Do you have to drink and go clubbing to be successful with women in uni?

[OnTheWayUp]

Hi all,

I'm new here, so firstly a bit about me. I'm 21, and generally a pretty successful guy: I go to one of the top universities in the UK, I'm captain of the uni hockey team, and play in loads of bands. I'm confident, outgoing, and have lots of male and female friends. Despite all this, I have had very little romantic success with women. I am a virgin, having only kissed a girl for the first time back in March. Probably could have got more if I had known about LMR then, lol.

So, I'm quite a social guy by virtue of my hobbies and large social circle, but I cannot stand clubbing or drinking. I've been dragged clubbing three times since I turned 18, and just find it boring tbh. The music is too loud, I find dancing uninteresting, and you can't have any decent conversation or banter. On top of this, I don't drink alcohol- don't like the taste. I still enjoy going to house parties/ bars and socialising there, but part of me wonders whether my lack of success with girls is in some part due to my lack of a "normal" university social life. Since coming across this website and Roissy (some good sh*t there!) a fortnight ago, I've been on a couple of dates with girls I've met through my social circle, but these came to nothing.

Having read the DJ Bible and a few of the forum posts, I'd be interested to hear from anybody else who doesn't drink or like clubs, particularly if you're getting laid frequently nevertheless!

Cheers,

OnTheWayUp

 

[Jonblood]

It makes it exponentially easier

 

[kingsam]

Hi all,

I'm new here, so firstly a bit about me. I'm 21, and generally a pretty successful guy: I go to one of the top universities in the UK, I'm captain of the uni hockey team, and play in loads of bands. this should also provide you with a good social circle in addition to your sports teams, all Uni's have Rock/indie societies ...etc I'm confident, outgoing, and have lots of male and female friends. Despite all this, I have had very little romantic success with women. I am a virgin, having only kissed a girl for the first time back in March. Probably could have got more if I had known about LMR then, lol.

So, I'm quite a social guy by virtue of my hobbies and large social circle, but I cannot stand clubbing or drinking.I've been dragged clubbing three times since I turned 18, and just find it boring tbh. The music is too loud, I find dancing uninteresting, and you can't have any decent conversation or banter.
this is a reflection on you..... you are a value "taker" not a value "giver", learn to have fun, look at the posiitives, they far outweight any negative stuff in a bar/club, it may not be your tastye in music but get over it...
On top of this, I don't drink alcohol- vdon't like the taste.
i call BS on this, theres many drinks you cant even taste the alcohol, have you tried every drink? most coctails you can only taste fruit ... drink them...? did you even party and drink when younger? (just theorizing here ....not being rude but ) are you not used to alcohol b'coz you were a "bit of a loser" when younger and just stayed at home? not doing typical teenage stuff? maybe you just need to get used/aclimatised to it
I still enjoy going to house parties/ bars and socialising there, but part of me wonders whether my lack of success with girls is in some part due to my lack of a "normal" university social life. your lack of sucess is mostly due to being an AFC/chode....BUT .... considering that Uni life in the uk reveloves around the Student union and partying/drinking, you are essentially outcasting yourself big time ..... literally the only ppl who dont go out are - religous, bores, nerds, etc.... its especially true for Sports teams - most have Sports wednesday, where all the teams go out, not being a part of this only hurts you socially (not drinking is one thing (as long as you can still be cool with ppl when out and have fun*), but not even going and socailising/interacting at these times is a much worse decision), sport teams are a bit like the greek system in the USA, its a massive socail circle, most ppl know most others,
Since coming across this website and Roissy (some good sh*t there!) a fortnight ago, I've been on a couple of dates with girls I've met through my social circle, but these came to nothing. dont do "dates" just dop day2's or a drink at the SU

Having read the DJ Bible and a few of the forum posts, I'd be interested to hear from anybody else who doesn't drink or like clubs, particularly if you're getting laid frequently nevertheless!

Cheers,

mate you need to lighten up.....

OnTheWayUp

blue

* which i have NEVER actually seen anyone do 'properly'

 

[thegator39]

You can't drink fruity b*tch drinks at a bar or club or party. I hate the taste of most beer/wine/hard alcohol but I don't mind fruit/mixed drinks...but you get those at restaurants, not at bars.

Also, I don't like that you implied that he's a loser (which he clearly isn't) because he doesn't like the taste of most alcohol. It's one thing to protest against something you've never tried, but he's obviously tasted it and not liked it. If anything, he's an alpha male or an individual for not drinking sh*tty tasting stuff just to be liked and accepted.

 

[kingsam]

You can't drink fruity b*tch drinks why exactly are they "b*tch drinks? "at a bar or club or party. I hate the taste of most beer/wine/hard alcohol but I don't mind fruit/mixed drinks...but you get those at restaurants, not at bars.cant you...? even my university bars sold f-ing coctails..... he could make it his 'quirky thing' which people could respect

Also, I don't like that you implied that he's a loser please show where i said he was a loser? (which he clearly isn't) because he doesn't like the taste of most alcohol. i did NOT say he is a loser b'coz he does not like the taste of alcohol ...... no he did not say most alcohol, maybe it was a typo on his part, he said "dont like the taste of alcohol" - those specific words refer to all alcohol, not "most" (if he ment most he can amend it) It's one thing to protest against something you've never tried, but he's obviously tasted it and not liked it. theres thousand of drinks, its improbable there isnt ONE he wont like (in moderation ?) If anything, he's an alpha male or an individual for not drinking sh*tty tasting stuff just to be liked and accepted. no not drinking is one thing, but he doesn't seem to be even involving with the parting/socialising either, he could not drink (or drink in small amounts) and still gain the social benefits, but he isnt doing this

its not even really about the drinking, its that he is apparently not intergrating himself into the social cutlure, thus not gaining the benefits that are avaliable to him (fun, friends, women, sex, crazy life experiences)

ALSO please say you are from the UK and have experienced sports teams at universities, other wise you DO NOT understand the context and are yet another SS KJ giving BS 'advice'
ive been in teams, looking in on teams, friends with people on teams, freinds with people who were the sport society leaders... so i know what the fu.ck im talking about, and understand the context intimately

 

[thegator39]

Calm down dude, you need to qualify yourself to me, I'm not a HB.

And just because he doesn't like clubs or idiotic environments doesn't make him a bad person.

I've been to several bars and clubs...and people can sense when another person isn't in their natural element and obviously wishes they weren't there.

It's akin to asking Tommy Lee to go to a rap show.

 

[kingsam]

Calm down dude, you need to qualify yourself to me, I'm not a HB.
ha dont give yourself the credit, i wasnt, i was explaning why i am qualified i answer, rather than the stadard KJ BS advice that is given from people on here

And just because he doesn't like clubs or idiotic environments doesn't make him a bad person. ?... its called 'fun'

I've been to several bars and clubs wow mr experienced ...and people can sense when another person isn't in their natural element and obviously wishes they weren't there.
exposure to situations = comfort, the Student union is not a scary place anyway, its very friendly, its the "social hub" , if you'd have botherd to read properly you would have noticed i also said to get more involved socaially with his band, and the social opportunities there

It's akin to asking Tommy Lee to go to a rap show.

its also clear you dont understand the specific context, please dont give advice

edit : i have just sent your other thread gator and the are the stereotypical KJ cynical virgin....whatever dude .......

-------------

Onyway up ...
1- accept you are an AFC (the reason you havent got laid) and move forward
2 - make more use of your band's socail circle (must be decent girls there)
3 - intergrate into the sports teams better socially (you dont have to drink but it makes it a lot easier (even a bit) as its the culture , "its like going to church and not praying" there are many slutty sports girls, good for ONS anyway)

 

[everywomanshero]

No, you do not need to drink to be successful with women anywhere, ever.

I've met a number of women at University just by being friendly to them on campus. Sit next to them in classes, ask them to go grab a bite with you on campus, talk to them a lot. Invite them to a spook walk this time of year, crap like that. IMO University is one of the easiest places to meet women. All you have to do is take the bull by the horns. Most college aged women are kind of shy so you need to just make the first moves by sitting next to them and talking to them a lot. Approaching women sitting alone around campus can also work but don't expect it to work every single time--be a little persistent and it will pay off.

I would mainly focus on trying to have a few good conversations, being really friendly, and then asking them to do something fairly non-date like. From there it should be on. Sometimes they will ask you out (one actually told me her roomie was out of time and she was scared lol of course she really just wanted my man meat but...) but for the most part you need to be a go getter or you'll be making love to your hand.

Tips to make it even easier:
Use a interesting nickname like Thor .. that will get them talking to you
Curse in class ... good attention getter
Make your presentations really funny
Use some funny body language/expressions when you have the floor

 

[Exhumed]

Those are the worst tips I've ever seen. Use a nickname like "Thor"? You can't just give yourself a "cool" nickname without everyone you know laughing at you. Curse in class? What?

And to the OP, yes, your chances of success absolutely depend on how often you're going out and to where. Think about it, how many women can you meet when you're out at a bar/club/party vs. staying in or going to some other social event? Also I think you should try some different mixed drinks. I don't generally like the taste of alcohol either but shots aren't bad, and mixed drinks are tasty.

 

[handle]

Actually after I started calling myself osiris all the girls came knockin'

 

[zekko]

its not even really about the drinking, its that he is apparently not intergrating himself into the social cutlure, thus not gaining the benefits that are avaliable to him (fun, friends, women, sex, crazy life experiences)

I think you might be being a little harsh on the OP, kingsam. Remember, Tyler doesn't drink either. I don't think a guy has to drink to be successful, and in some ways it can even set him apart.

That said, you make a good point about not integrating into the social culture. I don't drink these days (don't want to, not even sure why), but I went through that time when I did, especially in my 20s. And it IS a big social lubricant, and you do get to know more people hanging out in bars and parties with them. Just having the life experience of it is valuable.

If I had never drank, I imagine it would have hurt me socially. For that matter, not drinking now might be hurting me socially. But I just don't want to do it anymore. For me, hanging around in a room with everyone doing nothign but drinking is the height of boredom.

 

[kingsam]

im just being very honest and blunt....... most sports teams drink ...BIG
(not doing this doesnt fit with every one elses relaities,and if you do not fit in you can often get ignored, you need to bring value in other ways e.g. personailty/vibe)
i am not saying be a sheep, im saying dont be out of frequency with everyone else

many people will think its odd not drinking at all at Uni , some will judge him for it, ( drinking a bit wont hurt either, dont always have to get wasted) BUT he has to give value elsewhere socially - such as having an awsome personality that every one loves (if that makes sense)

would like to hear the OPs resonses, we can give some more pointers

Remember, Tyler doesn't drink either.

he is comfortable in most/all situations, has a strong presence that other people react to, can vibe wiht almost anyone...etc... (from lots and lots of practice) no offence to the OP but he is not at this level, else he wouldnt be asking this.... and would have worked out his own way already

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Thanks for the replies people. Just to clear a few things up:

I do go out a fair bit with the hockey lads and people I know from the music scene. When I say "go out," I mean go to bars and house parties, both of which I enjoy and experience regularly. The girl I had a brief fling with this year was one I got to know at consecutive parties through my band mates. If people decide to move on to a club, I tend to leave (as happened this evening, lol). The bulk of my mates are cool with me not drinking or clubbing (some of them even think it's admirable), and those few that aren't don't really concern me. I have personally always viewed it as a non-issue. I get respect from my mates through my ability on the hockey field and my skills as a musician, not through how much I can drink.

If I go out and see a friend holding a drink I don't recognise, perhaps 50% of the time I will ask to try some. As I said, I have yet to find alcohol that I actually like. I've tried loads of beers, vodka, alcopops, ****tails, shots, fruity combo drinks... to no avail. When I go out now, I tend to get a J20 (in case you can't get this in the US, this is upmarket fruit juice).

Kingsam raises an interesting point about having to bring something else to the table as a way of compensating if you don't socialise in a "normal" way. I'm quite into stand up comedy, and have been told by several girls recently that I'm hilarious. Making people comfortable/ laugh is no problem for me at all. It's translating that energy into something sexual that's harder.

I've always valued my personal integrity above everything else. I'm aware this is something that's taught on here, but this is perhaps the only area of "game" in which I'm a natural. I'm torn between sticking to my guns and continuing to enjoy life as I do atm, and the notion that I'm being too stubborn and need to integrate better socially. It's a tough one.

Keep the opinions coming in.

 

[teacha]

im just being very honest and blunt....... most sports teams drink ...BIG
(not doing this doesnt fit with every one elses relaities,and if you do not fit in you can often get ignored, you need to bring value in other ways e.g. personailty/vibe)
i am not saying be a sheep, im saying dont be out of frequency with everyone else

many people will think its odd not drinking at all at Uni , some will judge him for it, ( drinking a bit wont hurt either, dont always have to get wasted) BUT he has to give value elsewhere socially - such as having an awsome personality that every one loves (if that makes sense)

'While you're busy trying to fit in, I'm gonna stand out.....'

 

[PapiChulo]

In Finland they would call you a "Knapsu" - the girly man.

 

[kingsam]

Thanks for the replies people. Just to clear a few things up:

I do go out a fair bit with the hockey lads and people I know from the music scene. When I say "go out," I mean go to bars and house parties, both of which I enjoy and experience regularly. The girl I had a brief fling with this year was one I got to know at consecutive parties through my band mates. If people decide to move on to a club, I tend to leave (as happened this evening, lol). The bulk of my mates are cool with me not drinking or clubbing (some of them even think it's admirable), and those few that aren't don't really concern me. I have personally always viewed it as a non-issue. I get respect from my mates through my ability on the hockey field and my skills as a musician, not through how much I can drink.

If I go out and see a friend holding a drink I don't recognise, perhaps 50% of the time I will ask to try some. As I said, I have yet to find alcohol that I actually like. I've tried loads of beers, vodka, alcopops, ****tails, shots, fruity combo drinks... to no avail. When I go out now, I tend to get a J20 (in case you can't get this in the US, this is upmarket fruit juice).

Kingsam raises an interesting point about having to bring something else to the table as a way of compensating if you don't socialise in a "normal" way. I'm quite into stand up comedy, and have been told by several girls recently that I'm hilarious. Making people comfortable/ laugh is no problem for me at all. It's translating that energy into something sexual that's harder.

I've always valued my personal integrity above everything else. I'm aware this is something that's taught on here, but this is perhaps the only area of "game" in which I'm a natural. I'm torn between sticking to my guns and continuing to enjoy life as I do atm, and the notion that I'm being too stubborn and need to integrate better socially. It's a tough one.

Keep the opinions coming in.

mate this is cool, you are not as hopeless is your OP seemed to hint towards..... (many ppl on SS are reteardedly hopeless)

 

[OnTheWayUp]

If anyone's reading this who doesn't drink and doesn't go clubbing but still gets laid regularly, I'd love to hear from you.

 

[kingsam]

this is probably the best uni feild report on the web
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/135273
yes he partys (acutally mainly house parties rather than clubs) and he drinks, but there also a lot of info totally applicable to you , that you can integrate ..such as getting girls round for day 2's ...etc....