Dumped her before she dumped me..2 days later she is begging

[tedvik]

Hi guys,
I often find the advice on this place relevant. So here i am..

so i(36) was with her(30) for one year. Our relation was very intense, pasionate for the first 6 months. Seing us every days and nights. In our bubble ignoring the world. She worshiped me, and would do everything for me.

As the average guy, day by day i got trapped into getting fat, loosing my social life and being too available to her. The passion faded a bit away. The sexual connection was still great, but the frequency like just one time a day, on the morning...., except on week ends.

One month ago i messed up pretty bad. We had a fight just before our first anniversary. Then i got drunk and obsessed that she took a cab and came to my place. I texted her all night long and ended up insulting her and sending her profile pics of girls from dating websites. I told her i was seeing a prostitute. This was just for provoking her.

Till then, despite having talked about all that, i noticed that she had lost affection for me. She asked me for her "space", witch i gave her. Like seeing us 2 nights a week instead of 5 or 6.
She started not to care so much about me anymore.
She wasn't doing any more all those little things, didn't like anymore things we used to...
I would tell her i love her right in the eyes, she would reciprocate with a slighly guilty side glance...
She would no longer tell me things like "i miss you".
I was now the one asking to see her.
She would call me like on the way from work to home, only to complain about her boss, like not to get so bored in the bus. Then text me goodnight with a certain alacrity...
She had clearly also lost respect for me. And i felt like she started to treat me kind of like a dog, instead of the first priority i used to be.
Oh, and she would be so perfectly depilated !

Every signs of the woman trying to secure a backplan before she dumps you !!!


So i started to get very suspicious she was cheating on me.
I spent the worst 2 weeks of my lfe, desperate, unable to eat and to sleep.

So, i ended up executing the advice to dump her before she dumps you. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=185129


I wanted to tell her in front, but when i asked her for one hour of her time, which she would have given me anytime 1 month before, she repeatedly told me to piss off, in very disrespectful manners.

So, as i couldn't live this **** any longer i dumped her by text. Telling her this was for a hundred reasons the first being their was no more love from both sides. (i lied because i still love her)
Then she got hysterical !! Insulting me all night long. She wanted her stuffs NOW ! She put a status about how she was happy. She told me there was a man in her bed....

I know she was with her friends, showing and telling them everything. I managed to keep my texts very gentle but firm, ignoring most of the stuff and trying to calm her every one's a while. Then i went no contact.

The day after, she puts a status "disappointed" and an avatar explaining it's not about rage, revenge but walking in life hoping her partner would reciprocate her efforts. I guess she she did that not to loose face with her friends, as the day before she got so hysterical that even them could not agree.

And now today, she sends me messages and videos crying, begging, supplicating me to take her on the phone for one minute.
She is all "i love you", "i don't feel my heart without you" "please please please" "i supplicate you" etc.

Telling me she didn't lie to me, that the other day she couldn't see me because she had "a tupper sex reunion to make me a surprise"....BS !
Her new avatar is a broken glass.
Her new status reads "i m dying if i don't see you". BUT in our own secret language !! So that nobody in her circle understands...

I suspect this is deceptive, don't really believe she regained her affection for me like this, so fast, and don't know what i should do.
I'm afraid she just wants to take the frame of the relation back. Yet i still love her and really don't want to suffer more.

At the same time, i loved the story we had and feel i owe her a face to face.
Or why not a night together and then go no contact for a few weeks and see ?


Please guys !! I'm blinded and weak. i love her.
What do you think ? What would you do ? Or what did you do ? Thank you !!

 

[xupc]

If I were you I would go talk to her, and maintain frame. Depending the chance I put her down and **** her senseless.

Also for ****s shake. Hit the gym bro. Getting fat and complacent suck balls. Put a barbell on your back and squat. I am serious.

 

[Yewki]

I think you should slow things down with her and take some time to pursue other things, including new girls. Get back to the gym for starters. Maybe pick up a new hobby too.

 

[skinnyguy]

This is your own fault for getting fat. You're so beta around her.

If you're going to go back to her, make sure you have at least 3-4 women on your rotation. Don't be exclusively with this chick. You should be going on multiple dates per week outside of her.

 

[Infern0]

If I were you I would go talk to her, and maintain frame. Depending the chance I put her down and **** her senseless.

Also for ****s shake. Hit the gym bro. Getting fat and complacent suck balls. Put a barbell on your back and squat. I am serious.

How's he going to "maintain frame" he has no frame.

My advice to you OP is you basically need to start from scratch. Learn the fundementals from coach Corey Wayne on you tube, read the dj bible etc.

If you want to keep this girl I recommend you reply with something like : "look let's just go out and have some fun and stop worrying about the small stuff" I'm paraphrasing there. Don't meet and have "the talk", you'll get nowhere doing that, at best you'll get "im confused, i dont know what i want etc"

Set the date a week from now and be studying the material in the meantime. Have a good date then follow standard procedure and set the next one a few days in the future.

No more than 2 dates a week for the next 30 days while you learn the fundementals.

 

[bigneil]

Corey Wayne is great. I watched almost all of his videos. He also shows how to be photogenic, a good public speaker, and how to use the right amount of smiling. Carlos Xuma is another great one.

 

[usernamedox11]

honestly you both sound really immature here, i wouldn't date for a while, work on yourself, and not put yourself in that kind of position again

 

[Suspens]

NO. Keep ignoring her. She was the selfish one who wanted to gradually get rid of you as if you are an expendable piece of trash.

You don't love her, you are just desperate. Hit the gym, find hotter ones.

 

[Infern0]

NO. Keep ignoring her. She was the selfish one who wanted to gradually get rid of you as if you are an expendable piece of trash.

You don't love her, you are just desperate. Hit the gym, find hotter ones.

The way he's been behaving, he IS an expendable piece of trash. That's what some of you guys need to start learning, part of being a man is being accountable rather than pointing the finger and blaming the women for getting tired of disgraceful beta behavior.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

If she's begging, I think you're in a pretty good spot...for now. Women rarely beg at all these days with so many options. Your best bet is to hold a conversation face to face on your terms, where you tell her what you want. Tell her you make no promises and she can take it or leave it. Best believe she will take it as you're showing this long-hidden Alpha side of yourself again.

The problem is once she's seen your vulnerable side, she will try to exploit it again after she rides this wave of alpha for a while. She will feed off that drama and begin to test you in a few weeks or months (after promising to stop that nonsense) and if you slip up one inch, she'll be further gone than this time in a flash.

There really is no winning once you've lost frame. Gaining it back is only temporary 99% of the time, unless you maintain full-time competition anxiety.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You gave her fire power to be a c*nt. Once you dump it's pretty much dead. HAMSTER is going to destroy it. Move on seriously the reason you "wanted" to dump her still exist.

As everybody else has pointed out read the bible, Corey Wayne great vids no doubt. It's a lot to take in but you willl get there some day. Abudance mentality is the real deal, learn it. It's as simple as that.

 

[Lozboss]

The way he's been behaving, he IS an expendable piece of trash. That's what some of you guys need to start learning, part of being a man is being accountable rather than pointing the finger and blaming the women for getting tired of disgraceful beta behavior.

Mate I know you've got valid points but you need to tone down the way you deliver your point of view.

There's no need to be offensive in your delivery.

Not saying I don't agree- I'm saying we are a community here- please check your tone.

 

[tedvik]

Guys thank you so much for your time and advices !

For the follow up, as it was late yesterday i made a choice before i could read you. After so much supplication i texted her a "come and let's talk".
"thank you so much !!! Is this for real ??" Half an hour after she was getting off a taxi in front of my house.
Seing her so sad i took her in my arms then inside, where she could clearly see all her objects were gone.
Then i said it bored me to stay here, let's go to a bar. So we went and ordered our favorite ****tail.
I just told her in a calm and pacified way "look i just think our relationship is ****ed up. Let's just move on".
She went all sobbing, desperate, telling me "ok ok i'll just take a taxi back. But you are throwing the towel on me so fast. On the contrary I gave you a second chance".

And there i melted ! "look baby maybe we can try. But in a different way. I'm not interested to see you 2 times a week and texting the rest of the time. I want to live together. No more alcool in my life. And we go out and do things, rollerskate, movies, walks... not just sofa cook eat **** sleep" (how beta does it sound ?!!)

"I don't want you staying for pity"

"I would never stay with someone for pity. I still love you of course what do you think ??"

She stayed the night thanking me in every ways... She appeared to be so happy, and in love like in our first months.

Basically, i think she realized she could lose me for real and i would be back on track two weeks later.
All her stuffs in a bag, maybe a little grieving and next !
Plus, not drinking, eating much less, and still exercising made me loose 8kg (18 pounds) in 2 weeks.

But then indeed for how long will she stay like this ?? yes maybe 2 weeks !

Me ? I enjoyed, but i felt more distant. Maybe something is broken or maybe i had already got rid of her i'm not sure yet.



By the way, if a guy grows fat i would deduce too it's for not hitting the gym.
I exercice 5/6 times a week. 1 hour running, HIIT, swimming, strength training...

The woman was raised by her grandma. She is the kind who LOVE to feed their man like an ogre.
It's like you have to finish this plate. and take another one.
It's not food, it's love...

Plus we had an alcool problem.
Especially for her, alcool means disinhibited sex...
So we drank pretty much every nights, resulting in both much fun and very bad clashes...
yes i know, letting yourself slip in the easy road to get sex, i guess that too is pretty beta.


Really you guys are right. I've got no frame ! No boundaries. Many times i have no idea about how to behave. Feel lost, feel the need to find external tricks, advice, validation.
And it's draining me ! Where i would need my energy to build myself first.

I'm a stranger, i work at home, really have a small social life, which makes me pretty much available.
She is a local, working with people, not that much more social than me, but having family and friends nearby...
This does not put me in a very good position neither. And faking being unavailable doesn't make me feel alpha at all !

And god, texting with her is as much agony now as it was fun the first months.
"i'm at work"
"have a good day. kiss
On my way home
I love you.
...."
Repeat 365 times !
Off course, i delay my answers, i kind of apply a 1/3 rule, but still when i don't see her for several days things can get so boring, cold....and paranoia inducing !!
Does anybody have a manual for texting with an LTR ?


And truly i admire the guy who can roll the plate with more than one girl, one of which being an LTR.
Off course it should be gratifying and the best way to constantly feel and transmit "i'm the prize".
But how about the hairs, the perfumes, the objects, how about your phone vibrating at 5 am ?....
For me, this is enough complicated without having to lie.

****, today her phone vibrated at 5 am...now this could be anything and even a spam... but the way she kept it near her and screenside down in the bed, till the morning...
I'm convinced she cheated on me, but off course would never ever confess for she knows it would mean hasta la vista !
So i guess, the HAMSTER is not rolling in the good direction here either.

Yes, i feel the need to study and apply the theory. Abundance mentality and all that stuff. To take care of myself more. Maybe even retreat.
Again, thanks for advises, names and references.
Let's start with "Corey Wayne - How to Be a 3% Man"...

 

[Suspens]

"I don't want you staying for pity"

w0manese translation:

" Upon reflection, I think you are right. We can't make it work. Afterall there was a reason I asked for some space. I think I just needed some closure and I got it now. Thank you, Thank you. Now let's move to greener pastures..."

 

[tedvik]

w0manese translation:

" Upon reflection, I think you are right. We can't make it work. Afterall there was a reason I asked for some space. I think I just needed some closure and I got it now. Thank you, Thank you. Now let's move to greener pastures..."

I don't speak fluent w0manese, but i don't get this translation.
It is true that at this moment i was probably looking like i had pity for her !
I was calm and collected, and possibly even felt a bit of pity trying to confort her while she was sobbing.
When she told me the "I don't want you staying out of pity for me" i started to embrace and kiss her in a way that demonstrated to her that no, i really loved her.
And later and all night long i did not feel like she was "playing an act". Her eyes, her face, her smile, body language... it was real and it was mine !

Now, sure 4 days before she had all the "let's keep him while finding better" signals.
Why wouldn't it just be a question of time before it happens again ?

 

[Suspens]

What she said does not matter. She slightly changed the frame when you said :""look baby maybe we can try. [...] I want to live together."


:cheer: Move on with your life bro. Be a man of your words, you ended it , so it's over.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I don't speak fluent w0manese, but i don't get this translation.
It is true that at this moment i was probably looking like i had pity for her !
I was calm and collected, and possibly even felt a bit of pity trying to confort her while she was sobbing.
When she told me the "I don't want you staying out of pity for me" i started to embrace and kiss her in a way that demonstrated to her that no, i really loved her.
And later and all night long i did not feel like she was "playing an act". Her eyes, her face, her smile, body language... it was real and it was mine !

Now, sure 4 days before she had all the "let's keep him while finding better" signals.
Why wouldn't it just be a question of time before it happens again ?

First off, what she said was nonsensical babble. Five sentences and she said absolutely nothing.

As for you, what is going on here? This is sounding like an episode of desperate housewives. You acted like a beta this entire interaction. Either she's trying to win an academy award or is really into you out of her own abandonment insecurity, but keep this up and she'll be gone again in a flash.

I had dozens of these conversations, most with one girl, and every one of them was a waste of time. Nowadays, just stay or go, don't need all the theatrics.