Dump or Be Dumped

[Serg897]

Hey all,

I just went through a pretty hurtful experience, and I am sharing the lessons here just in case it will help anyone else...it also helps clear my mind to do this.

This is going to be a rant about how Im pissed at myself. Enjoy.

This is about the girl I talk about in the last thread I made here about a month ago:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169090

Since I wrote that (and maybe slightly before), things were taking a turn for the worst. There were fights and conflicts occurring at least once a week, maybe more, over what I thought were very stupid issues. At her core she is a moody, emotional, negative person - and this started to come out more and more as we moved forward in the relationship. I did not have fun dealing with a person who was constantly upset and hard on herself, but telling her this only made her accuse me of being "insensitive" and "not understanding" and "not supportive". To top that all off, the way she deals with these issues is appealing to religion, and since I am an atheist that sees very few (close to zero) positives in religious belief these conflicts were almost unavoidable.

Here is where I make crucial mistakes. Instead of sticking to my guns, I compromise my values, I softened my tone, and retreated from what I believe in. Instead of realizing early that this relationship was on the ropes and I should cut the cord, I hung on for dear life.

A little over a week ago, the Saturday before last, was the final fight that set things in motion for the breakup. We were going out to eat, just the two of us after spending most of the day together, when her mood suddenly turns sour again. It had to do with an issue over her dancing (we both Salsa all the time), and her low self esteem. While we are out its like there is nothing I can to overcome this wall I see in her - no matter how much I try. A fight ensues, and this is a big one. Its seemingly resolved a few hours later, but I think we both knew in our minds that this was not going to work. But I dont make the move, she does. When she finally dumps me, what do I do? I resist. It pains me to say it now, and this only happened a week ago, but I tried to tell her that I can do better, that I can change, etc.

Of course this was the final nail in the coffin, and I knew it even as I said it. I knew I wasn't being honest with myself. But I did it anyway...because I was afraid of going back to single life. A single guy living by himself gets lonely sometimes. One misses all the sex and the affection. But its a trap, and it leads to bad relationship decisions.

I could have ended this relationship with dignity long before it actually ended. But I was too weak.

Don't make this mistake, guys

By some weird coincidence, I get a text from her as I write this. Ignore....

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.

 

[Ease]

Preach the wise words. I liked your other thread.

Good luck with the post break-up mindgames and regaining your manliness and getting back into the game etc etc.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

You seem to know what you're doing, if only by the fact that during and after the breakup, you realized your mistakes. Keep it strong man, and continue on your way.

Forward is the only way to go.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Hey all,

I just went through a pretty hurtful experience, and I am sharing the lessons here just in case it will help anyone else...it also helps clear my mind to do this.

This is going to be a rant about how Im pissed at myself. Enjoy.

This is about the girl I talk about in the last thread I made here about a month ago:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169090

Since I wrote that (and maybe slightly before), things were taking a turn for the worst. There were fights and conflicts occurring at least once a week, maybe more, over what I thought were very stupid issues. At her core she is a moody, emotional, negative person - and this started to come out more and more as we moved forward in the relationship blah blah blah

Whoah whoah whoah dude...I'm cutting off the rest because in much of it you're pointing the finger at her when you were warned what would happen if you didn't straighten up.

I told you what was going to happen in the other thread if you didn't immediately change what you were doing and I didn't know anything about the woman in particular. The specific woman didn't matter, how you handled the situation was the problem.

And, guess what...it went down quickly but you're tricking yourself by putting it off on her. You did this. All of what she did was completely predictable because she's a woman and women are going to react that way in that situation very quickly.

Every woman is going to go through some variation of this if you don't get your inner self straightened out. It was too fast, too easy, too convenient, there was the smell of needyness...it was certainly doomed (as I said) even when you were still extremely happy with how things were going. You pointed the relationship at an iceberg and are now blaming lots of that on her now that the relationship hit it and sunk.

She won't be a "moody & negative person when she's with a man that doesn't do what you did. You came here for advice about how to keep a good relationship good but you completely ignored it and very quickly suffered the predictable consequences. Now you're here pointing the finger at her in many ways!

You did this. You were told she'd go for "space" if you didn't change your behavior. Now, she's pushing as hard as possible to get rid of you ASAP. She wants you gone!

It's now too late for you to fix. You need to accept full responsibility for what happened, learn from it, and move on.