.

And don't ever strive to impress someone just because they're beautiful.

 

[nicenomore]

Am I doing the right thing??? I'm just not sure on how I would need to make my move and be the one that she 'chooses'. I just hate that every guy talks to her and I don't want to be that same guy. I'm trying to be different. The only thing that concerns me is my co-workers telling me I'm stupid because I am not talking to her as much because I won't get sh!t and won't be successful.

I told them that by me talking to her I made her day and I'm the prize to be won, and he said "Yeah keep thinking that. You THINK you made her day, but in her eyes, when she goes and bangs another guy, now who's day do you think was made... Yours or the guy she banged?" They keep telling me that I think to highly of myself and it will cost me. Any advice on ideally what I should do?

Read the bible , look at the FR's and seriously , you'll get a hang of it. And do make the moves only in isolation(if possible).

As for your friends telling you that you gotta talk to her, well.. are they getting laid , using their advice ? If they aren't dont take their advice.

Dont ever discuss convo with your mates. Nothing breaks friendships like girls. Let your co workers think what they want. I use the term co - workers , 'cuz those who pull you down aren't your friends.

Best advice , tell them to do what they want and say that as soon as you (your co-workers) will start getting laid , you'll follow their advice too.

 

[reset]

All this stuff about chumps... if you're not a chump then why are you concerned about what "chumps" may be doing? By worrying that a chump could take your place, that by itself is being a chump.

Don't worry about what you do in contrast to other people. The guys that are considered chumps, who put the girl on the pedestal, are just doing what they THINK they should do. They are never being themselves.

Guys who are themselves, who do things because they want to, tend to get more girls.

Mysterious is a good thing, but it can be overdone. You have to really BE that way. Some guys are friendly, outgoing, but at the same time don't hover around the girls all the time, and hopefully it's not a game, but it's the actions of a guy who isn't needy. And when she is around, great! Talk to her, have a fun time. Just be casual.

If she's interested, she will seek you out and give you the signals. She will make it a point to be around you, she will make sure that you notice she has noticed you, and that she wants you to do something about it. And if her IL is high enough, she'll make it easy for you to pick up on those signals to the point where asking her out or whatever it is you're going to do, is the natural next step to take.

Let the other chumps make fools of themselves and try to earn the girl's attraction. The girl is attracted basically at the get-go. Just like when you see a girl, you size her up in an instant on if you'd want to be with her. They do the same thing. If they like you, all you have to do is maintain their IL. Mystery works, but so does being genuine.

 

[HandyAndy]

and how would you be mysterious and genuine?

 

[ManOfMystery]

All this stuff about chumps... if you're not a chump then why are you concerned about what "chumps" may be doing? By worrying that a chump could take your place, that by itself is being a chump.

Don't worry about what you do in contrast to other people. The guys that are considered chumps, who put the girl on the pedestal, are just doing what they THINK they should do. They are never being themselves.

Guys who are themselves, who do things because they want to, tend to get more girls.

Mysterious is a good thing, but it can be overdone. You have to really BE that way. Some guys are friendly, outgoing, but at the same time don't hover around the girls all the time, and hopefully it's not a game, but it's the actions of a guy who isn't needy. And when she is around, great! Talk to her, have a fun time. Just be casual.

If she's interested, she will seek you out and give you the signals. She will make it a point to be around you, she will make sure that you notice she has noticed you, and that she wants you to do something about it. And if her IL is high enough, she'll make it easy for you to pick up on those signals to the point where asking her out or whatever it is you're going to do, is the natural next step to take.

Let the other chumps make fools of themselves and try to earn the girl's attraction. The girl is attracted basically at the get-go. Just like when you see a girl, you size her up in an instant on if you'd want to be with her. They do the same thing. If they like you, all you have to do is maintain their IL. Mystery works, but so does being genuine.

You are a genious... :yes:

 

[ManOfMystery]

All this stuff about chumps... if you're not a chump then why are you concerned about what "chumps" may be doing? By worrying that a chump could take your place, that by itself is being a chump.

Don't worry about what you do in contrast to other people. The guys that are considered chumps, who put the girl on the pedestal, are just doing what they THINK they should do. They are never being themselves.

Guys who are themselves, who do things because they want to, tend to get more girls.

Mysterious is a good thing, but it can be overdone. You have to really BE that way. Some guys are friendly, outgoing, but at the same time don't hover around the girls all the time, and hopefully it's not a game, but it's the actions of a guy who isn't needy. And when she is around, great! Talk to her, have a fun time. Just be casual.

If she's interested, she will seek you out and give you the signals. She will make it a point to be around you, she will make sure that you notice she has noticed you, and that she wants you to do something about it. And if her IL is high enough, she'll make it easy for you to pick up on those signals to the point where asking her out or whatever it is you're going to do, is the natural next step to take.

Let the other chumps make fools of themselves and try to earn the girl's attraction. The girl is attracted basically at the get-go. Just like when you see a girl, you size her up in an instant on if you'd want to be with her. They do the same thing. If they like you, all you have to do is maintain their IL. Mystery works, but so does being genuine.

You are a genius... :yes:

 

[reset]

You are a genious... :yes:

and how would you be mysterious and genuine?

You have to be genuninely mysterious. Genuine wins out over mystery I think.

To me, mysterious just means you observe what happens around you, you pick up on all the little subtleties that are happening, and you know enough not to tell her too much about yourself too soon, or to be hovering around her because it kills the suspense.

Likewise, you should be realizing that she's just a human being, and that her little problems and dramas will come to the surface eventually, and you're just holding back a little till you see what she's really made of.

Girls like to earn your approval. That's what qualifying is all about. Being the prize isn't just about feeling confident about yourself. It's also a gift to a woman in a way, becuase she is going to feel good about you, and good around you, if she feels you're the prize. So, you know you're the prize, and there's a chance she could be the prize, and the fun part is the little push-pull that happens as you slowly get to know each other, as she gets the feelign she's earining the attention of someone special and you see her as special because she sees how awesome you are.

At least that's what works for me.

 

[Monkey]

The problem here is you think you're being mysterious, but she actually thinks you're anti-social and boring.

If shes not already attracted to you on some level, no amount of mystery will change her mind.

Not saying, be all over her like the other guys, but be classy, make a move and ask for her number instead of wasting weeks/months playing mysterious only to find she was never going to accept a date with you anyway.

 

[Crazy Asian]

i agree completely with monkey

 

[Crazy Asian]

and saweet, when did i become a senior dj?

 

[SaucyBoy]

Be careful about one-itis. I'd say let her know very subtly that you are in play but you have other romantic interests. But also let her know you are interested and she might be worthy of you, but you still don't know.

She is working with you so you have to really be careful here. I usually don't think it's a good idea to approach women at work. If she REALLY floats your boat, then you can certainly risk it.

Hmmm. Sample convo:

You: Hey, hows the Husky?
Her: He's fine.
You: I'm thinking about a dog. I'm going to Petco to check them out. Would you liek to go see them and advise me? (You can use cooler dialogue than I have here, I'm just making a point)
Her: Well, I'm not sure.
You: I really need your advice. I would probably walk out of there with a pit bull.
Her: OK, when?
You: tomorrow at blah blah
Her: OK
You: You can meet me there and I can get him home. Would you care to have lunch before?
Her: Where?
You: At so-and-so's. Maybe you can let me know what you look for in a pet during lunch so I can go in there armed.
Her: OK

I always use a hook. The dog is a hook. Try using it.

 

[HandyAndy]

great advice thx

 

[rrrrr]

Just be careful what you say to your coworkers. People have a way of gossiping to each other and for all you know one of them could tell her you're trying to "play it mysterious" or whatever just to ruin your game.

You're going to have a hard time with this one because she gets her pick of the litter. So if you don't get her it's nothing on you. Good luck.

I would definitely invite her to lunch. I don't know if you're in a position to do that or not, but that would be the first thing I'd do.

 

[Obsidian]

and saweet, when did i become a senior dj?

two hundred posts, man. Congrats

 

[reset]

This whole thing is retarded. A new girl shows up at work, and naturally EVERY SINGLE GUY is going to fall all over themselves to be around her. It's pathetic.

WOMEN decide who they want to be with. The guy doesn't convince them. They're already convinced. Hopefully she's working to convince the guy.

Just remember that when you work with a chick you are dating or have played around with, things can get messy real quick. Some refer to it as "Hell". The dudes you thought had your back, won't. The girls you thought had your back, may not either.

Don't EVER tell another guy (or girl) you're working with about what you're doing. Don't ever even mention her name to anyone, ever if you can help it. Because you are CO-WORKERS.

Look if all you want is a quick lay, I would advise just forgetting about the whole thing. The consequences of that are NOT worth it. Now if you've actually gotten to know this girl, and think she may be a keeper, and you think she might think you might be a keeper, then slowly escalate until the inevitable happens: you two get together.

But if you just want something to "prove" to your guys at work (they will hate you if you win) or prove that you are the man because you got the hot girl all the guys are slobbering and puppy-dogging over, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

You have to have something like this blow up in your face before you realize how important it is to truly play it cool.

On asking the girl to lunch--only do this if you have your game at work down tight. Meaning you can handle the consequences of her saying no, realizing that you'll have to keep seeing her.

Most likely, again if SHE is interested, she will make some sort of arrangement where you and her and a few people go out to lunch together. This way she can get to know you without any pressure in an environment that is neutral, where she is comfortable and you can be comfortable chilling with her without thinking you're on a "date".

Maybe I disagree with some of the guys here, but when it comes to the workplace, for me to take the chick seriously she has to do the pursuing. And if she's interested that's exactly what she'll do.

And if it works out, then you'll both be doing the pursuing.

 

[HandyAndy]

good post thanks

 

[young_gun]

This whole thing is retarded. A new girl shows up at work, and naturally EVERY SINGLE GUY is going to fall all over themselves to be around her. It's pathetic.

WOMEN decide who they want to be with. The guy doesn't convince them. They're already convinced. Hopefully she's working to convince the guy.

Just remember that when you work with a chick you are dating or have played around with, things can get messy real quick. Some refer to it as "Hell". The dudes you thought had your back, won't. The girls you thought had your back, may not either.

Don't EVER tell another guy (or girl) you're working with about what you're doing. Don't ever even mention her name to anyone, ever if you can help it. Because you are CO-WORKERS.

Look if all you want is a quick lay, I would advise just forgetting about the whole thing. The consequences of that are NOT worth it. Now if you've actually gotten to know this girl, and think she may be a keeper, and you think she might think you might be a keeper, then slowly escalate until the inevitable happens: you two get together.

But if you just want something to "prove" to your guys at work (they will hate you if you win) or prove that you are the man because you got the hot girl all the guys are slobbering and puppy-dogging over, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

You have to have something like this blow up in your face before you realize how important it is to truly play it cool.

On asking the girl to lunch--only do this if you have your game at work down tight. Meaning you can handle the consequences of her saying no, realizing that you'll have to keep seeing her.

Most likely, again if SHE is interested, she will make some sort of arrangement where you and her and a few people go out to lunch together. This way she can get to know you without any pressure in an environment that is neutral, where she is comfortable and you can be comfortable chilling with her without thinking you're on a "date".

Maybe I disagree with some of the guys here, but when it comes to the workplace, for me to take the chick seriously she has to do the pursuing. And if she's interested that's exactly what she'll do.

And if it works out, then you'll both be doing the pursuing.

This is great advice.

To add on a little bit, if you're set on pursuing this girl, you should either ask her out to lunch or ask her to get a drink with you after work. Don't make a big deal about it though. I would just go into her workspace about an hour before lunchtime and say something like "Hey, if you don't have any lunch plans today, I'm hitting up Arby's in about an hour, you should tag along" or if you want to go the after work route, something along the lines of "I'm gonna go get a drink after work, you should come with me." I'd probably go with the lunch route first, then maybe a few days later go out for drinks. (If she seems cool that is!)

By the way, are you sure this girl is single? If she isn't, you might just want to be friends with her for a while (which would be easy to do since you'll see each other all the time) and get her to hook you up with one of her equally sexy friends. I don't tend to go after girls I work with, because even if it were to work out between you, you two most likely won't be together forever. If you were to get into a relationship with this girl, you two will eventually break up. That would be an awkward situation to put up with at work day-in and day-out.

Just relax and let things take their natural course. If you don't end up hooking up with her, it's not that big of a deal.