Ever go so good online and then go sour in person?

[Reyaj]

I basically have talked to this girl online and on the phone for months and months now. Well we met a few weeks ago and basically are in the friendship zone.

Its funny how she was all into me on the phone and even talked at relationship possibility. But for some reason this seems to be trend.

Has anyone hear ever had a situation where you feel so good with someone on the phone and after you meet them it just isn't the same?

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

What many people don't understand about online dating is that your online persona has to be congruent with who you are in person.

If you acted all ****y and funny and just been an awesome guy online (guys have far more confidence online usually than in person) and then in person you were nervous about meeting her and came off as an AFC that could've killed her attraction for you.

Its very important to act the same way. For example if online you kept joking about pulling her hair or poking her or something, DO IT when you are in person, don't hesitate. If you come off as the same guy in both worlds you will succeed, if you come off as an awkward guy in person who only has the balls to be a real man in the anonymous world of the internet, thats very unattractive.

And if she is the one who is acting differently and you are congruent with your online persona, then bust on her for it in a funny way, be like "where is [her name]? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH [her name]???" and make fun of her for being different in person, try to get her into that same state of mind she was when talking to you online and by phone.

 

[darth yoda]

I basically have talked to this girl online and on the phone for months and months now

Fatal mistake. Meet in person ASAP.

 

[GirlCrazy]

What many people don't understand about online dating is that your online persona has to be congruent with who you are in person.

Amen. It could also have to do with misrepresenting yourself in other ways. Women are touchy about that. I know a chick who met a guy online that said he was tall. When they met for their first date, he was shorter than she was (like 5' 4"). She told him up front that she wasn't interested, sent him packing and to this day he probably doesn't know why.

If you do it right, she'll have the same interest level in person as she did online.

Fatal mistake. Meet in person ASAP.

Agreed, give her a taste online, but if she wants more, she has to meet you in person. And if she's not willing to do that, then there's about a bazillion other chicks out there .... next!

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Hhahaa oh man this post right here just took me way back.. sigh

Unfournitly yes I have been there and let me tell you it sucks.

Ex:

Saw this girl that I thought at the time was the most beautiful girl I knew. I never got chance to meet her, of course I had my reasons but the main one was cause I was an AFC. Well long story short,

By luck a friend of mine introduce us online. We talked for a month or two. By then I really liked this girl and it was quite obvious she was all into me as well. But when we finally met together in person it didn’t go to plain as I thought it would. It was bad and it hurt.
But we have been friends ever since. And now I’m glade cause I got to see who she really is and I’m glad that were not together it would have been horrible. Lets just say she has a lot of growing up to do. Seems to be a common problem for a lot of young girls hitting, in, or late in there 20’s.

I believe the reason why things don’t work out this way is do to,

1. You are in AFC
2. To much expectation from her or you
3. You both base whether you’re hooking up or not on one meeting. Meaning it’s a do or die. All that talking and crap will mean nothing when you two meet. Its almost like a damn infomercial, you sit there for hours on in listing to what this person have to sell, you get excited make the purchase and when you finally get it its either you like it and keep it or you don’t and you send it back and get your money back guarantee. Its faurked up I know, but that’s how this generation of youngn’s do it.

It’s a learning experience, and what I learned from it is this,

1. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket
2. Don’t use the internet to meet girls
3. Don’t Text Message (Its killed me big time)
4. And don’t talk on the Phone a lot. Use it to say “Hi, whats up?, alittle 2 min fluff talk, then set up a date.
5. Don’t have high expectations. Expect nothing and you might receive something. However expect the unexpected.
6. Move on


Best of luck next time

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Re: hmmm..

Originally posted by KillaPetehog
well I met one girl online.

She looked like a HB 10.

perfect face.
perfect azz.
perfect legs.


ah.....the beauty of Adobe Photoshop.

that bytch was a sea donkey in real life.

:crackup: :crackup: Nice!!

 

[Reyaj]

One Arm and Joe.

I think both of you hit the nail on the head. I have actually done this before and have experienced this but I was hoping this would be different. I should have known from the get go considering this girl was only 18... but anyway I think I did have a shot here and I blew it. I will try to summarize what happend and want your opinions on it.


We started talking months ago on the phone. I saw her picture online and I thought she was very beautiful. I mean really beautiful. I started messaging her and basically told her this. She felt very complimented and we started talking online frequently. She is from a strict Italian household so she hasn't had many boyfriends.

Now as I talked to her I actually found out that this girl had the same birthday as me! Can you believe that... in addition to being beautiful this girl and I have the same birthday!

Well of course I am interested as hell now and so is she...

We talk on the phone and she actually mentions meeting first. She says she had never done it before but she feels really good when we talk and I feel the same way.

Now I did kinda make a little mistake her. I did send her a fake picture of me... But the person I sent does resemble me I feel. I just don't photograph well...

Anyway we met in person and I think it went well. We had coffee and took a walk. She gave me some kino and walked very close to me.

We had this rule that if she wasn't interested just don't call me after we met. Well she did call me that same night and we talked casually...

We talked after this and our conversations were more friendly that romantic. She had mentioned that she likes guys that are challenges so I tried not to compliment her too much or show my interest.

Eventually I did tell her I'd like to see her again and she proposed last saturday.

We ended up going to the movies. Now I know some girls are just friendly, but she was definitely using a lot of kino. She would touch my arm during parts of the movie and even rest her head on my shoulder quickly during other parts....

I definitely had signs here guys, so in my head Im deciding whether or not to go for the good night kiss.

At the end of the night I walked her to her car and she said she had a good time and she gave me a big hug. Well I pulled out of the hug and kissed her on the lips... It was a real quick kiss, she seemed to kiss me quick and then pulled back, i came forward, but then pulled back cause I thought she did, and then she came forward.

Anyway I thought it wasn't a big deal. I called her to make sure she got home ok and she did.....


Ok so this past week she called me and we talked... again I tried to play it cool and so did she... I definitely noticed changes though... we definitely werent' as nice to each other was we initially were and I told her this. She said everyone has moods and its not a big deal.

Well the other day we are talking casual of course and she is like "i get the feeling there is something you want to ask me"

Then she starts saying that initially we both saw the possibility of maybe having become romantic but she felt as if we had deveolped a great friendship!

She seems careful about what she says cause she isn't sure how I feel...

I basically tell her (this was a big mistake I think) that the way she came across on our date was that she liked me. I told her when you touch someone and even put their head on their shoulder it does send a message. I said but maybe you do this with all your guy friends so who knows???/

She seemed kinda shocked and was like "wow maybe I should rethink my actions.." but then she's like "I definitely don't kiss my guy friends good night" so i know it was a date.

We both are very confused at this point.... and then she even says "A lot of guys have been asking me out lately.. and i feel bad telling you if i go on a date with them...." "i dont expect you to tell me if you go out on a date thats your business"

So wahtever this really turned me off and I basically was like dont worry we're cool but I gotta go. She is like "will I hear from you soon" and Im like "sure"

But I wont bother with her again.... Just wish I could know what I did wrong... Im sure the answer is going to be that she is so young.....

 

[Reyaj]

I really want some analysis....

 

[GirlCrazy]

But I wont bother with her again.... Just wish I could know what I did wrong... Im sure the answer is going to be that she is so young.....

...or that you sent her a fake picture.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Jayer
I really want some analysis....

Your problem is you wanted to be with her but acted casual and had friendly conve as you put it. No one knows whats in your brain if you act like you want to be a friend that is what she will think.

MEN LEAD WOMEN FOLLOW

That being said so over analyseing her moves because that then means she is leading. Leading for women get really old really quick. If she wanted to date another woman she would have been a lesbian. Be a Man and this wont keep happening to you.

Women are emotional not logical. Stop trying to use logic to get them. If you want her and you are feeling her tell her that on a date. Be a MAN not sometimes or online but all the time. Do what you feel when you feel how you feel.

NEWFLASH: You dont need a license from the woman you are with to BE A MAN! or from anyone else. YOU LEAD SHE FOLLOWS YOU FOLLOW SHE LEADS and unfortunately for so many men WOMEN DONT LIKE TO LEAD, and there are plenty of MEN out there who DO and WILL!

 

[Wyldfire]

If a woman is into you online and then is no longer into you after meeting you it's because she's not attracted to you and feels no chemistry. That's all it is, plain and simple.

If you lie or misrepresent yourself...expect this. If you don't show her a recent photo before meeting you...expect this.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

I think she decided you two would pretty much just be friends within minutes of seeing you in person.

Sending a fake picture is bad, very bad. Unless you are sending her someone from UglyPeople.com as a joke in which case its funny and good, but generally its a bad thing to lie or send fake pictures so soon.

Next, I suspect that the nature of your communication on the phone and online was much more romantic and you were more bold with putting the e-Moves on her, but were probably more reserved in person.

If this is what happened, this could be your congruency test failure right there.

Moving along, it seems like she is popular as she claims lots of guys have been asking her out. You handled that pretty well by telling her its her business I think. But since she is popular she probably has lots of choices and the mistakes you made early on probably made her slot you into a lower rating in the listing of all the guys interested in her, so she acted accordingly.

I would say don't bother anymroe.

The important thing to learn for next time is:

1. No Fake Picture!

Go to a professional photographer, pay the $20 or whatever, and get your picture taken professinally. Even if you aren't photogenic they WILL make you look good, this is what they do for a living.

I've seen some very mediocre to ugly girls look HOT and ATTRACTIVE on professional photos.

2. Meet the person early.

Do not talk to her for months on the phone and online first, if you are going to be asking her out for a meeting do so early. I've successfully asked a girl out after just 2 hours of online conversation, so if she is interested in you if you do everything right in the beginning, it IS possible to get her out early.

At the very least no more than a week or 10 hours of total conversation, whichever comes first.

3. Be Congruent.

If you are saying things like:

- *touches your shoulder*
- *takes your hand*
- *eyes you suspiciously*
- *sticks tounge out*

And other gestures you type out in the internet, DO THEM IN REAL LIFE TOO. If you are bold and say these things early on and make e-Moves on her, do them as well in person.

If you use certain phrases or make certain types of comments or talk about certain topics online also do them in person.

This is very important. If you are not in real life who you are online it will kill the attraction because remember she got attracted to WHO YOU WERE ONLINE. So be the guy she was attracted to originally or you will fail.

And if you hesitate in real life to be your bold romantic self in person, just remember that she not only wants to see your online persona come to life she is EXPECTING it because she thinks thats who you are. So if she accepted your gestures and phrases and moves online she will most likely do so in real life too.



I don't agree with whoever wrote up there not to meet women online. I think you have nothing to lose, and it can be fun, and there are some quality women out there. Just know how to do it properly and you will have success.

 

[GirlCrazy]

I used to just send out a driver's license picture I had scanned. I figured if they looked at my worst picture and still wanted to meet me in person, I was good to go.

 

[naoi deag se deag]

Here's your analysis.

There was a HUGE rapport gap between everything you know about her from online and the phone, and everything you could tangibly experience from her. You know what she thinks about, for instance, the Yankees, but you don't know the face she makes when you talk about them. Your characters aren't fleshed out to each other.

Incidentally, I talked to a girl last year on the phone and online after I moved from Seattle. We got to be good phone friends and when I got back after not seeing her for nine months, it was a little strange. She was really uncomfortable around me. She became a little more comfortable when I nutted up all over her last week.

So all hope is not lost... you just have to barge ahead.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by darth yoda
Fatal mistake. Meet in person ASAP.

Yep, that's a sure recipe for LJBF zone.... You guys built up an expectation through the romance of chatting online and you didn't live up to her expectations. Nothing against you, it happens all the time. Women have a very vivid imagination when it comes to romance.

 

[BigFoot]

You never really know until you meet someone in person. That's why online dating is so fallible.
Good place to find a chat friend though.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by BigFoot
You never really know until you meet someone in person. That's why online dating is so fallible.
Good place to find a chat friend though.

Umm, the whole reason for using the Internet is to come across someone to meet in person. But if someone only chats on the net that's alright but don't expect much if that is all that you are going to do.

 

[Reyaj]

damn...

ok her interest level definitely has dropped.... she still wants to hang out with me though...

how can i get this girl back???

don't say its too late.... a real dj could pull this off... need advice

 

[Reyaj]

anyone?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If you want to blow some time and want a challenge, knock yourself out. Understand that she just sees you as filler when she has nothing else going on (no better offers).

Personally, I'd just keep her around as a filler for myself. Very low on the rotation.