Even the nicest girl will throw you off...

[pdx1138]

I kind of knew that from what I've learned here.

I've been waiting 3 months since meeting her for the other shoe to drop.

I was waiting for it to happen and it finally did saturday morning.


Quick Summary:

Met a really nice, cute (7 in my world) no-drama girl and started seeing her.
After 3 dates we were sexual.

My family loves her to death, I love her, I get along with her family, she likes
the things that I like for the most part, we do things and think in similar ways. We do have differences though so thats good too.

to the point now, after some nice saturday morning sex, she give me the "Where is this relationship going??? What's next?"

Now she'd asked me that the week before again after some morning sex.
What she was really wanting to know, was if we would plan to start having a family in ten years. She's 30 I'm 37.

Last week I reluctantly said I would consider/be open to the idea.

I think she asked again because she wanted a definitive yes.
So I answered her honestly..."No, I don't want kids."
She very kindly and calmly explained she broke up with her ex solely because he didn't want kids and that
she's "wasting her time" with me if I don't want offspring either.

Also mentioned that I "shouldn't be settling for her" as if I'm only seeing her to bang her and for no other reason.
I then told her that I loved her (first time) and cared for her very much and that I hadn't been seeing anyone else since we started seeing each other often.

She would often joke about "do your other girlfriends know about me"

I had plans to leave shortly then to go skiing which she knew about and I went.
But damn if that conversation didn't just completely fvck up my day.


From this forum I've learned to be guarded and though it hurts a bit,
I know I'll be better off if she actually chooses to break up for the only reason that I don't want kids.
For that I'm thankful. And I will definitely hold my ground on this, no matter the cost.
I've proudly maintained my frame so far and I'm not going to relent.

The irony of it is this:
She often says she doesn't want kids.

She has mentioned she has cysts on her ovaries and likely will never get pregnant.

I explained to her that most women get "baby crazy" around her age. (as if that would actually help)

oy vey!

Just venting/sharing

thanks for listening, friends.

 

[Lexington]

She's 30 and that biological clock is ticking. Most women want kids eventually (there is probably something wrong with the ones who don't). Even when they say they don't, a lot of them really do. A lot of women don't want to bring up the whole kids, family thing early on in the game because they worry that it'll scare the guy away.

I guess this relationship is starting to get serious and she wants to make sure that it's headed in the right direction from her point of view. If you don't want kids, it's best to go your separate ways.

 

[backbreaker]

She's 30 and that biological clock is ticking. Most women want kids eventually (there is probably something wrong with the ones who don't). Even when they say they don't, a lot of them really do. A lot of women don't want to bring up the whole kids, family thing early on in the game because they worry that it'll scare the guy away.

I guess this relationship is starting to get serious and she wants to make sure that it's headed in the right direction from her point of view. If you don't want kids, it's best to go your separate ways.

lol eactly. "i want to get married, a 200k house and 2 kids" isn't the best sales pitch on earth to a bachlor lol.

i remember when my wife got prengnt. we were not married at the time, not close rewally. hell we were barley dating. she went from "i don't know if i want kids" to "oh i saw this adorable baby crib today when i was out" in the matter of like, 1 day lol.

when she told me she was pregnant, i kinda got the sense inn her tone, not keeping joe was not a viable option. you just learn to read these things in women. lucky for her i was actually kinda stoked at the idea of having a son so we didnt' go down that route but.. if she has a viringa, just assume she wants kids. that's why they are on earth.\


\with that said i don't see what she did wrong. just beucase she broke up with you doesn't make her a bad person. she wants a certain thing and is no going to wate her time with a man that isn't going to provide those certain things.
\\
the sad thing is, you guys broke up for absolutely nothing. you just played it wrong.

the correct answer in this situtation is to say, look, i'm not making 10 year plans now. if we continue to go down that path thatwe are going now i can very well see all that. but i'm not going to realistically predict or promise you what i will will not do 5 or 10 years from now that's silly. hell your goals might c hange 5-10 years from now. all you need to know is i like you alot. it goes where it goes . you will break up with everyy girl yoyu date in your life expect 1 girl. the odds are that if you stay together yyou will break up over something much more trivial than this anyway.
[
most normal women will respect that point of view. women just basically want to know you are not close minded. and hell, you don't know what you might want in 5-10 years from now so why would you say no? that's just silly. hell 4 years ago i couldn't see myself with kids and right now i'm eating choclate cake with my son.

 

[scrouds]

Welp, it happens. Next.

If it makes you feel better and amps you up, read through this recent thread, should amp you up to looking for new and better possibilities that will be coming your way: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192266

 

[samspade]

This is totally normal and a sign you have maintained a strong frame.

Often guys come here because they pushed for some kind of exclusivity. In this case, you have her wondering.

At some point, if things are going well and her interest is high, any woman is going to want some greater commitment. That's when it's time for you to think about moving on (or not).

The sad fact is that it's hard to have two ships sailing in exactly the same direction for long. Men and women have differing imperatives - simple as that. It's not her fault for thinking about kids at 30, nor is it yours for not wanting that.

 

[pdx1138]

Thanks for the comments.

I've known for most of my life that kids were not something I wanted.
I can't change my mind for the sake of keeping her, that wouldn't be right.
I'd be doing something I clearly don't want.

I will be sad to see her go if thats what she decides.

We haven't talked or seen each other since that conversation saturday.

I would definitely be a lot more depressed about it had I not read and learned
how to handle such things here. Thats why I wanted to share the experience.

I'm sad about it, yes. But not devastated like I would have been otherwise
and possibly doing foolish things like changing my mind about what I know I want.

 

[speed dawg]

You just have to joke that off when she starts talking about how serious you all are. But, if you don't want kids and she does, you SHOULD break up so she can go find someone who shares her same interests in that regard. But sounds like she might be crazy or something, all wishy washy.

 

[5string]

Get a vasectomy and don't tell her.

 

[pdx1138]

The "I don't / I do want kids" is definitely her biological clock pressing her.
I've witnessed it before with women that definitely don't but are driven from inside forces programmed in the brain.

The part that perplexes me the most is that she has a condition and was told by a few doctors she would
likely never be capable of conceiving.

This is where I just stop trying to figure out her reasoning and chalk it up to "crazy emotional woman" thinking.

I'm going to leave it up to her...if she wants to leave me she can.

 

[women haze]

Kids are a blessing...I want one one day,
I don't know why you wouldn't want one.

I know this is another subject, but you were put on this earth to reproduce and continue your legacy..

If you find a nice girl that you can work with and you relate to, play the game differently. Women talk about the future but in reality they are scared just like you are they are just all talk.

Why don't you want kids?

 

[Yo'Mama]

Kids are a blessing...I want one one day,
I don't know why you wouldn't want one.

I know this is another subject, but you were put on this earth to reproduce and continue your legacy..

If you find a nice girl that you can work with and you relate to, play the game differently. Women talk about the future but in reality they are scared just like you are they are just all talk.

Why don't you want kids?

There are a million reasons not to have kids. Who are you to tell the OP that he doesn't know what he wants?

 

[women haze]

There are a million reasons not to have kids. Who are you to tell the OP that he doesn't know what he wants?

If your Mommy or Daddy decided not to have you what then?
I would miss out on discussing women with you man and reading your insightful stories.. :rockon:

you are right I have no place to tell the OP what he does or doesn't want that is true
but

All i am saying is that it is Animal nature to reproduce...bugs, Lions, Tigers, Dogs, fish, Birds, Bee's etc

but that is another subject.


For the OP I think he should just play it day to day, because as he gets to know this wonderful woman and she gets to know him..they have fun together and relate as far as life goes...

Things may change...

 

[pdx1138]

Kids are a blessing...I want one one day,
I don't know why you wouldn't want one.

I know this is another subject, but you were put on this earth to reproduce and continue your legacy..

If you find a nice girl that you can work with and you relate to, play the game differently. Women talk about the future but in reality they are scared just like you are they are just all talk.

Why don't you want kids?

Respectfully, that is your opinion.

I'm wired differently. I've always been unsure about having kids....so I'd rather not.

I come from a big family, there are already plenty of nephews & cousins to carry the legacy.

There are countless number of unwanted/orphaned children in the world as it is.

I'm actually helping & being responsible about it.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

I'm wired differently. I've always been unsure about having kids....so I'd rather not.

I felt exactly the same as you at 38 - now at 46 I couldn't be happier to have my son in my life.

I'm not trying to change your mind. I think women haze has the right idea when he simply noted 'things may change' - you never know what you might want in 10 years time.

But you have to make the right decisions for you at the time you make them - and that's what you'll do.

 

[pdx1138]

Very true, I don't know what I'll be like in 10 years.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear PDX,
What a crying shame,she seems Soo right for you....If you wish to be pragmatic,but perhaps a little selfish,Rubirosas solution is the best....Her questionable fertility,coupled given reflection,with your changed of attitude to having a family...might be the best way to go....but then if ,down the line she she finds out about the deadly snip,she wont be too happy will she?