Does showing you understand her (or her thinking you do) creates feelings for you?

[big weezy]

I'm pretty perceptive person and I usually integrate into my repetoire of date game to make them feel i 'understand' them by asking about their past and how they got to where they are. I'm pretty good at piecing history together so am able to second guess and figure out certain turning points of their lives and why they did certain things.

The downside is it can bring up some repressed bad feelings if it was low point in their lives etc so may actually be counter productive.

The girl I'm seeing tonight as I mentioned in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189184

Has a few issues and has lost interest, is this a tactic which is going to benefit me during the date?

I know i've been advised to act not eager, and to not be affected either way if she likes me or not, just assume she does. But would making her feel I understand her also help my cause?

 

[perseverance]

I doubt it, I'd rather have fun on dates instead of psychoanalysing a woman's past.

 

[Badmannaz]

I doubt it, I'd rather have fun on dates instead of psychoanalysing a woman's past.

take this advice my friend...your lunch meat if you have oneitis... what's your goal with this girl your seeing? are you wanting s.ex? are you wanting a relationship? ....if your insecure around her and can't be yourself make sure you re-evaluate yourself...because if your self-confident then she needs to prove that she's good enough for you not the other way around...so be yourself and if she doesn't like who you truly are then it wasn't meant to be..

On to the next one...screw one-itis that's a losers game...(especially if your not married) :kick:

 

[OnTheWayUp]

She has a few issues and has lost interest, is this a tactic which is going to benefit me during the date?

It depends on your overall vibe with her and what precisely you mean by "understanding her."

If a girl is attracted to you, allowing her to talk about her life and sharing her vulnerabilities with you (especially after sex) is going to lead to her making a stronger emotional bond with you. The girl I'm seeing was telling me about how she was bullied as a child after we had sex for the first time. Sharing stuff like that with you, so that you can understand what sort of a person she is, is going to make her feel as you are part of her life.

However, if you have this sort of deep conversation with a girl who is not attracted to you, letting her feel that you "understand her" is a pretty secure path to the friend zone. This happened to me 3 years ago when I was clueless about women. I went round to this swimmer chick's place every evening for 2 weeks and "got to know her." Needless to say, she ended up telling me that "we felt like an old married couple."

If by "understanding her," you mean listening with a view to solving her problems for her rather than just listening non-judgmentally, this is a bad move regardless of your relationship status with this girl. Whether she feels attraction for you or not, taking this course of action will diminish any respect that she has for you.

As you seem to think that the girl in question has a low IL, my advice would be to focus on building attraction and seeing more interested girls, rather than "understanding her."

Best of luck!