The following article is not mine but I thought it'd make a great addition to the rest of the threads that have lingered here and tried to help people come to terms with rejection. And it's a very important issue too that I think requires much repetition. Fear of rejection is the single most crippling fear when it comes to women. It's actually the only handicap most guys have when it comes to asking women out. So I think a bit of repetition couldn't hurt. The great thing about reading something over and over is that after some time it starts to become part of you. It becomes instinct and intuition rather than abstract symbols that we THINK we understand. Do you ever read something and think you've understood it. But then sometimes later something happens and you get one of those "ahaa moments" and you intuitively grasp the fact that you previously thought you understood? No knowledge will ever reach the hight of it's usfulness unless it is graspt in this way! And repetition can help you with that. Also try a little contemplation after you read something you like. It can go a long way to help you gain deeper understanding. Anyway I'm dribbling. Here's the thingo. Hope it helps.
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I can guarantee that since you're having trouble picking up chicks, the primary reason that you do not go up to women and ask them out, ask them to dance, or just introduce yourself (depending on the situation) is that you fear rejection. How many times have you seen that cutie across the room and thought to yourself "Boy I'd like to ask her out, but what if she says no?" If you're like the rest of us, this has happened way to many times to count. Gosh, what missed opportunities! Never fear, there will be plenty more opportunities like that in your life. You're just going to have to get over your fear of rejection and take advantage of those opportunities.
First of all, your fear of rejection stems from your own insecurities about yourself. Well, you're going to have to start thinking better of yourself. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to be thinking negatively about yourself. I'm not trying to be some phony Stuart Smally Self-Help Therapist, and no, I don't claim to know anything personal about you. The fact is, we all have things to be proud of; being smart, having a healthy/fit body, being good with cars, having a good job, being caring towards others, and many more. You know yourself best and you know what you're good at. Guess what? No one else cares about what you think your problems are. You may be insecure because of you have a bit of acne, wear glasses, are going bald, don't have a good job or something else, but anyone who you think would judge you because of this is so insecure with themselves that they aren't even going to notice your faults. It is time to stop living in the little world that you created for yourself in Junior High and realize that your good qualities are what define you as a person and that no one, and I mean no one else is going to get caught up with your "imperfections". Focus on your good qualities, if someone else is going to focus on your imperfections, well that is their damn problem not yours!
You have to realize that when you go up and introduce yourself to a woman or ask her to dance she is not going to notice any of your imperfections. She is going to be excited simply by the fact that she attracted a guy enough to make him "break the ice" with her. Now true, she may not be attracted to you (through no fault of your own) or may have a boyfriend, or simply be preoccupied at the time and not interested in socializing. This happens a lot, but these are all things beyond your control and you absolutely should not blame yourself when you hear the word "no". It is NOT your fault. All but about 10% are going to be flattered that you came up to them (as long as you are nice and not being a jerk), a lot of women will say no in a very nice way. When women seem kind of harsh it is usually because they are not used to being approached and just don't know a nice way to say no. Of course there's going to be the 10% who are just mean people, screw 'em, you don't need 'em! There's just one thing to remember, no matter how badly you may feel after being rejected, you should always treat the woman nicely. Say something like "Thanks anyway" and exit gracefully (it makes the woman think nicely of you and in some cases she'll think she made a mistake rejecting you -- a nice little game to play!). I see way to many guys, when rejected, hold up their hand as if shooing the girl away. This is really immature, makes you look like a complete fool, and will ruin your chances with any other girl who sees it.
Now, you're going to have to get used to being rejected and not have your world crumble apart. Believe me, when you hear "Sure, I'll go out with you" or something similar it will have all been worth it. Now I'm going to let you in on a golden secret of successful salespeople. They love to be rejected! Yep, I bet you hate being called on the phone by salespeople when you sit down for dinner. Maybe you even cuss them out, well guess what, you're only making the happier and richer (If you want to piss them off just pretend that you're interested and change your mind at the last second). The sooner you say no, the quicker they are to a yes. It may take them 165 calls to make a sale, every time they hear a no, they are that much closer. This is the *Power of Rejection*. Think the same way when asking women to dance! It should only take 4-6 no's in the worst case. Every time you hear the word no, you should be happy to say "Thanks anyway" because you are that much closer to picking up a chick! I can't stress how well this works. Try it as soon as possible and pick up that chick!
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I can guarantee that since you're having trouble picking up chicks, the primary reason that you do not go up to women and ask them out, ask them to dance, or just introduce yourself (depending on the situation) is that you fear rejection. How many times have you seen that cutie across the room and thought to yourself "Boy I'd like to ask her out, but what if she says no?" If you're like the rest of us, this has happened way to many times to count. Gosh, what missed opportunities! Never fear, there will be plenty more opportunities like that in your life. You're just going to have to get over your fear of rejection and take advantage of those opportunities.
First of all, your fear of rejection stems from your own insecurities about yourself. Well, you're going to have to start thinking better of yourself. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to be thinking negatively about yourself. I'm not trying to be some phony Stuart Smally Self-Help Therapist, and no, I don't claim to know anything personal about you. The fact is, we all have things to be proud of; being smart, having a healthy/fit body, being good with cars, having a good job, being caring towards others, and many more. You know yourself best and you know what you're good at. Guess what? No one else cares about what you think your problems are. You may be insecure because of you have a bit of acne, wear glasses, are going bald, don't have a good job or something else, but anyone who you think would judge you because of this is so insecure with themselves that they aren't even going to notice your faults. It is time to stop living in the little world that you created for yourself in Junior High and realize that your good qualities are what define you as a person and that no one, and I mean no one else is going to get caught up with your "imperfections". Focus on your good qualities, if someone else is going to focus on your imperfections, well that is their damn problem not yours!
You have to realize that when you go up and introduce yourself to a woman or ask her to dance she is not going to notice any of your imperfections. She is going to be excited simply by the fact that she attracted a guy enough to make him "break the ice" with her. Now true, she may not be attracted to you (through no fault of your own) or may have a boyfriend, or simply be preoccupied at the time and not interested in socializing. This happens a lot, but these are all things beyond your control and you absolutely should not blame yourself when you hear the word "no". It is NOT your fault. All but about 10% are going to be flattered that you came up to them (as long as you are nice and not being a jerk), a lot of women will say no in a very nice way. When women seem kind of harsh it is usually because they are not used to being approached and just don't know a nice way to say no. Of course there's going to be the 10% who are just mean people, screw 'em, you don't need 'em! There's just one thing to remember, no matter how badly you may feel after being rejected, you should always treat the woman nicely. Say something like "Thanks anyway" and exit gracefully (it makes the woman think nicely of you and in some cases she'll think she made a mistake rejecting you -- a nice little game to play!). I see way to many guys, when rejected, hold up their hand as if shooing the girl away. This is really immature, makes you look like a complete fool, and will ruin your chances with any other girl who sees it.
Now, you're going to have to get used to being rejected and not have your world crumble apart. Believe me, when you hear "Sure, I'll go out with you" or something similar it will have all been worth it. Now I'm going to let you in on a golden secret of successful salespeople. They love to be rejected! Yep, I bet you hate being called on the phone by salespeople when you sit down for dinner. Maybe you even cuss them out, well guess what, you're only making the happier and richer (If you want to piss them off just pretend that you're interested and change your mind at the last second). The sooner you say no, the quicker they are to a yes. It may take them 165 calls to make a sale, every time they hear a no, they are that much closer. This is the *Power of Rejection*. Think the same way when asking women to dance! It should only take 4-6 no's in the worst case. Every time you hear the word no, you should be happy to say "Thanks anyway" because you are that much closer to picking up a chick! I can't stress how well this works. Try it as soon as possible and pick up that chick!
